10 Things Working Mothers Don’t Want To Hear

I went back to work almost four years ago. I was a stay-at-home mother up until that point and got plenty of praise for that decision from family and random old ladies at the grocery store but it would seem there are few that cheer my life as a working mother. Sure, there is the typical pandering from some- “Wow, you are like a super hero with all you do!”– but I am a smart girl. I know the subtext is often “There is no way you are doing all of this right and you are CHEATING YOUR BABIES OUT OF A MOTHER”.

These detractors plus a whole host of other daily hurdles can make life rough for a working mom. There are ever-present obstacles for me and my brethren because we are beholden not just to our children, but our employers as well. That juggling act (trying to please the people you love the most while also trying to please the people who make paying your mortgage possible) can be difficult beyond description but I am going to try to shed some light. Please take the tour with me to see the 10 things no working mother wants to hear:

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1. “I could NEVER leave my babies at daycare!” It may be true- you may really feel that you could NEVER leave your babies at daycare but some of us are without a choice. And this phrase also reeks of “I’M A BETTER MOTHER THAN YOU!” So yeah, STFU before letting this one escape your lips.

2. “It would be nice if you could spend more time in the classroom- I know your daughter would love it!” My daughter’s kindergarten teacher was awesome and I know she said this because she deeply cared for my child. However, I volunteered PLENTY in her class that year- at every class party and a random day here and there. Parental involvement at school is a thing now. Not that I have anything against it, but it makes me feel awful that I can’t be there all the time. I wish we could just throttle back and make school a place mostly for kids and teachers. Or at least back the fuck off the working moms understanding that we need to save our time off for when our kids have a fleck of booger in their eye and Dr. Daycare says “IT’S PINK EYE STAY AWAY FOR 24 HOURS!”

3. “Mrs. Williams? You need to come pick up Mini Williams- he has a fever.” Which brings me to the phone call no working mother wants to receive. It seems that whenever it comes, my husband is ensconced in a meeting and unreachable and I am in the middle of a shit-storm and have to abandon my desk and fly to daycare to rescue my kid. Don’t get me wrong, I am not angry with my child nor do I blame him for being sick but I cannot help the panicky downward spiral of “What if this is a bad virus and the fever hangs on for five days and ZOMG I’M GOING TO LOSE MY JOB!” No illness is simple as a working mother- you have to think 10 steps ahead and have a game plan. It sucks.

4. “Can’t you at least be an assistant coach this season?” Um, no. I can’t. I barely have time to make dinner, help with homework and spend “quality time” with my kids on weekday evenings. I definitely don’t have time to guide your Speshul Snoflach away from nose-picking and on to making contact with the ball.

5. “I think next session, we will do the lessons at 4pm instead of 5:30pm!” Ugh, why are so many lessons and practices for kids held at hours that few working parents could possibly adhere to? I know it’s probably better for the kids to do things earlier in the day but all it does is make me feel more alienated for not being able to be anywhere before 5:30 or 6:00.

6. “Wow, that’s a nice purse/hair-cut/bracelet…wish I could afford it.” This might seem innocent but when said by certain people, it is definitely code for “SEE??? You work to buy yourself nice things, not just to help your family scrape by!” I wish I had the life that so many assume that I do as a dual-income household. It sounds pretty baller.

7. “Maybe he would be less hyper if he got to spend more time with you.” This one hurts and I’ve actually had someone say this to me. Suggesting that my kids would be somehow better off I were around more is like a knife straight in my heart because then I start to wonder if it might be true.

8. “Couldn’t you just work part-time? You are gone so much!” A little known fact among people who have never searched for daycare is that part-time hardly costs less than full-time. Why would a daycare provider, who has to adhere to a certain headcount, accept your part-time kid when they could make the full amount for a full-time kid? I did pursue part-time work initially but once I added up the cost of two small children in daycare part-time I quickly realized I would have to work full-time to turn a real profit.

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9. “HOW DO YOU DO IT??” This one might seem like a compliment but in my experience, it is usually something of a challenge. As in, “Go ahead and make me believe that your family is not living in a shitty filth hole and eating Ramen on top of a pile of dirty laundry every night.”

10. “Don’t you MISS the kids when you are at work?” Of-fucking-course I do, genius. Does it bother you enough thinking of that to help me pay my bills? No? Then please, stop talking.

Related post: You Know You’re the Mom in the Office When…

This post first appeared on Mommyish. Read more here.

About the writer

Valerie Williams is a working mother with two school-aged children living in New York (not the cool part). She loves running, reading, snarking, and spending time with her family. Follow her on Twitter.

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Joanie 5 months ago

Holy mommy wars! What the crap are all of you giving yourselves anurisms over here??? This author is obviously enjoying raising all of your blood pressures over a decision that is frankly none of anyone’s damned business. Why do you care what someone thinks or says about what you feel is best for your family? I’m a sahm. I get stupid, shortsighted comments all. of. the. time from working mothers.. “Gosh, you must have so much patience.” Really? I had no idea??? “I could never spend all day with my kids. They’d drive me crazy.” “Oh, you can be the assistant coach, can’t you? You must have so much time on your hands since you ‘stay home.'” Yes, it annoys me, but you know what? I know deep down they’re probably not said to intentionally annoy me or be snarky. I know that maybe, just maybe, they live in a different world than I do and are just speaking out of naivety or just freaking trying to make conversation and don’t know what to say. Sure, some may actually just be a__holes, but to those, why give any of your precious time seething with hatred over? You all are in a rage over something virtually non-existent. Personally, I could give a flip less whether you work or not. I neither pity you, nor am I in awe of you. We are all mothers; we are all women. We all have our own shit to deal with that other people don’t understand because they have their own shit to deal with. Respect. On both sides.

Erin 5 months ago

I have done both. I am a SAHM now. I have read through these comments and while I realize some of you are just venting you are doing the SAME THING to SAHMs. Oh. You work so your kid can see that women can do both? Seriously.? I want mine to know I am too lazy to both…You like knowing there is a back up find? Where as U.S. SAHMs just don’t give a crap. Come one. Not a bad article. And it’s crazy how some people say stupid stupid things…..but it is by no means a one way street and I get waaaaaay more crap as a SAHM than I ever did as a working mom.

sierra 5 months ago

I’m currently just hitting nine months pregnant.. And I’ve even had some of these things said to me.. I live with my dad and my fiancé is moving in soon hopefully, but my dad lost his job recently. Some women don’t have a choice but to work. I’ve had so many people ask me of and when I’m going back to work and theyre appalled when I come back with as soon as I can work again. I have to. My son needs things and if dad and I both aren’t working, we’re going to struggle to even get formula. I don’t want my son wearing towels for diapers or being hungry thank you very much. I commend every working mother and stay at home mother. But seriously, just because you stay home and others don’t doesn’t make you better.

Alice 6 months ago

Im a stay at home 1. My kid wasbinsanely hyper. 2. I lost my job whenthe school called and said my son had a fever of 101 i told them let him sleep ill pick him up after school as i worled for the district so i got off when school let out WELL 20 minutes later they called and said his fever rose to 103. I ran down the hall told the principle where i was i HAD to go now my son had a high fever he said you cant just eave you have classes i told him the kids can live withoit music class for one day or you go teach it yourself . I got my son ran to ER he tested positive for the H1N1 virus then i caught it we were quarentined for 2 weeks. The system does not work with working moms they do not care.

Erin 6 months ago

My personal fav regarding daycare “I could never let someone else raise my kids”. Queue dagger stare.

Rick 7 months ago

I hate this “someone else is raising your kids” statement and I’m not even a mom.

It’s right up there with “Wow, daycare is so expensive. It doesn’t even make sense for you to work!”.

Yeah. I’ve heard that one spoken to my wife twice. Maybe her lab helps cure cancer she’ll get some respect.

Laura 7 months ago

I just recently returned to work from maternity leave. My fave right now is “who ate you leaving the baby with?” And then all the judgment when i respond with “my friend” or “the neighbor”. (Same person). Seriously?! Everyone acts like I leave him in a crack den for a few hours……drives me insane. I’m sorry you didn’t have trusting amazing friend/neighbors for your kids?!

Debbie 7 months ago

I need to remember that.

Rebecca 7 months ago

Well said!!!

Debbie 7 months ago

My older daughter also had a teacher she was often ecstatic to see and wanted to be held by her, too. It goes both ways.

Debbie 7 months ago

The trick is finding a high enough quality daycare that you can still afford. It -can- be done, but it is difficult, absolutely. I’ve got my daughter in daycare and I am shopping around for one for my baby due later this year, so I definitely know. It’s hard, but I didn’t find it impossible.

Rebecca 7 months ago

I agree. NEVER apologize for working! And God forbid you choose to work because you WANT to work. Yeesh…but, ya. Most of this is very true indeed!!! AND, lets not forget we still have to come home after work and do all the other stuff, too…

Debbie 7 months ago

Arrgh. I should have proofread. No mom can say that about herself, dangit.

Debbie 7 months ago

Let me preface this by saying I went top-of-the-line on daycares. By doing that, though, I got teachers who have decades of experience with little kids, teaching degrees, in a school with hawk-like oversight and with every accredidation I could hope for. That’s something no mom can say. Basically, I turn a large share of raising my child over to the real professionals — no matter how much I love her, I’m just an amateur.

Debbie 7 months ago

I like my response to that one.. my husband is more talented with little kids than me (I admit this was a pleasant surprise) and I earn more money than him. That generally puts the people who ask that kind of question in a tailspin. (The reality is he has a state job that has fabulous benefits but mediocre pay. I rarely go into that level of detail, though.)

Debbie 7 months ago

I can’t even imagine what her logic is there.

Debbie 7 months ago

My heart stops and my brain is already calling my husband to coordinate and my mother-in-law to see if she can babysit.

Regan 7 months ago

So perfect!!!

Eva 7 months ago

I am on the other side, didn’t plan on the SAHM situation (I certainly don’t believe it’s always better for the children), and I am so fed up with judgement from people assuming I’m lazy or useless. My work was much easier in an office than now working for the family. Plus I am more lonely, have no acknowledgement, income, or safety, and seemingly no reason to need a rest. I don’t like taking care of logistics, housechores, administrative tasks, then be with the children without enjoying it because I’m thinking about all what is left to be done before the husband comes back and criticize that I didn’t get around to do this and that and that, and I could have got diner ready earlier, I had all the day to do it while he was working his as off, him. He has dozens of thousands of dollars on his name in the bank and i have $50 on my account, we have a joint account, I take care of buying for the children and the house, which he conveniently translates by “you spend all the money”, and he comments on every expense I make. He didn’t ask me to be sahm, rather would like me to still take care of everything related to the children and everyday life, but also have a job and bring money (which we can do without) I feel frustrated and stupid that I am unable to have a job and deal with the family workload. I hate this situation but no one would be here to take care of all that I do, I feel trapped.
The article is helpful for me because it reminds me that some people believe having a sahm is valuable for the children.

Stephanie 7 months ago

I love the teachers at our elementary school because they are almost all working moms. They get it, and we have a good respectful relationship.

Stephanie 7 months ago

I have SAHM friends who say that and I totally take it in a good way. In fact, only the really nice, super genuine ones say it. The snarky, smug ones do not. Ever.

Jennifer 7 months ago

omg yes…. i saw the school number on my caller id the other day, and did an internal “WTF ARE THEY CALLING ME????” (H actually stays home with the kids, but somehow, i still get called first for EVERYTHING)

Stephanie 7 months ago

Yea that’s a great financial philosophy– God will provide. Or you could work and make sure your family is stable and doesn’t have to worry about retirement and college (and broken down cars, and plumbing disasters, etc. I mean, if someone wants to do that, great– hope it works out. But for me, I want to provide for my kids, and use my education and skills.

Stephanie 7 months ago

My husband and I make good, professional salaries, and I definitely feel this one from people– like if we just didn’t go skiing or travel, or if I didn’t lease a new car, I “wouldn’t have to work.” But that doesn’t take a lot of stuff into account– my husband’s salary would barely cover mortgage and necessities, so we would be hurting. Some people want to do that, it’s important to them. But I wasn’t about to give up a high paying job that I worked for years to get. So why judge my vacations, etc? I don’t look at them and go, if you just worked, you could remodel your bathroom? (although the SAHMs in my area are mostly very well off).

Stephanie 7 months ago

That should completely invite “why did you bother going to high school, let alone college, if you were planning on being a lady of leisure for the rest of your life.” Which is obvious crap (of course!) but the other is just as bad.

Stephanie 7 months ago

I tend to agree on that one. I’ve had very sincere people say that.

Stephanie 7 months ago

No one who is in a good place personally says shit like this. It’s code for “uh oh, I left my job, I don’t know if I could ever get one again, and I feel unsure of myself so I have to lash out at this lady here.”

Stephanie 7 months ago

I have too. One mom said “you can’t do it at all and do it well.” Turns out she doesn’t even really do one– she has an au pair and a full time housekeeper. I guess she feels she needs to be there every day to do stuff like harassing the first grade teacher about not picking her kid as the lead in the class play.

Stephanie 7 months ago

Typical smug SAHM response. Working parents aren’t allowed to have an opinion because they aren’t PTA queens and AYSO commissioners.

Suzy 7 months ago

I really don’t understand why people come to Scary Mommy if you don’t want to hear someone vent? Single -widowed- parent who works full time and misses many milestones. Alternative is what? Let kids do without basic things or put them into care. Whatever, I think each person has their own battles, own limits, own way of coping. For those on there that like to vent go for it. For those offended by the teachers or the subs or the sahms seriously, this is not the site for you. Just scroll on.

Heather 8 months ago

Ohhh #6. Baller life indeed!

Life With Teens and Other Wild Things 8 months ago

Ugh that would drive me nuts, too…
As to people who can work and have one stay home, yeah it’s possible. When I was first married, we lived on $300 a week. When we bought our house, he was making $400. I took in daycare kids and averaged around $50-100 a week until our first was born. That was our life for years. We made due.

But. We went without a lot of things. We drove used cars and risked breakdowns. As our kids got older, thankfully, his raises made it possible for me to keep staying at home, but kids are expensive! And it wasn’t always easy to find money for everything they needed. Staying home is a sacrifice for some people. It’s not always easy.

Neither is being a working parent. I love how Moms get all this flack for working, like “you should sacrifice and make do with less so you can be home”… Yeah, what about Dad? Should he give up HIS job and spend more time with his family, too??

These days I’m a single working mom. And we still make sacrifices. And we make do. And I admire moms who were able to handle working and raising their shorties and providing. We’re ALL good moms. And we all make the sacrifices and choices that best fit our family’s needs.

Life With Teens and Other Wild Things 8 months ago

What a load of crap. My own mother worked full time, and she was a GREAT mom. I never went without enough to eat or clothes that fit decently.
I’ve been a SAHM, both by choice and circumstance, and now that I’m divorced, I’m a working single mom. Nothing about parenting is easy, but you choose the lifestyle (or have it chosen for you by your circumstances), and you do the best you can with what you’ve got. If your kids are fed, clothed, reasonably clean, and have a warm place to sleep, you’re a GREAT mom. Idc if you stay home, go to work, join the military… whatever. You’re providing for your kids’ needs. That’s what matters.

Life With Teens and Other Wild Things 8 months ago

With what time?

Personally, I prefer to respect that different families have different schedules, commitments, and needs, and arrange accordingly. Obviously, not all programs will serve all family’s needs. I have had to decline to join programs with my kids that required a parental time commitment. Not because I’m a working mom, but because I live with PTSD and certain “volunteer opportunities” that include spending time in very loud and crowded environments are unhealthy for me.

I don’t throw a snit (and neither is this author), over not being able to be involved in those programs. They simply don’t suit my family’s needs, and that’s fine. Being pressured to volunteer when it’s impractical, more than mildly inconvenient, or impossible, now THAT is annoying.

Many working parents support the team in other ways. When my kids were in Little League, the parents who weren’t able to volunteer extra hours found other ways to contribute, by donating snacks or even hosting a team party. By working together, those of us who were able to commit time and effort cleaning up the fields and running the snack bar, and those who were able to contribute donations or other support made things work.

Bottom line; it’s not a competition. We’re all doing our best, and things work out for the kids when we’re all willing to respect the differences and find ways that our cogs and wheels fit together.

Sarah C 8 months ago

#3… OMG YES.

mamaem 8 months ago

“Don’t you want to stay home now that you have two?” Unless that second kid is coming with a fully-funded 529 and paying off our mortgage, no.

Jenn 10 months ago

Yeah imagine all this, plus my son’s father isn’t in the picture at all, so I don’t even have the slim chance of his dad stepping in to pick him up. Luckily my parents helped me out so I could stay home for the full year after my son was born. But it breaks my heart coming to work, but then at the same time I feel empowered being able to do it all on my own and providing for my son all by myself.
He gets a day with my parents, and then the rest of the time he’s in daycare which he actually seems to love. And I don’t have to give him up every other weekend so I can’t complain. I do the best I can for my son. We don’t eat out or badly, he just spends time in the kitchen with me while I cook and he helps (took some time to get there though!). Think we’re holding it together pretty well under the circumstances!

Mel 11 months ago

I have been a stay at home mom and work at home mom for the past nine years. I have been guilty of saying I could never put my kids in daycare, but that is not to insult those who choose to, to each their own. Im not a judger. But I worked in daycare and preschools for 5 years before having my own kids and I saw way too much!! I guess it left me a bit jaded on the scene, that being said there are certainly some places that are better than others. And as far as the “I don’t know how you do it” comment, guilty again. But never thought it could be taken as an insult, and certainly never meant it that way. I am not nearly structured or self disciplined enough to manage and balance it all, so I am at awe, truly… Of those that can! Honestly, there are days I wish I could bring myself to get out of the house and go to work, I would probably be a healthier, happier person with more balance… And maybe even a better Mom. Being home all the time, I tend to procrastinate more and take my time with my kids for granted more times then I’d like to admit. So when it comes to being a Mom, whether its Working Mom, SAHM, WAHM,…. We are all working hard to give our kids the best we can, and all suffer from “Mommy Guilt” as to whether its good enough or not! But lets just all take a deep breath, cut ourselves and each other some slack, and play nice…. Because, after all… It’s what we would want our kids to do, right!? Let’s instead encourage and validate each others experiences, because being a Mom is the hardest, craziest, most exhausting, and rewarding job there is and we as Moms are the only ones who can truly understand that!

milmom 11 months ago

Military mom here. I love my job, but I missed out on many holidays, mother’s day etc. My job is an experience I wouldn’t miss for the world, but I often feel really sad for my daughter that I can’t be there for a lot of things. I am lucky to have a husband who is an amazing father, and she is a total daddy’s girl, I can leave knowing she is in the most capable hands.

My dad was absent a lot when I grew up, he was military also. I still have a great bond with him, and when he was home we did a lot of things together. Those are very fond memories. I hope to provide the same for my daughter.

Lex 11 months ago

For some students, their teachers are more of a support system then their own families. Every comment I have read from what you have said Fran has been so negative. Just because someone sounds their opinions about their situation does not mean they are ungrateful. Working with any children is not a walk in the park. Every family does not teach or interact with their children the same way. Some are not taught basic respect or manners at home.

Melissa 12 months ago

Not sure where people get the idea that stay at home moms are happily accepted and fawned over. There’s just as much snark and judgment for us for not being “productive members of society” and for “just” being a mom. If you’re worried about what people think, there’s no winning.

Katie L. 12 months ago

I’ve been an almost full time work outside the home mom (meaning part time pay for full time work), and stay at home mom and now a work at home mom. No matter what I’ve done, I’ve received snide comments or the assumption that I either am a bad mom because my kids were in daycare, or I am stupid, lazy and have nothing better to do than to volunteer for activities because “all the other moms work”. No matter what you do, someone will say something. At the end of the day, who you are doing it for is what matters.

Fran 12 months ago

#5 – if you want the time for practices to be changed, who don’t you volunteer to run the team and schedule the practices at a time that is convenient for you?

Fran 12 months ago

You are not “mothering” other people’s children. You are a paid professional. How can you equate going to work and collecting a paycheck as being a “sacrifice”. If you don’t want to work, don’t work and stay at home with your children. If you have to work for financial reasons, be grateful you have a job to go to.

Stacey Mooney 12 months ago

#10 was the best

Anna Huffman Slevin 12 months ago

I agree with most of your post. I too worked with my first. But I’m a stay hm mom with my 2nd and she will not suffer.

Suzanne Franks Holzwanger 12 months ago

I was a full time working mom only until the last 2 years. Your candor is SPOT ON! Lexi Drake!

brittany 12 months ago

I’m a part-time working mom with a flex schedule, and I had to laugh especially hard at #9. How do I do it? I don’t! And I don’t even work full time! My house is a mess, and my kids ARE eating ramen. But they’re happy to see me when I pick them up, so I must be doing something right. (Oh, and if you DO work full-time… Or even part-time…. and ARE managing to cook and clean every night, and maintain your happy marriage and your sanity, please share your secret! )

Beth Stolte 12 months ago

“Aren’t we really all working moms?” Okay then I have two jobs.

Katie 12 months ago

There are many reasons for the decision to work – some can’t afford NOT to work. Some families require dual incomes to get by. Some enjoy working and are proud of the work they do. Some don’t want to be SAHMs. Bottom line – it’s a personal decision. Judge less, support more.

Katie 12 months ago

Hahahahahahaha!

Katie 12 months ago

I couldn’t agree more. I enjoy working. And I don’t feel the need to apologize for it.

