Yes, I Swear At My Kids

I swear at my kids.

Yes, I said it and I meant it. Each and every day, I swear at them.

I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Our kids can be assholes. Tell me your child hasn’t ever deserved to be cursed at and I’ll call you a liar.

I’ll even go so far as to say that I believe that swearing at my children makes me a better parent.

I’m not talking curse words like “dammit” and “hell.” Oh, no. I pull out the big guns. Those four letter ones of which I am such a big fan.

Now, I would never actually shout obscenities directly at my offspring. Obviously.

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But, when Lily is screaming that I ruined her life by taking away the hot pink hair dye which came with her new Moxie Doll that was staining the entire first floor of my house, I may just have seen the ords “shut the fuck up” float over her head in my imaginary commentary of the scene. And it may just have kept me from really losing it with her.

When Even is thrashing on the floor because I didn’t let him have a third bag of Goldfish before lunch, singing a little ditty that goes “Shut the fuck up, you pain in my ass. Shut the fuck up, my dear.” in my head, somehow, makes the moment more bearable.

And, Ben’s incessant whining can be blocked out by my asking “are you ever going to shut your little fucking mouth, you annoying child?” in my head. Logically, I know the answer is “not likely,” but just asking always makes me feel better.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Just fucking shoot me now.”

“Fuck off, sweetheart.”

Does saying these things mean that I love my children any less than a non-swearing mother? No. Does it make me a bad parent or role model? No, I don’t think so.

Because, by thinking these awful things, I keep myself from actually saying anything terrible to them. Which, I argue, would be far worse.

It’s a coping mechanism, of sorts. A tool to survive motherhood.

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So, next time your child is screaming at the top of his lungs that he doesn’t want that shower or need to brush his teeth or that no, he will not stop taunting his sibling despite a hundred and three warnings, flip him off in your head.

I know he deserved it.

About the writer

@scarymommy

In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

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LOL! 3 months ago

She is hardly an expert…she was a nun & then spat out some kids. Why is her opinion more valid than anyone else?

Mackenzie Slack 3 months ago

This made me feel really bad…because I do, in fact, swear at my kids…loudly and to their faces. : (

Darcy 4 months ago

I just tell them they are being assholes when they are. They usually agree and change their tune. Nobody wants to be an asshole. Easy breezy.

Karen 5 months ago
Grace 5 months ago

I absolutely cuss at my kids. They are 13 years and 15 years old now and sometimes it’s not just in my head anymore. I try to keep the thoughts in but when my 15 year old is throwing an absolute shit fit because I refuse to allow her to dress like a whore I tell her so “No respectable young woman living under my roof with MY name us gonna walk out of MY door looking like a 2 bit whore! Go change your damn clothes and throw those out! Better yet bring them to me and tell me how the HELL you got them in the first place!!” (actually quote from me to my 15 yr old from yesterday). Or when she thinks she’s grown and can step to me I will tell her to stop acting like a bitch because it doesn’t suit her well.

Carla 5 months ago

i think in the end, it’s whatever works for you. :) I curse in my head, it’s stress relieving. Ever read that book “go the fuck to sleep”? Funny, totally right some nights, and entirely human. Just like all of us. Thanks for the honest laugh . I needed that this morning

Kari 5 months ago

My 3 kids aged 13,11 and 5 bought my husband and I a swear jar for our 15th anniversary gift. 6 months later, it’s overflowing. The kids are saving up for a Hawaiian vacation…

theman 5 months ago

And probably be in prison.

theman 5 months ago

You girls are evil, and this is why your kid doesnt grow up right

Arabella 7 months ago

Lol! I thought I was the only bad mother singing the swearing ditty in their head! Ahhh it is good to know there are other mums out there like me:) If DH knew even half the stuff I say in my head to him,i would be in the shit big time! lol!

Micki 8 months ago

I always tell my kids to “shut the fuck up” and “chill the fuck out”!(in my head) Really makes me feel better! Meanwhile, if they ever say shut up to anyone, they’re in big trouble!

A Scary Mommy 8 months ago

Thank you so much Nicole, I was beginning to think I was the only one that actually swears out loud to their children. I’m never proud of myself when I do it, but it occasionally happens (ok, maybe it’s more then occasionally).

andrea 8 months ago

kiddo learns most of his words when I drive. I have even less patience than usual. I must say something about running you dumb ads over a lot. The other day we were waiting for a slow guy on a bike and my 4 yr old said don’t run his ass over mommy. I’m bad and laugh. Hubs is the one that acts all shocked. I figure I cant be too hard on him since he learned from me.

ughh 8 months ago

In your mind? unfortunately and embarrassingly I slip up and when I do its like a firecracker went off in my mouth. what pisses me off is the fact that I do EVERYTHING for my daughter and she does not respect me and has turned into a brat. I tell her quit being an asshole and stop acting like a little bitch with a few F bombs then I cried in the corner feeling like the worst mom ever!! but the sad part I really meant it :/

sparkle 8 months ago

Thank you for this post. I sweared at my kids this morning and felt bad afterwards. Glad I am not alone.

Sexist 9 months ago

I know HE deserved it.
mhm. boys are always the bad ones

divorceddad 10 months ago

Grow up.

Sa 11 months ago

What about the ones that do it all the time? I think you verbally rape your children each time you do it. You take their innocence away. Parents in poor areas should be the last ones to do this, I hear it all the time. I cringe. The thought of my wife screaming bad words at my kid….she’d be rolling down the stairs.

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E. 11 months ago

To Scary Mommy and all you other scary mommies out there: If you are only looking for a place to vent about the frustrations of raising children, I can understand, but if you are looking to justify your childish and abusive actions towards your children, you won’t get any justification from me or many others who have raised children too. (Yes, I know I’m on the wrong website.) Firstly, if you didn’t really want to have children, I’m sorry you have found yourself in this fix. Just like you, those of us who wanted to have a family also have faced similar frustrations as we welcomed motherhood. It is the hardest job in the world and the most important one. If you don’t believe that statement, that is your major problem. You will fall into bed every night of their childhood, totally exhausted, not even expecting to get a good nights sleep, because surely, someone will need you in the night. This will go on for years. They will make incredible on your time and resources, make monumental messes, defy you, and they won’t thank you for many years, (until they have children of their own) but if you expect and demand obedience from the beginning, you will save yourself and them. You will experience no greater pride and glory than realizing that you have raised a child to adulthood who is whole, healthy, and someone who contributes to society. You will never stop worrying about them and hoping that the best comes to them. I had a mother too and two grandmothers. Not one of them every cursed me and I never cursed my children. You had a child or more than one. Now they come first, not you. The only spoiled brats visible on this site are the scary mommies.

Balkarye Julnx 1 year ago

What’s point of having kids if you’re just going to cuss at them and tell them that you want to kill yourself because of them? You are completely illogical. And if you’re saying they deserve it, then they must be misbehaving? But does cussing at them really help that? That’s like telling them, “Cussing isn’t good you dumb ass.” And then you go on to say you don’t think your being a bad role model?

Jen 1 year ago

Whew! Same here! I thought I was the only one who did it out loud. I feel like the worst mother in the world and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I have 4 kids. 10 months to 12 years old. My oldest seems to be the worst at listening! But I just wanna thank you ladies for showing me that I’m not alone and maybe I’m not such a bad mom. Thanks guys! Xoxo

Kids prespective 1 year ago

From the other side of the fence I’d say you a disgusting mother to swear at your kids. Teach them to be positive NOT negative and you sound completely negative. I’d hate to have a mom like you but don’t worry once your children are grown they’ll come to terms that there mother was a retarded / fked up person that swore at them all time and leave your Lonely ass all to your miserable self. Just because your not happy in life doesn’t mean you have to make your kids miserable to. I agree us kids can be FUCKERS but you don’t need to tell us you dumb ignorant bitch. We make mistakes and will learn. You should always be a good romodel and be happy around your kids not swear at them. Kids learn from the mistakes they make and with a bitch mom swearing at them all time won’t help anything. Take some corses you fkd in the head woman. Sit down and talk to your kids calmly it’s works and they won’t hate you in the end :)

Natalie 1 year ago

It’s just words. It doesn’t mean anything if you put it in a certain way, my mum called me a fecking little shit if I was bad, I knew she didn’t mean to hurt me and I never got emotionally upset about it lmao, calm down there is a lot worse Ashley.

Natalie 1 year ago

To be honest it’s just words, my mum swore all the time when I was little and still does (I am 15 now) and it honestly never crossed my mind as a bad thing, I knew that adults could swear and children couldn’t, and that’s the way it should be. People say “don’t swear because they will copy you” well then learn them that it’s not a thing children can do and only adults are aloud. You don’t see 5 year olds trying to make the dinner because their parents do it, I am 15 and I don’t swear In front of adults, and even if you as a parent doesn’t swear, your kids are bound to here it at school or just outside, it can’t really be avoided so I say it’s no big deal, swear at them if you want, it did me no harm and I am a nice person.

anonymous 1 year ago

Im a kid and I agree with Jeremy , It actually is depressing and I am about to start cutting if my mom doesn’t stop swearing at me! She’s always swearing around my friends to, so it makes me look bad

Heather Feather 1 year ago

What in holy fuck are you spewing, Jeremy, and how delusional do you have to be to think the sick shit in your non-sequiturious (yeah, I just made that word up) reply has anything to do with what the author wrote? Maybe it was too long for you to actually read? I do realize this was a year ago, and hope you’ve found help since then.

Ashley 2 years ago

I know these were done a year ago…. But I’m 20, my dad was a stay at home dad hat loved to swear. Calling us motherfucking retards if we left our crayons on the table. Yelling in our face you stupid little shit get the fuck out of here. I have 4 younger siblings. I’m 10 years older though. I’m fucked up because of it. By boyfriend that I lived with for 3 years. Turned around and yelled at me when we were drunk. And he hit me. I wouldn’t take it. So cops and everything were called. I’m here at home. And here it is again. I hear my father saying the same things over and over and over. I shouldn’t be afraid of him. I shouldn’t be seeking help online. But I’m gonna say because of your stupid parents out there that think it’s okay to swear your kids. Even just saying fuck or whatever while talk to them. It hurts! I tried to kill myself. Found it wasn’t worth it. So I did drugs for a few moths. Drank since I was 16…. I’m clean now. But here he is. Still making me feel like shit. Doing the same things to my siblings. I hated my childhood. Why be a fucking parent! If you can’t fucking deal with it! My soon to be husband has 2 kids. I would do anything for them. I would rather bite my tongue off then ever swear at them. Because I never want them to grow up like I did. Fuck all you parents that swear at child or children. I’m saying this because the next time me father swears and yells at my siblings. I’m calling the cops. Because he shouldn’t be a parent. It’s because of you parents that he thinks it’s okay. It’s killing me emotionally still! Mentally! Fuck you! I know for damn sure my dad lost respect from me. Today is my dad to say fuck you dad! Because of you parents and your stupid swearing at kids. If he was any worse. I would have killed myself at 15. Thanks a lot! It’s okay to swear at you adults! But never at child! Warning if I ever hear it happening. I’m calling the cops, calling CPS on you ass! Because I’m sick of it. Fuck all you parents that swear at your children. If you hated it when you were younger. Then why the fuck would you do it!

MrUniverse 2 years ago

You are horribly mistaken. Yes it is normal to be frustrate but to want to curse is a poor habit that so many people are sucked into. Do not go making the false assumption that because YOU want to curse at your children when frustrated means that EVERYONE will do the same. This is a fallacy that many uneducated people fall into. Not once have I wanted to curse at my children. I get frustrated or even made sometimes yes. Go ahead call me a liar. You do not know me, so don’t make a false presumption. I am not calling you a bad parent I am merely saying that one of your habits throughout life has apparently been to curse and thus this spills over into your parenting style. Now I understand that you are not cursing out loud but all it takes is one slip up and then you start down a very slippery slope. Its far better to work on changing those phrases in your head to less drastic and extreme ones or actually punishing instead of saying doing. A child who has free roam and learns that they can get away with hundreds of warnings is likely to keep going. If this is your problem then you need to learn how to punish and not just threaten. You have to realize that a child’s brain is still developing and they can not put themselves in your shoes. You can not expect them to be capable of operating at a fully mature level. The brain finishes developing around the mid twenties of most adults. Please don’t attempt blogging about this to make yourself feel better. Work on changing your faults to become a better parent. I’m not saying that I am perfect in any way, but I can’t stand seeing parents who have bad habits that in the end will negatively effect their child.

S 2 years ago

I’m not shocked that some moms curse their kids in their own internal dialogue when they are having a tough time. what amazes me is not the post, its the response to it. When two ladies here tried to say that cursing is not a good response, and that one should try and deal with the difficulties and frustrations in a more productive and constructive way, they were immediately labeled as ‘judgmental’ by the majority of the swearing moms….those same swearing moms themselves became immensely judgmental and defensive, insisting that it was better to swear in one’s head then to do it to the kid’s face. they then undermined their own logic by admitting that they often curse out loud and their kids pick up on it and have learned all sort of verbal garbage and ‘oh isnt it cute when it comes out of a two-year old’s mouth?’

what i will say is this – no one is perfect, but as a higher species we should always aim to raise the bar and improve ourselves constantly. to this end, refining our language and deleting all foul words from it would be a great start. i havent used an F-word or anything else in that category for decades now. not out loud, not in my head. there is no need to when you realise that there are plenty of other, less offensive words that will do the same job. in our house, the worst words that the kids utter is ‘idiot’, ‘stupid’, and ‘dummy’. They have never heard foul words from their parents, relatives etc. so they dont use them. they have heard them in school and on TV in other people’s homes, but they know that such words are beyond the limits, and they know better than to cross the limits. I am sure that will change when they are older, all kids experiment and challenge the limits, but I am confident that that phase will die out when they’ve had enough and their own ears start to find it an ugly and abhorrent corruption of a beautiful language. why use coarse and uncouth words and pollute the atmosphere with them? I’m not a saint, believe me, I’m actually thinking about hiring a counsellor for me and my son, because while our good days are awesome, our bad days are pure hell. We are both under a lot of stress, and life is testing us to the limits, and we need help. But at least I have acknowledged that I need help and am not exulting in my own weaknesses and flaws. Yes, we are all flawed, but lets not turn it into a celebration, lets work to get rid of those flaws; that’s when we will really have something to celebrate.

