Toddler Talk

by Elaine Alguire
Originally Published: 

You know how they have those CDs that you can that teach you another language? They promise that you can easily learn Spanish, French, even Chinese pretty quickly and easily.

I would like to know where the CDs are for Toddler Talk.

Yeah, you know what I’m talking about… Those words you just can’t-for-the-life-of-you understand that the newly-talking human being that use to just coo and smile, now likes to “say”.

The other day my just-turned 2-year old walked up next to me while I was washing some dishes and, with the added obstacle of her pacifier in her mouth said something akin to, “flubber flashish boob.” We went around and around for about a minute before we were both pretty much crying and I never figured out what the hell she was saying. So I just gave her a snack and she was happy.

I’ve heard it’s not good to appease your children with food but in that moment, I didn’t care. Cookies it is!!!

And don’t get me wrong, most of the time she speaks pretty well but there are still times that we have communication problems.

So, I thought it would be helpful to list some of the words and phrases that I think should be on the CDs, should anyone ever decide to produce them…

Oooce = Juice

Moo = milk (at least she has the association right, right?!)

Go Ide! = I want to go slide

Wing Mama! = I want to swing Mom

Me it = I want to do it

MINE! = mine (this one is all about the inflection and I’m just in denial as to what it means)

NOOOOOOOOOOO! = No (also hard to translate on paper but you get the idea)

Ray Ray = Raisins

Shooce = shoes

Brusheeth = brush teeth

Ahside = Outside

Ownt no = I don’t know

Flubber Flashish Boob = ME clueless (translation ideas gladly accepted)

Anyway, I would pay lots and LOTS of monies for CDs that taught this language. I would even spring for an additional set with the subtitle “with pacifier inserted”.

Maybe I’ll just produce them myself and make a ton of money. I mean surely you all would buy them, right? Even if you don’t have toddlers yourself, certainly you know someone who does and needs assistance with translating Toddlerish.

I know I do.

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