Woman Texts Her Husband Everything He Says In His Sleep, Hilarity Ensues

Wife writes down her husband’s sleep talking in hilarious text messages

Being a part of a longterm relationship means learning some pretty weird stuff about your significant other. Maybe they eat ketchup and bologna sandwiches, maybe “Let It Go” is their favorite song to sing in the shower, or maybe — like this dude — they just have a habit of saying really ridiculous things while they’re asleep.

Imgur user “LongTitlesMakeMeHappy” (whose real name is Aidan) is a persistent sleep-talker whose wife writes down all the random things he says in the middle of the night and sends them to him as text messages. Aidan recently screen-shotted a bunch of the text messages and posted a batch of them on his Imgur account, and they’ve since gotten almost 400,000 views, because seriously, this guy is the king of random sleep talking.

Sometimes, he talks with accents.

Other times, he’s just really excited about being Belgian.

Like any unconscious person, he can’t be expected to remember what his wife does for a living.

And, sometimes, he just gets paranoid and accuses her of randomly conspiring against him for the hell of it.

Every once in a while, it’s “smash time” — whatever the hell that means.

And, often, it just seems like maybe he took one too many sleeping pills.

Lindsay Staimhus, Aidan’s wife, told the Independent her husband has been a sleep talker for “as long as I’ve known him,” but she started actually writing down the crazy things he says in 2014. She says the funniest sleep talking incident she can remember happened when he was enrolled in a martial arts class.

“One night he started telling me that I was his sparring partner,” recalled Staimhus. “I asked what he meant… He said something to the effect of: ‘Like fighting.’ So I asked him ‘Fighting? How?’ And he brought his hand up and tapped it on the end of my nose. He literally said ‘Boop’ when he did it. I nearly died laughing.”

That might sound a little bit far-fetched, unless, like me, you actually live with a sleep talker. My husband has also been a sleep talker for as long as I’ve known him, and I wish I’d had the brilliant idea to write down the things he says, because sometimes it’s sheer madness. I’ve had him ask me in the middle of the night if I got the potatoes ready for the staff meeting, and one time he even rolled over, patted me on the head, and said, “You’re the prettiest lightbulb.”

Sleep talking is pretty disruptive, but like any other weird habit a spouse can have, you kind of learn to live with it. Plus, it gives you lots and lots of ammunition for making fun of your significant other, and we all know that’s what love and commitment are really all about.