Kayla 3 years ago

You’re all idiotic. Is this news? Of course everyone is like “oh man, I totally do that too! Wahht” it’s a fucking thought process. Were humans(not just moms)We think sometimes. Surprising, I know.its certainly not this fun secret game where I playfully say violent and well thought out curses. That’s fucked up. But to be frustrated and express your emotions in your head like a normal person doesn’t keep you from doing something. It’s not a “tactic”. It’s human nature and a pretty natural reaction to a frustrating situation. So,applaud someone for pointing out the fucking obvious.

Bren 3 years ago

There is a LOT of drama over what you can and can’t say to your kids on here. Let me remind you that these short people will one day pick your retirement home.

Jeremy 3 years ago

Oh it is bad for your children. Keep it up and you’ll see cuts on their wrists. Then drugs will roll in and you wont know how to handle that so you’ll throw your problems on someone else and eventually learn you’ve wasted $80,000 by shipping her to a boarding school. Then you’ll get a call from the Hospital saying they found your kid in a ditch covered in dirt and with vomit on their shirt. And eventually they’ll have to be rushed the hospital in the back of an ambulance because they let you know they hate you by cutting their chest open over a dozen times and slitting their wrists open another dozen times. Covered in red liquid holding a knife they’ll tell you I love you then faint. wake up with two men over them in what appears to be an ambulance as they feel several sharp pinches from an IV missing 3 times. Then they’ll leave the hospital with over 50 stitches. And don’t ever, tell your children what they can and can’t do and don’t tell them that they can’t be who they want to be. Or maybe you want to come home one day to find one of your kids with a electrical cord around their neck as they hang from the ceiling with a pale face and blank stare. You sure don’t wanna find them 10 minutes after they hanged themselves and you give CPR and get a pulse but its too late because they are brain dead. then the rest of your life you’ll ask yourself everyday, what if I got there sooner, what if I could have saved her. That’s not the greatest. I’ve seen it, and I am it.

Christine 3 years ago

Please define healthy children. Getting children to the 18 years of age mark does not a guru make. If that woman says she raised her children without ever being frustrated, angry or thinking horrific things, I will show you a highly medicated parent. AND raising children in 1975 was a lot different than raising kids now.

Ruby 3 years ago

Daniella, the way you felt wasn’t good! For you or your child. She is 5 months old and is in danger if you can’t control your anger. Your uncontrolled anger of screaming “shut the fuck up you ugly bitch” at a 5 month old and swinging her in circles in her carseat is dangerous. Your uncontrolled behaviour will get worse over time and can lead you to do things to harm you or your child. You need help, and its okay to admit you do. It will be hard but you need to make the step of controlling your anger and seek help. Seek help through friends, family, or counselors. Tell them what you did and how you feel. People can help you! Dont be afraid of being temperarely seperated from your child to gain control of your anger, you both will be better off in the log run.You need to correct this immediatly! If there is anything I can do to help you, please contact me, Ruby @ shookumm@hotmail.com

Ruby 3 years ago

Well put!

Jacquie 3 years ago

When my 5 year daughter decided to make snow angels in the basement after asking her brother (nicely, I might add) to empty her bean bag chair on the floor. My first words were “Oh my god, seriously”..followed by “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” in my head.. It took all my restraint not to say the words out loud… This was followed the next week with her plugging the basement drain with marbles because she “wanted to make an ocean”..These are the times when I am pretty proud of my true restraint..Believe me the profanity was flowing(in my head) for a very long time..
All the money, fame and fortune in the world would never be enough to take my kids away from me…But god knows I wouldn’t pay a nickle for another one!!

neo 3 years ago

Concur!

neo 3 years ago

LOVE IT! I curse too. I don’t think there’s a difference with saying darn, over the word shit. Get over it!

MummyTwoToo 3 years ago

Hmmm, I do it out loud. Fuck it. I have to let it out or I’ll burst. Get real, not all of you commenting here really do just ”say it in your heads”…admit it! ;o)

They’ll survive…they’re happy, fun-loving little rascals. They know when I’m saying naughty words, because they tell me off for it :o)

Joy 3 years ago

I am not sure your tangent makes the slightest bit of sense…..

Carol 3 years ago

I’ve been known to call my 13 year old DS “dumbass” or idiot. He grins back like he knows I speak the truth. We both know it’s a comment on his behavior, not his actual intellect because he’s a straight-A student, but at times, a dumbass, like most 13 year olds.

Helena 3 years ago

LOL! Btdt so many times.

buffi 3 years ago

Refusing to acknowledge that you do it makes you self-righteous. Not allowing yourself a chance to vent at all makes you twitchy. And yes, if your child is able to learn to have the self control to vent in his/her head rather than out loud all over Mom & Dad, if say that it’s a parenting success. Everyone gets angry, learning how to express it appropriately is sign of maturity. Unless you choose to suppress those feelings and they come out at inappropriate and inopportune times.

joileana 3 years ago

So KNOWING that it’s NOT RIGHT or okay to CUSS your KIDS out, even in your head makes you self righteous and twitchy? So the cuss em out MENTALITY is right and makes for GOOD parenting? Wow. Wonder how it would go if the kids use the cuss the parents out in your head and then do it with your mouth mentality. HMM.. think it’ll cast them in the light of being a GOOD KID? Interesting concept.

joileana 3 years ago

im gonna pray for you. I know its stressful but youi cant talk to a five year old like that let alone a five month old. Im so sorry if it happened to you but you have the power to create a better situation for your daughter than your parents created for you. You have the power to stop the cycle of abuse so make the choice to use it. Your daughter is not ugly shes the beautiful precious little girl god blessed you with! Say that to her instead even when you dont feel that way. Say it until you believe it and until she believes it. God knows youre stressed but he loves you and he loves your daughter and wants the best for both of you. Just tell him youre sorry and qsk him to help ypu. Cause he definitely will!!!

joileana 3 years ago

im gonna pray for you. I know its stressful but youi cant talk to a five year old like that let alone a five month old. Im so sorry if it happened to you but you have the power not to create a better situation for your daughter than your parents created for you. You have the power to stop the cycle of abuse so make the choice to use it. Your daughter is not ugly shes the beautiful precious little girl god blessed you with! Say that to her instead even when you dont feel that way. Say it until you believe it and until she believes?it. God knows youre stressed but he loves you and he loves your daughter and wants the best for both of you. Just tell him youre sorry and qsk him to help ypu. Cause he definitely will!!!

joileana 3 years ago

i get that dealing with kids is a challenge but swearing at them only berates them and makes them disrespect you more. They may not always act it out but secretly they hate you. They see you as the slut of mothers because youre not respectable in their eyes. If you want kids who resent you later on in life and do rebellious things just to get back at you keep cussin at them. It will most likely lead to them smoking pot so you can smell it sex in your bedroom while youre in the house underage drinking and getting physical with you and cursing you back when they feel like it. Kids will only respect you as much as you respect them. They will aim to get back at you for not being the parent they expect ypu to be. Boys especially want a mother they can respect. If they dona.t respect mom other women will be nothing but filthy whores to them and will get treated?as such. Criminals aren.t born they.re made. They will violate nalaws of the land the same way mom violates motherhood. S

Mostly Sane Mamas 3 years ago

I do it too! I wrote a whole blog on my kids and The Swear Jar!

S@$#t! You Owe Me A Nickel! http://wp.me/2Js8Y

varsha 3 years ago

I don’t know how parents don’t end up swearing at their kids. My 2 year old can be a total asshole. Sometimes. I usually keep it in my head but every once in a while he does something in particular that just stirs me up and I come right out with it. I feel bad afterwards but if an adult did some of the things he’s done I’d say the same thing not that its right but you know I get pissed. I will in the future do my best to control myself and keep little tirades in my head and not in my mouth because despite the little devils torture he is also on the other spectrum very sweet.

Mare 3 years ago

Love this blog, I am so glad I am not the only one that does this! This morning in fact it took all that I had not to say all my my favorite curse words out loud when my kiddo came up to me to say he went pee in the kitchen closet! My God! What the fuck was he thinkin! LOL

Daniella 3 years ago

Yesterday I was angry with my 5 month old daughter I started screaming and swearing at her like shut the fuck up you ugly bitch! Etc… She was overtired and was screaming making her go hot and barking I couldn’t cope she was in the car seat so I picked it up and swung it in circles?

sunny 3 years ago

um..wow..! I too say it in my head and sometimes outloud.. my kiddlets are awesome annoying little toads at times.. and none of us have killed each other yet! I LOVE the rules down the side of the blog about NOT judging each other..thats my new favorite thing..apart from this blog:)

Melody 3 years ago

Again, so thankful for this site, this morning “what the f- where you thinking” and “give me a f-ing break” came out loud and clear. I’m not proud but now I think I can forgive myself because I felt like a horrible mother not only for yelling but for yelling bad words to my kid!

Jay 3 years ago

Admittedly I’m in the midst of recuperating from a moment with my duo…hence the reason I googled my desired reaction! Thank you ALL or at least those who do understand for being forthright and unapologetic for being mothers who express actual emotion and frustrations when the role of motherhood is challenged and underestimated.

heather 3 years ago

To the lady that said fu to her teenage son…..quit kicking yourself. If he’s old enough to act like a shit to his mom and tell you he doesn’t care, he’s old enough for strong language. You will live, and so will he. Tell him to quit being a brat. If that’s the worst thing that ever happened to him, he’s a lucky kid. Hugs.

BadMommy 3 years ago

I found this site today by committing a Mommy sin. I swore at my teenage son. He was not listening. And when I said to him you don’t care do you. He said NO. And I said do you mean that? He said Yes. I said I can’t believe that then I blurted out FU….I felt horrible and still do. I feel like I need meds and he is so angry with me. So now he feels like he did nothing wrong and I did everything wrong. So I think this post holds some key things to it. If I had only thought it as I did twice before I said it. I couldn’t hold it in any longer or so I thought. I was just so mad that he wasn’t my child but an unruly thorn in my side at that point. And now I’m paying the price for my crime. I wish I had read this before that incident.

Suzanne 3 years ago

Hahaha…you’ve just summed up the last 12 years of parenting for me….(swearing under my breath or in my head)….who DOESN’T do that!!! And yes, I also am a loving, protective (and dare I say good) mother who would do anything for her child…

caron 3 years ago

OMG I love reading this, Im laughing loud. I feel so much better about myself

RedBlueStar 3 years ago

I like to use the little song from South Park (which no, my children do not watch)….
“Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker!”

Jay 3 years ago

I love this.

duane_benzie 3 years ago

Hah! I LOVE this site! Wish I had discovered it sooner. Anyway, on the topic of being a Sweary Mary, I only happened upon this site because I wanted to stop swearing in front of my kids and was googling it the other night. I found this and realised that I am not alone, and the comments on here are hilarious.

I will say though that I can genuinely understand how some people never feel the need to swear at their kids. I have two boys, aged 6 and 7. They are both lovely, but my eldest can behave like the spawn of satan and just doesn’t know when to stop. The youngest is a proper little charmer and I rarely feel even the slightest bit irked at his behaviour. So, I can see from both sides, and it doesn’t make you love your children any less.

Can’t wait to read more.

April 3 years ago

LOL I think I have said this in my head like 20 times the day after his birthday!

Judes 3 years ago

I have 16 yr old and a 13 yr old daughters. With my 16 yr old, from age 13 on I have several times wanted to call her a little B**** or tell her to stop acting like one. I have only said it in my head (so far). I asked some co-workers, “don’t you ever just want to tell you kids to f-off?” And they all agreed that they would, but they only say it in their heads too. Every time my daughters have heard me swear, they are shocked, they say MOM! Then they laugh and tell me not to swear because it doesn’t sound right when I say those words. I think their reaction is hilarious, the little assholes.

Spankings 3 years ago

When my now teenagers were younger, I would read them bedtime stories like Good night Moon, for instance. My husband was always disruptive and in the middle of reading a sentence I told him to shut the fuck up. My kids started laughing so hard they turned red. Being the awesome mom that I am (and I am AWESOME) I began reading the book a little differently. Good night fucking moon…I did it just to watch them roll off of the bed and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Annette 3 years ago

I swear around my daughter but Saturday was a first and hopefully last…I said ” stop being an asshole”… I feel like shit for saying that and i think i thought it and it just fell out of my mouth! I apologized but she WAS being an asshole! lol

Carrie 3 years ago

I will admit that I swear silently at my kids and sometimes around them, though not at them. (My kids have a rule which they can repeat to their friends “do not say the words Mommy says when she is watching football or hockey”.) And occasionally….at them….to their faces. Yes, I occasionally lose my temper. I have 4 kids ages DD10, DS8, DS5, and DS2. We live in a small house that we can afford with no carpeting b/c of my oldest son’s severe allergies. So sometimes, it gets LOUD in here. And sometimes, the kids start fighting and I can not get them to stop by simply calling a time out. I have been known to scream at them “STFU!” or “Are you out of your fucking mind?!” when they do something dangerous that scared me. Does that make me a horrible mom? I don’t think so. B/c I also praise their accomplishments, help them with their homework, participate in their classroom activities, etc. I tell them I love them and how proud I am that they are my children constantly. I’m sure I”m going to get raked over the coals for being someone who has occasionally screamed profanities at my children, but guess what? They’re ok! My oldest two are honor students, oldest DS is his swim club’s high point youth champion, my middle son is reading at age 5 when most kids aren’t yet, and my 2 year old is still alive despite his terrible two’s. The kids are alright!

Carrie 3 years ago

Well said, Lisa!

Lisa 3 years ago

First of all, you need to lighten up. Second of all, this website is a place for all mothers to share their stories and vent about the ugly side of motherhood. (And yes, there is an ugly side to motherhood. Anyone who’s a mother knows that. It’s not 18+ years of pure “June Cleaver” and “Donna Reed” perfected bliss) This site does not claim to teach how to raise ‘perfectly healthy children’. If you’re looking for that, you’re in the wrong place. This is a place for mothers to come together and share their stories, feelings, adventures, fears, victories, losses, and anything else that affects us as mothers. And it offers a place to share our experiences WITHOUT JUDGMENT! If your sole purpose here is to judge other mothers on their thoughts, (these mothers are cursing at their kids in their heads, not out loud) then this clearly is not the site for you and you should move on.

