The Curse of the Light Sleeping Mother

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

My mission last night was to go to bed early. Simple enough, yes?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

8:28 Lie down in Evan’s bed. Read him stories and stay until he’s almost asleep. Debate just falling asleep with him.

8:49 Decide against falling asleep with him and get up to put Ben to bed.

9:01 Convince Ben to sleep in his own room. The two of us aren’t actually supposed to be roommates, Benjamin. Lie down with him. Ben wants to talk. Ben wants to read. Ben wants to play. Ben wants to make shadow puppets. Debate just falling asleep with him.

9:38 Ben finally asleep.

9:40 Tuck Lily in.

10:21 My bed. Hallelujah.

10:24 Jeff to bed.

10:41 Jeff snoring.

10:46 Evan coughing.

10:48 Jeff snoring LOUDLY. Jeff denies snoring. Jeff can’t hear snoring because Jeff can sleep through anything.

10:52 Jeff yelling because he was kicked in the shin during my attempt to stop his snoring.

10:54 Relocate to Evan’s bed. No snoring, no coughing.

11:00 Lily coughing.

11:07 Jeff snoring from across the hall. It’s that loud.

11:14 Evan sneezing.

11:30 Move to guest bed. Quiet. Finally.

11:48 Dog barking. Car alarm. Wind.

11:15 Couch. Computer. Facebook. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

1:31 Evan coughing. Evan whining. Move to his room.

1:32 Toilet flushing.

1:37 Ben calling for me. Ben to Evan’s room. Ben on top of me due to lack of space in twin bed.

1:42 My bed. Jeff still snoring. Jeff huffing and puffing after being punched in the arm.

1:43 Move to Ben’s empty bed. Note the faint smell of pee.

3:08 Evan cries. Finds me in Ben’s room. Lies on my face.

4:12 Penelope pacing. House settling. Evan playing with my hair.

5:50 Jeff’s alarm.

5:55 Jeff’s alarm.

6:00 Jeff’s alarm.

6:05 Jeff’s alarm.

6:10 Jeff’s alarm.

6:14 Evan wants breakfast.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And I wonder why I’m always tired.

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