Gabriella 12 months ago

Awesome. RE: #6 though… paying bills is never why I decided not to leave my career. With my career I feel like a whole person. It gives me a sense of self besides just “wife” and “mother” which I absolutely have to have if I want to be good at this mom thing. Everyone is different, but I have always known I have to have an adult self and the ability to keep my intellect in use to stay sane and happy as a mother or wife. It gives me a sense of accomplishment to know that the career I worked my ass off for (as evidenced by student loans) before marriage and kids isn’t just a disposable thing to scrap afterwards. And having that adult interaction every day in a field that is interesting to me keeps things alive between my husband and I. Is it a sacrifice to work full-time as a mother? I don’t know. No more than the sacrifices which get made to stop working. Anyhow, I haven’t regretted it for a single day.

Stevie 12 months ago

No where did she say that subs were the problem. I think that you misinterpreted that comment. Could it be that you are a “glass half empty” type of person and that is why perhaps you are still a substitute teacher. you need a positive attitude if you are going to be dealing with children.

Rita 12 months ago

Great reply Emily! People really have no idea what they are saying so much of the time!

Should-be-working 12 months ago

YES YES YES!!! I would literally have harmed my children if I had stayed home when they were young. I battled keeping my cool just for the hours when I was responsible for their care. I probably shouldn’t have had kids at all (wouldn’t have if I had known), but since I didn’t figure that out until too late, working was essential for my children’s well-being, and not in a material way.

Should-be-working 12 months ago

I was unemployed one year when mine were in school and that seemed pretty cushy to me. Now that both are in middle/high school I’m not sure what I would do if I were home all day — they don’t want me in the classroom — or anywhere near campus — and the volunteers who work on the big stuff like grad night are all pretty closed ranks.

Emily 12 months ago

All so true! The only other working moms I know are the ones I work with – every single one of my mom friends stays home. While they are all awesome and supportive, it’s great to read this and know other moms out there get what my life is like right now. I sometimes feel left out of all the mom activities my SAHM friends do while I’m at work.

The only slightly judgy comment I’ve ever gotten about working was, “Don’t you want to stay home now that you’re about to have two?” No, if anything, I need to work MORE now that I’m about to have two! My husband is an elementary school teacher, and it’s not feasible for us to live on his salary. I kind of felt like the mom who said that to me just thought I was working for fun, not to provide for my family.

Kira Rose 12 months ago

That is not always true. I am a working mom and with the things that have been going on in daycares now a days I could never put my 5 month old in one. I don’t think and or have any type of intent behind my statement. That Is my personal choice. I am just lucky to have my mother wathch my daughter. I don’t for one second think that when everyone says they could never do that ,that they are really trying to say something else.

Should-be-working 12 months ago

For some of us, it’s not necessarily employed or not-employed (I hate “working” — ALL parents work!), it’s a matter of our talents. I could not maintain my composure in a room full of kids. I can barely manage the noise and activity level of my two at home. Even an hour or two helping with an activity is too much for me to handle and I fear that I could be dangerous for the kids around me. I had to leave a girl scout activity once because otherwise I would have started screaming at the girls. And that was only 8 — in a class of 32 I would completely loose it. I’m sorry I can’t help and I try to make up for it by doing non-classroom activities and sending checks or supplies since I figure some of the SAHM families might not have the same budget flex that I do. We’re all trying to do the best we can with what we have. Given some of the stories I’ve heard from my kids, I wish more parents would consider their level of patience and noise/activity/mess tolerance before they volunteer in the classroom. It’s not for everyone!

Alexandra Davenport 12 months ago

I am a stay at home mum but will be returning to the world of work when my youngest is at school. I couldn’t justify sitting at home when I have no children to look after for most of the day. X

Hsiuwen Jao-Torres 12 months ago

#3 happens too many darn times!! When I see the daycare caller ID I just think ok what now? Fever really comes and goes, it doesn’t necessarily mean they need a day off. I know, I’m a scary mommy

GreenThumb 12 months ago

Mothers in poverty, developing countries and conflict zones, mothers who have to deal with the loss of a child have it the worst, ok? They win this stupid sahm vs. wohm contest hands down. They don’t have the time or the resources to scan the internet for mommy articles and publish their 2 cents so I’m putting my vote down for them.

And everyone else just get along, please. There are pluses and minuses to every job, every decision, everything. Who cares who has it the hardest? Or who made the best decision. Everyone is different. Perspective can go a long way, people.

Zainab Khan 12 months ago

This is funny but I’m sorry people say this crap to you. I’m a part time working mom and my son just started daycare last week. I’m bracing myself, hopefully I don’t have to deal with people like this. Props to you working mama!

GreenThumb 12 months ago

So?
That’s totally fine.
It takes a village.

GreenThumb 12 months ago

Except if you take a sick day for yourself, you (or your husband or someone) would still be bringing your child to daycare, I imagine. Meaning that you can actually have 8 hours to rest. What responsibilities are you referring to? I can’t see you being sick and keeping your child home from school or daycare with you. That sounds like torture. Which is what I think the original “I don’t get a sick day” comment is referring to. If you are a SAHM, you often can’t drop your child off to someone else if you are sick. This is the only time I find it challenging to be a SAHM – if I am sick but have to take care of a toddler and a baby. The other times, it’s pretty sweet, I’ll admit.

Claudia Escobar-Carlisle 12 months ago

#7 is BS
I was a working Mommy with my first child.
I am now a SAHM with my 2nd and 3rd who are much more hyper and needy hands down. To me both SAHM and working moms have pro and cons. At the end of the day we are all struggle to make it work Moms.

Jamie Giblon 12 months ago

I love my kids but this girl was not meant to be a stay at home mommy! I was happy sending my youngest to daycare cause he’s a mama’a boy, and doesn’t leave my side from wake up to bedtime! Oh… And when hubby asks what’s for dinner after I’ve been at work 12hours and you only worked a half day???? It’s on!

Tanya 12 months ago

My absolute favorite is the smug “I didn’t have my kids so that strangers could raise them.” Because, obviously, I did. That was, in fact my primary motivation: have a baby so that strangers have one to raise. Yup.

Nikki Brookman Craddock 12 months ago

I am pro stay at home moms….and why are things scheduled early….because us stay at home moms stay to a strict schedule and need things early to get things done….if it’s later it’s worse on the kids….and the kids are number one…not work or money

Karen Stump Woody 12 months ago

Wow, not me. As a stay-at-home mom for the last 12yrs I PRAISE working moms! How they accomplish so much is beyond me! Keep up the great work, working moms!

julie 12 months ago

Yeah, you do almost everything a SAHM does except 8 hours of childcare that you pay someone else to do.

julie 12 months ago

This drives me nuts. If you work you are not doing everything a SAHM does. You might do as much housework but you are not doing the same amount of childcare. That’s why you’re paying daycare or a babysitter or whatever.

Jeff 12 months ago

#1- absolutely rude and judgmental
#2- I just don’t understand this; I wouldn’t send my kid to a school where parental involvement in the classroom during the school day is expected or even welcomed
#3- this sucks for working and stay at home parents alike; no one deals well with interruptions to a routine and to imply that this annoyance is solely the province of working moms seems incorrect to me
#4- if you sign your kid up for a team sport that expects parents to volunteer, why is your time more important or valuable than the parent who ultimately volunteers to coach? You are busy but so is everyone else; if no one stepped up, there would be no team
#5- later times cut into family dinners and the like; the bottom line is that children are overcommitted these days and any schedule is likely to involve trade offs with imperfect outcomes
#6- this is not ok to say to anyone; again, to claim that this is somehow an issue exclusively for working moms doesn’t seem correct
#7- I don’t understand how this would come up in a conversation unless you had already established that there was an issue; in that case it seems like brainstorming for some sort of solution to a lingering problem; in any case, plenty of stay at home parents are blamed for problems their children have because of ‘smothering’ or ‘babying’
#8- inexcusable
#9- I guess I say things like this to all people with busy lives; I don’t understand how stay at home moms do it and I don’t really understand how moms with demanding careers do it
#10- rude

I would also point out that plenty of working mothers say things that can only be intended to put my wife down (she stays at home with our kids); bottom line? Stop trying to prove one way is right or better

micah 12 months ago

I have been both a working mom and a stay at home mom and both”careers” have had their fair share of fault-finders. While working, I got the same stuff said to me as all you lovely mothers. Then as a stay at home mom I got several comments like, “you have a college degree, why are you not using it? “Or “why can’t you fit that into your schedule; all you do is stay at home. ” so, in essence, live knoWing you will be criticized, but encourage every mother you meet despite where she “works” and start being the change.

Katrina 12 months ago

#7 is completely plausable. Children often act up for attention and I find with my son that if I make an effort to give him quality time when I get home before starting dinner he is much calmer and better behaved. Most of these comments wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t have guilt about being a working mom. If you’ve made the choice to work then don’t feel guilty. You are providing for your family the best way you can right now, end of story

Madaline 12 months ago

I live in Italy where it’s actually (strongly) suggested that all children go to a “nido” (=nest = daycare). IE. There’s no guilt in it here… It doesn’t go all day but stops about 3:30 (which means you HAVE to rely on some else to pick your kids up) but as a former day kid myself – I was never harmed by daycare, in fact I think it made me the people person I am today!

Cat 12 months ago

#6, all the time. The truth is, I shop at the thrift store and cut my own hair.

Ashleigh Rose 12 months ago

I’ve heard “how do you do it?” A lot. Most people I’ve heard it from, are in a round about way commenting that they know I do a lot. If it’s someone I don’t like or don’t know that’s different, and I tell them “I just do.”

I still find it to be a weird question, because if I don’t do it then I would be a shitty parent and I love my kids.

Jessica 12 months ago

Last year, my daughter’s teacher missed approximately 22 entire school days during the year. She also left early many times as well. I understand children get sick and life happens but that’s excessive. A typical person would be fired for missing even half that many days.

Amanda Donnelly 12 months ago

As a working mom, who admittedly is jealous, of SAHMs, I personally feel that working and being a war from your children is painful and that is where I know some of my animosity used to come from. I work nights, and my mom helps with my children, so I get to be with and around my kids a lot more than 9 to 5ers, I can’t imagine trying to squeeze it all in at the end of the day or on weekends. Believe me, my home is messy, I work almost all weekends, Miss tons of stuff, family events, time as a family as a whole, my husband and I can be like ships passing sometimes. Being around little ones all day is taxing there’s never a break from the physical action of caring for a child and no adult interaction to make you feel normal, but it’s hard on working mom’s too, who desperately miss their kids while away. I would cry almost every day for the first 2 years after my first born. What I will say about working is that I am happy I get to preserve some of my former pre mommy self. The insanity of home life never eases, but i get to love my career and my children too. I think I can see both sides, even though I’m still a wicked jealous bitch of all you SAHMs.

Andrea 12 months ago

Well Anna, this is reality we live in. I don’t know what version of reality YOU choose to exist in but MOST homes NEED both parents working to make ends meet. So, before you decide to blast working mothers maybe you should step back and look at what it means to be middle, lower, and poor class. Oh, and don’t forget to examine closely the class known as “the working poor”. Ok?

Elizabeth 12 months ago

I greatly appreciate this article! I’m currently a SAHM working PT as a nanny (in my home) for a FT working couple. It’s a wonderful reminder to myself not to say anything remotely close to these awful comments in a moment of foot-in-mouth or awkwardness (I’m a shy, nervous-rambler).
To all the Mama’s, You are amazing. Truly and honestly AMAZING. My Mom was a single Mom to four kids. Sure, we missed her, but we knew working was how we were clothed, fed, sheltered and loved. I’m not “scarred” because my Mom worked outside and inside our home. On the contrary, I admire her immensely and learned strength from her hard work. I have a very difficult time relating with “hard-core” SAHM’s. Their obsessions with their children are border line neurotic. I don’t want to talk about my kid and our brand of stroller for hours endlessly. I’m still me, still have interests and self in addition to Motherhood.
Stay strong Mamas and the next time someone criticizes your job, notice their neurotic and jealous eyes instead of their words being protected on to you out of their insecurities.

Andrea 12 months ago

I always respond with “I love my children enough to be out there working so that they have everything they need to grow up and be successful adults. Thank you.” and walk away. It’s great. But, I HATE seeing the kids’ school come across the cell phone. Luckily with my particular situation (am divorced from their father) I have Mondays and Fridays off so I can rush to the school if they need me to. I live 40 miles away, but I don’t miss meetings and I volunteer from time to time.

susan 12 months ago

Add being a single working mom with a dead beat ex-husband. People actually tell you they feel sorry for you!

Natasha McDean 12 months ago

I really admire SAHMs. It is hard juggling work and kids but I personally found it harder being home every day with them. I need the structure of work and the kids love daycare and all it brings, eg messy play…. Plus I enjoy my kids much more when I get more balance. Don’t judge each other!!!

Asia Burnett 12 months ago

Omg! I can hear your voice when I read this, Danielle Albin Tweedy

Dina Castaldi Haggerty 12 months ago

Yes!!!!

Jackie Copeland 12 months ago

Oh my god. All of it is soooo true!!

Dubya 12 months ago

Well said!

Heather 12 months ago

No, you’re not and they’re not. As a SAHM of 5 I can tell you I seriously struggle to hold it together many days. If I say I don’t know how you do it, it’s because I really don’t know! No snark intended. I think this author is either very sensitive or she knows some real jerks.

Rachel Ann Rossetti 12 months ago

My favorite (since I go to school AND work full time) is: How do you study for this class? – well you know that thing sleep? I get none.

Fonteyn Beck 12 months ago

Kind of harsh. Bury the guilt. Get rid of ANTs.

Heather 12 months ago

This sounds a bit paranoid. I’ve told working mom friends that I don’t know how they do it…*because I truly don’t know how they do it.*

I’m not making any assumption about sub-par living conditions and inadequate nutrition. I’m thinking of my own to-do lists that never get done, and my kids’ hectic after-school schedules, and how it would all be impossible if I were not a stay at home mom (huge misnomer because I’m never at home).

Often when I read these blogs about SAHM/Working Moms they feel so defensive, like they presume there is passive-aggressive intent behind every conversation. Life is much happier when you accept words at face value. (Whether they’re intended that way or not!)

Dubya 12 months ago

Who cares what other people think or say? It’s ok if others disagree or don’t understand our choices. If we’re doing the right thing by ourselves and by our family for our reasons, then we’re doing the best we can and will be better mothers for it.

Barcelona Bixby 12 months ago

I’ve never heard any of those I don’t think

Danielle Fritz 12 months ago

I hear way more trash talk and nasty comments about stay at home mothers then I do working ones. Especially by other women

Ellie 12 months ago

My freaking favourite comment was/is ‘you’re back at work and your baby is only 4 months old?! Did you need the money?’ You would not believe how many times I got this stupid comment at work.
Firstly- Yes she was actually just under 4 months when I went back to work. I felt horrible. But I am trying to titrate infusions here, so if you wouldn’t mind can you please piss off before I start crying and leaking through my nursing bra.
Secondly- Of course I needed the money. I don’t go to work for freaking shits and giggles! We could’ve made it work on one income, but how irresponsible would it be of me to leave our finances so tight that we don’t have any money if one of us gets sick or something breaks?
UGH- it feels sooooo good to get that off my chest!!

Kaylyn Nichols 12 months ago

I so needed this today!

Sabrina 12 months ago

Teacher here, too. It’s a juggling act trying to care for everyone else’s and your own. I sacrifice a lot to mother other people’s children all day (all you Title I teachers hear me on that!) And yes, being out is worse than being there sick. It requires more planning than usual, and IF you don’t get a sub with a clue, you end up having to back track 3 days to undo the incorrect content taught or behaviors gone wild… And what about we add to the above list -heaven forbid- you wake up at the wee hours or snag an hour after work to exercise. Or worse, you go on a small vacation, WITHOUT your children. Gasp, the horror of it all. I’ve done both working mom and SAHM. Neither is easy, but hard for different reasons. If you’ve not one both, you have no clue how the other manages.

Alison 12 months ago

As you have also been a SAHM, you also know the flip side of this deal. The working moms and dads who judge the parents who stay home. The “what do you do all day” comments are awesome. Or that they think that I am less educated because I stay home- I want to say, “I have my master’s degree, bitch!” Or the, “it must be nice, I wish I could”. I don’t judge parents who go out to work- I admire you and many days am jealous, as I am stuck speaking only to my kids, lol. But each family makes it’s choices on how things work. I wish all us moms could stop judging each other and try to support each other- we are all doing the best we can.

Heather 12 months ago

Yup! Could we make it work on one income? Absolutely. Do I want to? Nope. I like my lifestyle and my career. I’m good at it. It gives me drive and passion. And I make no apologies for that.

Jenner Sullivan 12 months ago

Dead on

Dana Smith 12 months ago

As someone who worked undercover in a very elite daycare, I would rather live on nothing then send my kid to daycare. People have no clue what goes on in them. Even the best ones. Here’s a thought: get rid of your Smartphones, buy houses you can afford, and don’t use credit cards. Or plan for when you want to be SAHM! Let’s face it, if you want to stay home, you will make it work! No excuse.

Tiffany Bartoo Craig 12 months ago

Really? Because when I worked outside the home, my house was way cleaner because no one was home to mess it up, didn’t do as much laundry because again, no one was home to go through a bunch of clothes, didn’t have lunch/snack dishes to clean up, as well as breakfast dishes, the list can go on. But again, I digress because the Mommy wars will continue. And as women it is sad we can’t support each other instead of trying to one up.

Tiffany Bartoo Craig 12 months ago

And again, it adds to the wars. You are entitled to your opinion but it has a holier than thou tone to it.

CQ 12 months ago

oh good grief….

Tiffany Bartoo Craig 12 months ago

Guess what? I’m a stay at homer who ENJOYS my kids, I don’t do girls nights out, I love a Friday and Saturday night in with my hubby and kids. Sorry, but those kinds of statements just add fuel to the fire of WAHM/SAHM wars. Parenting is hard enough.

Jeanette79 12 months ago

I hope my story is applicable!
The organizaton I ran had it’s funding cut when I was about 5 months pregnant. Luckily (sort of) they allowed the doors to stay open and agreed to the official close-up to coincide with the birth of my DD. I just knew I would have nothing to go back to. After about 1.5 years off with my DD I decided I needed to make a choice, either rejoin the workforce or bow out. I wanted to give it one last push. So I applied and applied and applied, finally I was offered a job (I was way over qualified for) at a lovely non-profit with a great staff. I had to wait it out in this position for a while, even though I didn’t feel that it used my skills, but it paid the bills and the hours were pretty good. Finally something happened, a company I had worked along side in the past contacted me, they were developing a position and had me in mind. I feel if I wasn’t working they would not have had me in mind, also the position in the non-profit I was in directly contributed to my knowledge of the new job. Was it hard to go to a job I didn’t feel fulfilled in for all those months? YES! But I had to do it, I had to basically start from scratch and it paid off. This was my expereience and I hope it give you some hope that even though it’s sooo hard to motivate yourself to get back on the horse, it can be really beneficial.

Jeanette79 12 months ago

I’m so sorry, that must have been a terrible.

Emily 12 months ago

Are you kidding? My husband is an elementary school teacher with multiple college degrees. He works 10-12 hours a day and as far as I can tell, is the very definition of “capable.” I’m proud of him, and proud to work alongside him to support our family. I considered his career choices before I married him and decided I could live with being married to someone who chose to go into a notoriously poor-paying profession in order to make a difference in the lives of children. The qualities that make him a great teacher also make him a great father. Please remember that your own children are taught by people like him, many of whom could have chosen careers that pay a lot better but value your kids enough to put up with the crappy pay.

JenWulf 12 months ago

Been there, done both SAHM and work. Both are hard! Currently SAHM to youngest two, mad wonder if the strong sense of disconnect I have with my second is because I worked through almost all those formative years. Kid is fine and happy, but me? Thinking each person might have to choose what’s best for them and their family based on so many variables. No room to judge anyone, we all have such different lives! And thank goodness. Life would be boring otherwise!

Emily 12 months ago

Yes! Comments like these make my public schoolteacher husband feel terrible. I couldn’t be prouder of the work he does as a teacher, and I like my job and am happy to support our family as a team, but every single couple we’re friends with makes enough for the wife to stay home. I know it bothers him that we don’t have that option. Anytime someone says to me, “But don’t you want to stay home?” I want to say, “No, what I want is for the genius I married to get paid anything like commensurate with his three college degrees, and for our society to value the work he does.”

jEN 12 months ago

What gets me are the passive aggressive comments from co-workers about when I have to leave to pick up my son from daycare because he is sick:
“Fever, huh? Nice day for a fever! *wink, wink*” (as if I’m lying about it)

Or when I leave AT FIVE because I HAVE to pick him up by 5:30 or else I get charged and traffic is a bitch most days:
“Hey Jen, half day for ya? *guffaw, snort*”
(I worked here long enough and put in my fair share of overtime and working weekends so STFU)

Or the week I have to WORK FROM home because daycare has a PAID VACATION and I have no choice:
“Weren’t you just on vacation?”

UGH!!!

Sarah Couser Turner 12 months ago

Exactly!

Natalie Page Altman 12 months ago

Way to throw fire on the mommy wars :/

Elise Carlin 12 months ago

Why does it have to be SAHM vs. WOHM? We all make different choices for different reasons, we all want the best for our families, we all struggle with parenting…Jesus, people, what we have in common far outweighs what we don’t. Attacking and judging each other isn’t a good look for any of us.