Buffi 3 years ago

Did you read the actual post? The whole point is that she doesn’t “swear like a lunatic” AT her kids. The point is that she, I, and all but the most self-righteous mothers, evidently, say those things *in our heads* so that we don’t end up losing it with our kids.

As a family therapist and child development specialist, I’m certain one of the keys to raising healthy, well-adjusted kids is making sure that you are not a twitchy, mumbling mess because you won’t allow yourself a way to vent.

Renee Martin 3 years ago

Really??? Have none of you ever heard of Barbara Coloraso? She is the original guru on how to raise healthy children, and doesn’t include the mother acting like a swearing lunatic.

Lynette 3 years ago

Love this….sometimes I go in the bathroom and run the bath and turn the fan on, then start screaming FUCK, SHIT, FUCK MY LIFE!!!!! Then take a bath with a glass of wine ..:-)

Lisa 3 years ago

LOL! Hilarious!

Lisa 3 years ago

LOL!!

Lisa 3 years ago

LMAO!! That scene is hilarious in my head! I feel so tremendously guilty if I hear my DS6 say a curse word because I know where he learned it from. (I try so hard not to slip up around him but sometimes I do) It makes me feel so much better to know other moms go through the same thing. I seriously felt like the worst mom ever because my kids occasionally let out a curse word. And I felt even worse when it struck me as funny! Thanks for showing me I’m not the only one! :-)

Lisa 3 years ago

LMAO! “this bitch here”

Callie 4 years ago

I’ve recently become a stay at home mom, but in my previous life I taught PreK for 3 years. I had fifteen 3,4 and 5 year olds in various stages of potty training on my roster each year. It’s amazing the coping mechanisms you develop while spending 6.5 hours with other people’s cherubs. (I won’t even get started on the behaviors I worked with and the lame excuses for the behaviors I was given LOL.) After really hard days, once the class was loaded on the buses and I sat down to do some work I would let a string obscenities float out of my mouth and hover over my head and fall down upon me like a gentle, warm spring rain.

Yes, it was that comforting and cathartic. I had some really tough cookies. Now, home with my little guy I slip up once in awhile, but I remember to breathe, and remind myself how lucky I am to be home with him and not 15 other people’s cherubs.

Nikkie 4 years ago

Well you took the words right out of my mouth. My mother was the same way and now so am I , and finally someone that feels the same.

screwedlips 4 years ago

Whew! You’re close… I do cuss mine especially when I am running around cleaning like a mad woman and all they can do is make a mess right behind you. “If you don’t sit your little asses down somewhere I will grab whatever I can find and give you the beat down of the century! FUCK!!”

Jessica Brown 4 years ago

Excellent point. Been there.

Jessica Brown 4 years ago

I need to pick that one up…

Jessica Brown 4 years ago

Very appropriate. I have a 12 year old too, and the other day, after hearing her constantly carping on her little brothers in this horrible, bitchy way, I finally exploded and said, “Why are you being such a little bitch???” Now, normally I’d use “twit.” But that time, I couldn’t take it any more…and when she picked up her jaw off the floor in shock I knew I’d made my point. I’m a frequent swearer, although rarely AT the kids, other than, “Can you kids please shut the fuck up?” when I’m trying to work or whatever. Calling her a little bitch was something that shocked her, and she has been working on that attitude ever since. So I agree with you. Words have their own context and place in a situation, and sometimes “fuck” and “bitch” just work better. :)

Jessica Brown 4 years ago

Oh that made me laugh so hard…I did it too…

Jessica Brown 4 years ago

PRICELESS. Thank you for saying that aloud, so that the rest of us that were afraid of doing so didn’t feel like utter pariahs anymore. I can curse like a sailor, in two languages now, and I am a fan of the “big words”. Yeah, kids can be serious assholes. Pains in the ass. All kinds of stuff. And I have been exactly in your shoes, singing a profane little refrain featuring choice phrases that aren’t safe for work in my head or under my breath while trying to keep from literally bursting into flames in frustration and rage. God, I look at the title on the tab of this page (“Fuck you, Kids”) and just start giggling insanely, my husband is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. And I have, probably somewhere within the last 10 years or so, after having my second child. Onlies don’t count, you know. 😉 Thanks again for the ultra-entertaining read and the personal and moral validation. And tell those hating trolls on FB to STFO and GTFO…without the abbreviation.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

OMG, I am too. Can you believe we were just away?!?

BA 4 years ago

You mean at 3am with an infant, you never changed the words of Rockaby Baby to Shut the fuck up?

Harrison is doomed.

Elaine 4 years ago

Is it bad that I already did the swearing in my head once today and I haven’t even been home for 24 hours?

Elaine 4 years ago

Mine said “what the hell?!” the other day as he opened the refrigerator and couldn’t find what he wanted. I wanted to laugh but I didn’t… it was hard not to…

Amy 4 years ago

I love this! Soooo true and I am guilty of the same. Although I have a habit of thinking out loud that I am working on.

Cathy 4 years ago

….and that makes you the Louis CK of Mom’s. And I say that with the UTMOST respect. I do this ALL the time, and my “kids” are 22. Unfortunately I’ve learned the hard way that voicing these little ditties to them (no matter their age), result in the eye rolling, door slamming, “but but but’s” of life that get the whole of us, absolutely no where…

Just found you, courtesy of Lindsay Ferrier, and glad I did. I needed one more good blog to round out my week of a “blog-a-day, will keep me out of the pyschiatrists’ office”…

Summer 4 years ago

LOVE IT! Effing is a big one for me too… I try not to direct my f-bombs at my boys and effing works well most of the time as a stand in :)

Summer 4 years ago

OMG that’s awesome lol

Summer 4 years ago

lol!

Summer 4 years ago

I do it out loud too! Thank goodness it is not just me… I was beginning to worry! Usually it more generic then AT them but I have done both!

Summer 4 years ago

I was feeling so much better after knowing I wasn’t the only one cussing… then i read it is all in the head.
I have cussed at my kids, definately not my proudest moment, and i cuss out loud all the time around them…

am i the only one that does this?

I know it is not the best coping skill but I have to have some kind of vice lol

There is something so soothing about an F-bomb…

Fortuitous Housewife 4 years ago

Boy I wish I’d read this post earlier, ’cause I REALLY could have used your technique this afternoon! Maybe then I wouldn’t have this splitting headache that’s keeping me up tonight when everyone else in my house has been asleep for an hour or two or three!

deborah l quinn 4 years ago

When my kids were babies, when that book “go the f*ck to sleep” wasn’t even a concept in some suburban dad’s eye, I used to sing to my infants, in my sweetest sleep-deprived, colicky-baby-dealing, singsong voice “sweet little fucker you’ve ruined my life, fucking fucker, sweetling, you’re killing me you fucker…” I figure they only heard the tone and the singsong, and all those f-bombs gave me a few minutes of relief. They’re fine now, by the way: they appear to be genuinely shocked, SHOCKED, when either of their parents swears in their presence (which, now that they’re actual people and not tiny pink blobs we try not to do). This post is brilliant.

Mer 4 years ago

So, I read the entry. I read a few of the comments. Okay, I skimmed. I get the gist of things.
Words are only as powerful as you make them. If you say ‘fuck’ is an unacceptable word, then so be it. If you think it’s a private word that only adults should use, okay, that’s your opinion. Everyone has one.

I’m personally a fan of any word that gets my point across. I use every four letter word around my kids. I use them frequently.
“Don’t be a little bitch.”
It’s absolutely no different than telling her “Don’t be a little twit.”
She’s 12. Because in reference, it means the same thing.
I don’t permit her to use these words in front of me. She’s more than welcome to think them. And I’m sure around her friends she uses them freely. Out of respect, she does not call me a bitch. Out of respect she doesn’t call me a twit either.

I use these words freely around my own mother now that I am thirty. As far as I know she doesn’t judge me for it. I’m an honest person and whatever word gets the point across, or phrase, I’ll use it.

Don’t judge others for the sounds of letters. The pronunciation of one thing over another. Ugh! can mean FUCK! and vice versa. It’s just a different language.

2girls4me 4 years ago

AMEN! i cuss my kids out when i’m hiding in the pantry while they whine or fight about whatever…

XLMIC 4 years ago

I should have done it in my head :( I never swear out loud at my kids… until day before yesterday :(

This post was strangely comforting. Thanks for that.

patti 4 years ago

love that comment!!!!!! love it

Leslie 4 years ago

I feel the same exact way! I kept feeling like “there’s no possible way that I’m a good mother when I’m thinking, or mentally saying, cruel and rude comments about my child or the hubs”..The guilt and frustration of thinking these things can be incredibly overwhelming…but it turns out I am just like all the other awesome mothers on this website. “F’in’ A” 😉

JINNI 4 years ago

You are my new hero! I love that you are willing to admit what every other mother does. I don’t care how perfect some may seem they have thier faults and are just as guilty as the rest of us just trying to make it through the day!

Debbie 4 years ago

The only thing I would all to this blog t make it perfect is ‘like’ or ‘agree’ buttons by each post!

Debbie 4 years ago

I love this place… I am sitting here as we speak, with tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks, while 2 of my “darling, sweet, angelic” grandchildren, ages 3.5 and 4.5 (that have been spending a long weekend with me and have permanent marker beard and mustaches applied by their 12 year old uncle) are sitting piled on top of me eating popcorn and making a mess. AND I AGREE WITH EVERY WORD. Before I had kids I never used such language, now it is daily, no hourly, somedays all day long. It doesn’t mean I love them any less, it just keeps me from wanting to box their ears!!!!

Hannah Quinn 4 years ago

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO SLEEP BEFORE I FOOTBALL KICK YOU!!!! I never say it out loud and would NEVER hurt my kids but sleep deprivation is a mother fucker with a 3yr old and an 8mt old.

Livelaughloveliquor 4 years ago

I f*cking loved this post. I too, sing a STFU song in my head too. Seriously, it’s the sound track of my life….. I gauge my proximity to losing it based on the genre of the STFU tune I am singing.. Lite FM version? I’ve still got a grip on the situation. Rap version? I’m close, really close, to going ghetto on someones a$$. Death Metal Thrash version? That’s it, the Barbie doll they are fighting over goes in the trash.

kristina 4 years ago

Thank u so fucking much. I love u for this site. okay here I go…… I have a 11 year old who is at the age where anything I tell/ask her to do. Like clean her fucking room. why the fuck does it take 5 days to clean a freaking room? Its a pig sty in there, and i am not exaggerating. She spends more time up my azz because she is bored, but cant clean her fucking room. wtf. The only time her Dad gets involved is to contradict me. making things worse and teaching her to be a master flipping manipulator. But its all my fault because I tell them both to go to hell. It’s pretty bad when a stay at the funny farm would great:(.

Book4MyDaughter 4 years ago

I have to say that this was the first time I have laughed out loud with tears streaming down my face in a REALLY long time! I’m sitting with my mom and two sisters—the kids are letting the TV babysit them in the back of the house—and I just read this post aloud to them. I barely made it through the whole thing because I had trouble breathing through my laughter. Thank you for making four women laugh together. You rock!

April Queen 4 years ago

That is so funny! I will just go off sometimes when talking to my mom. It’s safe, I would never do that to the kids or in public, but just saying what you want to say to someone who won’t think you are awful is such a stress relief. BUT, when she ever says, “You really shouldn’t talk that way,” I have to say it just one more time!

mommy23girls 4 years ago

Can’t they EVER shut the F*ck up and stop fighting! LOL

mommy23girls 4 years ago

getting frustrated with your children does not equal being a miserable mother and it also does not mean that she loves her children any less. The reason why it is so tough to raise children in this day and age is BECAUSE there is so much PRESSURE to be perfectly perfect and if ( god forbid!) you are not and lose it every once and a while SOMEONE will be sure to point out your ” imperfection”. Scary Mommy is an “honest” look into motherhood, not the Norman Rockwell painting of motherhood. Sorry but I love my children and have wished for them since I knew it were possible ( age 8 maybe) but there are days when it can all be overwhelming. So thank you , moms who get it and don’t judge!

mommy23girls 4 years ago

so funny!

The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful 4 years ago

Holy mother-fucking shit! I love how you give me permission to just. go. there.

Liz 4 years ago

This totally reminds me of that “Go the F*ck to Sleep” book, that I bought, even though I don’t have kids. Because it is “the awesome.”

Mia 4 years ago

OMG….is it a book on tape then??? I’ve GOT to get it if he’s narrating it!

Deb 4 years ago

Seriously, you need to write a parenting book. Best seller, guaranteed!!!

Stephanie @ Figments of a Mom 4 years ago

That’s awesome – I usually mouth the words when I turn around, sometimes, however, they do hear me. Yikes!

Erin 4 years ago

shouldn’t really good, thankful Mom’s like you be spending thier time making organic baby food and teaching children how to cure cancer rather than slumming it on the Internet with us “normal Mommy folks??”

Just wondering.

Erin 4 years ago

Plastic children….now that is funny:)

Cin 4 years ago

So THAT’S what’s behind those eyes behind the counter at the bank! I’m soooo on to you tellers now…. 😉

Cin 4 years ago

I will say this, that if I cuss at my kids they know I mean business. If I’m cussing and YELLING they know that they have to get the hell back in line or else there’s going to be hell to pay somewhere.

Cin 4 years ago

I’ve said to my 12 year old son “you are such an ASS!” and he looked at me said “well, that just wasn’t very nice.” Crap, I hate it when I’m called on the carpet by my kids! LOL

Cin 4 years ago

I really try to watch the swearing, and for the most part it’s in my head. But, sometimes…when it’s really bad or when someone does something really, really stupid that “are you fucking kidding me?” just pops out and BAM! my kids look at me like I’ve 3 heads! LOL

Cin 4 years ago

LMAO! I do THIS too!

