18 Ways I Will Stay Positive This Summer

I want to have a fun summer. But here’s the thing … I’m less than a week into summer break and I’m about to start praying to the pharmaceutical gods (the ones who make my crazy pills) that I can do this without ending up in a straitjacket. Here is my list of positive thoughts to help me along this journey. I hope they help and inspire you as well.

1. I am not required to entertain these little critters 24/7. It is OK for me to scroll through Facebook, watch television, or talk on the phone sometimes, while I tell them to run along and play.

2. I will put an umbrella in my drink, even if it’s my morning coffee. I will pump myself up to get into the spirit of summer.

3. I will relax. Screen time will not kill the kids, so I will just chill the fuck out and enjoy the quiet time.

4. There will always be wine.

5. The kids will do chores, because not every chore belongs to me.

6. The worst thing that can happen if my house looks like shit is simply that my house looks like shit.

7. I will stop and cherish the moments when my children are happy and smiling and not beating the ever-loving crap out of each other.

8. Swimming can be considered a bath for my kids if I so choose.

9. If I don’t feel like showering, or leaving the house for the entire day, the world will not implode.

10. I will sing “The Copacabana” song at a very loud volume, because that song makes me a silly kind of happy.

11. I will embrace the summer heat and enjoy outdoor activities even if there’s no breeze whatsoever and I’m feeling as hot as a freshly-fucked fox in a forest fire.

12. I will do my best not to threaten the kids with summer school. That was not a positive thing to do when I did it.

13. Having more than one child means it is highly likely one of them will be a grumpy-ass at any given time. I will do my best to learn to live with it.

14. When the kids sleep in it is a good thing … I’ll let it happen … shhh … don’t move a muscle.

15. I will not take it personally when no one eats the crappy dinners I make. I will simply choose to believe they have underdeveloped tastebuds and they got that from their dad, who also doesn’t much care for my cooking. In fact, I think I’ll just let my husband grill outside because it’s summer. This is getting even better.

16. It’s positive reinforcement, not bribery, when I buy them gum or some other shit at the end of our grocery store trips. I should feel proud instead of guilty.

17. I will try my best to not say “oh fucking hell” when I drop things, or spill things, or bump my funny bone on the wall because if my kids heard that, they could repeat it. I know this because it’s happened before. I will say, “Oh well,” instead.

18. When shit hits the fan, I will find my happy place. I will find my happy place. I will find my happy place …

I WILL STAY POSITIVE, DAMMIT!!!