10 Reasons Why I Can’t Come to the Phone

A friend of mine recently suggested I write about our newfound inability to communicate via the phone since becoming moms. While she said it in jest- it’s completely true. Since becoming a mom I have become terrible at the phone. Pre-baby I was all, “Hey (person’s name here), wanna chat for the next like 45 minutes about everything and nothing?” And now, I’m the person who calls you in a rushed voice or a hushed voice because either the baby is up and I have about 5 minutes to be on the phone before she realizes I’m not talking to her, (this is unacceptable BS to her), or she is asleep and I tiptoe around hoping to God it lasts longer than 20 minutes.

But I want to talk. I want to talk to everyone. About everything. I wanna to go through my phonebook and just one after the other call every person in there. I want to ask them how life is, how their day is going, what they had for lunch. But alas, my small toothless friend has other plans.

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Here is why I can’t come to the phone right now:

1. I was going to call you and then my baby spit up everywhere, so I had to clean it up. When I went to clean it up, I noticed the floors were super dirty and I can’t have my kid on dirty floors so I mopped them. After I mopped them, the baby started crying because the world didn’t revolve around her for the last ten minutes, so I had to play with her.

2. The baby is napping, so I have anywhere from 30 minutes to one hour to: take a shower, do the laundry, clean up toys, clean up the kitchen, put away laundry, put away dishes, pay bills etc. So, I obviously just sat on the couch for the entirety of the nap, pissed off about how many things I have to do and I can’t even call my friends.

3. It’s nighttime and the baby has gone to sleep and all I want to do is sit and watch something mindless on TV. Even calling you to talk about the mindless things on TV seems like too much work for my brain.

4. I was going to call you… and then I started on my to do list and now it’s 10pm and I have to go to sleep before the baby wakes up to eat.

5. Facebook/Instagram/Celebrity Gossip site/magazine/other blog site happened.

6. I decided to eat in silence instead.

7. Apparently, my husband wants to talk to me too, and I made some sort of lifelong commitment with him to do this (there was jewelry involved, so it’s legit).

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8. I have no idea where my phone is.

9. My boss is super demanding. She’s always like, “Play with me! Sing to me! Read to me! Take me for walks! Take me to the park! Let’s go play with other babies!” There’s just no work/life balance around here. The toothless one always gets her way.

10. I have nothing interesting to say. And I’m tired. These two things combined means we will have a conversation like this:

You: Hey! How are you?

Me: Good, you?

You: Great! What’s new?

Me: Nothing much. You?

You: (Insert interesting updates here)

Me: Cool!

You: (More interesting things)

Me: That sounds great

You: Okay I gotta go but I’ll talk to you later.

Me: Okay bye!

You: (Thinking: Has she always been that boring?)

Me: (Thinking: Come on me! You’re not that boring! Step up your game.)

And honestly, I just like you too much to put you through that.

Related post: Talk to You in 30 Years

About the writer

Amanda Bogorad is a mother of one adorable baby girl and the wife of a chef who has been moving her around the country for the past ten years. Her blog, My Parentsense, is an exploration of trying to parent by instinct rather than by a book (which, as an obsessive type A personality, is all she really wants to do). 

From Around the Web

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Amber 3 months ago

This is so true I want to cry….

Alicia 7 months ago

You forgot the very annoying, mommy who are you talking too. Ooh I wanna talk to so and so. So now you have lost your phone for the next 10 minutes while your 3 yr old talks to daddy, or nana or papa ot whoever. As cute as it is, come on give me a break. That is my only connection to the outside world little girl and you can’t ruin everything for mommy.

Diana Duval 10 months ago

Over 30 years have passed…and it still seems like yesterday, some things never change!

Melissa 10 months ago

Kudos to you for getting your floor washed sista!

Sue Knoche-Garcia 10 months ago

Me too!!!! And then he battery does and I’m screwed!!!!

Melanie Koppen 10 months ago

Always #10 lol seriously unless you wanna hear everything my kid does i have nothing interesting to say

Jennifer Horne 10 months ago

No’s 8, 9 and 10 – how sad is that!!

Te Sha 10 months ago

Yes!

Deedee Fronius 10 months ago

The only time I ever talk to people is while I’m driving to or from work on Bluetooth. It’s sad, really.

Courtney Smith Adkins 10 months ago

So me EXCEPT #8 lol

Melinda Hicks 10 months ago

Yeah, number eight is my main reason. Number 11, though, is that my hearing is going and I can’t hear on the phone and it’s too much effort. lol

Jennifer Zimmerman 10 months ago

So true.

Shannon Lyle 10 months ago

Sooo relatable! It’s like you’re reading my mind.

