The Suvet: Shut Up And Take My Money

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 
Image via Jurys Inns

The Suvet is a wearable duvet suit and the answer to all of your problems

Do you ever feel like it’s not easy enough to cuddle up wherever you happen to be and fall asleep? Do you wake in the morning and literally want to wear your comforter for the rest of the day? To just like, use clothes pins and bustle that shit like a wedding gown so you can go about your daily business with the constant option to lay down and give the fuck up? Then the Suvet may be exactly what you never knew you needed.

Irish hotel chain Jurys Inn released a video showcasing a brilliant invention that combines a duvet with a suit — and voila — the Suvet was born. The video demonstrates exactly how useful and amazing this bedding-couture hybrid could truly be. And oh, prepare to be amazed.

According to Travel Pulse, the Suvet’s purpose is to give comfort to the tired workaholics of the world via a wearable bed they can nap in whenever they please. Jurys Inn’s head of marketing Suzanne Cannon says, “As a nation of workaholics, things like fatigue, lack of sleep and even the comfort of our beds can make getting up an arduous task, so we’ve created THE SUVET — a comfortable, stylish outfit to make getting up for work and tackling the day ahead easier.”

That’s all well and good, because sure, working people must be super tired. But the moment I saw it, a choir of angels burst into song (OK, it was my horrible kids shrieking about a bad Shopkin trade, just dream with me) and all I could think was MOMS. Who needs wearable bedding more than us? And why stop there? Because, hello — it’s almost time to head to the beach.

You say giving up, I say shut up. Because, yes please. This is the solution to all my problems right now. I’m done sucking down stupid protein shakes and going to cardio class four days a week. Why should I sweat and suffer and not eat buffalo wings when I can simply zip into an actual comforter and nap whilst also ignoring the unreasonable standards of beauty placed on women today? Screw the patriarchy. Give me my blankie.

Not only can this solve the crisis of “I Have To Wear A Bathing Suit In 2 Months And Am Not Currently My Best Self,” it can also make you the envy of every other mom in town. You could look futuristic and puffy as fuck while also concealing all of your problem areas. And once you’re done setting the school drop-off line on fire, you can just go back to sleep. Like, wherever you want. Done dinner.

Sadly, we can’t run out and purchase one of these little miracles just yet, but Cannon says, “If there is enough interest in this prototype we will definitely consider putting a limited edition run into production.”

Um, yes. There would definitely be enough interest. Let’s all say a little prayer that we start seeing these available for purchase as soon as humanly possible.

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