Taking Back My Phone

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

I’m not sure how it happened. Probably the side effect of being a third child, dragged to older siblings’ after school activities with nothing to do. Or, maybe it was eating at restaurants that beg for good behavior when the stars aligned for anything but. Or, the fact that his sister has an iTouch and his brother loves the computer and he was left with zero electronics of his very own. Or, that I just can’t resist those eyes.

Whatever the cause, we have a problem, and it’s gotten out of control: Evan seems to think my iPhone belongs to him…. and it doesn’t.

It’s not just the fact that I’ve never liked to share my toys… his use of my iPhone is coming between our relationship. My phone’s and my relationship, I mean. There was the time he used the phone as a flotation device for his preschool characters resulting in a $200 replacement. Or the time when he deleted a dozen e-mails in my inbox that I’m pretty sure I never retrieved and looked like an asshole never responding to. Or when he threw an epic temper tantrum because I dared use it to text back and forth with a friend in the middle of a hurricane. My phone is filled with more stupid kids’ apps than grown up ones and this time, I’m serious. I’m taking back my phone.

I’m not sure how I’m going to do this, exactly, and it’s not going to be pretty. I could go cold turkey and brace myself for days of tantrums until he gets over it, or I could gradually ween him off of his technology crack. I could try and be rational and explain to him why this has to be, or I could blame it on someone else (“The phone people made a new rule. They are for grown ups only now!”) Or, I could just delete all of the apps and play dumb. Maybe a combination of all of those..

Times are changing, Evan. I adore you, but the phone is my toy, dammit. And I’m done sharing.

Just don’t look at me with those eyes.

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