Rachel Murphy 10 months ago

So true. OMG

Kathi Barfield-Brewer 10 months ago

Yeah #10. Seriously, my life is work, toddler care, and exams. Unless you want to hear about the next state board meeting or delve into developmental psychology theories, I’ve got nothing.

Claire Becraft 10 months ago

#2!!!

Anne Marion Booth 10 months ago

#5, 6, 7, 8, and 10 fit me perfectly. I would try to claim the others but my babies are 28 and 31.

Abbe M. Feitelberg 10 months ago

Sweet lady, you don’t suck at all! I get it and live you just the same :)

Nikki Di Bari 10 months ago

Yes. Number 10. So much. Sometimes, the most interesting thing that happens during my day is someone wins big in the showcase showdown on The Price is Right.

Katie Karagiannes 10 months ago

For me #8 should read “I know where my phone is, but it happens to be in my toddler’s possession and kid’s mode trumps conversing with another adult.”

Sarah Bishop 10 months ago

I think i can relate to all these lol

Joelda Aguilera 10 months ago

Yes especially #8 all the time.. Haha

Deb Miller 10 months ago

Number 9. And the kid is demanding too.

Stephanie Foss 10 months ago

My m.o. Is 2 and 3

Melinda Oates 10 months ago

11. You would spend the whole conversation randomly shouting your kids names while they’re doing something they shouldn’t be because you’re distracted. “DO NOT try and put your brother in the dishwasher! He isn’t a dish!”

Cyndi Delvey 10 months ago

Lol!!I’m so guilty of this..I always mean to call..

Sharon Lozsan Hammill 10 months ago

It doesn’t get any better once the kids are older, either, because you are so damn busy it’s never convenient to drop everything and talk on the phone.

I prefer to communicate via text and if I want to chat, will text first to organise a mutually convenient time.

Most people with kids understand this and most people without kids don’t.

Kelly Worthington Riley 10 months ago

So true!

Diana 10 months ago

Speakerphone is the best thing ever! I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been able to keep talking to family and friends because I could set down the phone and use both hands to keep my 7 month old out of trouble. It also lets him “talk” to grandma.

Lauren Christie 10 months ago

Lol so true! Weird how it changes so drastically!

Tracie Carter Hans 10 months ago

try to explain any of this to people without kids though is impossible

Nora Parks 10 months ago

#2 is the story of my life atm and being in my last month of pregnancy is so draining me…

Ashley Johnson-Green 10 months ago

Haha so me!! Lol

Kerry Kilmurray 10 months ago

Number 10 for me, sadly

Erika Little 10 months ago

#2 and #10 are my favourite and relate to me perfectly, but if I’m honest majority of these are spot on.

Nicole Vedrode 10 months ago

I’m usually too tired to call people back when my child falls asleep at night, and I DO NOT want to risk waking my child up! Lol, just not worth the risk

Nicole Vedrode 10 months ago

Messed up my comment a little bit, but you get my point lol. I was just too excited when I read the article, I had to comment on it lol!

Maggie Quintus 10 months ago

It’s usually #10 for me!

Nicole Vedrode 10 months ago

This is my life! People get so mad when I don’t answer my phone, or don’t call them, or don’t call them back. I thought it was only MY child! I thought maybe I cater to my child too much to my child and don’t allow any time for myself. Thank you, thank you, for letting me know I’m not alone. This honestly bothers me everyday.

Shannon Espinoza 10 months ago

Pretty sure most of my conversations are exactly like #10…. Sighhhhh

Tammy Renee Geter 10 months ago

2-9 applies!

Sunny Woodall Fawkes 10 months ago

The thing is, only mom friends will understand this. Your friends who don’t have kids will never really ‘get’ this unless they themselves have kids.

Sarah Willcox Andrews 10 months ago

Spot on.

Stacey Gorges 10 months ago

10!!!! lol

April Sumner 10 months ago

I don’t do phone well since I had kids. I do better with email or fb so I can start a message to you but if I get interrupted I can come back to it later because I am constantly getting interurrpted.

Sabine Sawaya 10 months ago

4-8-9-10 yep

Heidi Sells Bettler 10 months ago

I’m mastering texting with my left hand 😉

Sarah Elizabeth Treadway 10 months ago

This is so true!

Heather Semp Horth 10 months ago

Ha, numbers 2-4 currently.

Beth Ann Greenwald 10 months ago

So true!!! So glad we have texting because that’s the form of communication I now use all the time!! Ha!