Whitney 12 months ago

Soooo true!!! The class at 4pm and the sick parts are soooo true!!! I hate when they get kicked out of daycare for a fever, only to get them home, fire up the home computer thinking a sick kid will sleep and let me work only to have them little run around the house 100% better!! I hate darecare. Private sitters are the best!! When you share with another family it sometimes is cheaper than daycare. No field trips or fancy playgrounds but no getting kicked out either!! :)

historychick 12 months ago

What about: “But you’re a teacher! You could/should homeschool”. It’s even better when they follow it with “I could never send my kids to public school.” Thank you for telling me I’m a failure as a mom because I work AND that my choice of career is somehow disgraceful.

Jen 12 months ago

I have 2 kids who are in daycare while my husband and I both work FT. We are getting closer to the school years and honestly, I’m dreading it. School hours no longer work around your employment hours (unlike daycare) and don’t get me started on homework, field trips, holidays the school is closed but your workplace is not….

Stephanie F-s 12 months ago

The first one … “I would never let someone else watch my child”. Unless you are going to home school, at some point someone else is going to watch your child – they will just be a tad older.

MT Mama 12 months ago

I have been a working outside the home mom, a SAHM and a WAHM. It’s hard. All of it. I have not yet figured out how to balance work time, me time, family time, couple time and my checkbook.

Caitlin McGillicuddy 12 months ago

Hmm I feel sorry that I didn’t choose my words more carefully because I don’t feel stake in the game on either side but should have known better as this can be such a heated topic. Being a mother wherever you, wherever you do it and in any capacity is hard and arduous and some of the best stuff there is and it is incredibly personal to each individual woman. My statement about “using my brain for something else” was entirely about me as a person, my limitations, my strengths, just me and I was grateful to learn this about myself simultaneous to facing the facts that I couldn’t afford to stay home in the situation I was in – because my entire life I imagined that I would stay home. If I could there is a good chance I would and would also identify ways to use my brain outside of mothering other than being employed as Sandy quite rightly pointed out. So apologies for using words that seemed fighting. Really, the truth is after having these babies grow inside of us so close to our hearts (literally) and then be essentially our living breathing hearts walking out in the world (figuratively) it is natural that we all want to fiercely do and be our best in every way we can for our families and our children and only we can decide what this is for ourselves.

shama-mama 12 months ago

i just tell people who make comments like that – ” i don’t like my kids, they get in the way too much. i’m gonna work late tonight so they’re asleep by the time i get home!” LOL, love seeing the looks on their faces.

Natalie Beach 12 months ago

I agree, that is a good one. And when I tell them I make more money than my husband, that usually shuts them up.

Alicia Renee Rice 12 months ago

The things I don’t want to hear usually come from my husband, like the house is a mess, can you do the laundry, can you can you can you…. No, you are capable of doing stuff too!

Winston 12 months ago

The worst thing people say to me is “I’m so fortunate I get to stay home” – really? I didn’t realize my situation was UN fortunate- I’m thankful to have a job- and some people choose to work. I feel like saying I’m fortunate I’m staying in the workforce in case God forbid something happened where I had to have a job to survive- not easy getting a job these days with a big gap in your resume. ANYONE no matter how “fortunate” can have something happen to wipe them out financially- look at all the stars who end up being bankrupt. If I sound bitter it’s because I am!!

Jenny Klaas 12 months ago

Sorry, but daycare is the shit and my son has done awesome there. Yes, he’s been bit a few more times than I like, but his social skills and physical/emotional development is amazing. He’s always been with kids his age or older and at 19 months, he is almost potty trained. It sucks getting that call that he’s sick, and the first year I did occasionally worry I’d lose my job, but I didn’t and he’s awesome, and there’s no way I’d want to stay home away from adults all day anyway!

Melissa Packwood 12 months ago

This will win me no fans, but as far as missing the kids while I am gone??? my feeling is absence makes the heart grow fonder (for both me and my kids)

Bridget O’Donnell 12 months ago

This article is awesome. I hate that lessons start so early, precluding kids of working parents from joining in. Or the “parents to lunch” that my kids’ school had—so that every month I had to break my sons heart because I work too far from his school to get there, have lunch and get back.

I am amused by people who lament having to clean and cook during the day—uhhhh I have to do the same things you do, just in a much smaller window. I only get the same 24 hours a day as anyone else.

Rose Poto Gifford 12 months ago

I get annoyed with the ones who post, ‘what will I do all day, wish the kids didn’t go back to school, I have nothing to dooo’ really? this is a complaint? if you’re that bored, get a job….or run a low cost day care for those of us that have to work LOL

mendy 12 months ago

AMEN! I 2nd that one. And another one is “They are only young once, I won’t get that time back. Staying home with them was just the right thing to do”.

Cheryl Rose 12 months ago

My daughter stays with my mother rather than daycare while I work and pursue my Masters. My brother once said, “It’s not like you even raise her.” Apparently the other 16 hours every day don’t count since she sleeps for 9 of them anyway.

E 12 months ago

If there’s one thing I learnt from the cognitive behavioural therapy I hated as a teenager it’s that I can’t read minds. Honestly some people mean what they say. So I’m sure there are plenty of folks who truly believe you are doing a good job or genuinely would like to know how it’s done.

E 12 months ago

If there’s one thing I learnt from the cognitive behavioural therapy I hated as a teenager it’s that I can’t Honestly some people mean what they say. So I’m sure there are plenty of folks who truly believe you are doing a good job or genuinely would like to know how it’s done.

Sarah 12 months ago

The author is totally right about part-time work. I teach two college classes and then am home with our two kids three days a week. Overall, it costs us money for me to work part-time. However, I don’t want to be a SAHM nor do I want to be a full-time working mom so this is where we are for now.

Amy LeGrand 12 months ago

Doctors appointments, music lessons, dance lessons, etc., in my area are all in the middle of the day. So stressful and impossible when you work. Never fails your kid gets sick when there’s a ton of important stuff going on at work for both parents. Thank god in have a partner that is willing to take off of work to help on sick days – it doesn’t all fall on me all of the time just because I’m the mom. He is an equal parent and I am SO thankful!

Socks tetricis dicerer 12 months ago

I question this Author’s veracity! I demand a full inquiry!

Steph 12 months ago

This drives me nuts too! My husband is an incredibly hands-on father, and loves every second of it. He does not “babysit,” he’s being a parent. And the fact that me working means he doesn’t have to work a second job or crazy overtime hours (and not be able to spend much time with our daughter) is just one of many, many reasons I chose to work outside the home. I really like that there is a shared and therefore lightened) burden of responsibility on breadwinning, parenting, and household chores. It creates a nice flexibility, because when one of us has to take on more of one of those responsibilities, the other is both willing and competent enough to pick up the slack in the other areas.

It works for us, and our daughter is a very happy, healthy, smart toddler, so clearly we’re doing something right. But our “right” isn’t everyone else’s, and it would be so very nice if we could all just trust one another to do what’s right for our families.

Amber Nicole 12 months ago

I have been both and they both are challenging in their own way. I ended up going back to being a SAHM because I missed my kids. My toddler cried for me everyday and it ripped my heart out! Now I just had our 4th and I couldn’t be happier! Both you working moms and SAHM rock! it’s time to end the mommy wars!

Jennifer 12 months ago

Anna, You just have an answer for everything, don’t you? I’m sure your husband had a lot of hard decisions to make before asking someone like you to marry him. It’s really easy for someone who has a blessed life to sit back and judge other people that come from different circumstances. It’s completely natural to feel guilt over things that are in fact the right decision. As a matter of a fact I found some information for you about people who don’t feel guilt.”Psychopaths tend to lack normal human emotions such as guilt. They are also often highly intelligent and skilled at manipulating others.”
What do you think,fellow supporters? Should Anna have a psycho-analysis done? Sounds to me like she fits the description…

Katie P 12 months ago

Oh my goodness, the field trips! I have an almost-5 year old and a 3.5 year old, and this is my first year with both kids in preschool. The first thing the teacher mentioned at orientation the other day was the field trips they’ll be taking. And my first thought was, “$@#%^!(@!^@!*” Nothing like a no-win situation to serve up a fresh helping of mommy guilt!

Sarah Tanner 12 months ago

11. Come hang out! No I cannot “hangout” I’m exhausted from my shift and I would have to get my 2 year old ready and my 3 month old pack each of them a bag, and while I’m at you’re house make sure my child doesn’t get into or break any of you’re non child proof house items jeeeez

Maureen 12 months ago

I’m a sub as well, I didn’t interpret that to mean teachers find us to be useless at all. I know how much work goes in to prepping for a day out of the classroom – not fun!

Tina Forsyth Mosser 12 months ago

My son loves his friends, teachers and loves socializing it is a wonderful experience for him at daycare. YES I wish I didn’t have to work, but he is in good care and that makes me happy, that he is happy!!!

Robin 12 months ago

Things happen Anna. People DO get laid off, their jobs are eliminated, their industries fall apart, their ability to bring in income can be severely affected through no fault of their own. People get sick. Storms come and destroy homes. Things can easily fall apart. You are looking at this situation through a very limited world view. It is great that you have a husband who provides well but to sit back and act like none of these things could ever happen to you is naive.

kmpc 12 months ago

Also – thank you for making the title read, “…Things Working Moms Don’t Want to Hear” vs. the overused “…Things NEVER to Say to a Working Mom.”
I kinda hate articles that outright tell you what you can or cannot say to a person.
Free country – everyone can say whatever they want. But it’s true that these are all things I don’t want to hear. You can say them, but now you know it’ll piss me off.
😉

Michelle Leifson 12 months ago

I have worked with kids and now I’m a SAHM. Both are hard. I am guilty because I have said #1, but not to be rude or offend someone (I say things before I think) but because I really can’t (major anxiety – can’t even leave my kids with family without having a major panic attack). So sorry for every saying #1, but I have never said the others and never would. Even as a SAHM I’m unable to help out in the class much.

kmpc 12 months ago

Let’s start a club. Moms like us (I completely relate to this 100%) need to support and uplift each other. We do what we gotta do and hope for the best. I’ll keep you in my thoughts when I’m feeling so alone working my 2 jobs, 7 days a week and worrying about how my 3 kids will turn out and omg I’m not gonna make mortgage this month and there’s no money left for gas or groceries…

kmpc 12 months ago

You are not alone, my friend. It hurts in so many ways. I get you. I’m there, too.
*hugs*

kmpc 12 months ago

Thank you for this comment. Srsly. It helps us more than you know.
-a single working mom amongst many

kmpc 12 months ago

YES! THIS!!!

Judy Reardon 12 months ago

On the positive outlook at the age of 70+ I believe the children that come out of being raised in daycare have a better understanding of being flexible & accepting the challenges of life. They understand there are boundaries we ALL have to follow to be productive adults. So working mothers do me a favor & flush your guilt down the toilet…You r doing your best & loving your children

Michelle 12 months ago

I have said #1 before but not to make them feel guilty. I now feel horrible thinking someone would have been offended by me saying that. I always say dumb stuff before I think. I worked with my first 3 full time, but have stayed home with my other 2. (I babysit my friend’s kids to help them with the horrible cost of part-time daycare.)

Allison Giesler Michna 12 months ago

Oh I’m sure that’s true. There’s no way my introverted self could match a bunch of bubbly college age kids. I tell my friends who are SAHP not to tell me their kids are bored during the summer. I’d like to keep thinking it’s this fantasy world where kids and parents are having a blast doing really cool things for the entire summer and everyone is happy :)

kmpc 12 months ago

Thank you so much! Lately I’ve been feeling like the whole world believes each American family consists of one child and two adults, one of whom stays home with said child. Every article or blog or list I seem to find online has been like this, as well as every teacher and most other parent with whom I come into contact.
So far, this list is the only thing I can relate to almost in its entirety.
Not only am I working mother, I’m a single working mother. With 3 kids and 2 jobs, 7 days a week. The stuff that is expected and asked of me makes me want to scream.
Yes, I DO want what is best for my children. But at present, what’s best for them is to keep the home in which we are living (shithole that it is) and food on the table.
“HOW DO YOU DO IT???”
Dammit, you just do it. You do what you have to. And you would too if you were in my situation.
Moms like me – we aren’t looking for sympathy or praise. Just some realistic expectations and non-judgment. And that’s pretty damn hard to get amongst the society in which we currently inhabit.
I truly appreciate this article. Thanks again for posting it.

Beth Woodard 12 months ago

Love this! I work 3rd shift and “sleep” during the day. We do what we have to do to take care of our children. If you’re lucky enough to get to stay home good for you! Its just not possible for all if us unfortunately ;(

Brooke Parish Tripp 12 months ago

Love it- esp 1&10

Christine Bedard-Smith 12 months ago

I agree with you Shannon, after 7 years at home I made the decision 6 months ago to return to work and boy is it ever a different ball game!! No nanny and a husband that travels ALOT plus a child with extra needs… There is just so much to do in much less time, going on appointments and dealing with all the variables when you have a boss and colleagues that rely on you definitely makes staying at home a luxury!! Oh and my pile of laundry has taken on a life of its own! Lol

Gina Perkins 12 months ago

God Bless scary mommy. Yes Yes yes. I work, my kids go to daycare and I am a SUPER, Scary mommy :) I agree with every point and God bless the stay at home moms cause that is tough work too. :)

Carrie 12 months ago

No one said subs were useless! I don’t think they think your being there is useless, and I’m sure all teachers appreciate the subs that come in for them when they can’t make it. The point was it takes a lot of prep for a teacher to miss work, if it’s something they are planning ahead of time. All the things they leave to try to make it easier for you as a sub, and minimize the impact on the students.

Michelle Coulthard Nemphos 12 months ago

Yes that makes me sick!

Anne Sausser 12 months ago

My personal favorite is when I’m sitting with a group of my (attachmenty) SAHM friends and someone says something faintly derisive about daycare or preschool and how she could never do that to her child followed with, “Besides, I’ve read over and over again that the best place for a child is at home with her parents.” And then pause…. as she remembers a working mom is in the midst. “Except for the parents that have to work that is. You gotta do what you gotta do.” Thanks a bunch for that reminder, ladies.

kg 12 months ago

“I am the one who helps them process and learn from their day and experiences” – I love this.

Michelle Coulthard Nemphos 12 months ago

Ugh, yes. I have done it both ways and being a working mom is WAY more difficult than staying at home! I’d give anything to be able to stay home again.

Michelle Ebert-Miller 12 months ago

Perfect!!!

Jessica Hartwell 12 months ago

Yes yes yes to number one. Fortunately I work at night and dont need daycare but I still get the “I could never leave my kids”. Well let me tell you no one chooses to leave their kids. For most of us working is not a choice its a way of life to support our children. Does it break my heart to put my baby down for his afternoon nap and say see you tomorrow knowing I won’t be there when he wakes up. Absolutely but again not a choice its a necessity. Sorry for the bit of a rant but some stay at homes need to realize that not all of us are lucky enough to be there for our babies 24/7. Believe me we feel the guilt all on our own everyday without comnents.

Donnaloo 12 months ago

And I must give a shout out to my SAHM friends – their kids are awesome too! And, I wouldn’t have such an AWESOME ballet-dancing DD9 if it weren’t for my SAHM neighbor! (Because of, you know, #5.)

Karen 12 months ago

#5 drives me nuts every time! At my daughter’s dance registration, the owner causally mentions that they might move her class to the afternoon. That was met with a big no. The other mothers and I requested the only evening class because we could not make your day sessions. How you are here all day running the school, that is exacting what I’m doing at my job.

Amy Moorman 12 months ago

I’m a single parent, so I don’t have much choice, but yes. I like working. I think it makes me a better parent. A better person. Sure, sometimes I want to spend more time with my son and sometimes I don’t like my job much and wish I didn’t have to go. But no one is happy 100% of the time.

Merrill Landt 12 months ago

It’s just as hard to be a stay at home Mom.

Impossible.

Donnaloo 12 months ago

I work. And, my kids are AWESOME! Working moms remember that the real response to any of these negative or back-handed (unsolicited) comments is your kids. The proof is in the pudding – and my kids are AWESOME!

Lucretia Petrik Nesbitt 12 months ago

The hard part for me has been explaining to my 5 year old daughter why her mommy isn’t in the car line to pick her up everyday like the other mommies. She loves aftercare but loves time with mom more of course. Trying to set a positive example of what a strong woman balancing this thing called life isn’t easy but it’s even harder when her innocent questions make the guilt worse.

Kelly Fowler 12 months ago

Some of these I think she is reading something in that isn’t there. Some are blatantly awful but for instance number 6 and 9 are in the way you take it. Have been on both sides and I know how hard it is but we choose how we perceive things.

Amanda O’Rourke 12 months ago

“We have a 2 pm ballet class.” I can’t, I have a job. “Then how about 4:30.” I. Have. A. J. O. B. Oh, and no, I don’t have a nanny/”household manager.”

Callie 12 months ago

I get some of these questions/comments, too. It shuts people up pretty quickly when I say, “I work for the money, but I also work to get a break from my kids.” I do NOT miss them at work, and I don’t think that makes me some kind of monster. I don’t want to be around ANYONE – kids, husband, best friend, mother, etc – 24/7/365.

Work saved me when I had PPD – without that refuge, I may have killed myself (and I’m not being flip when I write that – I MEAN IT).

My oldest just started kindergarten and it honestly hasn’t even occurred to me to volunteer at his school. I just assumed that since everyone at school knows I work full time with an hour commute, no one would expect me to be the classroom mom or field trip helper. Ha, there’s something I didn’t even know I was being judged for, and I honestly couldn’t care less.

Danielle 12 months ago

OMG, the one about paying someone to raise my kids makes me want to cut someone. I belonged to a new mom’s group after I had my first. When I told them the next week would be my last, because I was going back to work, someone told me I was so brave, she was scared of day care. Of course, what she was saying was that she was a better mom than me, because she was staying home. I don’t know why we as women can’t just support each other and the fact that we’re not all going to parent the same way.

Whitney Shaffer 12 months ago

“Well if you just don’t do X Y&Z you could save money and stay home!!” I hate that one. You don’t know my life or situation. Don’t you think we thought about that and crunched all the numbers? People just need to mind their own businesses and worry about their own lives and families.

Jenn Klopotoski 12 months ago

“I don’t know where you find the time or energy to do all that!” Because I HAVE to. Working full time the house doesn’t get clean unless I magically find the time to do. The kids really should experience after school activities and must have a healthy meal on the table. I work for them, not myself, both at work and at home. Many days I wish I had Hermione Granger’s time turner….

Sara flaherty 12 months ago

After a 10 year career in law enforcement, I made the decision to be a SAHM due to how many daycare workers came across my desk. Even the best daycares have issues. Living on my husband’s mediocre income has been tight but worth it. I get that some moms have to work and there is nothing wrong with that. I just see a different side. And I beg people to be careful!

Christine 12 months ago

Let the comments roll. Instead of reacting to them, just shrug and have confidence that you are doing the best you can. Moms that work AND do the best for their kids are tough and awesome! Whatever they have to say is more about them being jealous or angry for something. Or, in some cases, maybe they think they’re being helpful or complimentary. Either way, chill out with some wine and watch a movie with your kid – you get to relish your time with your children, whereas many stay at home mothers tend to want more time away from their kids. Those that don’t see that need to have their OWN time are some of the most frazzled people I know.

Lisa Dicarlo-Lawrence 12 months ago

Amen Sista! We were very lucky to find a Great Daycare. Excuse me “Learning Center”. My son loves it. But by time I pay that and nanny (my commute is 1.5 hours) so need sitter I am only providing health ins, 1 weeks of groceries and contributing to my 401k. :-(.

Vanessa Coppa 12 months ago

Relax people. There are challenges for both working moms and stay-at-home moms. The flip side is when people say, “don’t yo

Debby Pound 12 months ago

All my laundry is done, my kids are healthy well balanced and successful and we don’t eat ramen noodles! People need to mind their own business and realize we do what we need to for our families!

Jennifer Corbin 12 months ago

So true!!

Stephanie Smale 12 months ago

I’m also a single parent with single income….it’s a tough life and often feel judged. If you haven’t walked in those shoes, you shouldn’t judge. I, or we rather(2 boys and myself), definitely don’t have much, but it makes us appreciate little things way more. Like tonight’s my night off and football got rearranged so now we have an evening all together with no place to rush off too 😀

Roberta Raymond 12 months ago

That about covers it…

Stephanie Stratton 12 months ago

I really hate hearing the phone ring between 530-8pm. That’s dinner homework family time people! Leave me alone 😉

Amanda Kimmel 12 months ago

#1 and #10, the absolute worst (and I’ve heard these comments multiple times from my actual “friends”)

Denise Lonewolf 12 months ago

I was a stay at home, homeschooling mom of 4 until my divorce. Then I worked in childcare. Some moms/dads should NOT be stay at home parents. I just wonder what most of them would think if they REALLY knew what goes on in their child’s daycare/preschool. Some are bad some are good. Parents who are actively AWARE of their child’s personality will probably have a good clue when the school isn’t working out. Pay ATTENTION to your kids and be ACTIVELY involved in maintaining a healthy childcare plan. Then tell the naysayers they are welcome to pay you to stay home if THEY can afford it.

Michelle Wallace 12 months ago

We all work hard!

Jessica Mullins 12 months ago

It seems to me that women are criticized no matter which choice they choose. Whether they choose to work or stay at home, someone will always have bad things to say. I am a stay at home mom for the moment. When my youngest starts school I will be looking for a part time job simply because I want to. But I hear people coming down on women on both sides of the issue. It annoys the shit out of me.