Cin 4 years ago

And here I was feeling bad because I always thought that I was the ONLY one who did this! Thank you for this post!!!! :) I have one of those “holier than thou” friends (who is childless, btw) who told me that I was horrible mom because I said “bad words” about my kids (IN MY HEAD, mind you, not out loud) and that would translate into bad motherhood! What-the-fuck-ever! LOL

breezy 4 years ago

their name calling isn’t judgemental cause they didn’t cuss :)

Rebecca 4 years ago

This is funny and yes, there are times when I’m having a completely different conversation in my head than I am in real life…the same rings true for husbands too.

Kay @ Mommy Fabulous 4 years ago

Hee Hee!

We all probably do it. Many just won’t admit it! I found you via Mama’s Losin’ It, your best bloggy friend!

breezy 4 years ago

the first time my daughter ever cursed she was just around 3 and was also in the car. i will admit to having some road rage living in a tourist trap and my big wake up was her screaming “learn how to drive your car you fucking moron” out the window.

now i just do it in my head :)

great post jill!!! i saw it on twitter and just knew the comments were going to be fun. thanks for not dissapointing me ladies :)

Dana 4 years ago

It’s likely that my mother chanted all manner of swear words in her head when my sister and brother were younger but she never, not once, said anything out loud until the day I pushed her too far. I was a nasty little teenager with an arrogant, nasty little attitude and I don’t know what I did but I pushed her buttons and all of a sudden she exploded with “FUCK!” I ran to the field and blubbered like a baby because holy shit, I made my mother cuss. Lesson learned! A good curse word lobbed loud and effectively can do wonders.

Leigh 4 years ago

I love this post. I discussed it with my best friend last night and we both agreed there’s nothing more satisfying then a whispered swear word under your breath after telling them to please go and amuse themselves for five minutes’…(insert whispered ‘for fucks sake’).

Scooty 4 years ago

Samuel L Jackson narrates it. Makes it even more awesome.

buffi 4 years ago

*standing ovation*

Well said!!

Kid Id 4 years ago

You’ve gotten plenty of comments on this from both sides and I’m sure you’ve moved on to bigger and better things, like some big conference everyone keeps talking about. But I couldn’t help but add my two cents to this interesting discussion. My thought is that if you are not doing something to manage the normal internal frustration that comes with parenting, whether that be imagining the ability to curse at your children without having to resort to actually doing it, then what are you doing to let off steam? Also, some of the commenters act as if thoughts = actions and anger = aggression. Thoughts do not equate to plans or intentions and anger does not lead directly to aggression. People think and fantasize about all kinds of things they would never do in real life because it’s a coping mechanism to work out difficult things. And being angry is a normal emotion. It’s only when (a) you constantly think about ways to harm others and then plan and act them out or (b) obsessively fear potentially harming others even though you can’t or never would (as in OCD) that it becomes a problem. Aside from a and b, both of which require psychiatric treatment, visualizing ways to manage anger are normal. Just my thoughts – hope I didn’t start any trouble : )

Shell 4 years ago

Ha! Love this!

As long as it’s just in our heads, what difference does it make if we think “this child needs to stop before I lose my mind” or thinking “shut the fuck up!” Same sentiment, really.

Lisa 4 years ago

You know what I say to the people who can calmly sigh, “fiddlesticks” when presented with a crayoned wall and jam all over the TV? “Fuck off!”

Absolutely agree with all of this. Thank you for making it okay for me too to be the human being I that am DESPITE being a mother! 😉

Kay@Bluespeckledpup 4 years ago

I refer to the little rants in my head as my “inside voice.” Sometimes there are some very salty phrases in there, but I feel much better for thinking them, even if almost all never see the light of day.

That said, I have a number of very creative alternatives for my “out loud” voice, to ensure I don’t lose my job. Sometimes, one day of teaching junior high feels like four.

Jill, you rock.

BuenoBaby 4 years ago

Fucking awesome post.

Melissa (Mo) 4 years ago

Here here Christi! Definite “Ditto” from me. :)

Katey 4 years ago

Just wanted you to know that is now going to be my go-to threat with my boys. “Knock it off right now or I’m taking your effing ______ and melting it down to make homework out of it!”

Echo 4 years ago

OMG this is the best post I’ve read all day!!! I read it outloud to my bff too. We can both soooo relate! Awesome writing.

Johnathan 4 years ago

You are HILARIUS! I am a very fond use of the word FUCK too! i use it multiple times a day & i’m not even a parent, I use it at the dogs, other peoples kids, sometimes my brother that is 23, even though I shouldn’t but it makes me feel better lol…this is the best blog ever!

Jack@TheJackB 4 years ago

Cursing at in-laws is far more enjoyable.

Megan 4 years ago

He’s hilarious! Kids are strange creatures. I love them!

L8r 4 years ago

I also routinely shoot middle fingers at the door after my husband or one of the kids has left after being an absolute pain. That door has been flipped off more than the light switch.

Heather 4 years ago

That was awesome.

Heather 4 years ago

I literally LOLed.

Marinka 4 years ago

I’m right fucking there with you.

Katie 4 years ago

Thanks! :-) always nice to feel the love

Katie 4 years ago

Hell yes! C’mon over!

Johnathan 4 years ago

OMG LADY- You are FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!! My best friend of 4 turned me on to you & I just love your way with words! HAHA

Keep doing what your doing!

buffi 4 years ago

Katie, I think I love you.

Caroline Pollock 4 years ago

I totally get the same feeling.

Jessica 4 years ago

I just DIED laughing at this post. I regularly tell my bratty ass kids to shut the fuck up goddamnit in my head. Or mumble it. Because it makes me feel better. And to all these assholes who say they dont curse, you can also shut the fuck up. Get over yourselves.

oh.em.gee 4 years ago

I’ll admit. I’ve never been an f bomb thrower. I always felt like an amateur when I tried. But I will say that I appreciate a good f word in a really good context. So thank you to all the raunchy, nasty, crazy Mom’s who posted on here. You have truly made me laugh out loud. Though, I’ll stick to the shits and dammits… It’s more my zone.

Merie 4 years ago

Thank you for saying what every mother wants to say but doesn’t for whatever reason. What a great way to maintain your sanity….lot better than losing it and taking it out on the people that mean the most to you. Thanks for such a great post.

Katie 4 years ago

I love this post because I did this *TODAY*. I am packing my darling angel children up for kids camp and realize that they have 1. attached a rope to the puppy, 2. left him alone with the chickens and 3. started a mud fight. Some of you may think I am a crap ass mom because this went down at all, but I am here to tell you this shit went down in the span of roughly a minute and a half. There is no limit to chicken food/shit a puppy can eat in a minute’s time and God knows mud covers a child at the speed of light. Good thing I didn’t shriek “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” out loud… because I certainly thought it… along with the whole attach a punishment to the curse word… if my puppy dies because he ate too the fuck much of the goddamn chicken shit, I am going to knock you the fuck out… in my head. What I did in reality was detach the puppy, quarantine him for explosive vomit, and get my kids out of their dresses and into clean clothes. Did I sapnk them? No. Did I raise my voice? No. After five minutes did I realize it could be funny? Yes. But only after I cursed their little asses up one side and down the other… in my head.

Fuck is a word that I loved. It is my favorite fucking word of all the fuck time. It can be used as every fucking part of speech. Every fucking person should use this word every fucking day.

To those who say they *never* curse or even (gasp!) *think* a curse word, watch a movie with a curse word in it… I say… what the fuck are you doing here? Garbage in, garbage out? You just read a whole fucking lot of curse words. BOO YAH!

PS – I just flipped my husband off in my head now because he is going to hike my favorite trail without me next week. Cursed him out too.

mydirtca 4 years ago

I can’t believe I’m not the only one that does this?!?!?! And now that you’ve enlighted the world, I can feel good about doing it…..”stop slamming doors you little fuckers”….oh sorry my kids were distracting me.

Melissa 4 years ago

Every. Fucking. Day. Thank you so much for saying it.

I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old. Boys.

The four year old has JUST figured out the toilet. So you can imagine how many fucks left my mouth since I’ve been changing diapers way too fucking long. Thanks developmental delay. I really wanted to change diapers for 4 1/2 years. Thank God that’s over.

The 8 year old -actually, 8 and 1/2 – has reached that stage when he’s a complete and total douchebag asshole to me and his father. Can’t wait for him to be a teenager. I know he’s just trying to “become his own person” or some shit. I get it. But he’s a fucking asshole most of the time. So yeah, I mumble “Fuck you you fucking prick” under my breath sometimes. So sue me.

I just so happen to be very fond of the word FUCK. I use it often. Daily. The day is not complete unless I drop a couple F bombs. Never out loud in front of the kids, of course. But definitely in my head or under my breath.

Michelle 4 years ago

Can I get in on this?

Amanda 4 years ago

Love it! And it is so true! I can’t tell you how many times I have muttered or thought the same things. Especially when I have heard Mom, Mommy, Momma… repetitively for at least a half hour. I have so wanted to scream ” I changed my fucking name and left the damn country!”

Michelle 4 years ago

Thanks. Can you tell I’ve been living at Wit’s End for entirely too damn long? How the hell do I get out of this place?!

Michelle 4 years ago

I’m a little jealous.

Lady goo goo gaga 4 years ago

I totally love swearing – it’s how I get through the day!!!

Tina 4 years ago

I am so glad i am not the only one. My children have a large vocabulary of filthy words that they have learned from me But they always know where they stand with me and know how i truely feel

The Flying Chalupa 4 years ago

You know, the timing on this is perfect, because lately I’ve been saying – out of earshot of course – JESUS FUCKING CHRIST whenever my son is being a pill and throwing a tantrum. And it helps. A lot.

I am behind you 100% on your maternal expletive-filled thought-bubble campaign.

Momma*mk 4 years ago

Oh, thank you for posting that. I feel the same way. Megan from a few posts up needs to read that! I believe in the Lord as well but I still cuss like a sailor. I’m working on it. But until I can resist the temptation of a well-placed cuss word or five, I will still be an example of healthy trash-talking to those who deserve it.

Tana Zoller 4 years ago

I just found this blog…and I LOVE it! LoL. You just HAVE to do this…shit, I do it all day. 😀 But sometimes, I have to let it out…so I go into the pantry where it’s VERY loud & say it out loud: “These kids have go to be f-cking kidding me right now…” “I’m probably going to flip the F-CK out on someone soon….” or the “F-ck it…I’m gonna throw the whole f-cking Playstation out of the f-cking window if these f-cking kids don’t stop f-cking fighting about it.” Obviously, the fighting on the Playstation gets to me the worst. ;D Just sayin’…& yes, spouses ARE included in this. 😀

Sara 4 years ago

Every night (no exaggeration), I mentally recite the words to Go the Fuck to Sleep while putting my child to bed. I mean, c’mon! He’s 2 freaking years old and has slept through the night MAYBE 3 times, maybe.

Jessica 4 years ago

I have been doing this for 9 years now. What comes out of my mouth usually ends up being the exact opposite of what I am thinking. Sometimes not. This post made me laugh.
Jess

Nichole 4 years ago

I did see quite a few people mention in the comments that they do swear out loud at their children. Personally, I don’t think that way because I don’t speak that way. I’ve never been a fan of swear words so I don’t use them. I just don’t see why you either have to be this angry, swearing at your kids in your head mom or you are hopped up on pills and/or having a nanny raise your kids mom.

buffi 4 years ago

The whole point is that we are NOT swearing at our children out loud TO them. It’s that we are processing those feelings of frustration in our heads instead of spewing it all over them. The part that I think people are not being honest with themselves about is that they even get to the point where those words even enter their minds. When you get angry, don’t at least a few inappropriate words at least come to mind? Jill is just saying that she imagines herself saying them and then she feels much better. And most of us are honest enough with ourselves that we agree.

Cameron Long-Tel 4 years ago

P.S. Totally agree with Amy l. Bloom, SM, Rae and Lisa- I mean really all of that happy mothering-I take pictures with my kids baking-feed them sprouts-they haven’t had a donut in their life is bull shit and if you don’t curse every once in awhile (or feed them a bowl of Lucky Charms) you must be on a really strong dose of your “happy pill”- I am so grateful for every moment with my nuggets AND there are some days I would like to just hop on a one-way to Bora Bora and sleep with the cabana boy-I DO think that (above) Lena is kind of a douche…just sayin! I am so addicted to this conversation- what a great one SM- Thank you xo

Nichole 4 years ago

Wow there is a lot judgement being passed around on both sides of this argument. I don’t like the implication that if you could manage to get through the day without swearing at your children then you are either a liar or using hired help to raise your children. Yes, my son gets on my nerves and I get angry, but I just don’t see how swearing at a child would help that situation.

Jennifer Probst 4 years ago

Thank you so much for the best laugh all day! I did a post on this too on my blog, but it’s so nice to know other moms are ok with the wonderful, satisfying F word@! My hubbie is the one constantly shushing me big time and pointing madly toward the kids ears. Sigh.

zeemaid 4 years ago

I’m always amazed at the amount of comments and arguing that goes on over one little post. Every family make up is different. Some families swear freely, some don’t. But to say you never even think badly about your kids when they are pulling the mother of all tantrums is a stretch. I mean if you are one of those blessed persons who remain cool and calm in all situations, well good for you. But the majority of us don’t. I’d rather think that negative irritating thought about my kid or husband and then get over it rather than say it to their face.

Nicole 4 years ago

Oooh! Fun, I’ll bring the weed

Loukia 4 years ago

This does not make you a bad mom. I swear all the time, too, sometimes even out loud. FUCK! I say in front of my kids if I break a plate or if they’re driving me crazy. I’m not happy I do this, but I can’t help myself sometimes. “Are you fucking kidding me?” is also another popular one that comes out of my mouth ALL THE TIME.

Nikki 4 years ago

The only thing more awesome and entertaining than the original blog post are these comments. Spot on, Jill.

San Diego Farmgirl 4 years ago

Oh no she didn’t! How funny is that! =)

Lauren @BooPatch 4 years ago

totally <3 this one…you should be applauded for being able to have such an honest conversation with your son…
and I'm totally with you there…my youngest has understood and given sarcasm back since he was 3…God Help ME! lol!!!

San Diego Farmgirl 4 years ago

Hey Jill, I have a brilliant and totally original idea. You should write a children’s book titled “Shut the Fuck Up.” You could get Samuel L. Jackson to narrate it. heh heh

Amanda 4 years ago

Amen!! I have six kids so I totally get this and I wholeheartedly agree with your philopshy!!!! Made my day. What guts you have too!!