Aimee Bermingham Miller 10 months ago

If I use the 90 minutes I have after the kids goes to bed to talk on the phone, I cannot shovel chocolate into my mouth and catch up on my tv shows lol

Daddystractor 10 months ago

Yes! Also, my kids are playing/Netflixing/picture taking with my phone for the third consecutive hour but they are quiet and not making messes and there is NO WAY I’m voluntarily messing that up!

Sam Herrick Farkas 10 months ago

Nailed it with this article! So so true!

Itzel Alvarado 10 months ago

For me definitely #8, since is on silence so the baby will not wake up.

Summer Cox Embler 10 months ago

I don’t answer because I hate talking on the phone.

Teresa Howick Wilson 10 months ago

Yes!!!!

Caroline Burgess Nelson 10 months ago

All of these!!

Tina Aschieri-Riley 10 months ago

Funny & so true!!!

Stefanie Hornstein 10 months ago

So true! #1, 8 and 10 are totally me!

Lisa Shuman Daniels 10 months ago

Amazing. All of them!

Summer Hunter 10 months ago

10 and then 8 is a close second.

Liz at Zen Master Mama 10 months ago

Heh. “There was jewelry involved, so it’s legit.” Wonderfully funny and true. Husbands be like, “my wife disappeared into motherhood.”

Nicole Canepa 10 months ago

Yes that’s about right lol.

Lauren Amey 10 months ago

Ha #2! Totally.

Eva Marie Huschke-Quaschnick 10 months ago

#3

Marnie Cormier 10 months ago

Always #8

Renee Valentine 10 months ago

#10 all day.

Lyza Daubert 10 months ago

I feel #10 was the most relatable. Haha!

Michelle J Stroup 10 months ago

3 & 10

Sheila DeStefano 10 months ago

Yup

Megan Heintz 10 months ago

Don’t forget your toddler is using your phone to make FaceTime calls with grandma, aunts, or elmo!

Nicole DeFalco 10 months ago

Sadly #10 :(

Karen Parrell Preece 10 months ago

All of them!

Donna Schmieder Spedaliere 10 months ago

#10

Jennifer Borger 10 months ago

Too funny!! Side note…the lack of calling continues when the kids get older except for then there will be so much noise in the background you won’t be able to hear the person on the other end! Trust me I have 5 kids ages 6-22 and I always tell people I dont talk on the phone if you need to communicate with me, Text!!

Heather Heinz Farr 10 months ago

YES! This is so true.

Marie Nemec 10 months ago

# 3 is great! lol

Monique S. March 10 months ago

All very true!

Megan Elizabeth Jarrell 10 months ago

#2!

Candace Carl 10 months ago

hahaha, me too, number 8

Karen (@karenjwhitlock) 11 months ago

This is so true!!!

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Heather 1 year ago

So happy texting, email and quick messages on facebook are available to communicate with people and the “outside world”. Even people I know without kids prefer to text because we all have such different schedules. My texting has to be fast though since my toddlers start to act up for attention even if I am typing versus calling!

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Amanda 1 year ago

Yes!! My boys are 14m apart and both in toddler mode which means if mommy talks on the phone all current activity they’re doing must stop and they MUST make as much noise as possible and throw tantrums in unison if they can’t play with my phone!!

TeAnna Earlene Morton-Sillas 1 year ago

I always texted, as I’ve never liked talking on the phone, and having 4 kids hasn’t stopped that. Probably why I got carpal tunnel in my thumb! Lol

Nancy O’Brien 1 year ago

VERY familiar lol

Leslie 1 year ago

This is almost exactly what I was going to say. :)

TJ Martin 1 year ago

You forgot “I’m so sleep deprived I sat and stared at the wall for 15 minutes trying to remember my own name, then life happened, then while feeding in a comatose state at 1am I remembered I was meant to call you, and decided you wouldn’t appreciate a gossip session at stupid o’clock (especially considering my gossip consists of describing various baby body fluids and their methods of expulsion).”

Elizabeth Kruger Schneider 1 year ago

I am 3 and 10

Catie Torri McDade 1 year ago

There is about 300 things I could add to this.

Elizabeth D. 1 year ago

Ummm I have evidence of you saying half these things and other half I know is happening and you don’t even have to tell me! But that was hilarious!!

Shannon Perez 1 year ago

If I couldn’t talk my texts…I’d be lost.

Amber Westberg Neubauer 1 year ago

Exactly!!!

Michelle Brennan 1 year ago

#7 made me giggle

Heaven Kincaid 1 year ago

My kids are screamers. It’s a kindness, really.

Alyssa King 1 year ago

I have always HATED talking on the phone. I see this new wrinkle as freeing in a way and I plan more lunch dates with people I actually care about now.

Npc Competitor Teresa Washack 1 year ago

True!!

