What In The Holy Hell Is Going On With This Zillow Listing

by Cassandra Stone

House hunting is crazy right now, but this Zillow listing is even crazier

Hi there. Do you like passing the time by aimlessly scrolling through Zillow listings you have no intention of purchasing? If you’re a millennial, of course you do. As any Zillow Expert™ knows, things can get really wild, really fast. And boy, do we have the listing for you. If you’re into houses that need extreme renovations and you also like having nightmares, keep reading.

As most of us are aware, the housing market is utter insanity right now. There’s not enough supply to meet the pandemic, housebound demand (everyone’s looking for a little change of scenery at this point) and often, homes are selling well above the asking price and are off the market before being listed for a full 24 hours. It’s crazy out there.

This Lake Tahoe house…probably won’t have that problem.

“With a little love, this duplex has great income property potential,” the description reads. So right off the bat, we know it’s gonna be a run-down dump. (When you’re a Zillow Expert™ you’re great at translating realtor-speak.)


Hmm, OK, so far so good. Not too bad, right? Kind of just looks like a regular house! (That’s what they want you to think, because this house gets crazier with each room.)

“Centrally located and close to casinos, beaches, shopping, skiing and the only cinema in town,” the description says. A good Lake Tahoe location, that sounds good. And for $650,000, it shouldn’t be too bad inside, right?



YOWZA. What in the name of Lord & Taylor is going on here? Do the homeowners manage the JCPenney prom gown section? Why…are these…ladies…displayed like this in the listing?


OK to be fair, the gowns on the brunettes over in the corner there by the breakfast bar aren’t bad. But the armless torso with a head underneath said bar is giving off Child’s Play vibes.

Maybe the Zillow description will have answers to our questions, let’s check: “There is a spacious 3 bedroom 2 bathroom unit upstairs and a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom unit with a 1 car garage downstairs,” it reads. “Large driveway that can accommodate numerous cars. Don’t miss out on this unique opportunity! Property to be sold as-is.”


Ah. “As-is,” you say? That’s code for “This house is a total nightmare eyesore but the homeowners don’t give AF, so it’s your problem if you buy it.” That $650,000 price will plummet, most likely — desirable Tahoe location be damned.


The house needs a lot of work to be sure, but if a 1980s Grecian-bordello-meets-Golden-Girls aesthetic is your thing, maybe you could get used to the…guests…that appear to come with it?

If you’re in the market for a lakeside vacation home that boasts 2,000+ square feet of mannequin mayhem — you’re in luck.