30 Ways You Know You Need a Night Out

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Wondering if it’s time for you to get out of the house? You KNOW you need a night out when…

1. You don’t even remember the last time you were out of the house past dark.

2. The last adult conversation you had revolved around poop.

3. Your version of dressing up versus dressing down means choosing between yoga pants, and your “good” yoga pants.

4. Your last night out resulted in the conception of your youngest child.

5. You’ve been watching Disney Junior for over an hour and there are no children in the room.

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6. Talking to yourself in the mirror is the closest thing to adult conversation that you’ve had in several days.

7. The most action your bed has seen in months is when the toddler vomited all over it.

8. Your coworker is cranky, so you ask her the last time she made poopy.

9. You know every word to every animated entry in your Netflix queue.

10. Your trash can goes out more than you do.

11. You can’t remember the last time you had a conversation with an adult that didn’t involve telling a child “no,” “stop,” or “don’t.”

12. The baby pukes in your mouth, and you’re just happy it still tasted like milk instead of puke. And you know what puke tastes like.

13. It’s been six months since you’ve used your hair dryer, put on make-up or waxed your eyebrows.

14. You’ve contemplated writing “Free Puppies” on a box and putting your kids in it.

15. You don’t what day of the week it is. You don’t even know what time it is. It’s either day time or night time, and either a school day or not. That’s it.

16. The Fed-Ex guy leaves your packages out by the curb, because ringing your doorbell has resulted in a 45 minute conversation the last three times he’s delivered to you.

17. Going out and having fun seems like too much work, and you’d rather just go to bed.

18. You begin making philosophical insights into Sponge Bob episodes.

19. You are marking TV show premieres on your calendar, because that’s the highlight of your social life.

20. Fixing your hair or putting on jeans has your kids or husband asking “What’s the occasion?”

21. You just muttered “WTF” under your breath for the 20th time today, and it’s only 8:30am.

22. You start having deep conversations with the infant and/or cats.

23. It’s the 473rd Saturday night in a row you’ve been in your pajamas by 6PM.

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24. A co-worker has something on their face, and you’ve licked your finger and started to wipe it off.

25. You wake up in the morning counting down the hours until bedtime.

26. The cops have been to your house because a neighbor thought you were being murdered, but it was just you, yelling at the kids.

27. A trip to a Target with Starbucks inside it, without the kids, constitutes the last date night you had.

29. A dental cleaning seems like a trip to the spa, and a weekend in jail sounds like a reasonable getaway at this point.

30. You understand why rodents eat their young.

About the writer

The Scary Mommy Community is bound by humor, humility and an understanding that we can love our children to death... yet still need to vent about them.

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Dana Saler Obenauer 6 months ago

Lol, my dental assistant asked why I was so quiet and calm during my last cleaning. #backtobackdaughters #4and5

Caroline Machiraju 6 months ago

I’ve said this before !!! Scary!!! … ehh, probly a lot of moms have. Lol

Anna Maria 6 months ago

Last time I was at the dentist getting a root canal I tried to nap

Beth Burke 6 months ago

I read this while sitting in a parked/idling mini van in my driveway in an effort to put off going back inside. This is my “me time”.

Gemma Brown 6 months ago

jail would seem like a great holiday right about now…

Vanessa Orozco 6 months ago

Love this! It makes me feel normal! When I tell my husband I need a day off, all he does is judge me. It makes me feel like I’m the most horrible mom.

Alison Millar-Camp 6 months ago

I used to go donate platelets so I could sit and watch a movie without the kids.

CheriJesse Hunter 6 months ago

Lol I had a resent hospital stay where i was woken up to have blood taken every few hours still the most sleep I have had in a year

Gemma Hardy 6 months ago

Haha number 7 was me on Friday

Virginia IceKream Crouch 6 months ago

8. When anyone tells me they have a stomach ache I always ask when the last time they pooped was. Lol.

Jane Fisher Tilbrook 6 months ago

I had Dengue Fever. 4 days in the hospital. Best. Holiday. Ever.

Melanie Thomas Rogers 6 months ago

That’s actually the TRUTH! Dentists always ask me why I’m so relaxed!!! What? I have seven kids! This IS like a vacation!!!

Kara Lohman 6 months ago

#29 sounds very relaxing!! Yes please

Latoya Lawrence-Kelly 6 months ago

Lol! I can soooo relate to #’s 5, 15, 17, 19, 23, and 25!

Alyssa Cox 6 months ago

Must every post from scary mommy mention yoga pants? I don’t own a pair and I rarely see other moms wearing them out! Do most young mom’s really wear them all the time?

