‘Please Let Me Survive This’: Sub Pens Hilarious Account Of A Bad Day At School

by Ashley Austrew

This sub’s detailed description of kids’ bad behavior is going viral

Parenting is hard work, but we sometimes forget the people at school put up with just as much bullshit as we do. That’s why this hilarious note from a substitute teacher about students’ behavior on a typical school day is going viral.

The note was intended to give the kids’ usual teacher an idea of what went on in their classroom. It was uploaded to Reddit, though it’s unclear who shared it, and since then, it’s been viewed almost two million times. In it, the substitute details the hysterical (and likely very frustrating) antics of several students in the class. Unsurprisingly, the shenanigans began bright and early, with the first “incident” happening right at the start of the day.

“8:30 a.m. – Jackson won’t stop yelling ‘peanuts,’ Janelle has spilt her milk and fruity pebbles everywhere,” the note reads. “Everyone won’t stop laughing, I can see her about to explode. I fear for the safety of these children.”

A mere 45 minutes later, a boy named Dylan starts a dance party in the corner that soon goes class-wide. “At first it was just the boys,” the sub notes. “After Geneva joined, it’s taken over half the class.”

From there, the day only gets progressively more ridiculous:

10:00 – The fart noises haven’t stopped for 30 minutes. It started with a real fart. I suspect Hugo. Now they’re arguing which one of their fake farts would smell worse. It’s almost time for specials. I’m scared that once I drop them off I won’t find the will to pick them up.

Is this substitute in a classroom or in the backseat of my car? Because I swear to God every car ride with my kids devolves into a contest of fart noises, followed by some kind of argument about bodily functions. There’s simply no escaping it.

1:00 – The decibel level in this room has reached an unhealthy level. I’ve fashioned ear plugs out of broken crayons. Please let me survive this.

Crawl under the desk, curl into the fetal position, and sing, “Amazing Grace,” Honey. This will all be over soon.

2:00 – The end is in sight. I said the words ‘free time’ and it was as if this room was hit by a bomb.
3:00 – They’re gone, finally. I spent the second half of my day drafting my letter of resignation. The name Jasmin appears no less than eight times.

The note is hilarious, not only because this poor substitute got so real about the shittiest parts of trying to control dozens of young kids, but also because anyone who’s ever been around children can relate to things he or she wrote. Sure, kids might behave a little better for their regular teacher, but that in no way means a room full of children is easy to deal with.

Kids are pretty much just an endless stream of spills, fart jokes, and yelling, no matter who is in charge, and when you get more than a couple of them in a room together, the insanity level can fly off the charts. Thank God for the teachers and substitutes out there who put up with these antics day in and day out. We hope your crayon earplugs and impeccable sense of humor are enough to spare you any permanent damage.