A Simple Fire Escape Plan Hilariously Turns NSFW And Twitter Can't Handle It

by Cassandra Stone
Originally Published: 

Who knew a fire escape plan would nearly break the internet?

Thanks to years of miseducation, stigma, taboo, and your general shrug-off about female oral sex, there are men who still bumble and stumble around the entire act. Which is why this viral tweet showing a the escape plan for some random boat and the reactions to it are so priceless.

Earlier this week, Twitter user @ayyjqce shared a photo of said escape map that looks nearly identical to a crucial part of the female anatomy.

Here’s said “escape plan” in all its vagina-resembling glory, complete with clitoris, clitoral hood, labia…you get the gist.

“Most men can’t find stair 1 roof access.” LOL. Ain’t that the truth.

Naturally, the image has since gone viral with some A+ Twitter commentary. You know, because instead of rage-crying over how clueless some men tend to be about female genitalia and oral sex — we’ve just got to laugh about it instead. Or something.

*insert applause emoji*

HA. Good one, boys.

There isn’t a human with a vagina out there who hasn’t experienced this exact scenario on at least one occasion.

Please, let’s take a moment of silence for the fools who lost their way.

And my personal favorite:

This seems like a great place for a friendly reminder that half the world’s population has a vagina. A majority of the Vagina Populous requires clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. It takes a little bit of work, sure, but what’s fair is fair.

This whole thread reminded me that a guy I dated in college once gave up on the act when I was THISCLOSE and had the audacity to drunkenly yell into my literal vagina: “WON’T YOU JUST FUCKING COME ALREADY?!” I responded by removing his presence from my precious lady garden, immediately put on my pants, and got the hell out of there. The next day, my girlfriends and I dubbed his epic fail the night of the “Poodanda Palooza” and laughed at him for the rest of sophomore year.

Now while this Twitter thread is absolutely entertaining, it definitely proves that when it comes to oral sex, heterosexual men tend to jump ship long before the fire really gets going. Please, do yourselves a favor gentlemen, and memorize this map and all key locations.

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