Trump's Staff Banned Him From Twitter

by Meredith Bland
Image via Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Trump’s Twitter account run entirely by staff for last days before election

If you follow Donald Trump on Twitter or just occasionally check in to see if he has named one of his sons Super Vice-President (it’d totally be Don Jr.), you’ll have noticed that for the past few days his tweets have taken on a much different tone. What used to be all capital letters and exclamation points has become subdued…gracious, even.

Immediately, we all suspected that it was not Trump’s stubby little fingers that were responsible for these tweets, and we were right. The New York Times has confirmed that Trump’s campaign staff have taken over his Twitter feed and are not allowing the candidate to tweet in these last few hours before election day.

Yes, just like that time you took your 15-year-old’s phone away after they were caught texting in class, Trump’s staff have finally had to take a hard line with the Republican nominee for president. As parents, we know that sometimes you have to follow through and let your child experience the consequences of their actions. Trump has shamed the family one too many times, and now he has lost a privilege.

Trump has used his Twitter account to bash his rivals and promote conspiracy theories, all while referring to himself in the third-person. This makes the difference between the usual Trump tweets and his recent tweets stand out all the more. For example, here are a few typical Trump tweets:

This must be an extremely trying time for Trump, what with all the words and insults he now has to bottle up inside of him. He’s going to need to take up a hobby to distract him while he is unable to tweet, like crossword puzzles or firing the help. One can only imagine the tweets Trump has wanted to send out in place of the benign tweets coming from his staff.

Trump: “Hope! Write this down: ‘I love Pennsylvania! Especially the fine city of Intercourse. One of my favorites! ‘ Then add a winky face and a MAGA hashtag.”


Trump: “Hope! Get on the tweeting and say, ‘No wonder I’m tied with CROOKED HILLARY — that’s all caps, Hope — in North Carolina. They can’t even make up their minds about which bathroom to use!’ Hashtag Trump/Pence 2016. ”


Trump: “Hope! Where’s Hope? Whatever — Kushner! Get on the internet and tweet this: ‘Heard they’re letting Hispanics vote after polls closed in Nevada. RIGGED! Will not buy their failing taco bowls.’ There. That’ll teach those assholes.”


Trump: “Hope! Tweet this! ‘Ballots by mail in Colorado is a joke. If one of my supporters set fire to a polling station (which would be terrible), think what would happen! Hashtag Supreme Court, Hashtag JustYouWait.'”

Trump: “Someone write this down, tweet it, then burn the paper they wrote on: ‘Minnesota overrun by Somali refugees. Encourage few remaining white people in state to come to my rally. Hashtag BuildAWall, Hashtag BuildItAroundWholeUSA, Hashtag MakeWhitePeopleDoor.'”

Poor bastard. He’s barely hanging on, waiting for midnight on Tuesday when he can wrestle back control of his social media and achieve full release.