13 Ways To Know You're Over Having Babies

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1. You eBay the Moses basket with the baby still in it and only remember to take her out when the buyer comes to collect.

2. You’ve hardly seen your other half since circa 2008 when this whole procreation lark started.

3. Some days, when everyone is saying “No!” and “I don’t wanna!” it’s impossible to see the “pros” in your creations.

4. The thought of laying off pinot grigio for another nine-plus months, well, let’s not even go there.

5. The time has finally come to do other stuff, like build a Fortune 500 business and drink pinot grigio.

6. You’ve just bought a new pair of trainers. They’re neon and pretty. So what if you don’t actually run in them?

7. The sound of a newborn crying elicits the same reaction from you as the theme music from The Exorcist.

8. Your other half says he would leave you. (“Not if I get there first,” you think.)

9. Your head says no. Your heart agrees. And your body says no fucking way!

10. You can’t bear the thought of another eight years at the school gates. People get less for manslaughter.

11. Instead of putting a “No Junk Mail” sign on your letterbox, you put “No More Babies”—just in case the stork has any ideas about a surprise delivery.

12. You’re on the pill, have a coil, and are practicing celibacy to be 100-percent sure.

13. You look at your perfectly imperfect family and just know that everyone who’s meant to be there, is.

You’re not over having babies when…

Your head says, “No.” Your body says, “I’d rather not.” But your heart says, “Oh, why the hell not. Just one more, then…”