Charisse 4 years ago

I support you! GAWD knows that I have had cursing tantrums in my head towards the kid and wife and MIL and dogs before. And it enables me to think like Dory from Nemo “Just keep smiling, just keep smiling”

Natasha 4 years ago

This not only works for my kids. It works for my husband, my boss and my co-workers. LOL

From Belgium 4 years ago

I flip my childeren, when they are not looking of course and sometimes I use double fingers, they can be such little fuckers…

MommaKiss 4 years ago

I’m a big fan of swearing. I am. And if it happens out loud and the kids hear it, I tell them it’s a bad word and I earned the right to say it because I’m old and birthed babies, but they aren’t allowed to.

heather clark 4 years ago

i got in trouble several years ago when my son told his teacher he didn’t have his homework because he had a blonde moment.

Rusti 4 years ago

also – one evening after grocery shopping we arrived home cranky (hunger does that to us) and hubs asked for my keys – where his were, I don’t know – I asked and he said “quit your bitching and just give them to me” so I replied with “you’re a bitch” and promptly from our 2.5yo sitting in the back seat I heard “Papa bich, Momma? Papa bich?” (which she of course repeated about 7 or 8 times before moving on to something else) I could do nothing but try to muffle my laughter… *sigh* still makes me chuckle :)

heather clark 4 years ago

one time my daughter started to cry and sputtered “my mommy is lewis black”…….

heather clark 4 years ago

anyone that freaks about your post obviously paid someone else to raise their kids. i remember some days when the kids were little i would sit outside the front door of my apartment (i was a single mom 14 yrs) with my fingers in my ears mumbling over & over “ilovemychildrenilovemychildrenilovemychildren” for 10 minutes at a time so i wouldn’t scream and whack the shit out of them when i went back inside. i would sometimes have visions of me smacking their heads together like the 3 stooges. moms are human, too. we ALSO have breaking points, and get tired of taking crap. our precious and sweet angel babies can sometimes be unreasonable little shits. it gets old. it sucks when you come home from work and someone has used ranch dressing for body lotion and the babysitter was on the damn phone. or they become teenagers and try to dye their hair with red kool-aid and it looks like a slaughterhouse in the livingroom/bathroom/bedroom/kitchen/YOUR bedroom/YOUR bathroom. bad words in a language they aren’t likely to pick up is helpful. i live in texas, so spanish is OUT. crosseur de ostie (flaming asshole)! motherspelunker! what a charliefoxtrot (clusterf*ck)! where the rasafrackin’ hell is the spotshot? get the goddamn peanut butter off the kitty!

Rusti 4 years ago

BWAHAHAHAHA!! love that! :)

Rusti 4 years ago

thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing :) this cracked me up – and I’ve had similar thoughts on occasion during terrible two temper tantrums… looking at the number of comments you have, I’m guessing you’re in no-way alone in this 😉

Ann 4 years ago

I’m a BIG fan of “under the breath.”

Lisa 4 years ago

Jill.. I totally love you. Just saying!

P.S. I think they seem like an asshole also.

liz 4 years ago

Oh, I most definitely *think* these things in my head. Though I’m kinda of surprised how freakishly well I’ve adapted to spewing lines like, “God Bless America” in place of what I’m thinking. :)

ReluctantMomma 4 years ago

This is just confirms, once again, that here with SM I am in the company of friends:)

I swear, A LOT. Recently my potty mouth prompted my 6 year old to say to me, “Mom, when you use bad words it makes me be a bad kid.”

To this I replied, “Actually I am helping you develop your decision making skills. If swearing is “bad” and you shouldn’t do it…don’t swear.”

Don’t worry, I have already started accounts for the $$$$$ therapy that all of my children will SURELY need to become “normal.”

Thanks for this great post:)

Stacy 4 years ago

I do this all the time and my kids aren’t even near being teenagers yet! Can’t imagine what I will say (internally) when they are! Honestly I really think that anyone who says they don’t either never curses to begins with, or is a liar. There is NOTHING wrong with venting in your own head!

Rae 4 years ago

This response is why I come here. You are so honest. I love this post by the way. I do this, and often!

Unvarnished Mom 4 years ago

Having been a teenager and now being the mother of teenagers, I am fairly certain that no matter how often or virulently I curse them in my head, they are doing it right back at me–and probably with new epithets I wouldn’t even understand.

Yasmin @ alittlelessfluff 4 years ago

I curse my twins in my head daily.
And im talking about those four letter words. The nasty ones. I firmly believe it makes me sane.
If I think it in my head then it wont have to come out accidentally while I am screaming at them in my fish wife voice!
Thanks for this post.

Julie 4 years ago

I decided to give this theory a try today. The results: I was a nicer mom and didn’t even drop a swear word outloud all day! Where have you been all my life, scary mommy? I believe you are on to something here…

Julie 4 years ago

By FAR my favorite comment!

Miss squiggles 4 years ago

I don’t have kids, but i saw this via another site and I just had to read it! (sorry, i’m a compulsive link clicker!). But i have to share these anecdotes because i know there are some here that will find the humor in them, as the best humor comes from truth. My best friend is a good person and a very good parent (can’t stress that enough) especially given her situation with 3 kids and a grandchild (all under the same roof at one point!) I assisted in “raising” my best friend and former roommate’s 13 year old, and my roommate’s granddaughter, (her 21 yo’s child, not the 13 yo’s! Lol) and we cussed out loud and in front of them ALL THE TIME! Roomie had a cat named Fucker. 13 yo hated swearing and she hated the cat’s name, so she called her Cheeseburger (not a creative child…but it was funny to us. Oh, we called the cat Fucker because she was the most irritating cat in the world.) 13 yo was called a dumbass, dumbfuck, smartass, rere, shit head, dumb shit, etc, almost daily. These were terms of love and endearment in our house. When we called her by her given name, she knew something was wrong. The baby is a affectionately called a little shit especially now that she is walking and talking and for the most part getting into EVERYTHING. But, the kids know that their mom/grandma loves them, and if she censored herself, then she just wouldn’t be who she is.
I was raised in a house where every cuss word except fuck was used. My mom hates that word. I can count on 1 hand the times i’ve heard her say it in my 26 years on earth. My mom said shit all the time. Well, actually, she sait “chit”. My little sister’s first words? A very clear and hearty “CHIT!” when she dropped her oreo. I was 8 or 9 at the time and i remember my mother say “well, chit! I mean, dammit! I mean, I have got to stop cussing!” My dad almost pissed himself. As was the trend in the 90’s i said “Ummmmm! I’m telling!” to which my mother said something like, “who? We’re all here!” I will never forget that day. Ever.
My point is, adults swear. A lot. And 9 times out of 10, especially if you send your child to public school, your kids are gonna hear it anyways. Isn’t it better that they hear it from you, and know what is being said, than having that weird conversation trying to explain what that other kid meant when they called your kid a shit head or a fucker? And what would be more satisfying than your kid giving little Billy on the playground an impromptu english lesson when they try to cuss at your kid, and get it all wrong? (another 13 yo moment at my house. Her mom and I were rolling. I’m a grammar nazi and so is her mom. That is an awesome kid.)
So, scary mommy, you rock for this article, because i know a whole hell of a lot of moms that swear out loud in front of their kids and are going to LOVE this article when i show it to them!

Sarah 4 years ago

Aren’t kids just fucking hilarious?

Crystal 4 years ago

Never told the kids to eff off, but I did once shout at my then toddler to stop being such an asshole. Does that count?

maddie 4 years ago

I think you should set the tune to the Barney song. No mommy could ever not laugh every time they heard the melody.

Nina 4 years ago

OOOOOH, I LOVE when you get controversial. Had fun reading the comments. Love the post!

Jessica Martini 4 years ago

LOL!

Meggan 4 years ago

Well excuse me for the typo! I do know the difference between all the your-you’re and the there-their-they’re’s but sometimes I am taking care of my kids while typing and don’t take the time to double check. I don’t think someone is going to run through the supermarket naked just because they’re (see correct usageA) thinking it, swearing is a little easier and more socially acceptable though. The only reason I made the comment is because I thought bad words at my husband for a while and then they all came spilling out one day. I am more careful now. Just a thought…

diane 4 years ago

I absolutely LOVE this post!
I am one of those moms that lets it fly – damn and shit are my two favorite words … if I drop the F bomb in front of my kids it means, mommy is really serious and you’d do best to filter anything else that might come tumbling out of your mouth. I will say, I don’t cuss in front of other people’s children (I may have slipped a time or two, but for the most part I’m good)
I can see the reason for mixed feelings on the issue tho. my mom? does not cuss, in fact “oh swearword” was a favorite saying growing up. my dad? full of colorful words, tho nothing more than shit, damn or jesus christ (coming from the man who went to seminary) was ever used in front of us til we hit the teenage years.
for me? cussing is not angry, or frustrated, or happy, or sad – and yet it is all of those things. some people feel better when they throw something, punch a pillow, or maybe even get down on their knees and pray … I feel I better express myself with a hell yeah, fuck no, or holy bat shit.
kids are gonna hear it, at school, in someone else’s house, in public, somewhere. it’s just another word as far as I’m concerned, and I teach my kids that it isn’t appropriate in some places or around some people. there is a time and place for it and they need to respect that. they get it, and they watch their mouths.

and in all honesty?? the parents who don’t cuss at home? (the ones I have in my life, anyway) I’ve heard their kids in my house when they didn’t know I was passing by the room and they swear like sailors!! even my own children, who hear it often, are shocked at the use of four letter words from those kids.

Corine ComplicatedMama 4 years ago

I love the sing-song “shut the fuck up my dear” lol Im totally singing that in my head tomorrow. In fact I think I’ll go practice the tune now.

mommygem 4 years ago

Everyday, before getting up I recite a lil prayer “God, please bless me with more patience today,please,please..” but the moment my kids wake up, crying over nothing, fighting so early in the morning and screamimg for something I don’t understand I know God forgets to grant my prayer again and then the cursing under my breath and inside my head starts. My husband also gets a lot of these too when he’s acting like a child during weekends. Sigh!

Lena 4 years ago

JG-Truthfully, I am just not one to really curse! I understand being frustrated, I REALLY do. I don’t know, maybe it is how I was brought up or maybe it’s just where I live, but cursing is reserved for the worst of the worse. I know that can vary from region to region or even person to person, fine. But to curse your children and seem almost proud about it? I guess that’s the part I truly do not comprehend. It’s one thing to curse, but to seem PROUD about it?
And thank you for being one of the more polite people on here.

Jenny 4 years ago

I love your honesty. This made me laugh!
I am guilty of swearing out loud, but will now try to put this concept of yours into practice. Unlike some who’ve commented, my relationship with God has not completely erased my propensity to cuss. However, my children think being called “little shit” is hilarious… because I use it as an unlikely term of endearment, strange as that sounds =)

Nicole DeZarn 4 years ago

Oh my goodness, yes I do this!!! I have actually written rhyming dirty poetry for my sweet minions. Like you, I don’t say it aloud, at least not to them. As for those criticizing you, get ready for it, they’re gonna love me. I have four kids, 9, 6, 4, 3. The bottom 3 are adopted and have special needs. Needless to say, cursing occasions occur on a very regular basis. Now, to all you bleeding hearts who are hating me as you read this I say, “I love my kids more than my next breath. They get the best I have every day of their lives. So, if I wanna sing, “I’m in the shower and you’re in bed, if you come in here, you’re fucking dead” quietly as the tension runs off me and down the drain, call me when you’ve walked a day in my shoes!

Lauren 4 years ago

I have thought this while in church. And I haven’t been smote. (yet)

Lauren 4 years ago

This is so me. Every day. Glad you shared! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there.

Theresa 4 years ago

Awesome. I think this is an amazing coping mechanism. When I feel like flipping out on my kids I imagine flipping the fuck out and what would happen. Then I drink wine.

Kim at Let Me Start By Saying 4 years ago

I do this all the time. I changed the words to Cee Lo’s song, and aimed it towards my kids (you saw that, right?). I flip them off behind their backs.
either I get it out silently and laugh about it, or I boil over.
I’d rather curse in my head, laugh and move on.

Love 4 years ago

Ummmm. You mean I’m not s’pose to say that stuff out loud? Well, fuck!

kellyjean9 4 years ago

I read the post, Ive read a lot of the comments. No one is perfect and for those ladies who disagree with the idea of cursing in your head or out loud or in any form, great! You are totally entitled to YOUR opinion.

I wont say you are wrong, and I sure dont need you to tell me IM wrong for having done all the things posted here, and probably a few Im embarrassed to admit to.

Getting frustrated and popping off a few four-letter-friend-getters doesnt make any one of us bad parents, nor does it mean we dont love our children. Hell if we didnt care about our kids, we wouldnt get so upset at their behavior that we felt the need to curse.

I am not overly religious but I bet even I could find several passages that state that is not our place to judge others; so while you may not approve, please quit judging us, our parenting tactics and our unending love for our children.

Love 4 years ago

I heard about that on the radio! I can relate. Somehow, stubbing your toe for the fourth goddam time on the same fucking toy laying in the same fucking place after the 11th fucking time telling them to pick the shit UP … well, it just makes it hurt less. Doesn’t it?

Kimberly 4 years ago

Tee hee hee.

