This tweet tells you all you need to know about vaginas
Ahhhh, the vagina. It’s the end-all-be-all, mysterious-but-not-overly-complicated body part that has been the subject of much pomp and circumstance for most of history. Many well-intentioned people feel the need to steam, perfume, or spend an inordinate time dilly-dallying around with their vaginas to the detriment of their own well being. But one woman decided to set the record straight on what should, and absolutely should not, come near our muffulettas.
Twitter user Alison Pool was adamant about getting the facts (only the facts, ma’am) out into the public about our pubis. She titled the tweet, “VAGINA THREAD,” and it is quickly becoming the stuff of legends.
Seems reasonable but don’t fucking move because Pool isn’t remotely done taking us to school for the day:
5. A man’s sperm CAN throw off your pH balance and also change the smell of your vagina.— alison 🦋 ig @alibabi19 (@alisonpool_) June 22, 2018
6. It is not safe for vaginas to smell like sunshine and flowers, so quit expecting it to.
I mean obviously we’d all like to believe our vaginal area smells like rainbows and unicorns but that’s not how it is. It’s not only not normal, it’s a narrative glossy magazines and marketers trying to sell us Sparkly Unicorn Vag Spray are trying to sell us. We should never feel embarrassed about our bodies, least of all our nether regions.
Pool went on to say:
7. STOP fucking douching and washing your vagina with Bath & Body Works, and Victoria’s Secret. Shit’s not healthy for the vagina.— alison 🦋 ig @alibabi19 (@alisonpool_) June 22, 2018
8. The vagina cleans itself you little idiots.
9. Having sex has no correlation of how "tight" your vagina is.
“The vagina cleans itself you little idiots.” In other words. Don’t mess with your self-cleaning oven, people! It’s not the Bermuda Triangle, some things are better left unsaid (and unmanned).
Also, why are a lot of us so shy about talking about our V? Every woman has one, so let’s get it out in the open. Namely, “If your vagina stinks or your discharge stink and has a color, then, go see a gynecologist.”
10. Yeast infections are COMMON!!!— alison 🦋 ig @alibabi19 (@alisonpool_) June 22, 2018
11. The best thing you can do for your vagina is to leave it alone.😴
12. If your vagina stinks or your discharge stink and has a color, then, go see a gynecologist.
13. Let it breathe.
Pool goes on to say that we should “Always urinate after sex to rinse the urinary tract of fluids that could be caught there and can cause UTIs,” which makes sense because it’s a scientific fact that pee immediately follows sex, always. Bonus that it also comes in handy where our health is concerned.
She also adds we should “Drink water,” which not only makes sense for our vaginas, but is just a good tip for being a generally healthy adult.
My personal fav is number 17; not just for its simplicity but for its ode to all that is comfort. “COTTON panties ladies. Wearing silk, satin, and lace seven days a week will abso-fucking-lutely throw your pH off,” she wrote.
The vagina master has spoken. HANES 10-packs for everyone.
Obviously, Twitter had a lot to say about her schooling on the vagina:
Honestly this is the most informative thread I’ve read in a while. Seriously.— gil leora (@gilleora) June 22, 2018
This whole thread is facts upon facts. Was literally having this convo with my friend a couple days ago— 🌈 Rainbow Aura 🌈 (@miss_smyle) June 22, 2018
This may be the only “a thread” thread that’s actually important. And I’m a guy. And gayish.— Owen Sullivan 🏳️🌈 (@sulliops) June 22, 2018
Excuse me while I reevaluate my life.
The entire thread is worth a read, not only for educational purposes but to take the mystery out of what should be a happy-go-lucky body part.