There is no doubt that parenthood is a truly awesome experience. Having the privilege of bringing up great people is a task unlike any other, but there are certain times in this #blessed experience that, frankly, suck. I’m talking about those ugly moments when a mom just wants to get shit done or sit down for five minutes in peace and quiet. But she can’t. Why? Because Murphy’s Law of Motherhood will find her, laugh wildly, and throw some calamity her way just to remind her that her job is 24/7/365.
Just look at these 10 worst days to be a parent to see what I mean:
1. The Last Day of Vacation
You know the scene: Your kids have some degree of cabin fever and are driving you bonkers. You are literally counting the minutes until you can drop their whiney asses off at school the next morning so that you can crawl back into bed and experience silence.
2. When You Have the Flu
Possibly the worst of all days to be a parent is when you are dead sick. I’m talking influenza zombie sick. The thought of lifting an arm hurts your brain, but you have to parent anyway. So, like any great mom, you power through no matter how miserable you are.
3. Your Childfree Friends Invite You to a Thursday Happy Hour
I hate this day. Those bitches, with their cute outfits and lack of muffin tops, enjoying their $5 margaritas at 5 p.m., which is when you’re running around like a crazy person trying to cook, get homework done, and make sure everyone is ready for school the next day.
4. When Your Babysitter Bails the Night You (Finally) Have Plans
You got those highly sought after dinner reservations, or you found the one free night that matched up with your very busy friend, or there is a big huge event that you’ve been invited to. It doesn’t matter what it is, at some point your babysitter will bail on you, and it will happen at the most inconvenient time. Cue the fuming rage.
5. When You Got Zero Sleep the Night Before
Every newbie parent will get to experience this one right away. Think of it as a sort of hazing period for all the crazy shit that is to come. You spend the whole night with a cranky child who finally goes to sleep as the sun is rising and then you have to start your day while you are dead tired. The big irony? Your kid will wake up fully refreshed and with vigor.
6. The Day After a Boozy Date Night
Your date night with your husband went a little too late and you woke up a wee bit hung over. Grab that coffee, because you’re in for it now!
7. When You Have a Deadline
Whether you work from home, have a busy day job that you have to bring home with you, or you have a ton of shit to do because your in-laws are coming, it doesn’t matter what the deadline is. Kids can sense it. They know. Inevitably, that is when they will stain something, break something, get sick, or start a new annoying phase like screaming siren sounds while banging a drum.
8. When You Start a Diet
The day you start a diet will be the day you realize how awesome kid food is. You will also realize that no kid will want to live on kale smoothies, even if you call them monster boogers or dinosaur juice.
9. When You Throw a Superbowl Party
You got all your friends to come over, cold beer, piles of glorious finger food…and your kids. Before you even have a prayer of making it to the half-time show your kids have turned the Superbowl into Sesame Street Live, and there goes your chance to have football fun.
10. When You Are Forced to Wait for a Prolonged Period of Time
You and your kid could be in a line at Disney or the DMV—you aren’t really sure anymore because it has been 57 minutes, one of you has to pee really bad but you can’t leave the line because you’ll lose your spot, and the asshole behind you has a bag of chips so now your kid is begging for chips too. Yeah. You’re screwed.
Of course, not every day is like this. Most days are smooth, and by smooth I mean kind of hectic and sort of exhausting and definitely the reason moms get grey hair, but I digress.