Ludicrous Mama 4 years ago

I agree a little with what Megan said up at the top, in that by thinking negative things, you are kind of affecting your overall attitude about the people you love. But I only say this because I know from personal experience that the OPPOSITE is true. I read somewhere about ‘spinning’ their negative behaviors into positives in your head, and tried it in my own life. Since most child-like behaviors, if honed properly, are actually ASSETS as adults. Stubborn? So, they stick to their guns? Stand up for what they believe in? Don’t give up on their dreams? See? Positive spin. So instead of screeching at my daughter to stop whining, I take a deep breath and tell her how much I love that she’s using her words. Then, when she’s disarmed from shock, I remind her that she needs to use her nice voice, or she can go to her room until her nice voice is ready. And I actually find I have more patience, and instead of being angry or resentful over her behavior, I’m pleased that someday these might be assets. It’s hard to remember this, but children DO act their ages. The brain isn’t fully developed until their mid-20s, and while it may SEEM that they’re doing things just to fuck up your day, even if they’re old enough to know better, for some, fucking up your day is where they’re at in their developmental phases! :)
I personally have no problems with cuss words, and use them regularly at home. I try and cut down in front of the kid, because I don’t want her to be “that kid” who isn’t invited to other people’s houses. But for me, it’s not the WORD that’s bad, but the lack of control in saying it. If you substitute ‘softer’ words, you’ve still lost control and failed to better express yourself. This isn’t a judgement here, though. Like I said, I cuss like a trucker. But I accept that I cuss due to a lack of control and ability to calm down and express myself better. And a conscious choice not to bother trying. But slamming on my brakes and shouting “FUDGE!” isn’t any better than cussing, in my book. Just makes me (and my child) more socially acceptable. :)

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

I can’t wait to meet you next week!!

Kimberly 4 years ago

Same thing here. Using a happy voice often calmed them down. And venting through a cheerful-sounding song helped me feel better about the situation. That was how I got through colic.

Karen (SubMommy) 4 years ago

What I say in my head is “Calm the F* down!”

If it relieves your stress, if it gives you a second of grown-up time, even if it’s in your head, then so be it. Raising kids is hard.

buffi 4 years ago

I am thankful for my kids every single moment. But sometimes they are assholes. And I tell them so. *ON THE INSIDE* Nobody gets hurt and I don’t have to refill my Xanax nearly as often.

But I am so thankful that there are absolutely perfect parents in this world like you so that we will always have someone to judge us. Tell me. Do you let your children get close to heat sources? Because it seems like the plastic they are made of would probably melt if you do…..I mean that’s the only logical explanation as to why you never, ever get angry enough with them to speak crosswise with them, even in your head.

Kimberly 4 years ago

This was going to be my response. You beat me to it!

buffi 4 years ago

I think I read your comment as a criticism than as a confirmation. Sorry. I think we were on the same page. Go Amanda!

probablynerdy 4 years ago

Oh people do this in their head? What a novel idea. Last week I told my ten year old to “stop being a dick.” I was mortified as soon as the words left my mouth, but I wanted to make sure he understood that his behavior was unacceptable. So, I followed that statement with. “I should not have said that in that way. That was rude of me, and I should not have used that term; however you need to think about how you’re talking to me. What I should have said was stop acting like a brat.” He said, “You need to think about how you’re talking to me.” The kid is a dick sometimes.

Jennifer 4 years ago

If I kiss you on the lips when I see you at BlogHer it will be because of this post. And because I’m really, really drunk.

(I promise I won’t kiss you on the lips. Please don’t run screaming in the other direction when you see me.)

Elaine Grant 4 years ago

OMG just spit my coffee on the puter!!! Fucking AWESOME!!! Love this post and the responses..Scarey Mommy Rocks!!

tracy 4 years ago

Such an honest post. I love you. And while I do say fuck under my breath MUCH more when it concerns my husband..because OMG men!!! – I do find myself daily silently asking my two year old “now what could be the fucking problem now” as she throws herself onto the floor for the 750th time.

xoxo

Bevin 4 years ago

I fuckin love you. 😉

WTH am I Doing 4 years ago

Ok. So, to deal with the God issue…God created everything, correct? Our ability to speak? Communication? Yep. And? He created fucking. In all parts of speech. God knows your heart. That’s all that fucking matters.

My heart? Is to teach my kids right from wrong. How to be polite and respectful. How to think of others. How to help others. That they are loved more than life itself.

…and that some words are grown up words.

…and that sometimes they are behaving like douche bags and need to do what I have fucking asked them to do 6 fucking times. Now.

Fearless 4 years ago

Mythbusters did an episode that showed through an experiment that humans can withstand pain for a longer amount of time while yelling obscenities than non-curse words (fuck vs fudge) so maybe it also works with emotions hahha

I do it too, and I am a thankful,dedicated,hard working, fun wonderful mom who loves her dd more than anything and will do everything so she can have the best life she can. But when she is screeching in my eat and freaking out because she doesn’t want to go to bed then ya, I say in my head “shut the fuck up”. I wad raised in am environment where swearing wasn’t associated with disrespect or negativity, it was just loosely used to express extreme frustration. so when I think it in my head, my intentions aren’t malicious or hurtful, they’re just expressing my frustration. I think the positive energy/ love and all that stuff truly corms from your intention and not the exact words u use.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Drunk playdate? I’m there!

JG 4 years ago

Lena,
Let’s see this for what it is…..a blog post that clearly many women can relate to. It is meant to be funny. If you do not find it funny, change the station. Obviously, a blog called “Scary Mommy” is not going to be angelic and sweet. Of course we all know or have read of mothers who have lost their children, and we cannot imagine anything worse. It is unfair of you to suggest that any of us are not thankful for our children. We are, however, human. If your children have not driven you to the brink, then perhaps a teacher from school, a professor in college, a neighbor, dog, or cat has. You know the feeling. You cannot say you do not. We all have been dealt a different hand. I have a special needs child who is so troubled, and it is no one’s fault. I also have a teenager who acts like a teenager. I cry some days, curse on others, and take sleeping pills some nights. But never ever suggest for a moment that I do not love my children with every ounce of my being. As someone wrote above, this is not about God or religion. This is a human issue, a mother’s issue. If you want to say “Holy Toledo” or “Holy Shit” when your child throws a shoe at you (but of course, your child would never do such things now would he/she?), that is your decision. Saying one or the other does not make someone a good or bad mother. There is absolutely no way you can get through raising children without a curse word running through your head. Be real!

Arnebya 4 years ago

I guess what I don’t get is the judgment. You came here, you read the post, you disagreed. Move on. How does name calling make you a better/different kind of person? Oh, I see; you don’t think what you just said was wrong. B/c you’re better…what? Parent? Person? Kiss my ass. What works for some may not work for others (have a look at spanking, tv, food choices, time-out, leashes). Take your judgy mcjudging negativepants ass on.

Tracy 4 years ago

Ooof. You are so not invited to a drunk playdate at my home. Not ever. Buzzkill.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

I truly think I’d be a drug addict or lush if I didn’t do things like this. I think my children will someday agree that this is a far better solution.

Marie 4 years ago

GUFFAW!

Alison@Mama Wants This 4 years ago

Swearing is healthy, screw everyone else who says otherwise. Better than smashing shit up I say.

I swear ALL THE TIME in my head. I’ve also been known to roll my eyes while doing it, so soon, my son will be old enough to catch onto what I’m saying to him in my mind. I’ll still do it though.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

LOL. Now that is a God I can worship.

Tracy 4 years ago

HAHA!! I totally did the same thing, but in the sweetest little sing-songy voice, of course.

nic @mybottlesup 4 years ago

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! if i had a nickel…

Evin Cooper 4 years ago

BTW to all the people bringing God into this, I’m sure God (Our Father) is looking down and thinking “Jesus. Fucking Douchebags.”

Tracy 4 years ago

Everyone has their own methods of releasing tension: be it a glass of wine, a curse under their breath or a good f*ck. It doesn’t make anybody a lesser parent.

Evin Cooper 4 years ago

Whomever invented texting had to be a mother. I can smile sweetly at my children while texting their father saying “I’m going to kill these fucking bastards spawned from your demon seed… I’m going to burn the house down.” etc… he knows I’m just venting, and they don’t know a thing.

“Effing” is a big word in my house. As in “If you don’t stop hitting your sister with that effing light saber, I’m going to melt it down and make homework out of it!”

Not a Perfect Mom 4 years ago

Wow…I didn’t know we were still talking about that…haven’t there been many more bloggers to hate since?

Not a Perfect Mom 4 years ago

really? over this? by admitting you don’t swear out loud at your kids? Holier than thou parents get under my skin…

nic @mybottlesup 4 years ago

dammit to fuck, jill. can you just stop writing such a fucking honest blog and fucking let the sunshine and shitty rainbows fall with unicorn tears? because that is really all it is motherfucking about.

Tracy 4 years ago

*Like*

teejcee 4 years ago

I just cuss my kids right to their face, I have two teenagers and I don’t hold back one single bit, they get an attitude with me and start their shit I just tell them both to go drink a steaming hot cup of shut the fuck up!

You rock Scary Mommy! Fuck the haters!

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

It really is quite catchy!

Not a Perfect Mom 4 years ago

that’s so true! my three year old couldn’t get her seat belt buckled and came out with a goddammit! this buckle sucks!
I just laughed and laughed

Michelle 4 years ago

I blaspheme under my breath, all the damn time. My go-to is “Jesus H Christ Bananas.” I also invent other crafty, colorful blasphemous terms for those instances when Boy Child has just thrown his forty-seventh tantrum of the day. Apparently, though, my daughter pays slightly too much attention to what I mutter, because she can hella imitate me when she wants something done her way.

For those of you who don’t curse at/under your breath/in your head. Congratulations. You’re brilliant, and you’ve clearly mastered what the rest of us have not. Congrat-u-fucking-lations. Clearly you don’t have a child who has behavioral issues, who has for the past six goddamn hours thrown a temper tantrum of epic proportions. Clearly you don’t understand what it’s like to be at your wit’s end trying to figure out what the goddamn matter is. Clearly life is peachy, and spectacular, and I have a whole lot to learn from you about inner peace and clarity, etc, etc, bullshetc. (And that’s pronounced bull-shitcetera, if you’re curious).

Give me a fucking break.

Scary Mommy – You. You, I love.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Oh, yes, I was told that I was disgraceful all over twitter today. Score!

Loralee 4 years ago

Right?

Maybe it will tell me where my freaking keys are…

😉

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Of course!

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Yes, totally. Works the same magical way with spouses.

Aj 4 years ago

I recommend you practice the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ in your head so you can execute it for real.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

That works wonders, too, but I prefer to see the face of the child I am telling off. More satisfying that way.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Snort. Who says the internet has a short memory?

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Is that how it works? So, eventually I’ll rip off my clothes and run through the supermarket or ram into cyclists? Because I imagine doing both quite often.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Exactly! It IS fun and harmless and has nothing to do with God in the least. How the hell did he get dragged into this post?

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Perfect!

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

I’m not a miserable mother in the least.

P.S. You seem like an asshole.

Amy I. Bloom 4 years ago

What a mean thing to say. We’re all doing our best. Cursing doesn’t make someone less thankful for life, or the lives they care for each day. It’s just an outlet, an expression. And frankly, it makes for a really funny blog post, which is what ScaryMommy is all about. I hope you can use your “thankful for every moment” philosophy the next time you want to pass judgement.

Amy I. Bloom 4 years ago

How did such a candid and funny post cause so much controversy?! Everyone expresses themselves differently. It’s got nothing to do with being unhappy or unable to cope. It certainly has nothing to do with faith, spirituality, or religion. Some of us like words, and we use them to express ourselves – the good, bad, and the ugly.

GunDiva 4 years ago

You know, Dear Abby, years and years ago said that it was okay to yell at other cars on the road as long as your windows are rolled up. Her theory was that it satisfied the need to get it off of your chest without harming anyone. I’m thinking this is the same thing.

Lauren 4 years ago

OMG….Lovelovelove this! Let me just say that if my children ever learn read lips I am so fucked ;p

Cursing out loud happens…suck it up and apologize to your kids when it happens and explain yourself. Your kids need to know you are human not a perfect robot….
And little shit is an endearment in my house!! Totally <3 your blog…

Lena 4 years ago

Wow. You seem like an absolutely miserable mother. I definitely get frustrated, but I have never cursed my kids, even in my head. I have seen too many women who have lost their children to not be thankful for every moment, even the ones that make me want to scream.

Amanda 4 years ago

*laughing hysterically*

christine 4 years ago

Yah I do the same thing, and also to the customers I serve each and every day at the bank, like “if you weren’t so fucking drunk you’d know what you just withdrew from your account yesterday.” I think it then smile politely and tell her her balance.

MamaRobinJ 4 years ago

I don’t do this. Nope. Not ever.

Whatever keeps us sane, right?

Kelly 4 years ago

Oh, hell yeah, Scary Mommy. Not only do I do it in my head and under my breath, I *may* have let a few rip at the top of my lungs. This isn’t a question about God, love or anything…other than SANITY. Two kids on the spectrum and a teen daughter. Shit. Somedays, I am just proud that I don’t reach for the alcohol until AFTER they go to bed.

Julie 4 years ago

A+ on this post. To everyone who is bringing God into the equation, I’m here to tell you that I love God and I love my children. But I also love swearing in my head. It’s really quite fun. You’re totally missing out if you’ve never done it.

Meggan 4 years ago

The only problem is that if you do something in your head long enough, your bound to do it for real.

Chunky Mama 4 years ago

I have said all of these things in my head, and under my breath, about a million and a half times. And Hell yes, they deserved it.

Aimtomissbehave 4 years ago

I am smiling at this post because I know there have been times when I had to will my mouth not to say what am thinking arrrggghhh especially when the children are talking too much :)

dakotapam 4 years ago

I swear in my head a lot. It keeps me from exploding.

Devan @ Accustomed Chaos 4 years ago

i am so there with you – as a mom of 3 kids (2.5, 4.5 , 5.5) i have my days where swearing in my head is all i can do to cope .. its not my *kids* but their behavior .. which is hard to decipher the difference some days .

Devan @ Accustomed Chaos 4 years ago

hahaha!

Natalie 4 years ago

I’m with you… I’m a fan of the four letter words and say them in my head often, though I’ve been known to use “are you fucking kidding me” out loud 😉

Alicia 4 years ago

I love and whole heartedly support this! It’s fucking hilarious and those who don’t agree ARE liars! I’ve been telling it like it is for all the years of my wonderful little assholes lives! It’s nice to hear my thoughts from someone else! Fucking great!

monstergirlee 4 years ago

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said (under my breath) “Oh my god shut the fuck up now please” to my children.
Sometimes, that’s all I need to move forward in a more constructive way.

Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation 4 years ago

I think you probably already know that:
#1 I love this post
#2 I swear at my kids under my breath/in my head all the time
#3 They so fucking deserve it

Amanda 4 years ago

Nope not advocating. Not in denial, either. Have my children overheard me calling someone a fucker? Obviously. And I am able to see the humor in my 3yo appropriately calling a spade a spade. I think the point of the post may also be that we are all human and make mistakes. And I for one am a big enough person to admit my mistakes and take humor (and teachable life moments) as they come.

