Once, in a life far, far away, there was a time when grabbing my teeny tiny purse, prancing out of the house and hopping into my mid-sized vehicle was second nature. My car was a means to get me to and fro, from manicures to cocktails and certainly not an experience unto itself. And now? Now things are just slightly different…and smellier.
Here are 33 thoughts I have when I’m in my car:
1. What is that smell?
2. I have got to remember to crack the windows at night so this thing can air out.
3. When will this kid learn to buckle himself in?
4. I should really start carrying full sized trash bags in this car.
5. Why are all of my cup holders always full?
6. I should get more cup holders.
7. Can you buy cup holders for cars? I wonder if stroller cup holders will clip on somewhere.
8. No, we cannot listen to Disney Radio.
9. I can never find a pen when I need one.
10. I wonder if the bank will accept a check written in crayon…
11. I should probably throw away yesterday’s Chick-Fil-A trash before we drive through again today.
12. Maybe that smell is a chicken nugget lost under the seats somewhere.
13. Why is my steering wheel sticky?
14. Every place on Earth should have a drive-through. I will drive across town to the dry cleaner with a drive-through and not think twice about it. If I opened a business, it would definitely have a drive-through.
15. God, that counting app is annoying.
16. I wonder when the baby will actually wear headphones…
17. Listen to him counting! He’s sooooo smart!
18. The Chick-Fil-A drive-through girl just called me by name. At least she knows to double down on the Polynesian sauce.
19. I will throw that iPad out the window if he doesn’t start playing another damn app.
20. I wonder if I can get away with driving all the way home before he starts screaming for chicken nuggets.
21. *bites chicken nuggets into 100 pieces and hands them back*
22. Wait, does he have stickers?
23. No. No stickers on my windows.
24. Do we own Goo Gone?
25. Oh hey, dad in the minivan, I see you rocking that kid wagon and I’m jealous of your DVD player.
26. So many red lights, so few minutes until nap time.
27. I think my next car needs Wi-Fi so we can stream anything other than the counting app.
28. I wonder if this chicken nugget-covered salad is really healthy. Like, could I just order a #1 combo instead?
29. Oh, no sir! Don’t you even think about falling asleep in this car!
30. *singing at the top of my lungs to prevent a car nap*
31. Almost home, almost home, almost home.
32. Please transfer, please transfer, please transfer.
33. Ok, but seriously, what is that smell?