From Totally Geek to Totally Chic: Apple Will Now Offer Fashion Tips

Because according to a report at 9to5mac, Apple retail employees are now being trained to provide fashion and styling tips to customers. And I swear I’m not making this up.

The training is part of the Apple Watch launch next month, and the company will reportedly spend the next two weeks teaching its retail employees—you know, the ones in the royal blue tees with the iPhones hanging around their necks—how to pimp their customers’ wrists by suggesting certain watch and band colors based on the lifestyle cues they exhibit when they enter the store.

Um, what? See, the Apple Watch ranges in price from $349 up to $17,000 (yes, you read that right), and will come in three styles—an aluminum sport version, a shiny stainless steel design and a flashy 18-karat gold model for high rollers and the people who play them on TV. There are also a bunch of different band possibilities, which is where the fashion advice part comes in. It’s also why Apple drones are now expected to move from geek status to chic status by asking customers a series of penetrating questions like: “How do you plan on using your Apple Watch?” “Which Apple Watch look matches your personal style?” and “Do you prefer leather or metal bands?”

Metal bands? Why? Do Metallica tickets come with this purchase? Is that why the price is so high?

If that first set of questions wasn’t weird enough to send you running from the store, Apple has also created multiple sample personas to help employees size up customers and then drop comments like, “You seem to have a fun style. I think the Pink Sport band would match your style perfectly.”

Does this sound totally creepy to you, or is it just me? I know we all love a good makeover story, and I am usually a huge Apple fan, but this is where I draw the line. On the other hand, it does open the door for Anna Wintour to start developing code. I wonder if she prefers XML or HTML.