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Before I became a mom, I thought moms knew what they were doing. Most moms have known their children for a long time, so they must have some idea about things like, whether their child despises footed pajamas or not. Well, I knew that my 3 yo loved footed pajamas. So I bought her 5 pair for Christmas. And now the only pajamas that she will shove herself into every night are designed for an infant but they don’t have “hot feet” which, apparently hurts her soul.
Well, it turns out that the biggest myth of all is that moms know what they are doing. It’s true…we are all winging it. That’s right. And past experience may have taught us that our kids’ favorite doll needs to hear I’m A Little Teapot before naptime, but then we will be wrong when Miss Dolly clearly wants to hear Where Is Thumbkin. And then you’ve released the Kraken.
Here are some of the main mom myths debunked:
1. We know what we’re doing. I don’t have a clue, do you have a clue? Some days I feel like I’m just standing in a corner tossing out clothes and food and love and discipline like confetti, praying that something sticks.
2. We chose that crazy freaking outfit that our kid is wearing. I lost that battle when my daughter turned two and learned what a tutu was and then again when Elsa was invented.
3. Our life only centers around our kids. I love my kids, they’re great, but my life centers around…well, trying to find a life that doesn’t always center around my kids.
4. If our kid is messy, it’s our fault. There aren’t enough wet wipes in the world to keep up with my 3 yo. I’m as shocked as you are when I look at her face sometimes.
5. We know exactly what our kids want. My kids are moving targets. One day it’s syrup in a bowl beside the pancake and the next day, if I do this, I have ruined their life. I have no idea what anyone wants besides myself and that’s a nap. And a Twilight marathon.
6. We know what our kids like to eat. I will have a general idea, but then one day my kids will eat roasted cauliflower like it’s popcorn and tell me that noodles are disgusting. So, I just keep on cooking and hope that no one starves or becomes lactose intolerant because yogurt is pretty much the only thing we consistently agree on.
7. We know how to discipline our kids. My current repertoire is putting toys on top of the refrigerator, time-outs, and a smattering of love and logic. Are these the best options? NO IDEA.
8. We protect our kids at all costs. Of course, for real danger this is true. But I also think that we are all learning to let our kids fight some of their own battles on the playground. At least, I hope we are, because I don’t know of one college professor who likes getting phone calls from someone’s mommy.
9. We are all super ninja multi-taskers. Some of you may be just that. And I have my moments. But there are also many times where I have to just FOCUS on one thing at a time or the whole system breaks down and then we are all having fruit snacks for dinner at 10:00 o’clock at night in a pile of dirty clothes.
10. Having kids has fulfilled our dreams of adulthood. Sure, if my dreams were to be an expert at extracting a crusty booger from a gyrating hole the size of a pencil eraser, my dreams have come true . No. I want also want to…ummm….write stuff and…just have a few seconds to figure out my dreams. Kids are great. I love kids. But there’s a me in there somewhere too. I’m almost totally sure.
Related post: The 10 Lies I Tell My Children