These Preschoolers Wrote A Cookbook And The 'Recipes' Are Hilarious

A pre-k class came up with the most hilariously disastrous recipes

Kids can absolutely follow direction, but also they’re kids so it’s likely they’re retaining about 10 percent of what they hear and see around them. Take, for example, this cookbook made by a class of preschoolers who possibly, most definitely should not be allowed to cook anyone a meal for any reason.

Twitter user Jordan Adams posted a few of delectable recipes from his nephews school-made cookbook — and I’m using the word “cookbook” fairly loosely as you’ll soon see. “My nephews Ethan’s pre-k class made a cook book, and all the kids had to come up with all the recipes,” he wrote. “So much better than I could’ve imagined.”

If you’re a breakfast person, definitely take a gander at “Ethan’s Eggs,” which consist of only pancakes, Skittles, and sugar.” If you’re thinking to yourself “but where are the eggs” have no fear; just show up at Ethan’s mom’s house she’ll have them ready with “nothing on them.” Sounds intriguing.

If you’re feeling like some pancakes now that little Ethan delivered absolutely nothing with his dish, consider “Sebastian’s Pancakes.” Oh wait ,the only ingredient is salt but it’s still fairly complex because you have to get “a thingy from the house and put it in a hot thingy,” which weirdly sounds like a lot like my college dates. They’ll run you a cool $70 but you won’t have cramps for years.

In the mood for something savory? Might we suggest “Joe’s Tacos.” Joe left no stone unturned in his recipe, which includes meat, lettuce, taco shells, more lettuce, potatoes — wait tomatoes — and cheese (but don’t buy that shit at the store, just go to his house, he’s got plenty). Wait, never mind. He forgot how to make tacos but he can give you the recipe for “cheesy rollups” which just requires a quick hop to Taco Bell. It’s not a problem if you can’t make a run for the border, Joe also included a recipe for watermelon; “Just buy watermelon.”

And if all this talk of actual food has you hangry, please make Ariana’s Macaroni.” It only serves three but you can cook it in under five minutes for only two dollars, so there’s that. Apparently you can buy everything you need at “the mall” which makes sense since some of the ingredients include a doll, a backpack, and a toy. She didn’t specify which toy but I’m pretty sure you can freestyle.

Obviously people had a lot to say on the matter and some pretty heavy favorites emerged:

https://twitter.com/jetpack/status/997661431653978113

https://twitter.com/jetpack/status/997329955532017665https://twitter.com/jetpack/status/997487402485800961https://twitter.com/jetpack/status/997661431653978113

https://twitter.com/jetpack/status/998525097823485952

I still remember being in junior high and demanding my mom let me make dinner that night. I recall throwing some jarred spaghetti sauce, meat from a can (why though), shredded cheese, and some crushed up Fritos in a pan and serving it, thinking I was the next Jaime Oliver. No one asked for seconds.

These kids are obviously ahead of their time in the culinary field and will cook in the finest dining establishments for many a happy customer; because kids are awesome and their imagination should never, ever go away.