Connie Jordan-Cooper 12 months ago

Women need to stop beating each other up. It’s hard to work with kids and its hard to stay at home too. Men don’t behave like this. Why do we?

Sara flaherty 12 months ago

Cushy?? I’m a Sahm and I can’t find enough hours in the day to get things done.

Mandy Williford Petree 12 months ago

2,3 and 5!!

Amy Shaffer Waldfogle 12 months ago

“well we just learned to live within our means so that I didn’t have to work”

Michele Lewis Zamenski 12 months ago

#1 every single time!!!! Sorry, I’m not perfect like you and I actually have to work…STFU!!! UGH!

Mandy Harris 12 months ago

You know what I think is MOST sad. Women beating up on other women. I was a stay-at-home Mom for years and believe me, the snide comments from working women were not very pleasant or uplifting. I was lucky to be able to work part-time later, but still missed out on things…It’s a choice we make..Yes, I could have skipped vacations and lived in a smaller house in a cheaper area–but I always explained to my kids the sacrifices and why.. As for moving times and sports to accommodate working women. BIG NO. The kids are already exhausted when they come home–carpool. I always helped out my working friends (yes, friends!!) and they helped me out in different ways. Ignore the haters–Men would never do the stuff we do to each other

Lori Hughes Phillips 12 months ago

#2 makes me laugh because the years that I was ‘co room mom’ for my youngest, it was me and another ‘work outside of the home mom’ that did EVERYTHING. The ‘stay at home’ mom’s did NOTHING unless pushed.

Wendy Pomales 12 months ago

What about those of us that work because daddy got laid off? Why are we looked down on? I swear he got so much crap for staying home. It’s not like he is a slacker or asked his company to go belly up.

Marie Valentino Fry 12 months ago

Wow, I have been both, they have very different challanges, but not sure why all the hatred towards stay home moms. I have had some pretty nasty things said to me by working moms too. Kids have excellent radar, they know if you are giving them your best or not. Their are selfish moms both working and full-time, and wonderful ones as well. It’s not a competition. (Oh, the full time is a description of them, it’s not all about you you you)

Sylvia Kertesy 12 months ago

People should read the book “just let me lie down “. A book about removing the guilt from working moms. If I didn’t work my daughter and I would probably kill each other. Nuff said.

Ingrid Green 12 months ago

We do what we we want to do. That is all.

Sheilah Fischer 12 months ago

This is very well written!!

Fallon 12 months ago

If only #6 were true but my stay at home mom friends husbands make decent money, but the hubbs and I do not, so I’m the slumpy worker and they are kept housewives with a new Pandora bracelet to honor all the things they do, soccer mom, class mom, team mom…. Shut up I gotta find my scrubs with the stain on the knee and rush to work

Amanda Shannon 12 months ago

#10 #10 #10!!!!

Danielle Mason 12 months ago

I was raised by a single mom who worked tirelessly to provide for us and show us love. She wasn’t at every school function nor did she fix gourmet dinners every night. However, my sister and I turned out very well and I wouldn’t trade my mom for all the stay home moms in the world.

Tiffany 12 months ago

I know what you mean. My 11 year old daughter decided when she was 3 that she wants to be a Vet when she grows up. She received the President’s Award last year for her grades-High Honor Roll 4th and 5th grades. Not bad for someone who has been in daycare since she was 8 weeks, eh?

Kim Love Marine 12 months ago

#10 is priceless! LOL

Jennifer Sinnett 12 months ago

Be negative only make the journey more difficult you may have been given a cactus but you don’t have to sit on it let’s support each other not ripe each other apart

Nancy Ross 12 months ago

Let’s not forget single moms who have no choice! Boy, just wait for someone to say something haphazard to me, I’m ready!

Andrea Sakalauskas Jarvis 12 months ago

She mostly seems overwhelmed with her own subtext creation. Take people at their word, assume the best, and screw the rest.

Sheila Munson Piccone 12 months ago

The article has a nasty, negative undertone. So what? Why care what anyone says. I just don’t get it. Be the best mom you can. Period.

Joanna 12 months ago

It’s not just about HAVING to work. I work because I want to, too. I need the mental stimulation and the adult social interaction. Heck, I went to college and got my degree, I think it’s insulting to my parents who mostly paid for that to not use that degree. My career is an important part of who I am. And my child will know that women can do everything men can and see it. He’ll also see a household where everyone contributes to the family. My husband has stepped way up since I became pregnant. I never understand women who say their husband does nothing outside of work. That’s not an option in a family, imo.

Nancy Loiacono 12 months ago

Both my parents worked, my sister and I had numerous activities and plenty of family time. We are now well grounded adults with strong social skills and immune systems and doing just fine. We both have children and never for one minute for one minute think our kids would be better off with us at home! I love the smiles I get when I pick my son up at daycare. He loves it there!!

Kathy Conley 12 months ago

Sooo hard! Sooo much guilt! Ugh but we are in fact SUPER WOMEN!

Cynthia Lingley-Boudreau 12 months ago

I am a working mom by choice. I love my kids to death and I love my job (albeit much less than my kids). If I had the option to stay at home, I’m not sure that I would given they are not here from 7:20-3:45 daily anyway.
Having said that, It frustrates me hearing how busy SAHM are with volunteering, grocery shopping, homework, housework and cooking… News flash: this working mom works 40-50 hours outside the home weekly and still has to do all of those things too. The “lunch breaks” many of you mention working moms getting are pretty non-existent for me, but when I do have one, I’m usually running an errand (like buying 1000 rolls of toilet paper from Costco so I don’t run out in the next month:))
I do however agree with the intellectual stimulation. I was at home for two years when my kids were infants and my brain was mush! I was happy to converse with grown ups once I returned to work (though admittedly I shed a tear as I left my babies at home with their grannie).
Both jobs are hard.. Why can’t we all just get along:)

Natali Drake 12 months ago

I’m a mum of two girls under 6 and run my own (small) company. I am also a writer and recently had the following article published about the importance of being a Mom With Ambition! Ladies…you are all doing a great job, read the last paragraph if you don’t believe me…and keep going xx
http://www.selfishmother.com/finding-the-u-in-mum/

Katherine Jennings Lewis 12 months ago

Last year, I got to “retire” and stay home with my then 2 and 6 year-old. I hate when I hear crap like that said to a working mom. Yes, staying at home is hard, but it isn’t like the double-duty of being a working mom. I’ve now done both so I’m an expert. I’d rather scrub crayon off the walls for the millionth time…

Jessica Blalock 12 months ago

OMG #5!

Mother of Dragons 12 months ago

Valerie! The “not cool part”??? C’mon babe. Fall is upon us! We are the cool part. We’ve got the apples and pumpkins and Bob Ross worthy fall foliage. I’m in the CNY and the “c” stands for cool 😉 or cat’s ass – that works too

Kerry Topel 12 months ago

This woman is doing what she needs to do & has enough problems without worrying about what anybody else says or thinks about it. I too had to work –at first full time but I was as irritated with it all as she seems to be so I found ways to work at home, then part time in evenings, etc. Just do what you have to, & stop worrying what other people think & say.

Emily A. 12 months ago

UGH! YES! I ran out of sick days last year and had to beg to be allowed to use personal days retroactively for my OWN conjunctivitis. It was awful. Not to mention what another person said about having to choose other people’s kids over your own. Not to mention all the assholes on the first day joking about how glad they were to send their kids back… I was crying because I had left my 5 month old in daycare that day. She was fine, I was not.

Our society seriously sucks for mothers. We are NOT family-friendly, and don’t let anyone tell you we are.

Kelli Carpenter 12 months ago

I’m NOT going to start bashing working mums, but as a SAHM I get a LOT of abuse from working mums, mostly in the “lazy” vein. The back handed “gosh what do you do all day?!” Or “wow I wish I had that LUXURY”…..Erm yes I’ll remember the ‘luxury’ next time I’m dead on my feet simultaneously raising my babies into decent humans, educating them and running a household in the same efficient way I used to do my “job”, as yes, shockingly I have been employed my whole working life and put in 12-14 hour days there. As well as the million other things I do all day. In fact some days I’d rather go back to my stressful demanding job as I consider it easier most days!!
As mothers we should be supporting each other in our choices not bashing each other. It’s hard on both sides of the fence!

Keleigh Lyons 12 months ago

I work two jobs….Both are “part” time so they basically equal a full time. I don’t see my baby girl awake from Sunday night through wednesday night. Sometimes it hurts so badly, I sit in my car at lunch and cry. But i then remind myself that I am blessed to be able to spend Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays with her. My work schedule is pretty great, but not seeing your kid for 3 days sucks.

Beth Pettit 12 months ago

Old lady in my office: “I don’t know how you young women DO it – leaving your babies and working all day!” Gawd!! And that was like 15 years agos and I can still remember wanting to smack that “sympathetic” smirk off her face!

Jennifer Alban Stoney 12 months ago

Omg I LOVE this!!!!

Chantelle Roy Kimball 12 months ago

My pet peeve has been the mood of the “so glad my kids are back to school, so I can get these kids out of my house” posts. I feel like summer flew by and I hardly saw my kids, and now it is back to homework, evening sports and busy weekends.

Diana Gordon 12 months ago

What she said…

Natasha Lansdale 12 months ago

While I do agree with several of these. As I have been on both ends. Ive worked out of the home, I’ve been a stay at home mom and I have worked from my home. Starts sports and lessons before 530 drives me nuts. I dont think complain about or being upset and getting a call your child sick so be so upsetting. Everyone worries about losing their job I get that. But when you have children that is a risk you take. And yoir child should be your number 1

Melanie Lynn 12 months ago

1,3,9….I hear them all the time

Karri Jones Starling 12 months ago

Wow. That’s how WE feel ALL the time! Getting put down for having our kids in daycare. Smh.

Maj Red 12 months ago

Hollow laugh

Brittany Thompson 12 months ago

Ugh and #8 is missed by SOOOO many people

Nichole Plank 12 months ago

Nothing angers me more than hearing #1. “I could never let someone else raise my child.” Meanwhile at work I feel like I’m raising 28 first graders when I have to teach them manners, social skills, not to mention the common core.

Jenny Cobb 12 months ago

yes to it all!

Julia Long Huiberts 12 months ago

The people who say, “The people at daycare see more of your child than you do” are the same ones who admonish you by saying, “I would never let strangers care for my child.” How are the people who see more of my child than I do strangers to them?

Kimmy Steele 12 months ago

Every. Single. One. And the fever one, I dealt with that last week. Nothing like fearing losing your job that you need for everything because your baby is sick. And the kid is sick, and can’t go to daycare, and mom can’t be at work to make $ but must still pay daycare otherwise the kid’s spot could be given to someone else.

mo6 12 months ago

It seems to me that if you were comfortable with being a working mom and felt like it truly was what is best for your family it would not offend you when numbers

Dennisse 12 months ago

As a daugther of working parents I can say that be without mommy really sucks (specially at Christmas, and birthdays… My mom works at the hospital with crazy shifts). However, then I could understand why she was doing it and I became her fan #1. She showed me the meaning of hard work, she made me an independent woman ( since I was little I had to do everything by myself).
A big hug to all working moms!

Manuela-Andreea Schindler 12 months ago

YEAHH!!

erin 12 months ago

My family are sitting in a filthy shit hole eating ramen/fishfingers on top of a pile of dirty laundry most nights, I’m currently holding on by the skin of my teeth while I white knuckle it through two jobs on a day to day. Feel like a work failure and a Mom failure every day…

Aylan Krebsbach 12 months ago

I correct too! He IS their father!!! He does most of their care while I’m in nursing school. He does the dishes. He cleans. He works 50hrs a week. Babysitter? Naw, he’s a god-damned super-dad!

Aylan Krebsbach 12 months ago

Cause you could totally take a late lunch and make the appt work! #sarcasm

Vivian Chan Slater 12 months ago

This one is good…she’s just as angry hee her

Erika Greenberg 12 months ago

Yes, this! Especially no. 1. Must be nice to have the luxury of being able to stay home. People who say this should have that luxury taken away so they too have to work, then we’d see what they could “never” do.

Hilde M. Vonk 12 months ago

We all make the choices that are best for out families. And some of us (quite a few of us) don’t have a choice. I think 99,9% of parents do the very best they can. We all have to live with our choices.

I work, and I know intelligent, capable women who either chose to stay at home or were forced by circumstances (e.g. very sick children and a partner who made more than they did) to stay at home. I don’t think any of us are any less for those choices.

I do think it is good for women to work and continue to develop themselves, if that is a possibility. You never know if your marriage will last (I sure hope mine, well everyone’s, does), so it is always good to have a continuing resume to fall back on. I am lucky to be able to work parttime, though. I don’t know how I’d feel if I had to work fulltime to make ends meet.

Dawn Gee- Wessel 12 months ago

Number 2 was my enemy… I worked 3 jobs as a single mother, and was treated like trash because I had to work during conferences/programs/you name it. With no child support for two kids, I could not afford to just give up a day of work.

Michele Rothman 12 months ago

Omg. Really, ladies? So many b%?!+#s!

Hilde M. Vonk 12 months ago

Yup. The “oh I could NEVER leave my baby at daycare!” thing, gah. Well lady, my kid started going to daycare at twelve weeks. He only had to go two days a week, because I am lucky to be able to work parttime and my husband is home for him one day a week because he works Saturdays, but not everyone has that choice. If I didn’t work, we wouldn’t have a house.

Hilde M. Vonk 12 months ago

I am just wondering why it’s always women who get these comments. Apparently it’s fine for dads to work fulltime, and they can still build relationships with their kids.

I live in the Netherlands, where part-time work (in most cases, 24- 36 hours a week divided over 3-4 days) is quite normal for women. Men, too, are starting to work fewer hours (usually 32-36 hours) and this is accepted in a lot of fields now. Most kids of working parents go to daycare three days a week, I think. Daycare is subsidized because it is better for the economy long term if women are financially independent, or at least don’t have a gap in their resumes.

I am hoping this development will catch on in more countries. I feel lucky that I am able to work part-time. Without the daycare subsidies, we would both be working full-time in order to make a living and pay our mortgage. As much as I would like to stay at home sometimes, I think it is good for my development and financial independence to work. And I do think it’s good for them to see that women can work and bring home (part of) the bacon, too.

Ellie Key 12 months ago

“I wish I had the life that so many assume that I do as a dual-income household. It sounds pretty baller.”…it sure-freaking-does! I don’t even know how we have so little money.
And #10 – yes!!

Sabrina Sabserab Lange 12 months ago

Just by looking at the jugemental comments, I know now what to say to such working moms,exactly those things thx

Stephanie Fleming 12 months ago

Love love love this! Thank you for posting!

Vicki Lesage 12 months ago

Sometimes when people ask “how do you do it?” I think it’s a genuine compliment, but sometimes, like you say, it’s a question loaded with judgment. But then if you weren’t on top of things people would comment on that, too.

Olivia Ordaz 12 months ago

I love this! Just got off from work..

Laura Guilbeault 12 months ago

Yes. My husband and I are police officers and besides working shifts we are often home late. Plus my husband goes away a lot to do tactical shifts and to teach. And our my parents are a 16 hour drive away. His are a 3 hour drive plus a 5 hour flight. A nanny is a necessity. For the record I think that parenting is the hardest job out there. But even though I have a nanny and work, I don’t eat Bon bons (not everyday at least

Megan Truett 12 months ago

Yaaaas

Megan Truett 12 months ago

“Gosh, you travel SO much for work! Does she forget who you are?” (For the record, I really don’t and also … No, she certainly does not).

Becky Jolin Fredericks 12 months ago

Can’t we all just get along?? We insist our kids do it, but we spit at each other constantly. It’s crap!

Nicole Nixon 12 months ago

One positive thing I can say about being a working mom, is I love that my 2 little girls see me work and know that they can grow up to be smart strong women and be whatever they want to be.

Tiffany 12 months ago

Exactly! When my children started school, they were the only ones not crying and clinging to their mommy’s legs. Mine looked at me and said “Bye”!

Natalie 12 months ago

My personal favorite…1. Don’t you want to raise your OWN kids!?…I am thank you, that’s why they call me mom.

Petra Hulshof 12 months ago

In Sweden all mothers work. It’s very uncommon to stay at home.

Jasmine 12 months ago

Totally agree! I feel
That mothers are judged no matter what decision they make. When I was a working mom was judged because I was working and not taking care of my kids. Now as a stay at home mom, I feel judged because I am taking care of my kids and not working. We are all just damned if we do and damned if we don’t

Jennifer Stemwedel 12 months ago

#5 #5 #5!

Shab Tay 12 months ago

I think both working mom and sahm is difficult simply because as a mom, you think about your child all day and you have two jobs no matter what. Either way, you work all day. Then, you have to be a wife.

Jennifer Osso 12 months ago

I’m a SAHM and the initial summer activity schedule dies down in 2 weeks then my kids are border than shit. I think my kids had more fun at summer camp when I worked.. Lol

Jennifer Osso 12 months ago

Yup. Both difficult in different ways. Some times I wish I could get the F**k away from my lil shit heads even if was at work and other times I’m thinking I am so lucky I get to be home with my lil angels. It goes back and fourth depending on the day.. Lol

Rebekah Hinman 12 months ago

I have heard these…my favorite….but youbjust work so much.
Yes i do and when i am off i continue to work at home… someone has to feed and clothe my kids….or maybe ill quit….gonon welfare…then you can comment on that instead.

Linda Bergman 12 months ago

Yes, yes and Yes!!!

Melissa Baileey 12 months ago

I have to work for my own sanity. Usually if I feel any guilt about it, the weekend rolls in and by Sunday night I remember exactly why we need our special time apart LOL seriously though I believe in day care even if mom isn’t working and it’s only one day a week for a couple of hours. The social time is good, as well as giving kids an opportunity to have to wait their turn for things and learn fairness and respect for others and their space/belongings. Also, I am a huge supporter of giving little immune systems a workout. It has been proven that young kids in day care miss less school days when they are older and ultimately less sick days from work once they become adults. I hate when my kids are sick but deep down I also know (within reason) that it is good for them too. For that matter so is getting a skinned knee. Of course mom’s want to protect them from every little thing but logically they will have better coping skills if they aren’t. I can’t possibly be the only mom that imagines my children being independent functioning adults HAHAHAHA I love Scary Mommy!!!

Amanda Shawn Whitman 12 months ago

Why are women so ballsy to say such rude comments? I have my own part time business at home and juggling is a struggle with the kids!
Moms, Please stick together!! We need all the love we can get!!!

Kristin Kelley 12 months ago

I want to like this 100 times

Jessica McCarthy 12 months ago

My boss has 2 small children– one is the age is my youngest and the other is a baby. Most of my team are working moms. It’s so cool to have that level of understanding. I wish we all had that. I actually took this article from my boss’ page.

Denise Angevine Pearl 12 months ago

Say thank you for all the extra stuff stay at home moms do in the community! Doh.

Skiingmom 12 months ago

Your comment makes me sorry for the snarky ones I’ve posted, because I was sick of the holier than thou working parent posts. To you, thank you for the nice balanced post.

Denise Angevine Pearl 12 months ago

Working moms seem to be angry moms.

Kristin Kelley 12 months ago

At what age does the cushiness start? I’m ready lol

Skiingmom 12 months ago

I agree. And the ones that say “must be nice you can afford it”. Actually, we make a lot of sacrifices that you aren’t willing to make. These clothes I’m wearing were from 5 years ago. I use coupons. I get no respect from YOU. Yeah. It is nice, but I made the choice to stay home with my babies and pay in many ways for it.

Skiingmom 12 months ago

Huh? What is this comment about?

Kristin Kelley 12 months ago

Yes! All of this!

Erin LeBel 12 months ago

#7! I think it’s true for my girls, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am the primary breadwinner.

Amy 12 months ago

Today, both of my kids’ teachers called me AT WORK to ask if I could please bring Thing 1 and Thing 2 more snacks/more school supplies right away. What? First of all, you called me at work. They pay me to show up here. I can only leave unexpectedly so many times before they catch on and fire me. Second, what the hell happened to the huge box of Goldfish and $92 worth of school supplies I sent in? Don’t you tell me it went into the community share box, I will be pissed. And the fever thing kills me. His “fever” is a 99 temp. That’s only .4 of a degree above normal!

Valerie Ann 12 months ago

So sadly I had no choice but to work from time my lil man was 3 month until I was able to stay home a few weeks after his first birthday – and I was a preschool teacher. It broke my heart and all these things are so true and still break my heart and if I ever said them to any working mama I’m soooo sorry.

Kristin Kelley 12 months ago

As a SAHM, my girls never feel like I don’t want to be around them. I always enjoy being with them. And while I love my time alone when I get it, I don’t “crave” girls’ night out. So let’s not generalize all of us.

Skiingmom 12 months ago

Keri, you are obviously not an immunology major, or even just a considerate parent. Sending your hacking child in to hack all over mine with their cough and hiding their fever with Advil DOES in fact spread their germs around even more so than when they were asymptomatic. I guess you may be thinking about influenza, where you can spread it before there are symptoms, but then you STILL ALSO SPREAD your germs while you are sick, more so, because your sick kid who should be home in bed being fed chicken soup by their family is spraying their virus everywhere!

Lisa Creson 12 months ago

I think it’s a growing trend to read articles about what not to say to this person, that person, etc. It’s really not that big of a deal. I don’t take offense to comments from people who don’t know my full story. I think we should collectively calm down and not be so quick to get all indignant because someone said something ignorantly. BFD, it doesn’t matter to my life.

We all need to stop owning other peoples’ judgements. It’s really that simple.

