University of Real Life

I said goodbye to my summer babysitter last week and it was heartbreaking. As I bid her farewell, I subtly suggested that she could learn far more with us than during four years at college. She laughed it off, but I was dead serious. Higher education is so overrated, don’t you think? To help convince her to stay, I’ve come up with some of the top things you learn in college. Since she’s already mastered them, there seems to be no reason at all to attend. Makes sense, right?

How to peacefully coexist with a roommate. After pretty much living with my children this summer, rooming with anyone would be a pleasure cruise.

Disease control. She’s done an exemplary job at keeping lice, colds and flu’s at bay. Pretty much the same goes for STDs: Keep body parts belonging to dirty strangers away from your own.

How to prepare your own food. She’s mastered the art of crafting the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Mac and cheese, too. Along with cereal and frozen yogurt this is pretty much rounds out dorm room cuisine.

Debate/Planning/Persuasion. She’s played referee with my four and six year olds, arranged play-dates and orchestrated naps. Done, done and done.

The importance of naps. Those two hours in the afternoon with the boys asleep saved her sanity. Napping saves you again in school.

Aren’t those really the most important lessons from college? I never said I was a good student, but I think it’s pretty convincing.

As long as nobody convinces my kid of it, of course.