This MLM Has People Showing Their Teeth On Facebook, And It's Creepy AF

by Christine Burke
Originally Published: 

Over the years, I’ve sat not so quietly by as my friends have pushed stick on nail art, fancy house cleaning products, hand towels that cost more than my cable bill and prepackaged food. I’ve ignored invitations to make up parties, jewelry soirees and parties where I’m forced to buy monogrammed tote bags for hundreds of dollars.

I’ve seen it all and I have tried to be supportive when my friends tell me with a straight face that selling leggings will change their lives. And mine. Because we both know they are lying.

But, though I have tolerated the hard sales pitch and have quietly deleted more MLM party invitations than I can count I have to draw the line at the latest MLM sales trend.


People are showing me their janky ass teeth in order to sell me secret AF teeth whitening toothpaste and it needs to stop.

No one needs to see your crooked coffee stained teeth, ladies.

And, btw, a little Burt’s Bees on those lips wouldn’t be a bad idea if you are gonna take a close up of your dry as the Sahara lips. #PresentationIsEverything

Apparently, the MLM madness has oozed into the realm of toothpaste and teeth whitening.

Because of course it has.

You can be innocently scrolling your news feed and suddenly, the girl you sat next to in second grade is flashing a close up of her not so pearly whites with a caption that says something like, “My teeth are so white! Message me to find out how I did it!”

Okay, Karen. I’ll get right on that. Because my tube of Crest that cost me $2.27 at Target doesn’t do the trick. I mean, why would I trust the makers of Colgate and AquaFresh? Just because they have the backing of the American Dental Association and have been approved by the Food and Drug Administration doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try something new and potentially damaging on my teeth, right?

Listen, everyone needs to take several seats with these teeth pictures and this toothpaste scam, okay?

Not only can I practically smell the halitosis wafting from your IG picture there, Susan, but it needs to be said that toothpaste products like this can be especially abrasive and damaging to your enamel.

I mean, how else are your teeth supposed to become six shades whiter if these toothpaste peddlers don’t put toxic chemicals and harsh abrasives in their formulations? If you really believe that these toothpastes are safe, I have a fairy who collects old teeth that I’d love for you to meet.

A quick Google search of these toothpastes brings up a mouth dropping list of warnings and cautions from dentists with actual experience and expertise in the area of teeth.

One dentist, Dr. Don Doty, investigated one of the MLM brands of toothpaste and discussed his not-so-surprising findings.

In his YouTube video, Dr. Doty explains that these so called “miracle” toothpastes actually contain silica in their formulations. Silica is also known as sand, you guys. That’s right. Sand. In addition to silica, the toothpastes often contain alumina which is also an abrasive additive. Combined into a paste, these agents are basically like rubbing sandpaper on the delicate enamel of your teeth.

And, what’s worse? These abrasive toothpastes are essentially etching your tooth enamel away to reveal slightly whiter parts of your tooth, thereby making your teeth appear whiter than they are, much like an etched glass window. Over time, damaging your tooth enamel with these harmful toothpastes will not only lead to your tooth becoming more stain susceptible, but you could potentially permanently damage the enamel of your teeth.

That’s not a chance you should be willing to take with your teeth. And, any friend who flashes a mega watt smile and claims she knows best about dentition and tooth care should make you frown immediately.

Frankly, if your news feed on Facebook looks anything like mine, friends you haven’t spoken with for twenty years are falling all over themselves to sell you everything from leggings to pearls.

MLM companies are the reason we can’t have nice things on the Internet.

Whether it’s via an annoying status or a private message, your “friends” want you to join them on their journey to earning their platinum diamond status so they can drive off into the sunset in their pink Cadillacs.

It’s bad enough that so many women have decided to drink the MLM Kool Aid served at rah-rah sessions for face care products and cooking tools. When one of my friends announces that she’s taken a leap of faith (read: a second mortgage on her home) to start selling wine out of the trunk of her car, I roll my eyes.

Because statistics show that 50% of MLM companies are out of business in one year and 95% have closed shop by five years out.

But, don’t let cold hard statistics stop you from trying to work your way up that LulaRoe corporate ladders, ladies. I mean, what do I LulaKnow, right? I’ll just be over here brushing my teeth with toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend while rolling my eyes.

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