Nanja Carlson Bank-Sørensen 6 months ago

Hahaha

Sara Wolfe 6 months ago

I was just at the dentist on Wed and it felt like a vacation!

Taryn Moore 6 months ago

shi…take mushrooms. Not only did I do #19… But I made an iCal – that I then publicly shared with other mom friends

Rebeca Rojo 6 months ago

I don’t care how crazy life gets with 3 kids. I’m still getting my eyebrows waxed when needed, I shall wake up 15 min earlier every morning to apply make up. Yes and flat iron my hair as well. Can’t be looking like a hot mess! Lol #13 sorry but I beg to differ

Steph Wheeler 6 months ago

29, totally

Jessica White 6 months ago

At least this person has coworkers. My coworkers are my kids and pets.

Bryna Darling 6 months ago

My husband has been instructed that if I ever get arrested (not sure why I would, but just in case…) that he is NOT to bail me out of jail.

Sean Eden 6 months ago

I love Scary Mommy; it is all so sadly true

Laura Duffey 6 months ago

It’s official. We need a night out.

Twila J Sands 6 months ago

Number 17 is all me

Agnieszka McMurray 6 months ago

Lol jail seems like a getaway hahahaha

Ann Marie 6 months ago

Lol, I find grocery shopping without kids relaxing. My 15 year old will call me asking when I’ll be home :-)

Melissa Foerster 6 months ago

Guilty of half of these. Just had a toddler-free outing but the sitter cost more than the outing itself. I’ll just stay home or take him with next time.

Colleen Conlin 6 months ago

I tell my dentist that this is how I get me time. Also how we spend our anniversary with a babysitter with the kids is half the day is spent car shopping.

Tempist Pack 6 months ago

Once again Love This!! All of it is soo true

Sondra Milton 6 months ago

I fall asleep at the dentist

Allison Cleary 6 months ago

Actually at my dentist office they give warm blankets and you can watch tv :)

Carla Melissa Cotto Irizarry 6 months ago

10!

Nino Zezza 6 months ago

Love reading these things. Makes my life as a father seem normal. We all go through the same shit. Kids are great but man they’re a pain in the ass. #wouldn’tchangeathing

Nino Zezza 6 months ago

#9….#30. Lol

Twitch Sladek 6 months ago

Love #10 haha

Alicia Holz 6 months ago

When you have to go #2 and even that feels like a vacation lol

Pyper Russell 6 months ago

At my dentist’s office, they gave me a hot, damp towel for my face after my check up. It really is like a spa!

Robin Monique 6 months ago

Yup

Eva Edgell Wilde 6 months ago

31. You tell the nurses who brought you water to your toddler’s hospital room that they make you feel like you’re on vacation. Because they brought you water.

Chrissy McIntyre 6 months ago

In my pj’s by 6 hell, lots fo saturdays I dont take them off 😛

Hillary Kelln 6 months ago

Why does everyone assume the sex stops when you have kids? Sure, there was none for 6-8 weeks, but once that time was up it went straight back to almost normal. XD

Karen Freeman 6 months ago

#20 definitely

Veronica Brown 6 months ago

I can relate to seven of these.

Ann Heistad Johnson 6 months ago

Watching what I want on TV at the dentist uninterrupted=bliss!

Stephanie Phillips 6 months ago

My daughter was terribly colicky and at 3 months old I had a gi appointment for my Crohn’s disease. The doc asked how I felt about a colonoscopy. I felt like I hit the lotto. Yes please! A whole day to myself where someone wipes my bum and listens to me scream. Plus sedation with uninterrupted sleep! I asked how soon I could have my next one when we finished

Breanna Jewell 6 months ago

I seriously contemplated checking myself into a mental hospital just so I could get away……

Leslie Stanley 6 months ago

Ugh I am terrified of the dentist but anything else I’m open to

Teresa Howick Wilson 6 months ago

I’m always afraid #26 will happen. So far not, thank goodness!

Teresa 6 months ago

me too! Lol!

Marcy Kroll Houting 6 months ago

#5, #17 & #19!

Vanessa Price Willford 6 months ago

I was hoping I would go into labour today just so I could rest in the hospital away from my other two

Tracey Johnson-French 6 months ago

I always tell my husband I now know why some animals eat their young!

Linda Languirand 6 months ago

At this point i would be happy with an uninterrupted nap.

Elaine Moore 6 months ago

Number 19 for sure!!!

Anne Bahin Thompson 6 months ago

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Joann Keenan 6 months ago

Too funny

Julie DeFrancesco Fletcher 6 months ago

Yes!! The 9 month old wakes up at 5:30a 7 days a week. So I really hate the rare night out, I just see it as less sleep lol!!