Amber Nicole 12 months ago

Stop the mommy wars! It’s a stupid fight and a waste of time. Do what is right for you. Period!

Tina Torstenson 12 months ago

Wish I had a double income baller life lol

Holly Walton 12 months ago

How about when a relative says that the people at daycare see your kid more than you do?

Yeah, you know what? I got a good taste of being broke, when I was a kid. And in early adulthood. It comes with no college money, and a super shakey start in the real world. I will do everything in my power to make sure my kids don’t experience that, and if that means working, it means working. They’ll thank me when they aren’t taking out loans to go to a community college, and having to scrape and claw for everything they get.

Also helps that I didn’t marry a jackass, so I have a great husband to help raise our kids. Marry smart!

Lori Laurito Betz 12 months ago

I’ve been married 21 years and have worked full time every one of them. We started out young (our son is 24, yes we were in high school-whoops). We needed every cent we could both make and then some when we started out. My kids are 24 and 9, and I’ve ALWAYS wished I could’ve been home more. However…I work in early childhood and over the years I realized that my son has learned a few things about parenting and child development from listening to my work stories :) My daughter always asks about “my” children and families and “did you get all your home visits today?” If you work try to involve them as much as you can in your work, any little thing! They will learn from you and be proud of what you do. Remember that when you’re feeling guilty…or somebody throws #1-10 at you 😉

Myndy Hiskett Sherwood 12 months ago

This exactly!!!!
I have three kids and have done three different working situations with each one. It taught me things they all suck for different reasons, they’re all awesome for different reasons, and we’re all just trying to be the best moms we can in whatever circumstances we’re given.

Diane Boyce-Ricci 12 months ago

100 percent respect for working moms. Some of us SAHM are just jealous is all. Lol. I try to be a kind fellow parent. I understand and get it.

NKmama 12 months ago

That was my thought!

Lori Laurito Betz 12 months ago

Seriously? Why? Would be nice if you had the guts to back that up and reply.

Lori Laurito Betz 12 months ago

Amanda said that because the original poster said I should thank a SAHM…WTF for???

Zury Apolinario 12 months ago

been told all of them, to my face! in the other hand, couldn’t care any less.

Sarah Wilson 12 months ago

People can make such insensitive comments. People need to think before they speak. As for being pressured into helping with functions and roles at school and preschool, educational institutions seem to have high expectations of parents these days. As a stay at home parent I feel I can’t spend time at my daughter’s preschool or help with school swimming or this or that, not to mention all the fundraising, especially with three children. I’m learning to say no, which isn’t easy. I am sure you are doing a great job with your children, be encouraged.

Maria Gloria 12 months ago

I personally dislike it when PTO meetings and coffee chats are just in the middle of the day. Does anybody else have a job???

Charidy Vinson Nybo 12 months ago

Maybe that’s how my baby got sick. Thanks.

Keri 12 months ago

Thank you Tiffany. I’m sick to death of people assuming a woman should stay home or want to stay home. I have valuable skills and I am happy that I get to share them with the world and have an impact. I didn’t go to school for 20+ years to get a degree so I could hang a diploma on the wall as decoration. I have goals in life outside my children. It’s my right to pursue those goals as long as my children’s needs are being met. Many of my friends are SAHMs and we all love each other for our strengths and support each other whenever we need it. I do not understand this animosity!

Myndy Hiskett Sherwood 12 months ago

Hit the nail on the head, Becky.

Molly 12 months ago

“I’d like to go back to work, but I don’t want someone else raising my kids”

Amy McKinley-Escobedo 12 months ago

People are so clueless! Being a working mother is a tough job!!!! Much respect to all of us!!!

Myndy Hiskett Sherwood 12 months ago

That’s exactly the point. The words at face value do not dictate harm. You have to try and derive meaning by pretending you can read minds. She actually says she translates these simple comments into something else entirely.

Allison Hailey 12 months ago

Also dont forget the ‘oh you are a young single mom? I cant believe you!’ Or my other favorite ‘oh it is a shame they made you come in on a holiday… Dont you have a family’ as they pay their LARGE bill

Lori Laurito Betz 12 months ago

Unless you can read minds you can’t say how “harmless” the comments are or are not.

Myndy Hiskett Sherwood 12 months ago

Wow. You make it sound like all the kids with stay at home moms are just so deprived.
Parents can provide structure, it doesn’t only happen outside the home. And social interaction doesn’t only happen in daycare. Parents can prepare their children for school too. And because most kids don’t live in bubbles, they’re exposed to illnesses every time they leave their homes.
I understand you are trying to say daycares aren’t so bad, but geez. You don’t have to do it in a way where you’re putting down people who are different from you.

Jennifer Von Der Gruen 12 months ago

And kudos to us for holding it together!

Jennifer Borrego 12 months ago

No shit!!! I hate people sometimes!!! They are assholes!

Ludmilla Banks 12 months ago

You didn’t address moms that do shift work. My ex bitches about my hours, but they are fed good meals (I own two Crock pots), my job enables me to take my dinner break with them to make sure homework is done, they are showered, and tucked in. The double standard irritates me

Meredith Bryden Warren 12 months ago

I was the working mom with the SAHD (lazy freeloader was more like it) and now single mom. Honestly, I think the break my son and I have from each other makes our together time that much more special. He and I have a very tight bond…we have a lot of fun with each other when we are together (most days…lol)

Carolina Maria Russo Holding 12 months ago

My personal favorite. “Your husband LET you go back to work? When we hAve Kids my wife is staying home with them no matter what”

Didn’t know I needed permission to pursue my career. I was unaware of the fine print that after the kid comes out of my uterus I relinquish control.
That and Shut up, didn’t know u knew our finances so well.

Amanda Ch 12 months ago

I don’t like the title of this article bc all mothers are working mothers. I’ve been both a sahm and worked in an office and they both have their difficulties

Jenny Rosenthal 12 months ago

Spot on.

Dagne 12 months ago

Thank you so much for this!!

Jeanelle Weihert 12 months ago

Regarding number 1 – some working mothers DO have a choice, and we choose to allow ourselves professional AND maternal fulfillment – I can’t stress enough that the word AND is not synonymous with the words INSTEAD OF. Can’t we all just get along and respect one another’s choices on the grounds that A) women in this country have a choice at all, and B) choosing differently doesn’t necessarily equal choosing poorly? That is all. Carry on. *steps down from her soapbox*

Myndy Hiskett Sherwood 12 months ago

All this article is good for is dividing moms and pinning us against each other. Everyone is fighting over which is better and who has it worse.
News flash, there’s pluses and minuses to both.
What a stupid article. The author could’ve described how hard it is to be a working mom without forcing spiteful meaning into harmless comments and making it look like all SAHMs are thoughtless idiots.

Amanda Dorrett 12 months ago

This post is spot on and there are bunch more for the single mum who works full time. Why do people need to be so judgmental! Almost daily I have to just smile politely to avoid telling someone to STFU. Ahh

Melly 12 months ago

Totally get it, except for the part where people can’t cheer you on when they say you are super woman for doing all you do. Kinda sounds like SAHMs can’t say anything to you without you reading into it. Rock on mama, but don’t assume everyone is looking down their noses at you. A little too mommy-wars for me.

Sofia Munday 12 months ago

Do what is best for your family! Every single child is different. So is every family’s financial situation & level of support. I grew up in a Communist country, and was happy to have food to eat never mind my mother worrying about half the crap some mothers go on about!
My advice:
1. Never ever listen to people who have no kids.
2. Make sure you do whatever it takes to stay mentally healthy and happy. A happy loving open mom is more beneficial to the kids then anything else. If that means some daycare time for the kids then so be it!
3. Whatever time you do have with them make it about them as much as possible. Be really there mentally and laugh and love and enjoy them. The dishes can wait.

Tina A J Schmidt 12 months ago

Honestly this sounds like a lot guilt on a bunch of comments that can be taken out of context.

Becky Welsch 12 months ago

Why does it matter which is harder? Stop trying to put one above the other. I was working with two under two and now I am staying home and working from home part time. They are both difficult in different ways. Accept your choices and do your best. And for god’s sake, stop trying to one up one another

Meg Hissam Lail 12 months ago

All of them lol
Interestingly, however, when my daughters brownie troop was about to be disbanded for lack of leaders, the only two moms to step up were the only two working moms…go figure :/

Sarah Bella 12 months ago

When you say your child is sick and the responce is “again!!?” Yes again, probably psychosomatic because I don’t have time to go volunteer in their classroom. Annnd you don’t even know about the last time they were sick becaue I scrambled to get that covered to dodge this exact situation. Geez Louise.

Anonymous 12 months ago

I have been on both sides (although I never worked full time) and I must say I admire the people who have the strength to do it (even if not by choice). Working and being a mommy is hard and you miss a lot. My daughter was taken care of by my mother-in-law and I remember being upset because they all went to the Zoo and because I had to work, I missed my daughter’s first time to the zoo… Unfortunately there was nothing I could do about it since we needed the money. I am thankful each day that I can be a stay at home mom now and respect those who do not have that option because I remember how hard it was when I couldn’t.

Erica Collins 12 months ago

I feel you. Finally got a day off from work to help in my child’s class when a mom comes over to tell me ” I come here every Friday to help out” BFD some of us work at a hospital and people don’t stop being sick! f@#%*

Julie Brady Newcomb 12 months ago

I’ve stayed home and now am back to work and I think this author needs to relax a bit and stop taking offense to every offhand comment.

Marilyn Moore 12 months ago

Great article!

Valene Fahrenthold 12 months ago

I love every single one of these!!

Melanie 12 months ago

Amen. To both Lisa and Jennifer.

Lori Laurito Betz 12 months ago

Kristin, I’ve worked in early childhood for 21 years now, and yes…your kids’ history is affecting how they’re adjusting to daycare. You said they’re only 3 and 4, and you’re the most consistent mom they’ve had in their short lives-they’re still learning to trust that they won’t be separated from you. The fact that they want to be with you is a positive though-they’ve bonded with you. I hope he gets the job and I wish the best for all of you!!

Hanna 12 months ago

OMG you must live in my head, all of these but the fever one is so dead on. Had that last week yet again and of course my dear husband was in a meeting and I was alone at work. Always the worst timing. Even worse when you get there after playing out every worst scenario in your head and find out he doesn’t have a fever after all…

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

The last sub I had was wiping my kids down with Clorox wipes… Yeah, not ok. And I shouldn’t be grateful to people doing their job… If you’re gonna collect a pay check from this, earn it.

Kristy May Marks 12 months ago

Amen! Sub plans are the worst!!

Kevin Schumacher 12 months ago

I worked two jobs for years so that we would be able to always have a parent at home to raise our wonderful children. Our boys have flourished because of it. My wife sacrificed a career to do it.

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

Thanks Lori! That’s all I was trying to say! :)

Monique Armann 12 months ago

She probably didn’t have kids, right?

Melissa Coyne 12 months ago

Nicole , I think we can relate, at least to some of these

Andrea Arnold 12 months ago

I stayed at home with my kids and wish I didn’t. Would have been a better mother, wife if I had outside interests, a career.

Nina Schwartz Kantrowitz 12 months ago

#9!

Blythe Duke Sather 12 months ago

All this.

Mikki Caplan-Zaple 12 months ago

Pretty much this: if you wouldn’t say it to my husband, don’t say it to me.
My husband has never received any questioning about his returning to work after our children were born. I don’t appreciate the double standard, so yeah, if it wouldn’t seem weird if a man would do it, don’t say it to a woman.

Jenifer Richardson 12 months ago

I could seriously print this in BOLD on pretty little paper and paste it on the wall in plain view of every SINGLE woman, prissy women who prejudge me when I drop my son off in the morning at daycare, and fellow co-workers who think it’s sooooo easy to work, live, eat, survive, breathe, and raise a child in 24 hours when you need 48!

Jessica Messerschmitt 12 months ago

I’ve been a full time working mom and am now a full time SAHM. There is no “perfect” situation. There are good and bad things about working outside the home and vice versa. I wish moms would support each other more and stop with the snide remarks. I’ve heard rude comments when I was working outside the home and I hear them now. I feel like i could write the companion article to this one about all the comments I hate hearing as a SAHM. All women should do what is best for them and their families regardless of what others say or think and maybe we all need have a little more compassion and understanding for others. We are all different and what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another.

Emily Whorton Harwood 12 months ago

A-freaking-men.

Heather Larson 12 months ago

Amen! I proud to work in IT and can’t wait to share my career with my daughter’s… But I get all of these all the time. This year they are starting school. The volunteer form came home and even had a check box for “work from home” which said in the description that it’s a perfect choice for working moms. They’ll send stuff home to be done while watching TV. No joke, it said work you can do from home while watching TV. Cause that’s what I do every night after the kids go to bed of course. Oh and the mandatory orientation for parent volunteers? 8:40am-10am this Thursday. Weeding out the working moms perhaps?

Dea Pawlaczyk Poston 12 months ago

It still shocks me that people think being a SAHM is an automatic benefit to children. I COULD stay at home, but I don’t. I work full-time. Why? Because I am a better, happier and more attentive mom this way! And my child is so much more advanced and well adjusted given what she learns and experiences at daycare/school!

Kate Higgins Otis 12 months ago

3, 5 & 6!

Nicole Aßhley Maryon 12 months ago

I work 40 hours a week but have the privilege of having my daughter with me during that time. I ALWAYS look forward to spending time with her. Regardless of how often I see her. So stop generalizing people you don’t know AH!

Shannon Adler 12 months ago

Listen to yourselves rant and complain about the other. We all have it hard. Raising children whether you stay home or work, whether by choice or not, is fucking hard. Stop judging each other. Shut up!

Lori Laurito Betz 12 months ago

I’m guessing the pool of subs that are qualified to handle your class is pretty small…so maybe a little gratitude you get ANY??

NKmama 12 months ago

If your kids were sick for that long and werent able to improve enough to go back to school during that time period, maybe the germs were from places other than just school. Three weeks out of school is a long time to be sick. Personally, I always ask the doctor when they can go back…..rarely is it more than a couple of days.

I am happy that your husband is “capable”, my husband is too! I belive that I am teaching my children the value of good work ethic as well as all the other things I fit in about manners, math and bullies between homework and bedtime. Additionally, I feel that I can teach my daughter to define herself in a variety of ways since asher role model I am not jyst her mom.

Nicole Toth Paul 12 months ago

I get this. And then there are those of us women who chose to work because we want to. No one needs to be judged for the choices anyone makes … I love working – it makes me a better mother.

Victoria 12 months ago

I’m a married working parent and I hate it that everyone assumes that means we have a dual income household. Why did I return to work so soon after my babies were born? I thought they might need a roof over their heads and food in their mouths, just like the rest of my family does. I hate it when people ask stupid questions and I just answer them honestly. I need to pay my family’s bills.

Alexiss207@gmail.com 12 months ago

Make friends with a sahm who your kid is friends with their kid… Offer to help out, financially, or in another way… It takes 19 minutes for some one to say. Hey, my job is super demanding, our kids are friends, can I make you my/ our back up? In return I’d be happy to be your, xyz. It’s pretty simple, stop me from having to sell candy bars at the grocery store and I’d he happy to be your; can you help a sister out, go to. This divisive post is Stupid. MAKE AN EFFORT AND STOP BEING SO FREAKING SENSITIVE!!!!

Joyce Edmonds 12 months ago

I have heard the opposite in Denmark. Kids are expected to go to some kind of daycare. How are you supposed to keep them stimulated all day at home? Of course in Denmark, both parents are encouraged to work 4 days a week and daycare is heavily subsidized.
I think this is a very civilized way of thinking. You have more learning and more family time too. Read the book “Overwhelmed” by Brigid Schulte it will help us move past the 50s “stereotype” of the homemaker that has been haunting us “working moms”
It is good to work and be a mom. It may be busy but it also helps us be more balanced.

Lori Laurito Betz 12 months ago

Amanda had a good point though…not every working mom has a job that consists of highly intelligent conversation while dressed in designer business suits, in super-modern offices in the city, having stimulating conversation with your coworkers…lol

Heather Tolbert 12 months ago

The worst comment I ever received was from my Assistant Director of Nursing boss who said to me “Isn’t there anyone else you can call to take your daughter to this appointment?” Not only the fact that IM THE MOTHER OF COURSE I SHOULD BE THERE It was a heart catheterization and I’m a single mom with no family support ya dumb bitch. She should be ashamed as a nursing supervisor and a mother to even suggest that I work rather than be there for my special needs child when she is having surgery. I told her before she even hired me about my whole situation of being a single mom of a special needs child and I would have to periodically take off work for surgeries and stuff, she hired me knowing all of that. Yea that job didn’t last very long….

Mari Kristine 12 months ago

My MOTHER IN LAW:
“I really wanted to raise my boys myself so I stayed home when they were little.”

Did you hair f&8(@ing imply that I am not raising my kid?

Yep.

You did.

:€

Lala Kubo Bevilacqua 12 months ago

I can see your point. I would say in my case, if my son was school age, I would be back working outside of home. So when I say that, personally, working from home is the most challenging, it’s exclusive to the situation that I have a young child at home. I would also say though that there’s advantages and disadvantages for both, even without a child in the mix. I think it depends on the type of job and what your definition is of down time. It could be coffee and snacks but then again you could also do that at work. I guess to sum it up, it’s all subjective?

Ronnie Kelly 12 months ago

Me too! The fever. Yuck! They have a strict policy at his daycare. Just have to get up tell boss and go. It happens from time to time though.

Valarie Bradshaw 12 months ago

Number three that totally describes my panic. And now I know why! I was a working mom with my first, with my second I’m going to school and so I am staying home full-time. But whenever I get a phone call from the school saying my daughter sick come pick her up, I panic. All my other stay-at-home mom Friends thought I was a little crazy for that, now I know why I do it

Melissa 12 months ago

7. “Maybe he would be less hyper if he got to spend more time with you.” This one hurts and I’ve actually had someone say this to me. Suggesting that my kids would be somehow better off I were around more is like a knife straight in my heart because then I start to wonder if it might be true.

I am a working mom and I cringe at all of these, but this one is probably true. I do believe my daughter would be better off if I were around more. I am sincerely interested to hear why you don’t feel the same way.

Kelly Maly Lackey 12 months ago

So true.

Dana Billick O’Donoghue 12 months ago

I love this

Tela G. Thomason 12 months ago

‘You must be so busy.’ OMG don’t you dare!!

Susan Noblitt Banks 12 months ago

Awesome article!

Meghan Stritar 12 months ago

Totally agree these comments are bad some are just as bad above about stay at home moms. Can’t we all just agree that no two moms do anything exactly the same and move on? If you know what you are doing is best for you and your family just focus on that and be happy.

Ronnie Kelly 12 months ago

Working single dads feel the pressure too! :)

Stephanie Head Koufeldt 12 months ago

Funny

Melissa Sperry 12 months ago

This!! Perfectly written!

Janel Parkinson 12 months ago

I took the time to go to school so I could have a career I love to help provide for my family. I waited to have kids so I would be able to have a family and work. Plus my daughter likes to play with her friends at daycare….great social skills are learned in that environment.

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

Hahahaha! YES!

Susan Malone Semadeni 12 months ago

Here here! I WORK from home, so I fall on both sides of the fence here. The tragedy is that I wanted to be at home for my kids because I saw how working mothers got the shaft at my office job “Sorry your kid’s sick AGAIN, but you’re completely out of vacation and sick pay and–know what? if you leave to go pick them up this time, just don’t bother coming in when they’re better.” Unfortunately, the nature of the job I chose means that I spend more time shushing them and shooing them away because I need silence at the computer when they want to play or eat a snack or nurse or whatever. Breaks my heart. We’re all doing the best we can, here.

Keri 12 months ago

Never feel guilty for following your dreams. Part of what is wrong with our country is that we have put our children above all else and they are growing up feeling entitled. Parents’ need to put themselves first on occasion to maintain balance in their lives. I love my career. I work with disabled children and it’s some of the most fulfilling and amazing work I could imagine. It makes me appreciate my daughters and their typically developing abilities. I don’t think I’d be as good a mom if I didn’t feel like I was making a difference in the world outside my own home. Be proud of what you do. Your children are loved and will grow up to be just fine. You are a great mom and never let anyone tell you differently.

Joanna McCawley 12 months ago

Amen.

Kathleen 12 months ago

I’m with you there! I’ve been staying home for the past nine years, but our plan has always been for me to go back to work full time once our youngest goes to full-day elementary school. That day is still two years out on the horizon for me and I can already feel the panic setting in! haha My biggest regret about staying home so long is that I have well established myself as the one who does the cleaning, and the meal planning, and the shopping, and the conferences, and the field trips, and the sports, and the music lessons, and the doctors/dentists/orthodontists/hairstylists appointments, etc, etc, etc. It is going to be a HUGE adjustment for our family when I start working full time because at this point in time I can not even begin to fathom how I will be able to balance everything plus a job! I keep telling my husband he is going to have to get ready to step it up! When I look at my working-mom friends and their happy, active kids I am not wondering how they “do it all” from a judgemental or accusatory place. I genuinely want to know how they do it!!

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

…or you work with children. And the adult time is few and far between!

Emma Harris 12 months ago

I honestly never take any of these comments the way this lady does. I really think she is overthinking a lot of it. The only one that gets me is when my son doesn’t want to go to daycare or he’s sick and my husband stays home with him if he can. I feel bad to him but none of these bother me in the slightest. Maybe I’m naive and everyone is really this horrible though.

