10 Ways A Mother is Like A Flight Attendant

by Carisa Miller
Originally Published: 

(The main difference being the flight attendant is paid to pretend they have tolerance.)

1. Preparation for Take-off

Flight attendant: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are now preparing for take off. Please be seated and ensure that your safety belts are securely fastened.” Mother: “You were fighting for so long about getting dressed that we are now late for school. Stop climbing all over the car seats, sit down and buckle up!”

2. Luggage Policy

Flight attendant: “Each passenger is allowed one carry on item which must fit properly into the storage compartment provided.” Mother: “You cannot bring five stuffed animals and your blanket to the grocery store. Choose one thing.”

3. Passenger Comfort

Flight Attendant: “To maximize your comfort, feel free to recline your seat back and stretch your feet under the seat in front of you.” Mother: “If you don’t stop kicking the back of my seat, I will pull the car over so you can walk home.”

4. Emergency Landing

Flight attendant: “In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device.” Mother: “I’d like to sit down on the couch today. Do you think we could dismantle your pillow fort?”

5. In-Flight Entertainment

Flight attendant: “We hope you enjoy our in-flight movie.” Mother: “I sure could use a break. How about a movie?”

6. Attendant Assistance

Flight attendant: “If you need assistance at any time during the flight, please press the call button and an attendant will be with you as soon as possible.” Mother: “The fact that you have been jumping up and down repeatedly yelling for juice for the last seven minutes is not making me move any faster.”

7. Meal Service

Flight attendant: “For today’s in-flight meal you will have the choice between ham and turkey sandwiches.” Mother: “No, I am not making you macaroni and cheese again tonight. What I put in front of you is what’s for dinner. Period”

8. Restricted Zones

Flight attendant: “Excuse me, Miss, this part of the plane is for authorized personnel only.” Mother: “For the last time, stay out of your sister’s room while she is napping!”

9. Preparation for Landing

Flight attendant: “As we prepare for landing, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are in their upright positions. Please stow all carry on items in the overhead bins or under the seat in front of you.” Mother: “Time for bed. Clean up your toys, now.”

10. Safety Procedures

Flight attendant: “Ladies and gentlemen, please note that captain has turned on the fasten seat-belt sign. We ask that all passengers remain in their seat during this time.” Mother: “I’ve put you to bed three times already, now stay there.”

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