Homebodies Are Smarter, Says Science

A scientific study claims that people who’d rather stay home than go out may be more intelligent.

A recent study in the British Journal of Psychology validates the lifestyles of introverts everywhere by asserting that people who socialize more are happier – except for the most intelligent among them.

Finally, I can tell my wife that the reason I’m always in a bad mood is because she keeps dragging me places!

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According to Elite Daily, the study utilized a pool of 15,000 people from a wide range of backgrounds – different races, religions, financial statuses, genders, and sexual orientations – and found that the desire to stay home frequently coincided with a higher IQ.

Maybe that’s why so many people didn’t vote last week? (Too soon?)

The study concludes that, “More intelligent individuals experience lower life satisfaction with more frequent socialization with friends.”

As much as I’d love to use this study to justify many of my lifestyle choices over the past ten or twenty years, I’m not so sure I can.

There are many potential reasons for this that don’t necessarily have to mean people who stay home are smart (although my frequent desire to stay home definitely backs it up) or that people who prefer to go out and party are dumb (but then there’s also Rob Gronkowski, so you tell me). Maybe these super-intelligent homebodies are unhappy when they socialize because they’d prefer to binge watch “The Bachelor”, or maybe the people who are out partying are actually taking part in a sociological study to determine whether people who stay home are smarter? Or maybe these geniuses are merely smarter because they spend all their time reading, and are unhappy to tear themselves away from the latest Dan Brown novel to have some jello shots and TP the neighbor’s house.

We’re sure these psychologists are very bright and mean well, but it seems reductive to assume that only less intelligent people like to party, or that smarter people can’t stand the company of strangers, even if that last one definitely seems reasonable. People be trippin’! We all contain multitudes, and there are all sorts of socializing, some that smarties may prefer more than others. Let’s maybe settle down before we start congratulating ourselves for being geniuses because we’re still/already in our pajamas at 5pm on a Saturday.

There’s a study for everything these days, and then a few days after that there’s a study that contradicts the last one. The important thing here is that everyone who feels validated by the most recent study use its findings to assert their own lifestyle and demonize everyone who disagrees.

That’s why as soon as I finish this, I’m going to yell at my wife for making me go out tonight, proving that just because I’m a homebody doesn’t mean I’m smarter. Only a total idiot screams at their wife. If I do that, I’ll be lucky to go anywhere without a wheelchair.