Beautiful, exciting, terrifying, stressful mom life.
The Motherhood Club is an elite group of super humans. We see all, we hear all, and we are totally badass. What makes us so badass?
You’re probably a mom if:
1. You can identify a toy solely on the song/sound effects it plays.
You know you’ve sung a Fisher Price jingle in the shower before. A fellow mom friend of mine was talking about how her daughter loves this one particular remote. I said, “You mean the one that sings…”, and I sang the jingle it plays. We immediately knew that we were talking about the same toy. This is life now.
2. You could survive an apocalypse just on what you have in your purse.
Snacks, drinks, entertainment, baby wipes, not to mention the resourcefulness we have as moms. You’re all set. Bring on the end of the world.
3. You can hear whispering and/or noises from two rooms away.
Your “Mommy” senses are always tingling. Kind of like when people say if a tree drops in the middle of the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes, it does, and moms hear it, because we hear everything.
4. Silence terrifies you.
Nothing good ever comes from silence in motherhood. Want to make a Mom feel anxious? Stay real quiet for awhile. She will start to sweat. I could quiver in fear when I notice it has been quiet for too long.
5. You think very carefully about all possible outcomes before you hand a small child anything.
Could this destroy the house? Could my kid use this as a weapon? Could my child hurt themselves? Will I regret giving them this? Cover all the bases! It’s terrifying how much damage a two-year-old can do with a pen.
6. Bodily fluids no longer gross you out.
Pee, poop, throw up, boogers, blood. You’ve seen it all. Nothing phases a mom. Give me a booger sucker and a fresh diaper and this Mama is ready to rock and roll.
7. Your idea of a vacation is hiding in the bathroom alone.
I swear with the water running and my eyes closed, I could almost transport myself to a beach somewhere…until my child starts screaming and shoving her fingers under the door.
8. Going out past midnight no longer excites you.
Because you know you’ll be up before 7 a.m. DON’T DO IT. YOU WILL REGRET THAT DECISION. Don’t kid yourself. Your child will wake you up before 7 a.m. They sense if you’ve stayed up late. They will feed off of your exhaustion.
9. Getting to enjoy your whole entire meal, in one sitting, without having to share is a special occasion.
I think I had a dream about not having to share my food once.
10. Your living room looks like FAO Schwarz threw up.
Or any toy store really… just constant toy and trinket throw up. Everywhere. Never ending. Toys I’ve never even seen before, let alone remember purchasing. How does this happen??? I do not understand!