Swear Word Candles Exist To Help You Chill The F*ck Out

by Julie Scagell
Image via Etsy

Who doesn’t want a sweary candle lighting up their living room this holiday season?

This is the season of candles. The weather is cooler, the fires a plenty, and it generally seems like a good idea to tuck in and snuggle. But, then you remember you have kids, and a job, and that the world is a giant dumpster fire and you think to yourself, “Self. If I’m gonna light a candle, I’d like it to reflect my general mood.”

Enter: Sweary candles. Because if you want to unwind, this seems like the way to do it.

There are no shortage of candles that swear because, well, that’s the world we live in. Plus, swearing feels almost as good as lighting a candle (or vise-versa, so, why not do both simultaneously? And of course, we always want to support small businesses so Etsy is the perfect place to find one.

The good folks at SnuggleFuelCandleCo have us covered with this gem:

Image via Etsy/SnuggleFuelCandleCo

Look, if we’re lighting a candle, we better be “cozy as fuck.” Of course, if you aren’t particularly cozy you can still benefit from their “Married As Fuck,” “Fancy As Fuck,” or “New Fucking Jersey” candles. You never know when one of these moods will strike; or you just happen to live in New Jersey.

Feeling a little petty? Here’s a “What a Fucking Asshole” candle to light up your life, compliments of CoOpOfCreation. We all know an asshole, or know someone who was a giant asshole to our friend that we could honor with this little gem. Plus, according to the owners, “bracing scents of Sweetgrass and Neroli are great for cleansing the room of any fucking asshole residue.” #Winning.

Image via Etsy/CoOpOfCreation

And we could all use a reminder (while scents of sandalwood and vanilla fill the room) to just breathe and “Let that shit go.”

Image via LitCandleSupply

Maybe you’re not particularly angry at someone, but your neighbor/long lost friend/kid’s mom you don’t really like stops by unannounced. Have no fear, there’s a candle for that: HeirloomCandles has us all covered with the “Oh Shit, Company is Coming Over” candle.

Image via Etsy/HeirloomCandles

Now, if you love to swear and are also appreciative of all your closest friends, might we suggest the “Thank Fuck For You” and the “Best Bitches” candle. These are ones you can gift to your circle of besties to remind them that if they didn’t exist, you would shrivel up and die.

Image via Etsy/LightersCandleCo

Image via LightersCandleCo

Image via Etsy/LightersCandleCo

Of course, if you have little ones who can read or you frown on dropping the “F bomb” compliments of your living room decor, you can tone it down a notch while still letting visitors know what’s up by sporting a “Classy, but I cuss a little” soy candle.

Image via Etsy/Snarkylights

We definitely know someone who could use one of these.

Image via Etsy/AtoZCandles

And one of these while you’re at it…it’s a great gift for that special someone.

Image via Etsy/BadAssCandles

Whatever the occasion or audience, these puppies are sure to put the “ass” in classy all season long.