Despite the amount of women who voted for him in 2016, not every woman married to a Trump supporter agrees with her husband’s opinions. Women are finding themselves at odds with their husbands who support Trump. It’s easy for non-supporters to look down on these women and say, “why?”
But some of these women are watching the men they thought they knew transform in front of their eyes. There are others watching their husbands fall deeper and deeper into this madness. The ones who didn’t always agree with their husband’s politics are watching that divide grow wider and wider now. And while many more liberal-leaning folks will say “dump him,” it’s not always an option for some of these women.
Scary Mommy talked to 12 women who are going against their Trump supporting husbands’ wishes and voting for Biden this election. Some of them are voting blue (or even at all) for the first time. They want to be on the right side of history, even if it’s detrimental to their relationships.
Julie D., PA
“My husband and I both grew up in white, Christian, conservative families. I voted for all Republicans, including 2016.
My view started to change during these last 4 years. I would never want my children to look up to Trump as a role model. I have 3 children, 2 of which are LGBTQ.
I’ve been slowly breaking it to my husband that I will not be voting for Trump. He just said to get ready for a nationwide depression and that he might lose his job.
I know my husband is disappointed in how I’m voting. I do not bring up any political topics.”
Sarah N., WI
“My husband was a Democrat like me. He voted for Obama.
He changed his vote during the Sandy Hook massacre. The president called for gun reform — my husband has 7 guns and loves to hunt.
We talked about how we have a transgender daughter and how Trump made it okay for workplaces to discriminate and not be recognized for their needs. This fell on deaf ears.
The problems our political views have caused in our relationship and family are huge. I literally look at him and have resentment. My children don’t respect his opinions or views. I’ve thought about getting a divorce over our political views.”
Jenny B., WI
“There is something about Trump that I’m so deeply affected by, and it’s hard to even put it into words.
When he came right out and said he was voting for Trump, I felt like he may as well have punched me. I couldn’t believe then that someone with such a kind, loving heart would support him. He watches Fox News, listens to Limbaugh, and believes FB memes. I honestly don’t think he has any business voting at all.
Knowing his stance on different issues has now changed how I feel about him. He agrees that someone in his position shouldn’t act this way without consequences. But when I ask him why it’s ok to accept that behavior, he has no answer other than ‘Just because he’s an asshole doesn’t mean he can’t run the country.’ I thought the man I married was smarter than that. I believe that if I gave him an ultimatum and he had to choose me or Trump, it would be Trump.”
Danelle L., GA
“We met when we were teenagers. I was Catholic and he was an evangelical Christian. He would tell me that I shouldn’t bother reading the news and I should never discuss politics with anybody or it would just embarrass the both of us. Towards the end of the marriage my car would mysteriously break down the week of elections. Two of my children have birthdays during election week and I had them by C-section, so I prepared mail in ballots and asked him to take them. Both times I found the ballots in a drawer unmailed. When I confronted him is when he explained to me that my vote would just cancel his out.
Our political differences were not the reason our relationship ended but they were intertwined with why our relationship imploded. He always called my views ignorant. ”
C. Davidson, Seattle
“I didn’t know how extremely different our political views were until Trump started campaigning. Some of his messaging really excited my husband, while simultaneously making me angry, and fearful. It was easy to ignore because I didn’t have the time or energy to battle his biases.
I’ve been a registered Democrat for years but this is the first time I’ve officially voted. Last election’s ballot was filled out but not mailed, it was hidden by my husband. Because I couldn’t be trusted not to vote for my same sex.
DJT has elicited every moral deficit my husband possesses. We have fought so loudly that I worry one of our neighbors will call the police. I have threatened divorce so many times that he has become desensitized to my threats. He belittles me in front of my family. We very rarely go into public together because I’m afraid of what he’ll say. What used to be said under his breath, he now feels emboldened to tout and I’m afraid there will be public retaliation. I’ve already decided that our 27-year relationship will not continue if DJT is elected again.”
Dawn P., MO
“When we met, I would have described both of us as Conservative Republicans. I found myself unable to vote at all in 2016.
