Make Room In Your Schedule For These Time Jokes And Puns

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
Cuckoo clock — time jokes and puns.
Peter Dazeley/Getty Images

As a kid, time moved so slowly. One day at school or an afternoon nap could feel like an eternity, but on the other hand, summers seemed to last forever too. Now, we’re lucky if we even know what day of the week it is — never mind having a solid grasp on the passage of time. Sure, we may be the ones teaching our kids to tell time, but sometimes it can feel as though all the clocks in your home are broken because they all seem to be losing hours. Seriously, we could sit here all day making time jokes and puns, poking fun at ourselves and our mortality and how one night we went to bed as a teenager and then somehow woke up in a middle-aged person’s body.

However, we all have better ways to spend our time. And that includes giving yourself a minute to read these time jokes and puns about making time fly. Your funny bone will thank you!

Time Jokes and Puns

  1. What happens if you annoy a clock?

You might just tick off!

  1. What do wall clocks do after they stop ticking?

Probably just hang around.

  1. I bought a 24-hour clock yesterday but it has stopped working already.

It only lasted a day!

  1. What do you call a clever clock?


  1. “At the third stroke it will be 5 o’clock, my precious,” said my brand new Tolkien clock.
  2. There’s a contest to find the country’s best chronometer.

So, I have put my clock forward.

  1. My husband was not happy with the castle-shaped clock I bought for his birthday.

But it’s the fort that counts!

  1. I don’t want to see that clock on its phone anymore.

The TikToks are so annoying!

  1. What do you call a clock on the moon?

A lunartick.

  1. What do you call candy that never arrives on time?


  1. I wonder why the historian measured a clock.

Maybe he wanted to know the beginning and the end of time.

  1. 6:30 is the best time on the clock…

Hands down.

  1. Eating a clock is really time-consuming if you go for seconds.
  2. They are finally making a movie about clocks.

It’s about time!

  1. What do you call a belt made out of clocks?

A waist of time!

  1. Why did the person hold their wall clock up to the mirror?

It was time for reflection.

  1. If the Leaning Tower of Pisa gets a clock face, it will have time and inclination.
  2. What does it mean if you see a billboard with a picture of a wall clock on it?

It’s a sign of the times.

  1. It’s only a matter of time before clocks take over the world.
  2. Why did the girl put an alarm clock in her shoe?

She didn’t want her feet to fall asleep.

  1. I wonder why my alarm watch doesn’t work.

Perhaps it needs a hand.

  1. I went to the Halloween party as an alarm timer.

But it was really irritating when people started to wind me up!

  1. My husband got me a timer clock out of the blue.

I was alarmed!

  1. What do you call a story that one watch tells to another?

Second-hand information.

  1. Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?

He wanted to see time fly.

  1. I got fired from the watchmaking factory even after all those extra hours I put in!
  2. A pocket watch is best for people who don’t like to have time on their hands.
  3. What is another name for a grandfather clock?

An old timer!

  1. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

“Look Grandpa, I have no hands!”

  1. What do you say when you find out that your grandfather clock is infested with bugs?

“Time flies!”

  1. Why is it difficult to bring yourself to get rid of a grandfather clock?

Because it’s a timeless piece.

  1. Why was the clock called to the principal’s office?

It was tocking too much!

  1. Do you know when ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

  1. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a clock?

A cluck.

  1. How do you know a clock is hungry?

It goes back four seconds!

  1. How do clocks greet each other?

They say, “Hour you doing?”

  1. Do you know why pendulums stop moving?

They lose their swing!

  1. What did the tick ask the clock?

“Hey, what are you tocking about?”

  1. Why do some cuckoos not come out of their door?

They probably have stage fright!

  1. What does the second hand say to the hour hand when they meet?

“See you again in a minute buddy!”

  1. What do street clocks say to the tower clocks?

“High there!”

  1. Where did the clock finish her race?

Wherever she wound up.

  1. What do you call it when you put a clock under your desk?

Working over time.

  1. What time is it when an elephant sits on a clock?

Time to get a new clock.

  1. Why should you stop to purchase a clock when you’re running late?

That way, you buy time!

  1. Why did the scientist put a wristwatch into the flask?

He wanted a timely solution to his research problem.

  1. What do you call it when a shop gives out clocks with half a face at a good discount?

A limited-time sale.

  1. Why did Bob Dylan adjust all of the clocks?

He said, “For the times they are a-changin.'”

  1. Why do wealthy people buy a lot of clocks?

Time is money!

  1. How do you know that witches are carrying time bombs?

You hear their brooms tick.

  1. A man was starting a new job and didn’t want to be late. So he went to the clockmakers and asked to buy a potato clock.

The clockmaker was puzzled and asked, “What’s a potato clock?” The man replied, “I don’t know. I told my wife I didn’t want to be late to work, so she told me to get a potato clock.”

  1. What do you call the girl with the hourglass figure?

A waist of time.

  1. I asked if I could leave work early the other day and the boss said, sure, if I made up the time.

I said, “No problem, it’s 20 past 14.”

  1. I’m reminiscing about an old car of mine that got stuck in reverse gear.

That took me back.

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