10 Things Every Expectant Dad Needs To Know

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

1. You no longer matter, at least for a while. From the second those two lines appear, she and her ever-growing belly are the center of the universe and you merely play a supporting role. Accept it.

2. You may be super stoked about the baby, but YOU are not the one carrying it. The phrase “we’re pregnant”? If you’re wise, you won’t ever use it.

3. Her appetite is going to be all over the map. Nix the snide remarks, and get used to running to the 7-11 for Funions and Yoo-Hoos in the middle of the night. She really does need them.

4. Hormones are INSANE. One minute she’ll be laughing like she’s on top of the world, and then two seconds later she’s sobbing on the bathroom floor because the soap dispenser is empty. This is normal, and thankfully, temporary.

5. Speaking of the bathroom: Don’t be surprised and judge if a sneeze requires a change of clothes. Piss happens.

6. She will more than likely suffer from morning sickness and it will more than likely not happen just in the mornings. There may be ways you can help her, or she may not want you within a hundred miles until the retching is over. Figure out where she falls and act accordingly.

7. Her sense of smell will be so heightened that you can fart and she’ll be able to tell you what you had for lunch. And who you had it with. And what kind of aftershave they were wearing. And what color socks they had on. If you’re wise, you’ll vacate the room should you need to pass gas.

8. During the next nine months, there will be weeks when you need a viagra prescription, a car battery and some jumper cables to keep up with her. There will also be weeks when she’ll bite your head off for the mere suggestion of sex. Follow her lead and be grateful when you can get it.

9. Fill up the freaking gas tank. She doesn’t need to be breathing in gasoline fumes, and you never know if you’ll have to rush out to the hospital at 3AM. Put gas in the car and keep it topped off like it’s your job… because it is.

10. When she says it’s time to go to the hospital, don’t stand there wasting time with stupid questions like “Are you sure?” Grab the bag, start the car, and hit the road. (Make sure she’s in the car before you peel out, though.)

Good luck, dad-to-be, you’ll be fine!


Related post: 10 Things Dads Need To Know About Labor & Delivery

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