Aimée Brown-Shadduck 12 months ago

I haven’t had a similar experience, but I would say just to keep applying and keep pushing. Get creative with where you apply, think of ways your skills and experience can be utilized outside of what you have been doing, just keep at it. I was a single mom, and I always had the mentality failing to be employed as not an option. You haven’t failed to find a job, you’re just not done looking yet. Keep at it mama.

Katie 12 months ago

Wow, you know a lot of shitty people. I’ve never been a stay at home mom and never intend to. Although, I’m sure the daycare/school issues are a pain in the butt (my husband and I work separate shifts, because we can’t afford daycare) so they don’t apply to me. I work full time and am a full time student, mother, and wife. I can’t believe anyone would dare belittle a mother for providing for their children. Biznatches.

Tara Kelley Tanner 12 months ago

I love how it blows other mothers’ minds when I say I actually enjoy working.
I usually get the “you probably shouldn’t of had children then” looks.

Wendy 12 months ago

I work because I like to work. We could probably get by if I didn’t. But you know what, because I work, we GET to go those extra things like go to Disney World (with lots of savings), and I get to have a decent pair of shoes (that aren’t 25 years old) and my husband can play golf with his buddies. I’ve never gotten a guilt trip for not helping at school more often, but nothing is better than the sound of my 4 year old shouting “Mommy!!!” and running into my arms when I pick her up at daycare.

Suzie M 12 months ago

Ha! My kids have been in daycare from 3 months for 10 hours a day and we all love it! 100 kids, 30 staff. A group of professionals are helping to bring up my kids. People with training and education who can sooth, guide and reprimand my now toddlers, who share in the joy of successful standing, walking, toilet training etc. I have a village!
A great working mums support network as to enter our daycare all adults in the household must be in full time employment. The kids have much more exposure to craft, active play, directed play, hands on in the dirt fun, meals with a crowd than they would ever have at home with me.
And I am educating the men in a corporation that it is ok to leave early for family, conference calls can be done from home, and in the office women with kids are the same as men with kids.
Stand tall ladies, you are doing what is right for you and your family. And have patience with the multitude… educate one at a time!!! Our daughters should not have to listen to this shit when they make their own family decision. :)

Joanna McCawley 12 months ago

Oh dear this turned into a pissing contest didn’t it.

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

I teach in a self contained classroom for students with autism. Unfortunately all the subs I have had are terrified of or grossed out by my students. Not all subs are useless (sorry for the blanket statement) but the ones in my classroom have been.

Bernadette Ichigui 12 months ago

I often ask other mothers “How do you do it?” because I want tips! 😉

Ashley Broner Leepart 12 months ago

As a working mother, I just have had it with these ignorant, cutting comments listed in this article. The sort of people that seem to make them are usually trying to justify something about their own life. They just don’t bother me any longer. They are just time wasters and no longer do I justify the choices that my family makes about working.

Rheanna Rocha 12 months ago

Yeah childcare for 5 would be outrageous and probably more than your pay. I have a college degree and 9 years steady experience in my field and childcare for one eats up a lot of my pay. I don’t want to work, but I have to. It isn’t that great, trust me, lol.

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

I get everyone’s point of view here… When you have a child with a disability, it can be a full time job going from one therapy to another… Dealing with meltdowns over mundane things other parents just go through with ease… But then there’s this idea that working moms get to spend time with all adults. Today I was kicked, slapped, had to dig something out of a kid’s mouth, had to change a 6th graders pull-up, and got cursed out (my one verbal kiddo’s favorite mid melt down line is calling me a stupid f-ing b…). Yeah, no adult time! I’m lucky if I get 10 minutes to pee and throw food in my face!

Valerie Candillo 12 months ago

I’m not saying I don’t support moms decisions/choice to stay home. I’m just stating what I think and this is my opinion.

Nicole Van Hoose 12 months ago

I don’t work to make ends meet. I work because that is what I choose to do. I don’t need to make excuses about being financially strapped. I spent 12 years in college and graduate school to have a career. I have no problem with people staying home. Do what works for you and yours. What I do works beautifully for us. My kids are loved, super smart, involved, social, articulate, productive, driven and happy; and I think a lot of that is because, so am I. If momma ain’t happy…

Jackie Trevino 12 months ago

It’s really nice to be with your children, but it’s also nice to leave them in another safe & living environment, work a job to earn an income to benefit your family, and enjoy an adult conversation at the office. Talking about poopy diapers & Elmo gets old after a while.

Carrie Hollnbacher Francois 12 months ago

Gosh, I am a sub, it’s nice to know teachers with full time jobs (that I only wish I had) find my being there “useless”.

Lori Laurito Betz 12 months ago

Melissa, I’m sorry your employer is like that…so insensitive :(

Rheanna Rocha 12 months ago

Fingers crossed for you!!!

Stephanie Henry Duncan 12 months ago

I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years, then boom divorce. Now I work full time, raise 4 kids on my own, juggle every single extra curricular activity, make dinner every night, help my kids with their homework, and go to school. What the hell did you do today stay at home mom??

Christa 12 months ago

Or how about your co-workers telling you that you should be a stay at home mom instead of being away from them working a full time job. I would love to, fuckwit. I just need to work so we have a “home” for me to “stay at” with them. Jeeeez.

Joan Gioe 12 months ago

My only grievance is this (and pure opinion)… Working from home is definitely more difficult than working in an office. But.. Working from home – there is an end game there. Eventually your kid(s) will all be in school. There is down time that just inherently office moms do not get. Again not mom shaming or bashing. Just opinion

Bernadette Ichigui 12 months ago

“Tsk. That is a shame. They are only young once.” “Can’t you do your job part time?” “Why doesn’t your husband make enough? Is he helpful with the kids?” “You need to work late.” “Your husband needs to pitch in.” “Dads are so unhelpful.” “You should hire a nanny.” “He cried all day because he missed you.”

Grace 12 months ago

The comment that irks me the most and my childless best friend has even said it to me is “I want to raise my kids, not a babysitter. That’s important to me.” Really? I’m not raising my kids? Thanks for that. And no, it’s not important to me that I raise my children. No biggie.

Rheanna Rocha 12 months ago

Angry much? She isn’t saying stay at home moms sit around eating Bon bons. She’s saying she has a nanny to watch her kids while she is at work, and people act like she’s lounging instead of working.

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

I think you said it perfectly Rheanna!!!

Julia Carrier Donley 12 months ago

Nazanin, they read our minds :) #saltandpeppershaker

Rheanna Rocha 12 months ago

This one is very unfair to me. I’ve seen so many say “I don’t get holidays or sick days or vacation days like you do!” Yes, and when I get those days I spend them doing what you do every day at home. Why is it a vacation for me but a job for you? Unfair!

Virginia IceKream Crouch 12 months ago

I got that one from family too. It sucked.

Amanda Hardiman 12 months ago

Also, some of us choose to work. I like to exercise my brain in ways other than mothering provides, and I feel more fulfilled with myself by continuing in my career. It is not a sentence or a burden, but a choice. I realize it is not a choice for everyone and I feel fortunate that I love my career. I am a saner mother (this is just me not all mothers). I am envious at times of SAHMs, just as I’m sure some of them are envious of working outside the home. No need to judge each other. Also, not all day cares suck. I love the schools my children attend during the day. The teachers and staff are extensions of our family. I feel my kids are well adjusted and prepared for the world in large part due to being in school so young. To each her own.

Renee Hoskins 12 months ago

My favorite is from my mommy friends who stay at home (not all but most) ‘you have no idea how hard I have it. You’re lucky you get to go to work it’s so much easier that way’. Yes it is a ton easier when I do everything you do after working all day. Especially since I do it on my own

Natalie Sweetz Lawler 12 months ago

Mines still on the inside and I often get shouldn’t you be home resting. I was put on 4 days bed rest after a lil bleed I was going crazy after 2 days I begged to come back they wouldn’t let me

Samantha Bloom 12 months ago

#whatsfordinner #helpmewithmyhomework #ineedTHISfortomorrow #weareoutofmilk

Keri 12 months ago

Well said Mindy!

Jen Gibson 12 months ago

Shit I’m a little jealous you said husband–a little. Single parent to young twins w/ no help by any means of their “donor”. I dread the day I have to deploy & lv them. I’ve heard some of these. I get “Oh twins! I want(ed) twins. Get it over in one shot! How fun are they?!”

Virginia IceKream Crouch 12 months ago

Effing A. I hate these comments.

Also, what gives anyone else the right to try to make me feel like an asshole about the roles my family has chosen?

Mandy Carleton 12 months ago

I worked full time until my son was 4, was a SAHM for 6 years before going back to work full time. I regret missing out on my son’s early years & the years I stayed home were the best, but I don’t miss my son when I am at work. I do miss my husband when he’s off and I’m working! I fully support moms who choose to work as well as those who have to work. Women need to learn to support each other instead of competing for super mom awards!

Madeline Rodriguez 12 months ago

I hear half of them often

Rheanna Rocha 12 months ago

Absolutely! I did that for about a year and that’s the hardest life has ever been for me. Kudos to you!!

Sharon Celek 12 months ago

I haven’t even had the baby yet & already I’ve gotten uninvited comments about my choice to go back to work after my leave… I had no idea I’d have to deal with so much judgment!

Kelly Nowak 12 months ago

I ignored all that shit. And guess what? The kids turned out great. The kids used to tell me “you didn’t come to my events”. And I said ” that right, I’m working to take care of this family so get over it”. And they got over it. Do what you think is right and ignore the rest !

Vanessa Ross 12 months ago

“Aren’t your kids sick all the time?”

Michelle King-Best 12 months ago

Just a question for all of you who are currently working: I was a workaholic for years, then I got laid off when I was pregnant. I love taking care of my son who is now 6 months old but with our finances I do need a job…. And I actually miss the grind a little bit ( I know I’m weird that way). I very much would like to return to work but am having zero luck getting back Into the workforce. Anyone have any tips or similar experience?

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

Exactly but I have had SAHMs say they don’t get sick days because I can call into work sick. Yes, I can call in sick but it doesn’t take away my responsibilities as mom. My mom takes my daughter if I’m truly sick or her and daddy quarantine themselves if he can take off. It’s not working mom magic… It’s just using your resources.

Jennifer Mapp Bressan 12 months ago

I thoroughly enjoy going to work. I find it infinitely easier than staying at home.

April Caillouet 12 months ago

X two single mom with no child support so i willl now take a bow. The can eat my dust…i do what i can. And when daycare wont take a sick kid he goes to work actually last time we hit my highest day ever in sales. So yes I was going batshit crazy but we made it work

Devynn Moore 12 months ago

I was a SAHM for the first 18+mons if his life. I’m that horrible person who prefers working. Getting an only child out of the house and socialized was the best decision I made. When I stayed home, I lived in a place that specialized in part time daycare. An afternoon to myself was a godsend! I was BORED senseless and would take the time to do things that only kid free ppl can do or pamper myself. Or nap. Whatever. After his dad and I split, I HAD to go back to work. The money is nice bc we can go do fun stuff w it, but I feel like a full human being as a working mom than not. His immune system is strong, his social skills are on par and kindergarten is looking bright! A good rule of thumb is to just keep your mouth shut abt why moms do what they do bc 1) it’s not your business and 2) it won’t affect your life, unless you don’t want friends.

Jennifer Rathunde 12 months ago

Thank you!!!!

DeAndrea Cormier 12 months ago

Yes. Yes…and yes!

Melissa Jarvis Bauder 12 months ago

Renee René Baumann. Thank you for posting this. I can totally relate!

Laur N MC 12 months ago

“I don’t know how you do it. I just couldn’t do what you do everyday.” I’ve heard that one a few too many times. I guess I “just do it” as Nike’s slogan says to. Of course I miss my son. But, without either of us working, we wouldn’t have the things we do. We don’t live beyond our means. We do the best we can. My husband and I are both police officers and our shifts our totally opposite. I see my son in the evenings and when I’m off. I put him to bed. My husband sees him during the day. Somehow, it works for us. All I know is that my son is a happy, healthy, lovable little boy and the hugs and smiles and giggles I get when I come home is the best ever. Who’s business is it really to judge one another. We all love our kids. We do what is best for our families, not others families.

Brenda Torres 12 months ago

Loved this..specially no 10!!

Robin 12 months ago

I think you’re missing the point here. It’s not whether a job is “worth it,” but rather that keeping the job is so very important on a financial level Again, I’d venture to guess that very few mothers are happily dropping off their sick kids at school or daycare or taking their sweet old time to pick them up if they are sick. Life is not black and white like that.

Mariah Leah Whigham 12 months ago

Afuckingmen. I’m lucky. My brother watches my 3yo son so he’s not with a stranger. And yes, I’m aware that he’d probably behave better if I were around more. He loses his mind with excitement when I pick him up. Yes. I know. But if I don’t work, we don’t eat or sleep inside. So you can blow me with your judgement.

Sandra Kreiner 12 months ago

I’m balancing work, school and two babies ( one that is 5 and in kindergarten and one that is 6 months old) . My daughter’s teacher just assigned me as a room mom…. I guess it’s perfectly fine for me not to have a life lol

Lake Traasdahl 12 months ago

I think what is the saddest thing in all of this is that many moms or dads who want to stay at home to raise their babies don’t have the financial luxury to do so. Gone are the days when a milkman could earn enough to care for a family of 4. I know socialism is a dirty word for many, but, for me I would welcome it with open arms. I am tired of working my ass off for little to nothing and feel like a turd when my kid, with tears welling up in her eyes, begs me to stay home because she misses me.

Cassy Proffitt 12 months ago

I am a single parent and work 10 hour shifts, dad has zero involvement, as well as another poster. I agree with these statements and the article was great.

Christine Ellen 12 months ago

Im a single mom.. First, last, and only line of defense… Not only is being a SAHM not an option, my daughter gets the benefits of socialization, and being around people other than me. :-)

Melissa Tyler 12 months ago

I would love to be a full time mom. But, having a job keeps us from living on the streets. I wish life was that easy. We do what we have to do. I think our children in the long run will respect us for our commitment to keep them in a safe, happy home, with food on the table every night.

Ashley Lawing Beam 12 months ago

My life right now.

Susan Shields Arcelay 12 months ago

As a mom who recently rejoined the work force-holy hell this hit the spot! And NO, I have no idea how I will make it work-but I will-WE will…

Michael Cheri Pitts 12 months ago

Finally, a post about working moms! This is right on spot.

Karen Lowder 12 months ago

Just one more comment…we were bound to certain standards by state health rules. We also thought some of the rules were dumb, and hated calling the parents when their child was sick. I saw some moms lose their jobs and it made me sad.

Lani Gerst Babin 12 months ago

I can relate to all ten but #1 and #3 in particular.

Lala Kubo Bevilacqua 12 months ago

There’s a lot of animosity here, which is both disturbing and sad considering we all just trying to do what’s best for our kids.

Jessica Dudley 12 months ago

Or can’t your family just help you….this isn’t their responsibility..

Cady Verdiramo 12 months ago

The whole “I’m lucky enough to stay at home” thing really bothers me. Not everyone WANTS to stay home. I work because I love what I do.

Ashley Street 12 months ago

Love it!

Helen Russo 12 months ago

Oh I could think of a few more, I’m sure, but the daycare one is the one that always pissed me off the most, but until employers are kind enough to let you bring that pack n play to the office, along with the baby monitor so if you run to grab some coffee you know the instance Willy whimpers…

Jessica Dudley 12 months ago

I work 10hr shifts, plus I am a single mom & my son’s father is not involved…I can’t believe the comments I get from people. Especially related to 1, 7, & 9

Patrick Deforge 12 months ago

“Can’t your WIFE just do it?” (In regards to a school event)
First of all asshole, I’m not married, and second, if I was, it’s not her fucking job.

Danica Arnold 12 months ago

YESSSSS! I love you for posting this.

Misty 12 months ago

Let’s not forget that the teachers teaching our kids all day long are working parents, the doctors and nurses caring for our children are working mothers, etc. I am grateful to these people who sacrifice to make my children’s lives better. Also, when our children reach school age and are gone all day long every day, do we demean our role as their parent and say that we are no longer raising them, that the teacher is? I don’t think so…

Meghan Cox 12 months ago

Anyone who says these things to a working mother is an ignorant a-hole.

Kit Lewis Reilly 12 months ago

No one ever asked the men in regional positions “how does your family manage?” But I have been asked that in every regional or divisional role.

Dee 12 months ago

I have only been back at work 2 weeks, after taking a year off to stay home. I have already heard the “someone else raising my kids” bit. I learned it is possible to say “I am going to cut you” with a look. Also I was the one waking up every hour with my kids last night, and I am the one who helps them process and learn from their day and experiences. I still raise my kids, I checked, I am sure.

Mary Gawne Carolino 12 months ago

#5!! I can’t find a dance class that starts after 5pm! I’m the last mom at pickup. Sometimes I feel like I’m the ONLY working mom. I need the money – but I also love working. I stayed home for a year and felt isolated and depressed. I’m a happier person and a better role model for my daughter because I work. I don’t apologize to her or to anyone else.

Kelly Moore 12 months ago

a kindergarten teacher told me once that she can tell the first day of school which kids were in daycare and which ones stayed home-the daycare kids adjusted best as they were used to taking turns, NOT being “number one” and understanding there are many princesses and princes in the world besides themselves:) She went on to say the daycare kids (and those who stayed home who sent their child to preschool or their parents made a point to socialize the kids with other kids) were better adjusted to “kindergarten life” and were more independent.. I’m not saying there is a right or wrong answer-every person does what’s right for his/her family, but there are clear advantages to children in either case- whether a mom or dad decides to stay home or work!

Keri 12 months ago

The fact of the matter is that those germs are already all over the classroom so sending a kid in with a cold doesn’t expose your kids to anything they haven’t already been exposed to. Symptoms take days to show up so by the time a kid is symptomatic, they’ve been contagious for days. Keeping them home does nothing to protect the rest of the class. That was not my point however. My point is that you assumed it was her 1st thought. It’s not the 1st thought but when one starts to think about putting things in order, one must look at the worst case scenario. In this case, it could be missing a week of work which to my earlier point, could cost a person a job.

You aren’t being very respectful of others here and it is printed in bright red at the top of the comments section to do so. I kindly ask you to please refrain from throwing out hurtful and mean spirited comments. Your decisions are wonderful for you and your family but not everyone lives the same lives.

Brandy Boaz Hofelich 12 months ago

Love this!

Rachael Larsen 12 months ago

Yes yes yes!!

Brandi 12 months ago

Oh hell yes to all of these! #1 and # 7 totally! P

Aleah Gentry 12 months ago

The stay at homes that say I never have time to do anything! Please! You’re kids are in school, what do you during the day!?

Angela Biamonte Kosar 12 months ago

My face hurts from laughing so hard at this. So spot on. :)

Karen Watkins Frisbie 12 months ago

as the parent of two teenagers who both had to be in daycare from time time time, I just want to say earn as much money as you can even if it means they spend more time in daycare/childcare than you would like because when they are teenagers, they will need you THERE and PRESENT. They will survive without you as babies/young children but when they hit the teens, THEN is when you should be more available. If possible.

Yana Viteri 12 months ago

“At least you get some time alone without the kids”…yeah…between meetings, non stop work, dealing with clients, employees, boss, doing grocery shopping at lunch, planning kids activities on my break, rescheduling activities because they were sick I REALLY got my alone time! Jealous yet???;)

Mallory W 12 months ago

Someone has probably said this already, but I hate when someone tells me that she could never be a working mom because she could never let someone else raise her children for her. My husband and I are raising our son. Together. Does our sitter help raise him? Absolutely! Would we both stay home with him if we could? Absolutely! But that is not reality. The mortgage needs to be paid and groceries need to be purchased. It takes a village.

My son’s daycare experience has been fantastic. He has learned things at daycare that I could not have taught him. I miss him, but this is our reality. And the next person who tells be that someone else is raising my child will receive a throat-punching!

Robin 12 months ago

Please tell me what career your husband chose that is immune layoff so that the rest of us can do this for a living. Given the state of our economy, I mean this seriously.

Wendy Reed 12 months ago

Oh SO true! I can relate to every one!!

Luann Martone 12 months ago

If I didn’t work then I would have to be on welfare and food stamps. I am very capable of earning a decent living. Therefore I choose to provide for my family rather than expecting others to do so.

Wendy Smith 12 months ago

I hate: “that must have been such a hard decision: kids or career.” Nope not a decision. Unless we wanted to be homeless and hungry. And even for the mamas for which it was a decision- not that simplistic I’m sure. “Oh gee I’ll choose my career over my kids because you can’t have both…”

Rachel 12 months ago

Do they say any of these things to your husband? The comments are idiotic, sexist and ppl need to mind their own damn business. Women need to support one another, not tear each other down.

Vivica McCray 12 months ago

If you aren’t paying my bills, it’s none of your business.

Ashley Pate Garrett 12 months ago

When people say they are “full time moms” instead of stay at home mom or something- news flash:
I’m a full time mom too! I also happen to have a full time job. I’m no less of a mom

Gina 12 months ago

AMEN!

Doria Smith-Gantt 12 months ago

Yea Id say all of these justify a good slap to the head, just sayin’! 😉

Elizabeth Grimm 12 months ago

“I am just so busy,” says the stay at home mom after dropping kids at daycare. Really?! With what, cleaning, exercising…all those things I need to do, but cannot.

Katie Schneider Nelson 12 months ago

This is hilarious and so true!! I have two in daycare and my employer has great health insurance- why wouldn’t I work to help keep my kids healthy? (Insert eye roll here)

Sarah Cedar 12 months ago

I was fired once because my kid had lice and I had to bail on my shift.

