There are some women who say they love being pregnant. Personally, I don’t believe them.
It’s not that bringing a human into this world isn’t a humbling and incredible process, but it’s filled with not-so-magical moments.
Exactly which part of pregnancy did you enjoy the most? The nausea? The constipation? The heartburn that required you to keep a bottle of Tums in every room? The noxious gas that leaks from your body that could probably kill a small animal?
I was miserable during both pregnancies. I felt sick and swollen and HOT all the time. They say pregnant women glow, but now I’m pretty sure that’s just the shine reflecting off our constant layer of sweat.
Luckily the hilarious parents of Twitter understand the so-called joys of pregnancy and all that comes with it.
It all starts with a joke:
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
— The Alicianater (@leechee420) February 14, 2013
Then the test:
Dollar Tree pregnancy tests.
For when you only want to be 35% sure.
— Sarah … (@siposaurus) July 21, 2013
Then the good test:
Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept? How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative.
— I Kent even (@kentgrossarth) February 17, 2013
Then the real proof:
I just started crying while watching a Post-It commercial.
— samantha jo ❄️❄️ (@samanthajcampen) August 22, 2012
Then the food cravings:
— Rebecca K. (@Rebeksy) October 18, 2015
And pregnant women crave a lot of food:
Grocery store cashier: "Having a party tonight?" Me: "Nope, just pregnant."
— Jill Krause (@babyrabies) October 23, 2016
After all, we are eating for the baby too:
I have come to realize that at some point in the day, I will order and consume a pizza so it might as well be in the morning
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 13, 2015
And have double the attitude:
me: i'm salty
me when i'm pregnant: i'm being salty for two
— call me by my handle (2017) (@krutika) April 14, 2016
As the months go by, you get more uncomfortable:
Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 19, 2016
Especially when that baby starts tap-dancing on your bladder:
What do a toddler, a preschooler and a pregnant lady all have in common?
We all pee our pants in public.
— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) September 29, 2014
In fact, you mostly just cry and pee now:
5 Stages of Pregnancy:
3: Crying because you peed
4: Peeing because you're crying
5: The toilet is your home now
— Sufficient Charm (@SufficientCharm) April 24, 2017
So. Much. Crying.
— Melanie Catherine (@Mel_Sta) November 30, 2017
And everyone you meet has zero chill:
2-year-old: *stares at a pregnant lady in church*
Me: She has a baby in her tummy.
2: *whispering* She ate it.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2017
And your own chill factor is in the negative:
"it seems like you have been pregnant forever" o really it seems like u have been blocked because i am petty
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 24, 2016
Because pregnancy sucks:
Yelp review for pregnancy:
Took way too long
Super uncomfortable & crowded
Aesthetically just very bad
— Scroogepants Cher (@House_Feminist) April 8, 2017
Although it’s the part after pregnancy that’s the hardest:
Nurse: *handing me a newborn* You got this?
Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac 'n' cheese
— Mommy Christmases (@mommy_cusses) May 2, 2017
And labor is no walk in the park:
no one told me i would be coming home in diapers too
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 20, 2016
And after a few weeks with a new baby, you realize how good you had it:
Some days I want to time travel back to pregnant me and whisper, "Go take a nap. This is your last chance!"
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) January 19, 2017
After a few months, you’re ready to take on some different struggles:
*googles “how to get a flat tummy after pregnancy” while eating a sleeve of Oreo cookies.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) November 29, 2017
And after a few years, you straight up warn others what’s in store for them:
*whispers to first-time pregnant lady*
"Six years from now you'll be hiding in a closet, scrolling Twitter with dead eyes."
— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) April 15, 2016
Pregnancy is amazing and, in the end, is completely worth all of the gross and uncomfortable side effects that come with it.
And even though it sucks sometimes, you still get to eat for two for 9 months. And that’s pretty fucking awesome.