Loralee 4 years ago

Jesus, let it go already. That was so six months ago.

Linda 4 years ago

Why is it funny to mentally hurl vulgarities at your kids, but not funny to mentally mock the obese on scooters at disneyworld?

Leighann 4 years ago

Great post and so accurate!
There is no way a mother isn’t cussing her kids out in her head, it’s impossible.
Or, she’s not human.
Hmmmm.

buffi 4 years ago

I think the point (of the post anyway) is that we say these things IN OUR HEADS and not out loud. That way our 3y/o isn’t cursing the 6y/o in the middle of the neighborhood. Get a grip. Nobody is advocating cursing lessons for preschoolers here.

Amanda 4 years ago

So help me out here-is the lock on the laundry room door reversed? Because my heathens (atleast 3 out of 4) LOVE to follow me as they are irritating the heck out of me. More bang for their buck, I guess. So there is no escapig them! A reverse lock is my only hope 😉

WorldsWorstMoms 4 years ago

I’ll see your “cussing in your head” and raise you a “go into the laundry room, shut the door, say it all out loud, and step back out, much happier and significantly more composed.”

Great piece. It would be good if some of the people on FB actually read it before they commented because there’s a lot more to it.

Lindsay 4 years ago

I absolutely do this – everyday!! I applaud you for finding the humor that comes along with admitting, publishing and condoning it. Right now, I’m actually thinking “Leave me the F#@& alone so I can comment on this amazing blog post!”

Cheryl M. 4 years ago

I totally do that, I’ve even been known to whisper chains of four-letter-words at the ceiling when I hear noises from children who are supposed to be asleep, lol. If hubby had any idea how often I chew him and our son a new ass in my head, I’d never hear the end of it because I’m constantly threatening to bash him in the head with a cast iron frying pan if he doesn’t curb his f-bombs!

Amanda 4 years ago

And really, is there anything more hilarious than over hearing the 3 year old (and family baby) say to the 6 year old up the street who tripped him on purpose, ‘You Fucker!’ before said 3 year olds older brother could jump to his defense. Well said baby, well said!

Cameron Long-Tel 4 years ago

I am actually journaling (is that a word?) about my conversations with the 7 year old. I should take all of your stories to make a compilation.

Cameron Long-Tel 4 years ago

I love it. I have 4 kids also; 7, 2, 11 month twins ALL BOYS…and cursing is truly the only way to keep my noodles in tact- oh, that and a very stiff Greyhound at 1:15 p.m.

Denise 4 years ago

Bless your heart for rearing four children, and doing your public service of indoctrinating them to the world of not-so-nice words!

Denise 4 years ago

Love it! I read this “conversation” to my 7 y/o daughter. She thought it was funny since, as I said above, she’s my Jiminy Cricket!

readinrobin 4 years ago

That is hilarious! You’re raising a kid who will grow up to have a good sense of humor!

And that just reminded me of my daughter posting on Twitter about me a couple of years ago that “curse words flow from her mouth like water from a fountain”.

Sherilyn 4 years ago

Oh yeah! If my husband had any idea what I say to him in my head when he is talking to me, he would leave me.

Barefoot Liz 4 years ago

As long as you have a sickly sweet smile on your face while filling up your speech bubble. Sure, feel free to jerk your head side to side to emphasize those really bad thoughts/swears. It will complete the whole experience.

Chris 4 years ago

I swear like a trucker. My kids are kind, compassionate, loving, engaged… sometimes even polite. I love the *people* they are becoming, and am proud to be sending them out into the world with what I’ve given them. Yes, even the four-letter word vocabulary.

Amanda 4 years ago

I like to look at it as a type of public service I am doing for society who will have to deal with my 4 children. Bc they are learning at home that yes, they do make people angry and it’s ok! No, they aren these perfect little beings who can do no wrong! It’s ok to be wonderfully imperfect! And we can get mad and say things that are not nice and that we don’t mean. Because then we learn how to apologize. And guess what? Do I have children who have had a curse word hurled in their direction? Yep! Has my teenage daughter been cursed at? Yep! Are my children ridiculously well adjusted kids who’s world doesn’t end bc a friend gets mad or isn’t being nice to them, because they KNOW that it’s normal and their friends will get over it? Even yesser! And to those perfect parents out there who don’t even think anything remotely negative when their demon spawn are screaming in the grocery store, all I have to say is ‘Bless your heart!’

Jules 4 years ago

Seriously. You crack me the fuck up!

SaucyB 4 years ago

Oh thank god I’m not the only one. There have been many times when I was frustrated i would call my husband on the phone at work and tell him “your son is being a dick.”
It’s not that he could do anything about it, but just getting it off my chest and saying it out loud to another adult helped me blow off steam so I did not say to my kid, “hey you’re being a dick” lol

Cameron Long-Tel 4 years ago

My 7 year old and I were listening to some old school hip hop and the “f-bomb” was dropped. I said, “oh shit, sorry didn’t mean to have you listen to the unedited version”. Him: “That’s okay, I am used to it, you say it all of the time”. Me: “wow, I didn’t realize you hear it”. Him: “Yeah, when you drop a bottle, or the twins are screaming at the same time, or you miss a phone call, it’s totally okay”. Me: “You are right, I need to think of something creative to replace that ugly word; like pickles, or boobies or something”. Him: “Really mom? You definitely are NOT a pickles kind of mom, keep saying “fuck”, it makes you who you are.” I laughed, and thought to myself I am SO happy he is mine…

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 4 years ago

This is simply incredible…thank you!

Bonnie 4 years ago

My middle one was three when someone cut me off in traffic. I said “Learn how to drive!” and from that carseat in the back I heard “Mommy you forgotted to say assho”. That’s the one and only time I have heard any of my kids swear. They hear them on occasion, and they understand those are grownup words, and it’s disrespectful for kids to use them. And if they didn’t ever hear them from our lips I can guarantee they’ll hear them somewhere. I swear in my head all the time.

Everyone has their way to deal. Some swear in their heads, some are on a cocktail of happy pills, some drink heavily at nap time, some cry daily, and some don’t do anything because they’re oh so perfect and holy. Those are the ones who end up having mental breakdowns eventually. :)

Craftwhack 4 years ago

I think that actually makes you a wonderful role model. Plus it’s fun to do and eases tension in your brain just a little bit when it’s the eighty hundredth time that day that you hear the whining.

buffi 4 years ago

Anyone who says that they haven’t cussed at their children in their heads is lying. At least to themselves. Maybe you DON’T ever say fuck or any other “curse” word in even in your head but you DO have words you say instead and you do get angry with your children. Either that or you are very heavily medicated, which is a different post entirely.

I pray. I pray a LOT. I am a sinner saved by grace but somehow I have not eliminated those words from my inner-vocabulary. But as someone has said before, my kids know that it’s okay to feel angry and to express it appropriately. And if they cuss me in their minds (and I’m certain they do – TEENAGERS), then so be it. I’d rather that than them being ashamed of their feelings and shoving them aside. That’s very unhealthy.

And OH, you don’t even want to know what I say to my lying, cheating ex-husband in my head…..

G. P. Freeman 4 years ago

I found your blog bc someone on Twitter retweeted with “wrong in so many ways…” (Great marketing!) Obviously I was intrigued… What I found did not disappoint. Your blog is hilarious! And this post is honest and fantastic. I’m not a parent yet, but trying, so I’ve been wondering does my mind/vocab suddenly clean itself up during pregnancy? Is this part of the miracle of birth? This was a happy finding! Would you mind if I link this post in one of my next blog posts? Let me know!

KMayer 4 years ago

Hey, they didn’t call me “Potty-mouth Kathy” for nothing. I earned the fucking title!

Karen 4 years ago

My husband and I use dark humor with each other often when dealing with our 5 children. When we know they can hear we say these same things to each other ‘I really wish she’d shut the fuck up etc’. Or when they’re in the other room having a complete meltdown we’ve been known to throw jokes out there like ‘I could kill him. Help me hide the body’ sounds completely horrible but when you both know neither are remotely serious it really takes the tension of a screaming toddler out of the air!!!
I think this is a coping method and if it works and your kids never hear it then I say go for it!!!

maria f 4 years ago

Thank you Scary Mommy.

Yes Yes Yes. I say it in my head and under my breath and once just once out loud.

I dont have angry issues. I have an extrovert where as Im an introvert. She has ADHD and sleep issues. Shes also strong willed, strong minded and very set in her ways at 5.
Im not a perfect parent who spends every waking second, kissing my childs ass, entertaining her, making sure shes eating organic, sugar and color free food. I spend my days, teaching her to express her self, believe in herself. In making good choices on her own and if there are bad choices (which there will be) that she suffers the consequences, Because thats what happens in the real world.

And some days after 8 hours of her talking and screaming, and throwing fits, and telling me how she thinks its going to be. If I tell her to STFU in my head, well its better then other things that could happen and does happen to kids who dont even deserve it.

My favorite book at the moment is GO the FUCK to Sleep.. I love this book, it reminds me of my DD every bloody night.

*being rant to all the asshats who think there perfect*

So please get off your high horses and deal you self righteous, plastic surgeon loving, barbie rip off, Burb living, SUV not need but driving Step Ford wife. Not everyone, is perfect like you. THANK the Goddess, the world would be such a boring place if it was.
*end Rant*

Jaci 4 years ago

I have said things like this in my head, but I’m not proud of it. I’m ashamed of it.

Thinking that means I’ve lost it. Unlike Jill, it isn’t a way for me to silently vent and stay in control–it’s fueling the fire and getting me more enraged.

Kmack 4 years ago

And THIS is why I love you!!

Laura Lohr | My Beautiful Life 4 years ago

I am more of the “not-so-silent” type as well.

“shutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutupshutupshutup.”

Yeah, at a whisper—sounds about right.

Denise 4 years ago

My 7 y/o child is my very own Jiminy Cricket! I curse, most frequently in the car at other drivers, but at other times, too. She’s even tried to give me substitutions for my colorful euphemisms (e.g., “Damn It” = Beaver’s house; “Hell” = Devil’s house; “Dumb ass” = Donkey’s butt; “f^ck” = she hasn’t found one for that yet, other than to scold me even more emphatically)!

Helen Neale 4 years ago

I am totally with you on this; I curse my kids in my head all the time – and even the ocassional “Shut-Up” has been known to slip out! If I didn’t the frustration at them refusing to put on their shoes at the fiftieth time of asking, or the fact I gave them dinner on a red place instead of an orange one, may all get a bit too much…

As long as we have outlets that don’t hurt them, or us, it seems a sensible way to parent. What stays in the head can do no-one any harm. And can, as you say, possibly diffuse things for you.

Excellent thought-provoking post.

Dana 4 years ago

I missed that part, too. I really need to work on using my filter better!

Samantha Agar 4 years ago

I called my four year-old an asshole this morning. Out loud.
I don’t think that’s okay; I lost my temper.
Most of the time though, I do exactly what you’re talking about. Tell them off in my head!
At the same time, I DO work to foster positive thinking, because feeling mean and angry towards my kids makes me feel like a bad person, which makes me act like less of the mom I really want to be.
Thank you for this post! It IS comforting to know that my inner cranky-bitch mom self is not alone.

Kristen 4 years ago

Maggie, I agree.My husband and I used those words when fighting, when my son was little, and he used to come up to us and say later, “THOSE ARE NOT NICE WORDS”…One day in 7th grade, his teacher said she heard him say the F word in class, and I knew she misheard him, because he was crying to me on the phone that he never used that word because it was bad. I wasn’t there so I didn’t hear what he said, but did believe that he didn’t use it because he wasn’t getting defensive (which usually means he knows he did wrong), he was upset. He’s 18 now and knows when and where the words are allowed (In music, and in anger)..He’s not the type to go around saying “f’ this, F’ that..” like a lot of kids do, so I think exposing them to it is good:)!

Kristen 4 years ago

Just wait until your 1.5 year old turns 15…trust me, I have an 18 yr old son, and I NEVER used to swear at him, until the day he swore at me first…he was about 15…Now when we are pissed and angry at each other, we swear at each other, get it out of our systems and get on with our relationship. I have taught him that swears are a form of expression, and yes, many people think they are bad horrible words, but they are just WORDS, the more you use them, the less volatile they become. We become desensitized to them.So one day, when my son hears someone say “Fuck you!” to him, he can walk away without feeling offended , defensive or hurt, because he has been allowed to use the word to express his emotions, whether in anger or when writing/singing his or others’ music.

Queen of Feisty 4 years ago

Fuck is my favorite word, it works for me. I say it in my head, and often times when they are out of the room I mumble it out loud.

I have NO problem saying it in front of them when need be. Like when I was in the grocery store and clear dropped a glass jar of cheese sauce straight down onto my foot, OMG. I scream “FUCK” SO loud. The kids? Pointed. Laughed. It released the stress of the pain, and the kids made me laugh.

Oh and I can BET my DH swears at me in his head hourly…

Feisty

Anthony from CharismaticKid 4 years ago

Ohhhh baby. Jill just imagine what kind of controversy you’re going to bring up from this one. It’ll be a twitter trending topic in no time.

readinrobin 4 years ago

I do curse directly at my kids. They’re adults now (18 and 20), they can handle it. And you know what? When I say something like “shut the fuck up” or “listen here, bitch”, my daughters LAUGH. They think it’s FUNNY.

And then we all end up laughing and it’s all good.

Rochelle 4 years ago

Oh wow. I’m surprised to know how many other people do this too! Hahaha. I do this all day every day at the moment. Hubby works away and I’m very pregnant. I’m sure my kids purposefully fuck with me to see just how much it will take to break me. Haha. It slips out of my mouth occasionally but they know I mean business when it does.
This had saved my sanity millions of times!

steph 4 years ago

There is a reason _Go the ____ to Sleep_ is on the bestseller list! I fuss at my hubs all the time for saying things out loud and it’s amazing what we come up with to curb cursing (“hecky shecky” and “oh, sugar” come to mind). As a southerner, I have to say that Miranda Lambert says it best, though: I don’t have to be hateful I can just say “bless your heart.”

