Video Shows The Best Mother-Fudging Ways To Swear Without Swearing

by Ashley Austrew
Originally Published: 

A movie compilation on YouTube offers some helpful alternatives to cuss words

We’ve all been there: someone cuts you off in traffic, you burn yourself cooking dinner, or your mother-in-law texts you a particularly biting insult, and suddenly your kid is privy to an R-rated vocabulary lesson fit for a sailor. We try not to cuss in front of our kids, but sometimes the fucks, shits, and damns just fly faster than our ability to come up with a more creative curse word. That’s why this compilation video might come in handy.

Burger Fiction, a two-person team of YouTubers who specialize in making funny movie mash-ups, put together a hilarious compilation of non-swear curse words in movies to help people get creative, even when they’re trying to keep things PG. Check out these fudging wonderful new phrases:

The three-minute video features clips from 34 beloved movies, like The Breakfast Club, Napoleon Dynamite, The Empire Strikes Back, A Clockwork Orange, Elf, and others. In each clip, iconic characters are shown in scenes where they swear without really swearing — and the insults they come up with are insanely creative:

“Son of a motherless goat.”

“Neo-maxi-zoom dweebie.”

“Scruffy-looking nerf herder.”

“Feck you!”

See? Coming up with your own alternatives to cuss words can be kind of fun. Plus, it could save you a ton of public humiliation. Kids listen to and absorb every single thing we say, and more often than not, the bad stuff comes bubbling back up at the most inopportune moments. My four-year-old once dropped her water cup in the grocery store and loudly shouted, “Oh, fucking Jesus!” She didn’t realize what she said was wrong; she was just imitating me — the mommy with the potty mouth. Still, it was not my proudest moment.

Regardless of how you feel about curse words, there will always be times when swearing is inappropriate. In those cases, it’s beneficial to bust out with a “fudge” or a “shitake mushrooms,” or even a “your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.” Creative swears might not carry the same sting as a few four letter words we know and love, but they’re equally satisfying to say and way more flipping fun to dream up.

There’s nothing wrong with being the parent who swears. I believe a good “damn you, motherfucker” a day keeps the doctor away. That said, even I can’t help falling in love with this video and the way Steve Martin says, “You son of a motherless goat,” in The Three Amigos. If swearing is your jam, you do you. But, if you’re looking for some more creative and hysterical ways to express your frustrations, well, then put this video on repeat and get to memorizing it, you cotton-headed ninny-muggins.

H/T Someecards

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