12 Petty AF Pet Peeves

by Christine Organ
Originally Published: 
Michael Heim/EyeEm / Getty Images

There is a whole lot to be pissed about in the world these days. Women are still fighting for equal pay. Our country has a racist man-baby for President. And watching the nightly news is like getting the daily damage report to assess the level of rage-sadness-fear we should be feeling. The world is a fucking shit show right now, and some days it is all we can do not to curl up in the fetal position sobbing.

But fortunately, the world is filled with petty AF nonsense too. So let’s vent a little about those little pet peeves that don’t matter so we can save ourselves from drowning in a pit of doom about all the truly awful things in the world right now.

1. The giant Facebook thumbs up.

We are a nation divided when it comes to the thumbs up, apparently. It seems people either love it, using it as a go-to friendly sign-off. And others, well, it might bring certain death if you include one of these bad boys in a messanger exchange.

2. Simple grammar mistakes.

Consider this your PSA for the day. Judgment doesn’t have an “e.” Irregardless is not a word. It’s supposedly (with a “d”), not supposably. And literally doesn’t mean figuratively — I don’t care what Webster’s changed the definition to. #TheMoreYouKnow (Now, cut that shit out.)

3. Loud chewers.

No one wants to hear the bits of food sloshy around in your mouth or the hear your teeth clanking together.

4. People who don’t push their chair in.

Common courtesy, people. It is not that hard.

5. People trying to sell you essential oils, leggings, skin care products and other shit on Facebook.

Spoiler alert: it’s a pyramid scheme.

6. Slow walkers.

I’m all for slowing down a bit, and embracing the mindfulness lifestyle. But for the love of god, people, move the fuck over. If you want to walk at a pace similar to 95-year-old Aunt Edna who just had her third hip replacement, go for it, but MOVE OVER.

7. Vaguebooking.

Personally, I think there should be a constitutional amendment outlawing vaguebooking, hashtag blessed status updates, and other Facebook dumbfuckery.

8. Playing loud music in public places.

News flash: there’s this handly new device called headphones. They sell them for about $10 at the drug store and Target. Use them.

9. Cashiers who try to get you to sign up for their store credit card.

I walked in here for a gallon of milk and left with $250 of shit I don’t need, so please leave me the fuck alone.

10. Rogue grocery carts.

Parenthood might give you an excuse for a lot of things, but it doesn’t give you an excuse to be an asshole. Put your damn cart away.

11. Joanna Gaines.

I know, I know. I’m supposed to just love her and swoon over her shabby chic homes. But I am just so damn sick of hearing about her baby bump, what she ate for breakfast, and the freaking shiplapped everything. Blah, fucking, blah.

12. People who invade your personal space.

Back off, Lady In The Grocery Store Line. I don’t want to talk to you about the great deal you got on bananas this week. And Random Stranger In The Movie Theater, there are approximately 126 other open seats in here – maybe sit in one of those instead of right next to me.

Phew. I feel a little better now that we got all that out. Don’t you?

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