Mom's Fitting Room Story Reminds Us How Damn Embarrassing Kids Can Be

Her kid wasted no time embarrassing her in the fitting room

Ah, the fitting room. It’s rarely a joyful place for moms, as it seems so many clothes aren’t quite made to accommodate what happens to us after having kids, but when you bring along one of those kids on a shopping trip?

Let’s just say things get very real, very quickly.

Mom and blogger Cassie Hilt, who writes her parenting tales at The Chronicles of Motherhood, told a little story about the time she brought her five-year-old daughter along on a recent trip to find jeans. She had to take the kiddo into the fitting room — and that meant listening to her running commentary on exactly what her post-baby body looks like.

“Today I took the Middle shopping with me. I needed some new jeans and the only kind that ever fit me are from a store that is mostly geared towards a younger crowd,” she writes.

Of course, that meant no one else in the surrounding fitting rooms had children. Therefore, they weren’t quite prepared for what they were about to overhear.

Hilt’s daughter asks, “Mom, do you need to take all your clothes off?” She tells her no, just her shirt and pants. So she disrobes.

“Oh my god, look at your boobs jiggling all over the place!!”

Thanks, kid.

The little girl’s horrifically honest assessment of her mom’s nakedness wasn’t finished there. “Look at your big tummy! It’s so cute and squishy! Do you have another baby in there?!”

Keep in mind, everyone else in the fitting room area is hearing this. Oh Cassie. We super feel for you.

The child asked if Hilt was planning to remove her underwear too. The mom told her, “No, you don’t take your underwear off when you’re trying on clothes,” and her daughter knew exactly why.

“Ohhhh, because you don’t want your lady beard to show?”

Oh. My. God. At this point, I would’ve just prayed for the dressing room floor to swallow me whole, but that’s not how physics or motherhood works, so Hilt was left to deal with the aftermath.

“To the young girls giggling in the fitting room next to us…..don’t worry, someday your kid will give a play-by-play of your post-baby body to strangers in a fitting room too,” she writes.

Can every mom who’s ever been personally victimized by their kids’ totally embarrassing comments please raise their hands? Oh, so, all of you? Cool. I’ve definitely been there myself with my kids publicly questioning everything from my “long boobs” to my lady garden, which they’ve observed to be “sometimes hairy but not all the time.”

OK, so shaving isn’t always a top priority. And judging by her “lady beard,” Hilt totally gets it.

She tells Scary Mommy that in the end, she did find some jeans. “I was pretty excited because the high rise jeans are back in style, so they totally cover up my post baby bod. And they definitely cover up the lady beard!”

Thank heaven for that.

Luckily, like most moms who are no stranger to being unapologetically dressed down (see what I did there?) by their kids, Hilt took it in stride. She ends her post on a light-hearted and sarcastic note.

“Have kids, they said. It will be fun, they said.”

It’s mostly fun. Just try to keep them out of your fitting room if possible.