White House: 'Feeding Hungry Kids Hasn't Been Proven To Help Performance'

by Meredith Bland
Originally Published: 
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White House to cut Meals on Wheels and after-school nourishment programs

Yesterday, White House Office of Management and Budget Director Mick Mulvaney said that the government plans to cut funding for community block grants that pay for services like Meals on Wheels and programs that provide meals to low-income school kids because “they aren’t showing results.” Oh, word? Huh. That seems immoral, but who knows what that word means anymore.

In a Q and A with the White House press corps that boggled the mind, Mulvaney was asked about plans to cut funding for services that feed those seniors and children who otherwise do not have access to meals. Here’s the short version:

“They’re supposed to be educational programs, right?” Mulvaney said to reporters. “Guess what? There’s no demonstrable evidence they’re actually doing that. There’s no demonstrable evidence they’re actually helping results, they’re helping kids do better in school.”

He continued, “The way we justified it was: these programs are going to help these kids do better in school and get better jobs. And we can’t prove that that’s happening.”

Uh-huh. Mulvaney thinks taxpayers shouldn’t have to feed hungry children unless they’re getting some results from it. “It’s nice that your kid isn’t starving, but I can’t help but notice he’s also getting B’s. Perhaps only having one meal a day will motivate him to work a little harder. Not going to get that job at Microsoft with a ‘Needs Improvement’ in counting, buddy.”

Is this really what we’re about? Do we really need a reason to feed hungry children? Are we so incredibly greedy that we don’t want our tax dollars to go to something that helps keep children alive unless they can prove they deserve it by getting A’s? Are we that monstrous? Because that’s what’s at the root of this point of view: the idea that poor people need to prove that they deserve our charity. After all, we shouldn’t be using our money to feed just any starving child. We don’t want to feed a child who, even with an extra serving of chicken parmesan, still can’t get higher than a C in Algebra. Fuck that kid, right?

That can’t be who we are. Please, tell me that’s not who we are.

In this longer version, Mulvaney also addresses seniors and explains why this approach — the not feeding hungry kids and old people approach — is more compassionate than actually giving them food:

“Meals on Wheels sounds great… but I can’t defend that anymore. We’re 20 trillion dollars in debt. We’re gonna spend money, we’re gonna spend a lot of money, but we’re not going to spend it on programs that cannot show that they actually deliver the promises that we’ve made to people.”

You’re right, Mick. Feeding hungry seniors does sound good. But if all we’re getting out of it more living seniors, then what’s the point? I mean, kids and seniors don’t build walls, am I right, Mick? What’s important here is how Mr. and Mrs. Taxpayer feel about what we’re doing with their money, and those assholes are only concerned with one thing: themselves. What do they get out of feeding some C+ student in the Bronx? How do they benefit if some rando’s Nana lives another year? Can we show a little compassion to the people who are paying for these people’s ham and cheese sandwiches? You make an excellent point, Mick, you heartless-coffin-dwelling-uncaring-soul-needing-scumbag.

And by the way, as The Daily Good points out, there is plenty of evidence that good nutrition plays a role in academic achievement. There’s also common sense, but we know that can be hard to rely on when you and your co-workers eat whatever you want whenever you want and most of you are still worthless turds. So here are some unbiased numbers for you, because we know if there’s one thing you like, it’s people…we mean, numbers.

In light of our new policy against feeding the hungry, I’ve written a little ditty that kids can sing at schools once this funding goes away:

“If there’s a rumble in your tummy, then it means your tummy’s hungry,

And what is it hungry for? Fractions!

If you’re feeling kinda dizzy, but your teacher keeps you busy,

Put your head between your knees and: keep learning!”

What a country.

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