All Of Twitter Eviscerates Man Who Hates Our Fun Hair Colors

by Christina Marfice
Originally Published: 
Image via Twitter/Alexander J.A. Cortes/Instagram/Christina Marfice

Because women only change hair colors to please men, obviously

There are about a billion different reasons why women might experiment with different hair colors. For me, it was because I had just left a stuffy office job and with my new work-from-home position, it was the first time in my life I was allowed to dye my hair a non-natural shade. After seeing that it looked rad AF, I just kept doing it.

My hair has been blue, green, pink, purple, rainbow striped, dip-dyed, ombréd and balayaged. You know why I do that? Because I like it and it’s fun. Men do not factor into the decision. In fact, for most of the decisions we women make about our appearances, men do not factor in. But don’t try telling them that. And especially don’t try telling Alexander A.J Cortes that. Cortes decided to share his opinions of “unnaturally” colored hair on Twitter, and hoo boy, is it a hot mess.

Presented without comment (for now) is his remarkably stupid argument (OK, sorry, I could not help commenting, sue me).

One quick pause here, because, um, did this guy just use a comic book character to illustrate his asinine ideas about how real, live women work? He did? OK, cool. Just making sure. Also, this checks out because undoubtedly he has more experience with comic book women than real ones. But I digress.

His arguments continue with these gems of tweets.

OK, so that was a lot. Let’s just address the central argument here, which is that women with wild hair colors, like dart frogs and poisonous snakes, are wearing a warning for men to stay away. Cortes clearly has not considered the fact that animals like dart frogs and poisonous snakes have those bright colors to ward off predators, not potential mates. If my rainbow hair will help keep men like Cortes away, someone hand me a fresh jar of Manic Panic, stat.

But don’t just listen to me, since, according to this argument, I’m unstable and homicidal. Let’s hear the rest of Twitter’s thoughts.

Cortes’ epic assholery may have even inspired at least one woman to try out a new color. @juliahosack, if you’re reading this, we hope you love your new “lusty lavender” locks, and we’re sure you look hella fierce.

Anyway, Cortes appears to just be a huge troll, because a quick scroll through his Twitter timeline reveals this:

Though we prefer the also-likely explanation that the pink-haired goddess above is the one who turned him down, and he’s just your average internet “nice guy” who turns to baseless insults when he’s rejected by a woman.

This talk would also not be complete without mentioning that Cortes’ opinions about mental illness are not only remarkably dumb, but dangerous. People who battle mental illness face so much stigma, and Cortes’ idea that seeing a therapist or being on medication that may help treat an actual, legitimate disease makes a woman undesirable is completely asinine.

But hey, if Cortes wanted women with fun hair colors to stay away from him, mission accomplished. We’ll all just be over here with our gorgeous locks, making fun of him forever.

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