Watch This Irish Family Try To Get A Bat Out Of Their Kitchen And Try Not To Die Laughing

A bat causes chaos at the Fleming household

It was a normal Monday night at the home of Derry and Maureen Fleming in County Kerry, Ireland, until Maureen opened the back door to let their new puppy, Basil, go outside to go to the bathroom. That’s when a bat flew into the house, and the result is a video so funny we hurt ourselves laughing.

The Fleming’s son, Tadhg, who lives with his parents, filmed the encounter, edited it, and then posted it to Facebook yesterday. It’s now been viewed over 1.3 million times.

*NSFW: there’s swearing because of the goddamn bat in the kitchen.

Under the video, Tadhg wrote: “So a Bat flew into our house last night…. safe to say it was dealt with in a calm and mannerly fashion #catchhimderry #pupgotexcited”

We were pretty nervous about this start because that tea towel looks awfully small for someone who’s trying to catch a bat. “But the bat is small, too,” you say? No. Every bat is a big f******g bat. There are no small bats, only small towels. And small towels get your fingers way too close to said bats. We would have been more comfortable with a fishing net, or a pool skimmer, or perhaps removing a wall of the house to make sure that bat flew out. Whatever choice seemed most reasonable at the time.

Thankfully, his dad soon decides that a larger net is needed and grabs one of his wife’s freshly ironed bath towels to try to catch the bat. Tadhg approves of the switch in tactic, cheering, “Bigger towel, that’s it! Get him now, quick!” Speaking of mom, she peaced out early on in this thing and closed herself off behind the kitchen pantry door.

We’re with you, Maureen. Because you know what bats probably can’t break when they’re in a blind panic and flying full speed and really really want to get stuck in your hair forever? Glass. Maybe. I’d grab some ketchup and play dead.

Seconds later, Tadhg has also shut himself behind a door, where he continues to film through the glass and coach his dad. “You’re doing great! That’s it! You’re doing a great job, Derry!” And Derry is doing a great job, calmly jumping around and standing on chairs in an attempt to free his home from this bloodthirsty-vampire-in-its-alternate-form. It’s a wily hell-bird, though. As Tadhg yells at one point, “He’s making a mockery of you, boy!”

That’s when poor Basil the puppy takes a panic piss: “The dog’s pissing! Dad, the dog’s out there peeing,” yells Tadhg. Poor Basil. What is this madness he has been brought into? He’s the only living thing out there besides the old man, so guess who that vampire is coming after second? We’d piss ourselves, too.

Finally, after what we learn later was a ten-minute battle, we see a very proud Derry waving the bat out the door using a tea towel. And how did he avoid getting bitten by those sharp little vampire teeth? Maybe he didn’t. Maybe Derry is a vampire now. We’re going to need a second video of Derry looking his own reflection in a mirror shaped like a cross while eating garlic at high noon to ease our minds.

At any rate, hell of a job, Derry! Especially for a man who had no help from a frightened wife, an encouraging but hiding son, and a dog so terrified it peed itself.