Jenn 4 years ago

that made me laugh out loud!!

Carolyn 4 years ago

Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels like saying four-letter-words sometimes. A few f-bombs in my head, help me not to say them out loud and calm down. :)

Brittany 4 years ago

Yup. True story you’ve told. And I’ve said “Are you fucking kidding me?” to them directly many of times. I mean really they are going to cry over something minor I have to make a point to them it’s ridiculous.

Kate 4 years ago

They have to push me really far, but I’ve been known to drop some curse bombs on the young ‘uns too. I have to say, though – mothers-in-law do not find it amusing when 3 & 4 yr olds run around saying “god dammit you clean this mess up right now!” Oops. That was a very bad day. But guess what? They cleaned up their mess. Right. Fucking. Now. And didn’t make another one. There were no beatings. Just cursings. ANd I didn’t call THEM a curse word, just cursed with purpose to get them to actually listen to me. For a nice change of pace. Cursing is a powerful tool to encourage obedience. Don’t abuse the power (or the kids).

Sky 4 years ago

I fucking love you. I do.

Four letter words get me though the day. Yes, they do.

Kristi {at} Live and Love Out Loud 4 years ago

I have 4 children ranging in ages from toddler to teens. I need to curse in my head to survive.

Nicole 4 years ago

I must have missed that part in the book! My kids are fucked now. Damn it

liz margiotta 4 years ago

I can’t express enough, how right you are!

Nicole 4 years ago

I knew I wasn’t alone ladies, LOL I was feeling outnumbered by all of this self control! I feel like the “four letter household” I run gives my kids a sense of humor and they learn quickly that “mommy isn’t REALLY going to throw me in the dumpster” lol

Meg 4 years ago

Heather – I have had to have “the talk” with my son’s teacher because he accidentally drops something and says, “Damn it” or God forbid “Mother F—er” God help me! I try to be good, but it just doesn’t work out that way.

But it sounds so cute coming out of a tiny person!

Meg 4 years ago

Ha! Now I know I have the right website! I do this same thing all the time! I know it may be less than “perfect mommies” every where, but I am unapologetically imperfect. Love you!

Mia 4 years ago

Thank God someone else swears at their kids….either in their heads or under their breath. I do it all the time. Especially as I’m walking away from them….I’ll just whisper to myself “shut the fuck up” and somehow it makes me feel better:)

There is an awesome book out there someone wrote called “Just go the Fuck to sleep”…..I can’t remember who it is…..but it’s hilarious! More for adults than the kids obviously:)

Tracy 4 years ago

Crystal Honey, whatever you’re on I’ll take some, cos if you can be calm enough not to swear in your head the rest of us should clearly give up now cos you’ve got this motherhood thing licked! For the rest of us, including me, I have been known to find these words spilling from my head to my mouth and out into the room under extreme provocation. When this happens what my 6, 8 and 9 yr old know is a) they have pushed me too far and the best action is to shut the fuck up like they were asked to and b) they can trust my other emotional reactions to be honest as well, when I say “I love you” I mean it and when I say “I’m really fucking angry, just leave me alone for 5 mins” I also mean it!

Arnebya 4 years ago

I will have you know, Crystal, that I smile when I say fuck off or shut the fuck up. In fact, I’m smiling at you right now as I think the latter. Not one bit of hostility in my face or body language. Cursing doesn’t equate to anger all the time (fuck/hell yeah!)

Jeannie 4 years ago

Agreed

Natalie 4 years ago

Love this post!!
Besides, swearing in front of your kids only teaches them how to use such words correctly, right?
One day while driving, my cranky 4yr old was in the backseat rubbing his eyes when he whined, “Mommy, I’m bitchy.”

My heart swelled with pride that day!

Arnebya 4 years ago

Ha! That’s the about the age mine said their first swear too. I tend to cuss in the car, hence “stupid ass man” coming out of the middle girl. I usually do just do it in my head, though (or so I thought). About a week ago I asked my 10 yr old to find a scarf for her hair before going to bed. She couldn’t find it (although there are about 4!). I went to the room to help her but stopped as I saw her face, angrily rifling through her drawer, when she said “fucking ridiculous, I know I just had one.” I walked away. Sure, I could have used it as a teaching moment, but…um, evidently I’d already taught her something, no?

Momma*MK 4 years ago

4-letter words are a pervasive and constant part of our world. I do cuss at my kids, but rarely call them cuss words. Never, ever underestimate the power of a well-place f-word. It’s like magic. And I know my 14-yr old son cusses with his friends, but he knows not to say anything like that in front of me. It’s important for kids to know what type of language is acceptable in what company. I don’t say the f-word in front of my parents, and that’s the way it should be. My 10 and 5 yr olds know not to cuss in front of their parents. But if the parents are cussing at them, it’s fucking serious and they better straighten the fuck up. :O)

Momma*MK 4 years ago

Shut the fuck up.

amy 4 years ago

Whatever you’re taking I want some…
I don’t use this very effective coping mechanism on my children nearly as much as I do with my wonderful sometimes annoying husband and rude drivers…crystal, you should try it -really you should!!! :-)

Nix 4 years ago

As a full time nanny I totally <3 this post. Just sayin. 😀

Nicole @MTDLBlog 4 years ago

I do this in my head a lot more to my husband…..because he’s more frustrating than the kids at this point in the game. BUT, I have three girls, the drama will arrive and I’ll be flipping them the bird, I have no doubt. I think if I can have a sense of humor through the drama and the release of the occasional bird flipping behind the back, I’ll survive….better yet, THEY will survive the teen years.

Nix 4 years ago

Nicole- I do it too. My 4 year old has a terribly colorful vocabulary. BUT sometimes the ‘wittle wee sweetums” words will NOT do. I live the book go the F@^% to sleep on a daily basis. :-)

irishmama 4 years ago

Agree with all of you!! I have 6 kids…. 2 teen girls, one “tween” boy and 3 under 5 yrs old…. needless to say, I need to curse just to not go insane!!! lol

Nicole @MTDLBlog 4 years ago

That is awesome! LOL. That would be my luck.

Maggie 4 years ago

Yes! Also, out loud at times too. Shit, if he can’t take it from the one that loves him most, how the hell will he ever make it out there in the real world?! :) We have always been a four letter household. My son knew the concept of where, and in front of who, that it was acceptable. I never wanted him to feel that he had to hide stuff from me.

Christi 4 years ago

Oh boy, as I started reading, my mind began creating the comment I wanted to post about how outraged I was! But then I saw that it’s in your head and I realized, “hey, I do the same thing!” Silently cuss at your kids all you want! :-)

Www.notforpinkhats.com 4 years ago

My favorite was when they were crying infants and I was strolling around the house all night I would sing little songs about the fact if they didnt shut the fuck up I was gonna throw them out or feed them to the cat. Babies dont understand words so why not? It takes the edge off.

jen 4 years ago

LOL!! Especially when kids are in the room! :)

Tiffany @momnom 4 years ago

Wait…we’re not allowed to say that shit out loud?

That explains a LOT.

uh oh.

Get Real 4 years ago

Do you have kids? Yes? Then you’ve told them to shut the fuck up in your head at least once. If you’ve haven’t, you’re either a liar or you employ a full time Nanny that does it for you (and I promise if you do, she’s telling the kids and you to shut the fuck up.).

Plus, learning body language is a good thing for children. They need to learn what angry looks like. Because at home, angry is still safe. Mommy still loves you even though you are acting like a little bastard. Out in the real world, angry can get you fired, dumped, or worse. So let the little angels learn it at home before someone else teaches it to them.

Nannette Gilbert 4 years ago

Good grief. Are you ever angry at your children or do you suppress it all so that it comes out some other way?

Brindi 4 years ago

Amen, sister. I go down to the laundry room and mutter obscenities under my breath as I switch the laundry out. Some days I get lots of loads of laundry finished, I’m down there so much.

Nannette Gilbert 4 years ago

Just be careful not to actually let it slip. I called my then 13 year old son a dumbf**k loudly. Normally I just think stupid things like that. He so far hasn’t let me forget it and has told every friend that he has, because he thinks it is so funny. It was a bad day, but now I’m twice as careful not to say these things aloud.

Shawn 4 years ago

Got mom of the year for my 4 year old saying “are you fuckin kidding me?”. Yup… Right out of my mouth I’m sure! We’ve had to start calling him a juicebox to each other just to keep from calling him a douche bag… And I have been known to flip him off…

Jessie 4 years ago

LOL My favorite is “I’m going to beat your fucking ass if you don’t stop NOW!” Of course, there is no actual “beating” but it gets the point across! LOL

Jessie 4 years ago

And here I thought I was the only one out there secretly thinking “shut the fuck up!!” I agree with you post 100%!!! I love reading what you have to write!

Nicole 4 years ago

God, I’m glad I’m not the only one!!

mom2twins 4 years ago

Than you for this, this summer I’ve had the mouth of a truck driver when dealing with my children. In fact, I gave them the finger the other day (behind their backs of course). Try it, it’s theraputic!!

Diane Brown 4 years ago

Oh hell to the yeah, it’s a great & harmless coping mechanism & our kids are none the wiser. Plus it keeps me sane & free from anger/resentment buildup that is toxic to any family relationship. I hope people will take the time to read through the entire post before judging it’s validity. You go!! Scary Mommy!

Nicole 4 years ago

Yikes, I am one of those bad parents that actually say those things out loud!! Things like “For fuck’s sake would you two stop fighting!” Or “I’m gonna beat the shit out of you two, if you don’t stop fighting!” are just two examples of the plethora of fine language I teach my children. Shame on me! Actually, shame on them for being such fuckers!! LOL

Life with kaishon 4 years ago

Me too! All freakin’ day long.

Scargosun 4 years ago

I think you should put your swearing songs on iTunes. I bet they would make you a mint. :)

Crystal 4 years ago

Really? You really tell your kids to fuck off, even in your head? Our children can read our emotions and I guarentee that they can pick up on your hostility. You might want to look into getting some help with those anger issues.

Tara R. 4 years ago

I am so glad you said this. The word bubbles over my head are toxic. I have been known to call my son, out loud, a ‘little shit.’ Just so you know, the little guy is 18yo and six-foot tall… he can take it.

The Sweetest 4 years ago

I do this too, only mine is not completely silent, it’s more little a muttering. It’s aloud, but not very loud. It works best if I say it repeatedly, really fast, like “shutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutthefuckupshutupshutupshutup.”
Or something like that.

Joanie 4 years ago

I’m sure our kids curse us out in their heads far more often than we do it to them!

Joanie 4 years ago

When I was married, my husband caught me flipping him off. Oops! Haha!!

Heather 4 years ago

Yesterday, my 2.5 year-old couldn’t find her bear and said, “Son of a bitch.” I was going to nominate myself for Mother of the Year, but I’m glad to see I’m not the only one!

Kelly 4 years ago

It can be a daily thought, especially when hitting the teen years.

My friend got caught flipping the bird at her kid. The teen asked for something and when the answer was “no”, she rolled her eyes, flipped her hair and made a comment under her breath. She turned to walk down the hall and my friend just flipped her the bird with a look of “I am so sick of your attitude!”

Then her daughter said: “Mom! I can totally SEE your reflection in the screen door!!”

HAha. priceless.

Evonne 4 years ago

It’s a definite coping mechanism that I use quite often. Like this morning to my son- “I don’t know how to put your fucking race track together! Quit being a pain in my ass by asking over and over!”

Mychal B. 4 years ago

I’m so happy to see that I’m not the only one who does that. Thank you so much for sharing this!! Sometimes when I’m cursing my kids out (in my mind) I think I’ve got to be the worst mother ever since surely no one else does this. It’s such a relief to know that other moms do it too.

lceel 4 years ago

And WIVES. It works REALLY well on wives – given that I, for one, would never DARE to utter aloud that which wanders through my head, from time to time. But, sometimes, it’s those wanderers that keep me sane. It’s my ability to keep my mouth shut that keeps me married.

sweet_archangel 4 years ago

Good to see that I’m not alone on this too. Hell, I even do this with hubby sometimes. But it is a good way to mostly de-fuse and like Kim, I’d be in debt for eternity.

Kelli 4 years ago

People who disagree just need to get real. How can you not drop the f-bomb when you’re raising children? I’m with you Scary Mommy… let the mental bombs drop! It’s the only way to get through some days without having casualties and coping with a dreaded aftermath. Well that, and wine. I flip my whole family off daily. Husband included. Yo!

Arnebya 4 years ago

@jadedlou, that’s just what I was thinking! Hell, I cuss everybody out in my mind; why should the kids be spared? And in a true Scary Mommy Confessional way (except outside of the confessional so I’m being really brave here) I might even sneak in bitch or add on a punishment. For instance, in my head I may say, as my oldest is complaining about not being able to watch whichever Twilight is currently playing ad nauseum on HBO: “this bitch here”. Or, if the middle girl is whining that the oldest girl won’t let her use her colored pencils and the unfairness of it and you always take her side and I just want to draw a pretty picture for you and nobody listens to me, “if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m going to knee you in the throat”. Yes, it’s mean. And violent. And you’ll judge me. And perhaps want to call CPS on me b/c of my “thoughts.” But, it helps. Do you know how many arguments/meetings/discussions I’ve made it through by simply telling the person to kiss my entire ass…in my mind?

DC Urban Dad 4 years ago

I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. :)

Emma 4 years ago

Thank you for this post! I do this! Even have little ditty’s going on in my head to save me from losing it especially with the teenagers! Its a way of venting it without venting it if you know what I mean? So glad I’m not alone!

Kim | Not So Perfect Mom 4 years ago

So.freaking.true. If I said even a fraction of the things I say in my head, out loud, I’d be in debt to the swear jar until I’m 90. Luckily, I keep 98% of it in my head. And, luckily, we don’t actually have a swear jar. 😀

jadedlou 4 years ago

It works on Hubby’s too!

Jen 4 years ago

Now, I am sure that some people are not going to be a fan of this post but I think that I totally holds great truths.

I curse out my kids in my head and under my breath all the time. Like you said, its a way to cope and defuse the tension.

And I would much rather do that than totally lose it and do something that would be really wrong.