Anita Pilson 1 year ago

I couldn’t find my phone because I left it in the freezer!

Glenny De Jesus 1 year ago

To the T.

Bonnie Koehn 1 year ago

YES

Brenda Alexander Danley 1 year ago

Truth!

Kim S 1 year ago

My sister has 4 kids, I have one busy toddler boy, and more then 75% of any attempted phone conversations are made up of the phrases, “Stop that,”, “Hold on,” “Sorry, What did you say? I couldn’t hear you over the shrieking child in the background.” lol Facebook is a much more effective method of communication.

Linda Bergman 1 year ago

Haha all this is just spot on. Ohm I’m so happy my kids are a bit older and it’s feasible to have a shower without the two of them trying their best to kill each other.

Houakia Moua 1 year ago

The story of my life!

Vanessa Frohwirth Sophir 1 year ago

3 and 8! Either kids are awake and it’s too loud/chaotic to chat, or I just need to enjoy the quiet while I can! And, yes, I’m always misplacing my phone.

Jennifer 1 year ago

ALL OF THESE!!! I also have to tell my friend while chatting via facebook that I have to go because someone is being super whiny. Ugh, maybe one day I’ll have a social life … like in 18 years.

Kiki 1 year ago

I usually hold onto the hope that the kids will remain quiet after I answer the phone…. but…. they dont and I can only imagine the look of fear mixed with pity on the face of the person on the other end of the line as they listen to this…

You “hey, how are you?”
Me “hey, Im.. stop wrestling!.. good. Sorry about … I said NO! That”
You ” umm… no problem, I wanted to …..” interuppted by me ” I will get your juice when I am off the phone! Be Quiet, Im on the phone!! Stop crying, I will get the juice in a minute!!”
Me ” sorry, you were saying?”
You “ok, I’ll just call you later, I see your busy”
Me “ok, how does 18 years sound to you?… Get off the table!!!”

David Hitchens 1 year ago

I hat phone,but many can,t go with out

Carrie Floyd 1 year ago

This is my life…

Sarah Clements 1 year ago

So that’s what’s happened to all my friends! And by the time baby is older, they have forgotten they can call anyone, so don’t! And when they do, they spend most of the conversation talking to said child…

Grace Perez Woodard 1 year ago

The toothless one always gets her way.

Amie Conner 1 year ago

Lol, true story!

Karissa Ann Dewey Oliver 1 year ago

Re: Boring conversation – I could say nothing or talk your ear off about the baby.

Emily Ogaard Peterson 1 year ago

Add: Toddler starts screaming because he wants to hold the phone every time someone calls me or I try to call someone

Stephanie Nguyen Casey 1 year ago

welcome to my life.

Lorraine Shaw 1 year ago

I liked #7

Jennifer Cintron 1 year ago

Except for the part about mopping. That never happens to me

Aimee Monahan 1 year ago

Oh god, so true. Especially at night when my brain is too fried to think. Although you missed Jeopardy, nothing interrupts Jeopardy in my house, that’s when mommy’s brain gets recharged.

Heather Kroll Vigorito 1 year ago

Definitely #3 and #10.

Kelly Smith Trail 1 year ago

Next # – “who is it? Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? I wanna talk, I wanna talk, I WANNA TALK” grabs phone and/or shrieks so loud the dog howls.

Lauren Rubendall VanderBerg 1 year ago

Absolutely true! And as you get older, you can add, we could talk, if you can handle talking to a crazy person with three screaming maniacs in the background. I saw a cartoon that equated talking to a mother with talking to someone with Turrets Syndrome and it’s totally true! I can email and text like a boss though!

Kali Lyles Morgan 1 year ago

#11 – I have 3 under 4 and wouldn’t be able to even hear what you were saying.

Kali Lyles Morgan 1 year ago

Yep!

Lily Morales Sanders 1 year ago

Sounds very familiar

Michelle Shipley Dumler 1 year ago

Only one I didn’t see was that my son thinks that when I am on the phone, he needs to “show” stuff to the other person on the phone, even if its my boss or a client…and he is not quiet about his desire to “show” these items…no one else thinks its as cute as mom does.

Sarah Sanchez 1 year ago

Another add to list: I fell asleep while putting them to sleep.

Danielle Lachance-Weis 1 year ago

Awesome

Gee Vee 1 year ago

yes yes yes!!!!

Crystal Šore 1 year ago

Something like that :)

Josie Abshier 1 year ago

Yep! And I will add to my list: 4yo with karaoke machine. ‘Nuff said.

Jennifer 1 year ago

Huh… I must be writing under the name Amanda Bogorad in my sleep. I hope they get my name correct on the check.

Lara 1 year ago

LOL! So true.