My husband is aware of my feelings about Trump and after several years of expressing my increased distaste for Trump’s behavior, he expects that I will vote for Biden.
Political discussions for me have become more about common decency, humanity, and integrity. It’s tough to look at my husband’s social media posts that I feel go against those ideals and still rationalize that he’s a good person. I’m hopeful that when this election is over that we will be able to find some middle ground to build from.”
Erin H., OK
“We were both raised as Republicans but considered ourselves as fiscally conservative and socially liberal.
My husband has known how much I hate Trump. However, he has been frustrated that I won’t jump on board with Trump.
I’ve been very concerned that my husband doesn’t seem to think that the character of the man holding the office of the Presidency matters. We’re raising a little boy to become a man. When we don’t demand honesty, humility and empathy from our leaders, how can we demand it of our children? I have found myself struggling with the fact that there are some things about him that I will never be able to un-know. I’ll always know that while he might not be an out and out racist, or a sexist or a sexual predator, having a racist, sexual predator as head of state isn’t a deal breaker for him.”
Stephanie J., PA
“My husband and I have always had differing political views, but it was never this drastic.
I was hesitant to talk to my husband about the 2016 election, mostly because I had a feeling that he was leaning towards Trump. As it got closer to the election, I literally begged him with tears in my eyes not to vote for Trump. After the results came in, he knew I was super upset. All I wanted to do was scream at him.
We literally can’t even speak about anything slightly political without it turning into a raging fight. I’m beginning to think it’s not just political differences, but differences in morals. I’ve actually considered filing for divorce over it.”
Diana R., IN
“I was mostly Republican because I had been steeped deeply in evangelical subculture. My husband is still a conservative Republican and, at worst, a Trump supporter or excuser.
This is my first time voting, ever. I never believed that my voice would matter. It would be a blip in a sea of red. I was scared that putting a vote to my convictions would tear apart my marriage. I came to a point this year where I don’t care anymore.
It feels like there’s no going back and no saving my marriage. I feel neglected because he’s consciously chosen to not explore how we can be different. If I leave my marriage, all my other support would fall away. No money, friends, career. No home, church. It would all be gone. But I’ll be damned if T***p is going to take away my marriage after he’s taken so much else. I’m ready to fight for what is ours.”
Heather B., NY
“My husband and I did always have political differences. This is the first time I cared.
Trump has been a game changer. He now supports a genuinely horrible person who sows divide. His support of DT makes me question our marriage. I would never have married someone who could support DT but how could I have known this 18 years ago? Now I have 14 years of generally good marital relationship but DT makes me question truly what kind of person can support DT. My marriage to a DT supporter has done huge damage to my mental health. I was near suicidal 4 years ago. I am leery of family events because I am embarrassed of my husband’s political views.”
Annette M., FL
“My husband is still a registered Democrat. We don’t talk at all, and I am dying inside. For a long time, my husband was my best friend. He is not anymore.
I voted for Trump in 2016. I obviously had not done my homework. And I came to regret my decision on Inauguration Day, when Trump lied about the crowd size. I voted for Trump just so he could insult me as a ‘liberal’ the next day.
Essentially, I don’t feel like there is anything left for me. I don’t want to be near him any longer. My life is very different from his. Since I cannot talk to him anymore, I try to spend as much time away as possible.”
Kris G., KY
“It is clear to me now that we probably always disagreed more than I realized but it’s really a large division between us currently.
My husband actually voted for Hillary last time!! But from the day after the election he knew that I was greatly distressed — it’s been ongoing for 4 long years.
The amazing thing to me is that I don’t think he realizes the toll this has taken on me, my respect for him and my feelings about our long relationship and marriage. I’ve tried to tell him but I don’t really think it’s sinking in. My husband has actually said to me when I try to express an opinion that I am dead wrong. It’s eroded my heart. I am praying for a change in tomorrow’s election. If that doesn’t happen, I seriously don’t know if I can make it another 4 years.”
It’s hard – and heartbreaking — when the person you thought you knew shows support for a leader with a completely different (or absent!) moral code. But these women are using that discomfort to fuel the change we so desperately need to see in this country.