As so many things do these days, the viral “Florida Man Google Challenge” all started with a tweet. A 21-year-old from Dallas who goes by the handle “swervin merv” posted the tweet below, and sent everyone googling.
It has since generated a viral storm of everyone searching “Florida man” along with their birthdays, only to discover there is a wild Florida Man story for each and every occasion. Now everyone online is wondering “what wild news story happened in Florida on my birthday?”
I was born on August 23, and this unfortunate gem shot right to the top during my search, “Florida man arrested for shooting woman in private area.” I scratched my head for a bit, wondering exactly what private area, but ultimately, this game has us all scratching our heads and awkwardly laughing.
Scary Mommy posted the challenge on Facebook, and it generated thousands of comments, each one more hilarious (and ridiculous) than the next. I mean, honestly, you can’t make stuff like this up, and it’s difficult not to laugh.
But what is ultimately the funniest part of all of this is how a short headline can cause your imagination to run wild, as you attempt to figure out what actually brought about such a bonkers situation.
Here are a few of the real whoppers, and I triple dog dare you to read them without laughing.
Okay, Florida Man, help me understand this situation. Was this a push lawn mower or a rider? Or was the son using the lawnmower, and you were were coming at him with the chainsaw? Do you all work for a landscape company, or was this just a recreational thing? If you were operating both, how did you have enough hands? I’m so confused.
Now this is just a shitty situation (pardon the pun), but seriously… I cannot help but have empathy for this Florida man. Not that I have ever stolen opioids, but if I did, I have no doubt I’d accidentally steal laxatives.
And there are the ones that are so bizarre we aren’t even sure why they mean…
Sure, Alice, suuuuuure. I wonder what he was smoking.
And then some of them were almost bizarrely believable…
Because we all know those bingo games can get pretty heated and high stakes.
Can I just ask the obvious question here? Is Ragu sauce flammable? (Asking for a friend.)
This sounds like a logical error, but let’s be real here, I know a lot of people who do the same exact thing with their smart phone… Yeah… I’m looking at you.
I can’t decide if this person is bonkers, or just a Twilight fan. Perhaps both. Sometimes they go hand in hand…Either way, the image is hysterical.
Listen, we all love cookies. So yeah, it’s unfortunate, but sometimes you have to do some crazy things to get your sweets on. But naked? That’s where you crossed the line, Florida man. Those Forman grills have weak hinges and could’ve easily come down on you like a bear trap. That would have been a whole different headline.
I actually used this exact same excuse when my grandmother walked in my bedroom unannounced and, you know, caught me airing it out… Live and learn, Florida man.
Okay… okay… I’ve never seen a live dolphin (it’s sad, I know), so I’m not an expert, but like, how does the math work on this one. I am left feeling horrible for the poor dolphin, and leery of Florida beaches.
Adds to list of reasons to never try Flakka. Flakka, AKA Bath salts. Settle down, Thor.
Awhile back I saw a headline that read “Wife Stabs Husband With Squirrel.” I remember thinking that it was easily the craziest squirrel-related headline ever. Turns out we have a new champion. Don’t mess with a guard squirrel, Florida Man.
Except sometimes it’s inanimate objects and naked dudes are involved in the “attack.” Oh goodness…
Only in Florida…literally.
Okay… okay… let’s be honest, you’ve thought of doing this one, too. Especially during this administration. It’s cool, you can admit it.
But what about this one…
Like he attacked one of those cute little yellow dudes from the Despicable Me movies? Because that’s just tragic.
Hands down, this is my personal favorite. Drinking and driving is not funny. But this whole situation that cops happened upon. I mean, there’s humor to be found here.
Does this mean that we should all avoid Florida? Gosh, I don’t know. They have some wonderful beaches, and I do know some amazing and very good people who live there, so probably not.
But I must say, this viral trend is leaving us all with one burning question, WTF Florida? WTAF? I don’t think we would have had this much fun with any other state.
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