Swear Word Ornaments Exist To Make You Feel Jolly As F*ck

by Cassandra Stone
Image via Etsy

BRB, buying every last swear word ornament here

Whether you’re gung-ho about decorating for the holidays (and honestly, who isn’t), or you wait until the last possible minute — Etsy has the perfect ornaments for you. Because they’re sweary, and we can all get behind that.

Even if you love the holidays more than Buddy the Elf loves old wads of chewing gum, there’s, uh, some stress involved. That’s just a universal truth. No matter how you celebrate or what plans unfold, we can all relate to Clark Griswold when he breaks out the chainsaw and saws off his own banister.

Which is why these swear word ornaments, courtesy of Etsy, are exactly what we all need to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Big Crosby danced with Danny f-ing Kaye. These are the perfect pairing to go with your swear word candles!

Image via Etsy/ShopDMarie

Cute? Check. Trendy font? Check. Straight to the point in describing so many of us? CHECK. This ornament will make sure no one dare question your holiday cheer.

Image via Etsy/blackbirdlanedesign

Truly, this is the blunt gift that keeps on giving. Perfect for your tree or to offer passive-aggressively in your office’s forced grab bag exchange.

Image via Etsy/FairlyUniqueDecals

This guy is a little more kid-friendly (for those who have kids old enough to spell and read). But it doesn’t sacrifice that sassy edge we’ve all developed this year.

Image via Etsy/KnotWorkshop

Do you like giving Christmas ornaments as gifts because they’re easy? Do you have a best friend? Good, then you’ve just killed two turtle doves with one stone.

Image via Etsy/ShopDMarie

OK, this might be my favorite one. Because we all know that one couple who will get engaged somewhere near the holidays. They’ve been together forever (because they probably can’t afford rings and mortgages but are also getting their first grey hairs, so they’re going for it). They need this ornament.

Image via Etsy/CreativeButterflyXOX

This one will have your Aunt Ida peering at it across the room with a glass of eggnog, and squinting as she wonders if she’s seeing what she thinks she’s seeing — a grumpy ornament that is also incredibly cute and festive.

Image via Etsy/FoxSakeByEmma

You know that scene in A Christmas Story where Santa is over Ralphie’s indecision, and taps his forehead with his boot and sends him down the slide? Yeah, this is the epitome of that scene and it makes me want to buy this ornament STAT.

Image via Etsy/IronMaidArt

Yes, this absolutely counts as a swear word ornament. It’s a universal symbol, and the perfect ornament to convey what you’re feeling without having to say a word.

Happy f*cking holidays and may you all find the perfect sweary ornament for your tree this year.