Staci Martin Longbottom 12 months ago

My sister in law who complains about having no money, when I let her know my company was hiring full time “I could never be away from my kids that much! I just am too attached I guess!” And another woman also told me (when discussing maternity leave) that babies don’t even bond with their parents until 8 weeks so if you go back to work before then you are missing out.

Jaime Jaco Cooper 12 months ago

People always ask me “who watches your son while you are at work? ” Well, not that is any of their business, but my husband does. Funny, no one asks him who watches our son while he is at work.

Sarah Samson D’Amato 12 months ago

All these…except #6. I work because I HAVE TO, and trust me, there’s nothing left over for “nice things”!

Angela Jensen Diaz 12 months ago

Wow some of these comments are backhanded insults to SAHMs, “its easier when I’m home with them”. Isn’t the point of the article not to judge? Trust me I’m a Masters level educated SAHM, and get plenty of judgement the other way around. Stop with the insults, we all love our kids and do the best we can.

Jo-Ann Mason 12 months ago

For all these reasons, and many more, is why it is WAY harder to be a working mom than a stay-at-home mom. And I have done both. I know the challenges and stresses of staying at home with babies and little ones, but there really is no comparison. Working moms do almost everything a stay-at-home mom does on top of a full 8-hour day.

Kelly King 12 months ago

Omg Jamie Freeman. Were we not just talking about this.

Gina 12 months ago

As a teacher and a mom, I’m not in my kid’s classroom because I’m in YOUR kid’s classroom! And sometimes there is such a thing as too many adults in a classroom.
And to the last one, no I don’t really miss my kids during the day. I did at first, but now we’ve got our rhythm down and I don’t think about them too much during the day. At the same time, I don’t think about work too much when I’m home with the kids. I really try to be where I am, do what needs to be done there so I can be where I want to be at night. Am I alone in that?
Of course the dreaded sick kid call changes ALL THINGS!

Natalie Surran 12 months ago

PLease so do one of these articles for SAHM’s! :)

Dawn Pelej 12 months ago

I liked the article and I didn’t see it as SAHM bashing.

The comments hurt my heart though. Why do we have to judge each other? Being a parent is hard – it isn’t harder based on gender. It isn’t harder because you work outside of the home or you stay home. It is hard because there is no way to know that you are doing it right. It is hard, exhausting often thankless work. The days are long and the years short and we are all just doing the best we can with the tools we have. Arguing over who has it harder is just ridiculous.

Aimee Leah 12 months ago

How about stay at homers who refer to themselves as “full time mothers”. This drives me crazy! Just because I work does not make me less than a full time mother!

Karen Lowder 12 months ago

Another good thing about WOTH moms is more hands-on involvement from the daddies, yay !

Christina Morris 12 months ago

Heard all of these! Love this!

Patti Steele 12 months ago

Love, love, love this! All true – especially the amount of time a sickness takes out of your life!

Andrea Wald McDonald 12 months ago

My favorite is a variation of #1, but way more annoying to me: “I don’t want anyone else raising my children”. Oh really? So your husband doesn’t raise the kids then, huh? And all the raising is done by the age of 5 when you send them to school. My husband and I still raise our children, despite us working, thank you very much.

Tracy Deming 12 months ago

Don’t tell me I don’t work hard. I work full time at my job and again full time at home

Annie Jubinville 12 months ago

At summer camp: Friday kids show is at 3:45 EACH WEEK! My kids wonder why all the other moms can be there. Really??? So we all run like idiots not to be the only bad mother who will miss the ecstatic 2 minutes choreography of our daughter she has been preparing for a week. EACH FREAKING WEEK!
This year, I gave up. I was a bad bad working mom. :-(

Robin 12 months ago

I think your comment is a little unfair. You’re assuming that there’s some choice involved here where there very well may not be. Some people HAVE to work or else there’s no paying the bills. Or missing too many days from work might get them fired from a job they desperately need. I’d venture a guess that few mothers are maliciously leaving their sick kids at daycare or at school. Some understanding might be helpful.

Jennifer Martin 12 months ago

Woop! Amen!

Tracy Allport 12 months ago

I have always worked full time. I had a parent at my daughter’s school say to me “I could not let someone else raise my child”. At the end of the year I made a gift for a mom that helped out in her class a lot. When I gave it to her she said “oh, that’s not necessary, it’s my job as a parent.”

Amy 12 months ago

Thank you a million times! You nailed this like a hammer!!!!!

Becky Vonasek 12 months ago

I’ve already some of this and the baby isn’t even here yet!!!

Jocelyne Miller 12 months ago

Yes

Nicole Lynn 12 months ago

Yeah, I hate all the pressure to do all the stuff from all the SAHM’s in my neighborhood. No thanks, I don’t want to do another extra-curricular activity, I can barely take a shower, feed my kids and get homework done thanks, but I DO NOT want a playdate every afternoon when I get home from work (my kids socialize at daycare and school!” and I want alone time with my cubs that I didn’t get to snuggle with while at work!!!! The other thing missing from the list is ” oh it’s too bad you HAVE to work….”. Well this might come as a big fat surprise, but some of us enjoy having careers.

Kerith Kristel-Smith 12 months ago

My daughter starts kindergarten tomorrow morning after being at an amazing daycare/preschool since she was 4 months old. I couldn’t be more thankful to that place for loving her and helping to grow to be the awesome little woman heading off to kindergarten tomorrow. She has also gotten to see and do things most adults don’t get to do thanks to my job. And Of course I would have loved to have been home with her but that is not the hand we were dealt – but she also won’t be graduating from college with a boatload of debt someday.

Jennifer Stephenson Klatka 12 months ago

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Camille Taglia 12 months ago

My all-time fav: being called a part-time mother bec I could not spend the entire day with my sons bec I worked for a living!

Anastasia 12 months ago

omg this made me chuckle, I was thinking the exact same thing. like sheesh, I wish I looked like that every morning. I attempt to, but haha my kids have a better wardrobe than me =)

Kim Newkirk Hendrickson 12 months ago

Yes! All of these!

Nancyrae Smith 12 months ago

LOVE THIS! I actually had a woman at my office – who had only recently entered the working world after raising her child to a teen – tell me how much better SAHM’s were than working parents. She told me SAHM’s WANT to be involved with their kids and WANT to attend all their functions….as if working parents couldn’t give a shit. Told her I was walking away from the conversation before I said something she would regret.

Sonia Maragoni 12 months ago

1,5,8,10 are soooo true for me!!

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

…and doctor’s appointments… “How does 1:00 sound?” Um it sounds like the middle of the day.

Courtney Ehoff Knatz 12 months ago

Snow days! Especially when there is no snow. I still have to work those days. No such thing as snow days in the business world.

Shantelle Lee 12 months ago

#6 tho… This is not a dual income household. I provide all by myself. So to financially get by I HAVE to work!

CMG 12 months ago

Wow Anna, just wow. I’m a WOHM, actually a teacher. I’m one of those ladies spending all of my time with everyone else’s kids while mine are with grandma. My husband just found out a few days ago that, after ten years with the same company, he’s being laid off next month. Good thing I have that teacher paycheck and the modest savings we’ve put aside or we’d be moving in with Grandma for real. No one is in an industry that is immune to real life. Companies downsize, accidents and illnesses happen, people change their minds. I sure hope that real life never gets in the way of your wonderful fantasy world.

Kelsey Nicole 12 months ago

Number ten! It’s like no doubt? But why even ask, it’s like they’re asking ” don’t you love your child?”

Misty 12 months ago

Wow obviously Anna is perfect and makes perfect choices. Must be great. I will let my husband know that according to her, he isn’t capable. Amazing how easy it is for others to judge
….

Allison Giesler Michna 12 months ago

Summer is really the worst! I feel SO sad when the countdown to summer begins and SAHP begin planning fun summer activities. For us, Life does not change that much…my son just goes to day camp instead of school. We’re still setting alarms and packing lunches! Though by the middle of the summer I see the amazing stuff my son does at camp and realize the high energy college camp counselors are pretty damn fun!

Keri 12 months ago

No where did she say that was her 1st thought. She said “I cannot help the panicky downward spiral of “What if this is a bad virus and the fever hangs on for five days and ZOMG I’M GOING TO LOSE MY JOB!” It’s a progression. Work has to be considered and you have to plan ahead. Missing 5 days of work can put you in a bind. A great boss will back you up but there are some jobs where if you aren’t there, you don’t get paid at best and get fired at worst. Your snarky attitude is the reason the Mommy wars started. The point here is we should support each other because we are all doing our best.

Heidi Hasbargen 12 months ago

A-freakin-men!! I love this! #7 kills me every single time..I would love to not work so much but I’m a single parent no one else is feeding the kid but me!

Megan Randlett Camunez 12 months ago

When teachers say “we love volunteers! Come in anytime!” It’s only lip service. We really don’t mean that. We’re just being nice! Lol! No need to beat yourself up over that one. 😉

Valerie Candillo 12 months ago

I loved being home for my 3 month maternity leave. It was a lot easier managing the home and just being able to be with my kids made me so happy because I miss them so much when I’m at work. I definitely think working is way harder than staying home. My stress level skyrocketed when I went back to work. It is extremely hard managing a full time job and household.

Michelle Cook 12 months ago

“Can’t you just find away to stay home until she’s in school?” Um, no! I had bills before she was born and even more so now. If I had a choice I would stay but I would rather be able to buy groceries and make my car payment.

Hannah Petersen-Barton 12 months ago

“My wife is lucky, she’s able to stay home with our kids” – even better when you hear it from your employer.

Tiffany Stringfellow 12 months ago

I’m just tired in general of it seems like the message is kids gain nothing from a mom who goes to work and everything from a mom staying home! How about I chose to work not just because I need the money but because I am good at my job and valuable in my company and industry. My son will benefit from watching a women thrive and excel in a male dominated field… And for those with daughters they can learn that women can have children and work and do them both well just like men. My mom worked and I watched her and learned so much… Not an ounce of me feels like I missed out on our relationship and she taught me to be the business woman and the Mom I am today. So ladies working and being an awesome Moms – hats off to you, your kids learn from that and have something to gain just like the kids with stay at home moms do.

Anna 12 months ago

He might be a nice guy, but yeah, if he can’t support his family, he’s not really capable. I’m sure he has good qualities, but being able to support a family where I could raise my own babies is kind of one of the things I looked for in a spouse.

Andi 12 months ago

you may not be rich, but as a single parent, this is a HUGE issue. If you miss too much work, you become an “attendance problem” and risk losing your job. No job = no money = no home. It’s not that we don’t love our kids, or that we would prefer to be at work, but, frankly, we have to provide for our families and we are the only ones who can or will.

Shelia Diane 12 months ago

I think some of these are in the authors head. A few are accurate but the majority make me think someone is being hyper sensitive and assuming the worst of humanity.

CMG 12 months ago

Maybe it’s that they need their jobs and incomes to support those very same families, not because work is more important than their kids. Many jobs aren’t exactly family friendly and wouldn’t blink an eye over getting rid of someone who has to take off all the time. Get off your judgmental high horse.

Sarah McMahon Darlington 12 months ago

” it’s a shame you can’t afford to stay home. ” which assumes that I’m working purely for financial reasons and not because I enjoy my career ( which I do) and emasculated my husband as if he couldn’t afford our family on his own ( which he can)

Beth Ann DiBella 12 months ago

“You’re selfish” is my all time fav. Yeah, my hubs and I are selfish for working hard so we can live in a good school district and ensure my son is never burdened with a student loan… that’s the short list. Grrrr

Amberlee Stout 12 months ago

Jeez, I think people are reading into things wayyyy to much!

Monica Kissinger 12 months ago

I don’t really agree with this. I have always worked (oldest child 15) and none of these comments bother me. I respect stay at home Moms and as far as I know the ones that know me respect my decision to work, some even wish that they were able to work. In this day and age most Moms and Dads alike work and I feel that it is widely accepted. I personally have never felt like anyone judged me for working and if they do or did oh well…their problem, not mine :) Just my two cents.

Kelly Ivanc 12 months ago

Wow! Moms should be supportive to one another. It doesn’t matter if you stay home or work it’s a tough job and we work hard for our families. Enough said!

Cameron Smith 12 months ago

All. Of. These. And most comments too.

Tricia Booker 12 months ago

I’ve been on both sides. Stayed home with my first 3 and was single with the last and had to put him in daycare at 5 weeks. I was incredibly grateful I got the chance to stay home with my oldest kids because it broke my heart to leave the last in daycare even tho I had the best sitter on earth! But I can honestly say that not only do I NEED to work, because I chose to raise him alone, I WANT to work. He is well adjusted, smart and funny and we have an incredible relationship. (sorry for rambling on and on LOL) :)

Anastasia 12 months ago

People saying these comments to me is like if I were to say to a STAHM “Gosh, it must be WONDERFUL to sit around the house and do nothing but watch tv and surf the net all day. All that time you must have on your hands?! You’re so lucky!”
No one likes being judge, even if you’re trying to wrap it in a pretty bow and say it nicely.

Karen Milici Palmiero 12 months ago

Perfect!

Manda Rey 12 months ago

“Oh, I didn’t think you would come to this event since you work all the time, I thought you’d be home with your daughter.” This is my favorite, yes I did come out to this event, no I shouldn’t have to deal with you judging me and thinking I shouldn’t be here because I work full time, ps I only go out to social events 4x a year and I’m a full time single mom

Caitlin McGillicuddy 12 months ago

I think working actually makes me a better mother. Not everyone is meant to stay at home and be a mommy 24 hours a day and it was a relief when I figured that out about myself. Being able to use my brain for something else and be someone aside from Mommy a few hours a day helps me feel more complete and thus makes me happier and a better mother overall. I don’t have the skills to do scheduled play dates and a myriad of activities every day nor do I have the years and years of experience my child’s daycare providers have. THOSE PEOPLE ARE MY VILLAGE and I look to them for support and guidance. What I really wish for is that all of the judgement of mothers by mothers could just friggin end people. You do you and be you and stop worrying about what other mothers are doing.

Tory Vey 12 months ago

Add “We just made the decision to live really poor so my wife could stay home.”

Samantha Rubin 12 months ago

Yep

Katie George 12 months ago

Mom guilt exists regardless of situation. Working mom, single mom, SAHM, WAHM. Let’s stop the shit and just raise the kids. Why do we have to say that one or the other is hard or easy? Lets just reach out to each other and offer wine and a ear?

Brandi Pate 12 months ago

And I was a SAHM until my oldest was 6 and my twins started kindergarten. Then it was off to work I go! And truthfully? I’d take work outside the home most days!

Katy Maher 12 months ago

“I wish I could afford a nanny.” OR “Only rich people have nannies” Nanny is cheaper for twins. Daycare for twins is crazy expensive. Don’t speak about things you don’t understand.

Della Be 12 months ago

All familiar….

Karen Lowder 12 months ago

I worked at a daycare for 8 years and saw the pain in mother’s eyes when they left their sweet little babies. I was fortunate that my husband made enough so that I could stay at home with our children until they were on their own. It was a different world then, and 1 income was enough.

Wyndi Capeci 12 months ago

I could never do daycare…. Yeah well- I could and did. Suck it.

Andi 12 months ago

Ditto for me – single mom from day one (at age 25) and little help from others. My daughter started daycare the day she turned 6 weeks old. I was fortunate in the early days that I had employers willing to be flexible. I brought my teething baby to work in a tourist/retail environment with her strapped to my chest while I worked. HOLY CRAP! Now that I am in HR, I can only think of the HUGE risks they took by allowing me to do that! I worked in a freaking factory! When I finally admitted that tourism + single parent = major daycare nightmare, I was once again blessed with an amazing employer (a home health agency) who allowed me to set up a playpen when the issues were minor and have her with me at work in an emergency. My boss there even played with her and kept toys in her office as she got a little older. For those who work for less understanding and less flexible employers, especially as single parents, I don’t have a clue how you manage!

Stacy Johns 12 months ago

I love this!!

Amy 12 months ago

I don’t even know how to respond to this. Please don’t judge when you have no idea if other people’s circumstances.

Jamaican Bacon 12 months ago

Yeah I can relate. Or when non working moms list off all the things they do. Yeah lady I do that too AND I work 40 hours a week. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I’ve done the working mom for 10 years and now I am a stay at home mom. The SAHM is a pretty cushy gig I must admit. Minus everyone assuming that now that you are no longer working you can run all of their errands for them as well as your own. Um no. Thanks anyway.

Heather Lynn 12 months ago

“It was a sacrifice for me to stay home, but it’s SO worth it.” Well that’s great. My sacrifice to stay home would include not being able to pay my mortgage. Does “stay in car mom” have the same prestige as SAHM?

Regina Gagliardo 12 months ago

How about some love for all us Single working moms!

Rheanna Rocha 12 months ago

I like when people tell you, “you could stay home if you made sacrifices.” Oh, really? I’m glad you know all about my finances! Which should I sacrifice – groceries or running water?

Maritza Galdos-Smith 12 months ago

Preach!

Brandi Pate 12 months ago

Yep. You are amazing for writing what we are ALL thinking!!

Stacie Myers 12 months ago

I am lucky enough to be a sahm. I don’t understand all the bashing that goes on between all the women and what they decide is right for their family. If it works and everyone is genuinely happy then who gives a flying fork? Let’s support each other and make sure ALL of our kids are safe, happy, healthy and well loved.

Claudia Rodriguez 12 months ago

The grass is always greener. The same could be written about Stay at home mothers and how people think they have nothing of substance to contribute to a non-child conversation. Yes I was once a professional before kids. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies.

Kelly Kurta 12 months ago

3,7 and 10 all make me angry and want to punch someone when they are said.

Lori Carter 12 months ago

“Of-fucking-course I do, genius” hahaha! ❤️ it!

Mindy 12 months ago

I married a man whom I love and who has built his own business with his bare hands. He is a productive member of society, but because he can’t make enough money for me to stay home, he isn’t “capable”? Don’t be a troll, Anna.

Michelle Rhiner 12 months ago

What’s for dinner?

Jessie Porter Schaffner 12 months ago

Number 10 is golden.

Katie Marchetti 12 months ago

Yes yes all yes.

Lemma Eid Kateeb 12 months ago

How about ” I can’t do it, I don’t want to miss a single thing they do!! They grow so fast”
Really?? I had no idea!! I came back from work one day and my daughter was 6..Missed it all..

Joanna Ortbals Cleary 12 months ago

You must miss your kids so much.

Heather Mckay 12 months ago

Amen to all of these! These comments all insinuate that working is a choice, and the only reason moms “choose to” work is to buy luxuries. That mentality basically assumes that our financial contributions are minor compared to our husbands, which sets women’s rights back a few decades. I work because it’s necessary for my family…. and it’s HARD! Its the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I do it because I love my daughter. And she has thrived in fantastic schools, is loving and social and had some fantastic strong female rule models. I know every minute I have with her is a gift and I treat her that way. No guilt here.

mindy 12 months ago

I’m sure the comments do hurt but as a SAHM I cannot count the amount of times people have said with a snarky tone “I could never do that.” Yes it’s hard but do not have children if you are not interested in raising them. Some need to work to make ends meet but working mothers or stay at home mothers either way it’s a hard job. Let’s just all be a little kinder and respect all mothers.

Hannah Horsch 12 months ago

I actually feel like I’m judged for STAYING home instead of working. lol I think it just goes to show that people will judge you no matter what what you do as a mother. I realized I don’t need anyone’s approval to validate or justify my life choices. How I spend my days is my household’s business. =)

Lindsay Gainor 12 months ago

Yes to all the moms above with the SAHM comment! Stop complaining about how it is a job or how it is harder than being a working mom! As someone who has done both, being a working mom is WAY harder!

Mindy 12 months ago

YES! I have had people say this to me so many times! Um, my hub is self-employed. If I didn’t work, we would have NO insurance, on top of not being able to pay our bills. We have cut corners, and God DID provide — He provided me with a job that has good benefits. Whatever.

Shaye Boucher 12 months ago

It’s sad moms can’t just be supportive of other moms. You don’t do everything I do. I don’t do everything you do. Why? Because Everyone’s situation is different. It isn’t a damn competition. At the moment I’m a SAHM. Trust me. I hear plenty of insults. But I’ve worked outside the house. They both have pluses and minuses. Both are tough. Do what’s best for your family and those with snotty comments can go screw themselves.

Julie Brown Snider 12 months ago

“I don’t want somebody else raising my kids”

Amber Shaw 12 months ago

Amen and the first one drives me insane!!!!

Pat Landers McFadden 12 months ago

When my friend would leave, she would always say “I’m going to my other job!” Taking care of kids is work!!! But as a single mom we have no choice but to work. We struggle to do the best for our kids and for our jobs. So don’t mess with us !!

Rachel 12 months ago

I love this article which is as true as it is funny – I think I have had all of those said to me at some stage.

While I accept the reality of being a nearly full time working mum and all that comes with it, I truly couldn’t cope with out my SAHM friends, & family who do last minute school pick ups when I am running late, drop off left behind lunchboxes, and collect sick kids from school (thanks mum!)

However the thing that really gets my goat are the parents (usually with at least 2 less kids than me who say “oh I find it so hard to fit in everything I have to do while the children are at school, today I could only find time to wash the dishes and do one load of laundry before I had my hair appointment then my afternoon rest” while I see their Facebook game levels increase hour by hour. Seriously? Please don’t say that to me when I do a whole days house/ family work BEFORE I even go to work. (Plus I don’t think my hairdresser knows who I am anymore. But long long long hair is in right??)

