One mom’s well-intentioned Facebook post started a war between stay-at-home and working moms
What’s that old saying about good intentions? Oh, right: they pave the road to hell. Such was the case on Facebook after a woman wrote a post praising the efforts of stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) and unintentionally ignited a mommy war.
Mom Ryshell Castleberry shared what she describes as a personal spin on a post she saw floating around online. In it, a fictional husband describes the many chores and responsibilities his wife takes on — making breakfast, getting the kids ready for school, doing chores, running errands, making dinner, waking for night feedings, etc. — all while insisting that she “doesn’t work.”
“She makes dinner, serves my children and I, washes the dishes, orders once more the house, makes sure the dog is put away as well as any left over dinner. After helping children with HW she gets them…in pajamas and the baby in fresh diapers, gives warm milk, verifies they brush their teeth. Once in bed she wakes frequently to continue to breastfeed and possibly change a diaper if needed while we rest. Because she doesn’t have to work.”
After going through the wife’s daily routine, the post explains that this exhausting work is what SAHMs do every day and with very little thanks. “Being a housewife has no diplomas, but has a key role in family life,” the post reads. “I don’t have a day off, I work day and night, I’m on duty all the time, I do not receive salary and… Even so, I often hear the phrase: ‘but what do you do all day?’ [sic]”
The post was shared over 185,000 times and meant to be a sweet ode to SAHMs, but instead, it started a huge fight. It generated hundreds of comments by women from all walks of life, sparring over who works harder and who has it worse.
In one corner were the working moms, who wrote things like:
“It’s also the daily routine of working women. They just have 8 hours a day less to do it all.”
“I get sick of hearing this. No one talks about the mom that does all the same as a stay at home mom but also has a full time job. Thats more badass.”
“So do families who do not have a ‘stay at home mother’ not do any of these things? If you can afford to have the privilege of allowing one parent to stay at home…awesome…but it has became an excuse these days…I guess the overwhelming majority of moms who work and take care of their kids are just super moms…or are the stay at home moms just slacking?”
In the other corner, the SAHMs fought for their right to be praised:
“Daycares don’t provide what a stay at home mother would. There’s family values that are often lost in today’s society… Parents don’t monitor there [sic] kids like we used to. I am proud to say I’m a stay at home mom. And mine are well monitored and respectful.”
“Mothers won’t complain because the joy of children outweigh everything… They have the hardest job and a lot of people don’t acknowledge it.”
“Even if you are not at home this still applies to all moms in my eye [sic] even the ones who stay at home.”
Ladies, ladies — can we stop arguing about this bullshit now?
Posts like this are a double-edged sword because they shower one type of mom with praise, while seemingly minimizing the struggles of others. At the end of the day, we’re all working our tails off, trying to raise decent kids, and most certainly taking on more than we can handle. The last thing any of us wants is to hear that we’re not working as hard as some other mom, or that we aren’t deserving of just as much recognition.
If you want to know who is truly a badass mom or who really has it rough, the answer is all of us. We’re all fighting an uphill battle and doing the very best that we can, and not a single one of us has time to let some dumb Facebook post get in our way.