What the Family Dog Is Thankful for This Year

by Melissa Kirsch
Originally Published: 

Ah, Thanksgiving! When the leaves have fallen from the trees, it gets dark early, we make a blazing fire in the fireplace and gather with our nearest and dearest for turkey, stuffing, and all the fixings. We always make too much food, we always eat too much and wish we hadn’t, and we always go around the table and say what we’re thankful for.

Herein, a smattering of things family dogs from around the country are grateful for this year.

Lucy, 3


I’m thankful that Aunt June and Uncle Pete didn’t get stranded at the airport this year—great to see you guys!—and that no one found the lamb chop bones I hid under the sofa cushion, the bed and the rug in the hall.

Ralph, 9


I’m grateful for my wonderful family, all here tonight to celebrate this holiday. Even though each one of you to a man has, over this past year, at one time or another talked to me like I’m some kind of infant or touched me without asking.

Jasmine, 3


I’m grateful you didn’t make me eat off the floor for one night. I guess tomorrow I’m back to persona non grata at this table. Whatever—Cousin Richie is sleeping with his personal trainer.

Klaus, 11


I’m grateful no one has yet thought to put a cover on the cat’s litter box.

Daisy, 6


I am grateful no one made me wear that fucking acrylic turtleneck sweater with the snowflake pattern.

Brian, 4


I’m grateful you’re all wasted and forgot there were actually four pecan pies.

Pupcake, 7


I’m grateful everyone is totally convinced it’s the garbage disposal that stinks like a dead body.

Angus, 5


I’m grateful for mommy, daddy and Shelly. And that that little shit Schnauzer from next door finally moved to Tulsa. (Or did he die? Moved to Tulsa or died.)

In honor of Thanksgiving, Cafe staff members have been thinking this week about overeating. Read about Hannah Vazquez’s parents mistaking an emergency for gluttony here.

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