Get my goat #2 is those who don’t have time to help out at school because they are too busy (see the correlation with Facebook games again), whereas I still manage to fit it outside of work in taking more hours away from my kids.

Rant over :-) As you can tell this article reflected strongly with me!

Shannon Salazar 12 months ago

“Oh, you work.thats sad”

Tory 12 months ago

I’m a stay-at-home-mom, and I’ll admit I’ve had some of these thoughts about working parents. Mainly I resent working parents who don’t volunteer much in the classroom. It’s your child’s class just as much as my child’s! I often pay a babysitter to watch my younger child so I can volunteer at my older child’s class. And my husband and I make a lot of sacrifices so I can stay home. However – I completely acknowledge that most working moms are doing it because they are doing the best they can for their family. Not because they are uncaring parents who care more about money than their children.

Amara Salero-McCoy 12 months ago

So true!

Amanda Pears Kelly 12 months ago

The last one… Oh good lord! Thanks for this! Needed it!

Jessica Geiger 12 months ago

“I am so glad I don’t have to out my child in daycare” Ugh!!!! Really!!! I am single…own my own home and family helps two days a week. She is fine has friends and they do pre-school.

Maria Matosa-Zupanic 12 months ago

I’ve had many of these things said to me…

Janelle Heck 12 months ago

My husband and I both work, different hours. I hate when people say, ” is daddy babysitting?”, when the kids are with him. Um, no. He’s their dad. I don’t get called a babysitter when they are with me.

Leslie Hepburn 12 months ago

I’m a stay at home mom (it wasn’t by choice, I was fired when my daughter was born super premature and Had an extended stay in the NICU) and just recently started school part time to finish my bachelors. When I ask a working mom how she does it, I mean it. I can barely keep my head above water the way it is and am lucky (I guess) that my daughter receives SSI and that her dad works full time so money is super tight but we are alive. Working moms ARE superheroes, I hope to join the ranks someday, soon.

Reilly O’Donnell Figenscher 12 months ago

“I don’t know why moms of babies come back to work nowadays. The babies really need that time.”

Yeah, well they also need food, clothing, diapers, heat, a home to live in, etc.

“Why have kids if someone else will raise them?”

Do you not send your children to school?

Brandy Garza 12 months ago

#3!!! Omg #3!! It never fails

NKK 12 months ago

It’s just like all other mothering subjects…you have to do what is best for your family and you are part of your family so part of the decision includes what is best for you. Some of us work not just because we have to, but because we want to and there is nothing wrong with that.

P.S. Anna…bite me!

Rita Allee 12 months ago

I, like plenty of other parents, have done both. There are good sides and bad sides to SAHMs VS. WOHMs. I’d also rather have my own money that I earned with my own hard work, and yes I will buy me and my kids nice stuff that I couldn’t otherwise purchase if I didn’t work.

Meaghan Eggleston Witt 12 months ago

“Don’t you have family that could help take care of the kids?” (When they are sick) Gee, I never thought of that!$&@%

Amanda Gabrielle Reinhart 12 months ago

I am probably the worst dressed mom at daycare because I work in the operating room and normally have some kind of bodily fluid on hospital scrubs. I hardly ever get a haircut or have my nails done or have makeup on. My shift is always varys depending on how many surgeries are scheduled and how much staff we have. I have to leave in the middle of things for emergencies. 3 kids in daycare cost me half my pay. And some days I think I would give anything to be a SAHM, but deep down love what I do and it keeps me sane. Power to the parents that can spend 24/7 with thier kids, and also to those of us that work full time and do the best we can for our family!

Courtney West 12 months ago

How about “I would feel like someone else is raising my kids” and “its a shame because those are the most important years of their lives”. I have even had people bold enough to ask “Well where does your husband work?”

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 12 months ago

I want to add… “I don’t get to take a sick day.” Yes, because when I’m home sick, I magically stop being a mom. When I’m truly sick, I call in favors from family. It’s not rocket science. And most of the time, I go to work sick so when it hits my daughter, I can take a day to be with her. And also have to add… “I work all day. I cook, clean, shop, do laundry…” Yes, I have a magical fairy who does that for me. (Not so much…)

Mikey 12 months ago

Number 2 drives me and my wife nuts! Really? We both work full time, that is why he is in day care. We can’t spend all day, every day, in daycare with him like you. The comment usually comes from other moms who socialize with each other at daycare, take a yoga break, and all go to lunch when the kids are napping before coming back to pick thm up at 3. The the tell us it’s bad to leave him all alone at school without his friends from 3 to 5:30 when we can actually get there. Sorry, had to vent.

Linda White Fahey 12 months ago

I have heard “I wouldn’t want anyone else raising my kids” because naturally, my daycare provider raises my kids. I will admit, and admit freely, that I do not have what it takes to be a sahm. In a perfect world, I would be able to work part time and spend the rest with my kids instead of full time, but that’s not really a financial possibility.

Kumi Obayashi-Ward 12 months ago

YES YES YES!!!

Kim Cutler Buttonow 12 months ago

ADD: “we can no longer have your child in our daycare.”

Wow, these have been my own experiences TO a TEE. In fact, led me to be a SAHM mostly because my preemie went to a daycare that was hardly more than babysitting (and anything “better” was more than our DC-based mortgage) and he kept getting sick which I felt threatened my job and my sanity. It is BRUTAL to find a good daycare as a working mom.. And anyone who knows a working mom who has one should buy her a nice glass of wine and congratulate her. They are a rarity.

Lala Kubo Bevilacqua 12 months ago

In the same token, it irks me when people say “You’re so lucky you can quit and stay home.” Actually, it was a really difficult choice to make considering we gave up half our income and I left a great position at a job that gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment. It goes both ways (and I’ve experienced being a working mom, a stay at home mom, and a work from home mom).

Jodi Truscott 12 months ago

Add: “Aren’t you worried your kids are going to become delinquents if you aren’t home to watch them?” Yeah – my son who is in the top 10 percent of his senior class and wants to be an attorney is a product of my neglecting him as a working mom.

Rebecca Bohlinger-Church 12 months ago

Ummmm excuse me to the person who said I should “thank stay at home moms?” Why?

Marisa Simonelli 12 months ago

I also think it is much more difficult to be a stay at home
Mom than work full time! Kudos to stay at home mommies!

Jamie Lynn 12 months ago

Oh you’re in the military? (Nice sneer on their face) I have no idea how you can risk dying when you have a two year old….
….ignorance is bliss

Marisa Simonelli 12 months ago

I haven’t read all the posts here, but I can’t stand when people tell me “don’t you think staying home would make a better bond between you and your child?” I spend all my time with my child outside of work and we have an amazing bond. If I had a choice maybe I would choose to stay home but I don’t. I like that my child doesn’t rely on me for a social life and is getting good social skills with other kids his age!

Jaime Shiflet 12 months ago

What I would give to go back to work again..

Kelly Carney Nowells 12 months ago

I agree that these things shouldn’t be said. I also think that the working moms need to make sure their comments aren’t just as insulting to sahm’s. I often feel like working moms think they are better and more intelligent and are making “better use of their education” than to stay at home with their kids.

Sally Otis 12 months ago

In compliment to #5 is when your boss catches you as you’re leaving to do the daycare pickup for a “quick question” that is never quick. Or when your boss complains to you about the moms who have applied to the recent job opening and questioning their commitment to the job or availability.

Kate Pulley 12 months ago

Working moms ROCK!!!

workingmom 12 months ago

I am, for the first time in my life, in a position where i don’t *have* to work. My husband’s income can pay all of our expenses. We wouldn’t be able to have very much fun, though. But here’s the thing: i enjoy my career. But i feel guilty enough about it not to post my name here.

Marcia 12 months ago

1000 times YES!!!! Stop judging me – I’m a certifiable shitty SAHM. Believe me – if you still don’t ask my husband and kids…they will tell you straight up I need to work outside the home.

Nicole Ramos Takemoto 12 months ago

Having been on both sides I can say that it’s hard no matter what! The grass is always greener…

Yana Viteri 12 months ago

YES YES AND YES!!! Oh, did I say yes yet?? Love #10!

Erin Joslyn Palmer 12 months ago

“At least you get sick days!”
Yup, and I use all of them to stay home with my daughter when SHE is sick. I still wake up to an alarm, try to make myself presentable, and stumble into work when I have a fever.

Falisha Sigurdson 12 months ago

Yes yes yes. Why do I work? Because we would be homeless or living in a tiny shithole if I didn’t. I would LOVE to stay home with my baby.

Jami Stone 12 months ago

You know this makes my blood pressure go up! You know WHAT – I don’t want to be a stay at home mom. Yes I miss her I play hooky occasionally to spend some bonus time, but I like my career! And we like our lifestyle so suck it judgmental Judy !

Tricia Mathis 12 months ago

Thank you :)

ATY 12 months ago

#3 is every working mother’s worst nightmare! Equally fun is when the child gets sick at home and you find yourself arguing with your husband over who’s impending workday is more stressful and non-missable. You know, because making a case for why I shouldn’t be the one to stay home with my sick child always makes me feel like Mother of the Year.

Aimee Hempy-De La Cruz 12 months ago

Nope I wouldn’t add any. Luckily I’ve only heard a few of these

Cara Beaty Coffey 12 months ago

((Hugs)) thank you for the honesty. I am a stay at home mother who endeavors, and will sharpen it, to not go to this damn place if I get to visit with a working mother.

Sunshine Medina 12 months ago

I’m a single mom with 3 little ones. I don’t really care what other adults say to me but when my kids say “We wish someone else can go to work so we can be with you”…might as well rip my heart out and stomp it into a million pieces.

Mya Trivison 12 months ago

Or hits the nail on the head.

Joan Gioe 12 months ago

Doesn’t it bother you that your husband stays home?

Jill Loveland 12 months ago

yes, all this! but especially the fever!!!
sadly, I would also add every time there is another school shooting or major event. feeling so helpless so from school.

Mya Trivison 12 months ago

Best list I’ve seen. His the nail on the head.

Denise Angevine Pearl 12 months ago

This author should be thanking stay at home moms instead of worrying about what they think of her!

Joan Gioe 12 months ago

You’re so lucky you get to be around other adults

Jamie Benjamin O’Hare 12 months ago

Just had my 2nd day of full time work after 11 years and 4 kids. It was heavenly. I work 6am to 3pm, off in time to pick up kids. Also husband is a professor with more flexibility, and he’s 2 minutes away from school and childcare provider, so he takes the calls!

Meredith Montanez-Hannigan 12 months ago

#1 makes me feel violent!

Shar Beebe 12 months ago

#5 oh #5. ♡♡♡

Amber Ann 12 months ago

I was a work outside the house mom for just over 7years. 3 kids later, I’m a stay at home mom and it’s SO hard. I’ve questioned every decision every second of everyday. Both are hard. Both are stressful.

Sara Cadwell Hopkins 12 months ago

My son is being raised to know that a woman can hold down a job AND a household. Are there tradeoffs? You bet. But here’s the thing: unlike stay at homers, I’m ALWAYS looking forward to spending time with my son. I don’t crave girls’ nights (although they are fun when they happen) and even when he drives me nuts, there’s no one else I’d rather be with. My son has never felt like I don’t want to be around him, because I don’t get to be with him all day. And I think that’s a nice way to grow up, never thinking that “mommy doesn’t want to be around me.”

Roseann Bozak 12 months ago

Amen!

Alicia Charlee Nichols 12 months ago

You win the Internet today. Just fkn brilliant!!

Kristin Zornes 12 months ago

Omg yes! I wish this was the 50s and I could bake cookies, but it’s 2014 I have 5 kids and I like knowing if something happens we have a back up fund. The worst though is when my kids say ” mommy don’t send me to daycare” I know they’re great to my kids at daycare but my kids literally send me to work crying over that one.

Jessica Burns 12 months ago

I love how the pictures of working mothers ALWAYS makes them look like high-paid executives. I’m sorry, but I don’t dress like that nor do I make that much money… and I’m still a working mother. I work 40-50 hrs a week.

Alison Sellers 12 months ago

Amen!

Lindsay Perry 12 months ago

I Still have to fit 24 hours of parenting into a 14 hour shift because I have to work for 40 hours a week. I have 3 bosses. My twins and the one who signs my paycheck. I have to perform perfectly for all of them. Sahm is great, but don’t tell me it’s harder than being a full time mom with a full time job.

Monica Jo Ptacek 12 months ago

My favorite (as a nurse manager) from my neighbor (a teacher who was still staying home when her kids were 18 and 16) when I’d be on-call or work a night shift: “I thought you didn’t have to do that anymore?” Um, it’s my job to help when needed, and nursing is a 24/7/365 job…my husband is home with them…not like I left them in the car all night!!

Jessica Norman Hafemeyer 12 months ago

So, so true. All of them!

Michele Prell 12 months ago

Well said.

Nancy Welker Fortais 12 months ago

I had a “friend” who had a master’s degree from an Ivy League school who then decided to be a SAHM and was guilty of the types of snarky remarks made in numbers 1 and 6. It seemed she was taking out her frustration or anger that she made her choice to stay at home while I worked in the career I had gone to school for. Some friend- finally I just stopped associating with her because her comments were really hard to take. About #2- no teacher who is also a parent would ever make such a guilt provoking comment- I say this as an elementary school teacher. Not sure I would want someone who would even say such a thing to be teaching my child.

kate 12 months ago

I get that these questions/comments hurt, and I am sure some people say them in a snarky way. That being said, as a SAHM, I am truly in awe of my WOHM friends. When I say I don’t know how they do it, I actually mean that I must be a loser because I (tried and) couldn’t manage it. Some of that is personality/temperament/personal situation, but I truly do admire my WOHM friends.

Melissa Butler 12 months ago

Truth.

Laura 12 months ago

Halle-freakin-lujah!

Kelly O’Rourke 12 months ago

How about, “You’re lucky you have your mom nearby to raise your daughter for you.” Then when you reply that you are raising your child, thank you, they give you the off-handed wave and say, “Well, it takes a village, right?”

Crystal Taylor 12 months ago

#5, yes!!! Why must practice be before parents get off work?? #6…not so much. My wallet at the moment is a ziploc baggie lol. And, yeah, I always feel guilty for the time I’m not spending in the classroom or home with them when they’re sick. I used to say being a single working parent double sucks, but I realized it’s no easier if your hubs isn’t around to help much, either…

Amy Yarnall Hamrick 12 months ago

Number 5!!! Nothing for kids is scheduled when working parents can get there!

May O’Keeffe 12 months ago

Always the guilt of leaving the kids and the fear of job repercussions!!! Ahhhh, the joys of being a working mom!

Alecia Clark 12 months ago

11. “If you really wanted to stay home; you coukd afford it. ” or “anyone who really wants to stay home can just cut corners and god will provide.” Ffs. So yiu think you could manage your money better than we do or what?:

Jenni ‘Voit’ Weber 12 months ago

Love this. How about “are you sure you can’t work from home?” “Don’t you think hubby makes enough for you to stay home?”

Angie Tosh 12 months ago

Amen!!! I feel enough guilt over leaving her every single morning.

Devon Baker Pierangeli 12 months ago

❤️you and thank you!! Thank you!!

Anita 12 months ago

Disagree with #3….

Lindsey Dunn 12 months ago

Bahahaha! Made my night

Devon Baker Pierangeli 12 months ago

Lmao #9

Heather McAuslan 12 months ago

Working, single mom here. Thank God I have a flexible job that lets me be with my son as needed. Even with that blessing, I’m still often pressed to the max. I don’t know how you moms do it with less than understanding employers and more than one kid. Bravo!

Luna 12 months ago

“Do you think your children have trouble sleeping because they aren’t in the same bed every night?” I don’t know but i’m SURE they would have trouble eating and having shelter if I stopped working my night shift.

Barbara Giannetti 12 months ago

1, 5, and 10! 1 reeks of “you don’t love your kids as much as I do because you work”

Amanda Neddy Brauch 12 months ago

I agree. Like. Oh no. What happened. Then all the things I have to do at work go through my head

Heather Byrd Bettridge 12 months ago

Awesome.

Christina Marie Puglisi 12 months ago

“Whenever I go into a daycare & see all those cribs I just think ‘All those babies just want their mommies’.” Newsflash, my kids actually enjoyed daycare, it gave them structure and social skills that they would otherwise not have gotten. Daycare prepared them for school. It also built their immunities to many illnesses that your child will have to stay home and suffer now.

Christine Zagari LoPorto 12 months ago

I’m hoping for our children’s generation it’s not even a thought anymore! Dual working parents is the only way we can make it in this economy and God bless the ones who don’t have to…. But I’d work either way… It’s how my father raised me!

Katy Maher 12 months ago

“You could make a choice to stay home if you really wanted to.” Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t know you knew the details of our finances and also that I actually like working sometimes. Pfffft. I don’t say shit about you not working, why do some need to say shit about me working. Cripes. To each his own. Love and light and support. It’s a beautiful thing.

Jennifer Jones McKinney 12 months ago

Yes!! And it really sucks when you get guilted for missing your own kids’ school functions because you’re a teacher, helping OTHER peoples’ kids. :(

Amanda Kelly 12 months ago

My life. ..I wish that 7 years into it, I could brush off what people say! It still amazes me! :(

Shayna Levin 12 months ago

One more, from the kids: “Mommy, can you come home early today?” I got that one this morning. Broke my heart

Janice Sedberry Sherrell 12 months ago

My favorites were ” I could never leave my children all day because I love them” and “why did you have a child you weren’t planning to raise???”. Not even f’ing close to innocent statements.

Silvia Flores-Kentes 12 months ago

Yes yes and yes

Jennifer Adams 12 months ago

Love this!!!!

Amy Hull 12 months ago

Dr. Daycare!

Peggy Jillian Danson 12 months ago

I’ve just made the decision to go back to work full time, for financial reasons. And I feel like crap that I won’t be with my toddler all the time anymore. I honestly can’t wait till I have my next so I can be on Mat leave. But I have to do what I have to do for my family. Luckily for me my sister is able to mind her so she’s still with family.

Melissa Paquin 12 months ago

Big yes to number 5! I was just feeling down about this one today…

Angela Germain 12 months ago

My personal favorite: “why did you have kids if you never bother to see them?” Flipped my lid. Sorry, but someone has to pay all those bills from BEFORE I had kids!

Gary-Barb Yattaw 12 months ago

that is all really crap the only thing a working mom doesn’t want to hear is, “she walked today.”

Amber Hampton Perry 12 months ago

sooo true, i get tired of the better than me stay at home moms, no offense i know its hard work i did it for a short time, and im thankful for them cause thats how i have a baby sitter. but dont talk crap about working moms until you balance the day and still manage to be an awesome mom!

Diana Meyer Page 12 months ago

“How do you do it?!” Fish and chips on shoulders there! That is a compliment!!

Raegan Kim 12 months ago

Best.article.ever.

Colony Packroni-Hopkins 12 months ago

Except like an idiot I coach tball, baseball and soccer! Lol

Laura Guilbeault 12 months ago

” Must be nice to have a nanny” Yea I don’t sit around and eat Bon bons all day …

Chrissie Carlsen 12 months ago

I dread field trip forms…having multiple children means having to go to several destinations and taking that time off work lol

Mo McDreamee 12 months ago

Preach it sistah!!!

Lindsey Burken 12 months ago

Luv this!!

Shelley La Gata Schneider 12 months ago

This. This so damn hard!

Carrie Weaver 12 months ago

This is great! 1,6 & 10…. Hearing those comments drive me insane!

Melissa Mau Smith 12 months ago

I loved when my boys were babies and would want to be held by me, I would get, “Of course he wants to be with you. He doesn’t get to spend much time with you.” It couldn’t possibly just be because I’m their mom and they love me.

Lillie Eudy 12 months ago

#10. Like for real, what makes people ask that F*ing question? #3, not so much; it sucks but it’s part of parenting whether you work out of the home or not….And number one- you can tell whose doing it to let you know they are better Mothers and just those who genuinely don’t think before they speak. Since I also lack a filter, I try to ignore it. :)

Katie P 12 months ago

ABSOLUTELY YES. All of these! Another of my favorites is, “I just had to stay home with my kids, I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else raising them.” This one gets me so livid, I can barely hold myself back from typing a diatribe here. So I’ll just leave it at that.

Delaney Rosales 12 months ago

“But your gusband is the man of the house, why work when he is SUPPOSED TO bring home the money for bills!”
How did that not make it? Im sorry my dude works hard and sometimes its nice to say “hey hun felt like grabbing you a six pack!” And it come out of my pocket. Or just have that extra sitting around in case things go bad or i want my hair done. This isnt the 50s anymore!

Elena Aurora 12 months ago

This was written in an angry tone from a deep dark place full of anger. I could have written this.

Julie Williams 12 months ago

Love this! I can totally relate, being a working single mom!

Jennifer Bertagni 12 months ago

Today someone says “I don’t know why you came back so soon!” Um because I can’t pay my mortgage if I don’t work.

Lisa Bunag 12 months ago

“Well can’t you just take a day off?” I’m a teacher…to take a day off is more work than actually going in!

Janelle Norton 12 months ago

Love this! I have had people say all this crap and more. I have actually had moms say the only way to be good mom is to stay home!!!

Allison Diehl 12 months ago

I still want to throttle the woman who said #7 to me.

Meredith Wang 12 months ago

Oh god, the fever one. When I see the school number on caller ID my heart stops

Christine Reed 12 months ago

3, 5 & 6. Dead on!

Brittani Lahmayer 12 months ago

Yes!!!!!