Times Mothers Should Stop, Think, Breathe

by Jenifer DeMattia
Originally Published: 

If you look up the word “mother” the definition may state something like, “One’s female parent.”

While this is true, we as mothers know this definition could be extended a bit.

And although our anatomy is the way it is so that we can carry a child and keep our species alive, motherhood is a choice that requires everyday hustle trying to keep everyone and everything in some sort of semi-organized harmony. I often read comments on articles from others asking, “Why did you have children if you have so many complaints?” Well, besides the obvious fact that we would no longer exist if women didn’t, it’s also really hard and quite worthy of complaints if not full blown mental health breakdowns.

They say that people who are nurturers are like candles. They will burn themselves up in order to bring light to others. And the world keeps telling you that if you put your partner first, why you must be some submissive crazy woman. If your children always come first, well then, others pity you and your children will surely grow up to be lazy and unmotivated. And if you put yourself first, you’re just plain selfish.

Motherhood is like walking a tightrope while people throw things at you such as judgment, fear, guilt, and screaming children. It is a constant balancing act and completely nerve-racking.

What I have learned through my so-called-mommy-life is that there are certain times when a mother, the expert tightrope walker, should in fact put herself first.

Every time you find yourself saying yes, when every part of you wants to say no, call back and say no.

It starts to get easier and more freeing the more you practice. There is no more room on your plate.

Every time you feel yourself committing right away, stop and say, “I’ll let you know.”

Remember you are a mom; you have so much shit to do.

Every time you are in a situation you cannot change, you feel envious of other moms, or your children are being monsters, pause.

Let it go. It may not be on public display, but their children are monsters too.

Every time you find yourself being a bitch or yelling at your kids, remember that even good people get frustrated.

You are not a bitch. You are an overwhelmed mom. Ask for help. Take a guilt-free break.

Every time you get the feeling you are not satisfied, maybe you aren’t.

Sometimes we need more. Find a hobby or find your passion. Even if its as simple as coloring and listening to music (my new thing), if makes you calm and happy than do it. You will be a way more fun and fulfilled mom.

Every time your anxiety kicks in when you look around to see your house is a complete mess, remember that clean is temporary.

The monsters will only destroy it again. Do it when you are ready.

On every day that ends with the letter Y, remember that you matter.

It is true. Every day you are living the only life you have. Mother or not. Make decisions that keep you sane and make you a better person. Everyone in your life will benefit from it. Especially the little monsters.

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