Sabrina DeCoito Alexander 6 months ago

Omg #3 yoga pants versus your “good” yoga pants. That is so me

Lindsey Warren Armstrong 6 months ago

#12 for me!

Nicole Grady 6 months ago

I love going to the dentist. I find it relaxing. :)

Courtney Hexter 6 months ago

I think FB needs a “Yup” button b/c this is more of a yup, you nailed it & that is not so much a like.

Vicki Croisetiere 6 months ago

My husband and I had a night out about 16 months ago.

Alyssa Van Horn 6 months ago

Jail… Why have I never thought of that.

Maria Lynn Adkinson 6 months ago

YES!!!!

Rebecca Gregory 6 months ago

#17. I’d love a night out, but I’m always way too tired.

Robyn Light Olson 6 months ago

Also, I never realized how ALL conversations with fellow parents of diaper-ridden children devolve to poop eventually. Like, ALL of them. I’m hoping once the kids are all potty trained, we will no longer discuss their shit.

Robyn Light Olson 6 months ago

When my twins were babies, I most definitely was excited for the relaxing root canal I had planned! I mean, they numb you up so it doesn’t hurt, it’s quiet, no one talks to you, and afterwards they gave me vicodin! Twas awesome.

Toni Kinkead 6 months ago

I think I’ve hit most of them but definitely number 23! My husband, the lucky bugger, has worked the last 5 weekends! That’s just not fair

Amanda Mulleneaux 6 months ago

Ha ha. Yoga pants and then the “good” yoga pants

Hilary Alejandro 6 months ago

My submission is #7!!!!!

Sarah Mahan 8 months ago

The yoga pants one. I do work outside the home, so I wear real clothes for the 9 hours I’m outside the home, but after work and on weekends all bets (and pants) are off.

Melissa Rinaldi 8 months ago

Yep

Eileen Goldwyn 8 months ago

About all of them.

Christie Scianni 8 months ago

All except 13

Hillary Kelln 8 months ago

Definitely a few. My baby isn’t past the baby stage yet and I don’t wear yoga pants. Or go to Starbucks.

Danielle Camastra 8 months ago

Um yeah! Almost all of these!

Anne Wooters Rowley 9 months ago

# 8 could be a legit question, though

Mia Sutton Cantrell 9 months ago

#15 and 30 are hilarious! Thankfully I’m surrounded by family, and since my siblings all had boys and I’m the only one with girls I’ve never lacked babysitters, but I feel for people who don’t have any help. That sucks, I try to help out my friends and family that don’t have a sitter by having sleepovers so they get adult time. This article is so funny

Joe Medler 9 months ago

In our case it would be because we’ve never had one. We’re not great with balance.

Nikki Symonds 9 months ago

Eddie Symonds take me out, apparently I NEED IT

Rebeca Rojo 9 months ago

Let’s not forget knowing the entire Frozen script by heart.

Rachel Jones 9 months ago

I guess I do need a GNO!!

Charlotte Reedman 9 months ago

No. 17

Rachel Jones 9 months ago

I’m actually going to the dentist in an hour…Since i had to arrange a sitter I will squeeze in some last min shopping and then take the long way home!
But seriously, if one more person asks me what’s the occasion just because I put make up on I might snap! The baby is 2! I think I’m aloud to at least attempt to get myself together!!!!!!!!!!!

Wendy Kimbley 9 months ago

#29 is all me! I love the dentist because it’s thirty minutes of me!!!

Patti Bricker Schoor 9 months ago

I remarked to my husband last night that it was the first time in close to a year that we were out together, without at least one of the kids. And all we did was Christmas shop lol

Heather McMahan Davenport 9 months ago

I “feel” most of these….. But #17 really, really speaks to me

Kendra Delong 9 months ago

Love it lol 10, 17 & 25.

Francoise Levi 9 months ago

19, 21 and 23.

Ola Beaverhousen 11 months ago

I’m pretty sure 50% of these apply.

Karen Irene 11 months ago

17 hahaha

Nicole Lynn 11 months ago

I miss reading books!!! I have like 10 on my nightstand and so wish sometimes I could snuggle in and read a good mystery or something. AKA night or morning IN! I feel like I’m around people all day, ( I am!) and sometimes being with my book in bed really sounds more appealing :)

marina 11 months ago

Laughing through tears. Oh my sides hurt!! #5!

I love you.

Emily Lacey 11 months ago

What’s a night out?

Kristine DiLeo Dellegrazie 11 months ago

#21 is all me

Josephine Morgan 11 months ago

Having time to yourself is healthy for you and your family .to many mums think of them selves last .no one’s saying go on a weekend bender lol but having a you time makes you not only feel better but gives you time to think .I also think it’s important to make sure you and your partner get alone time .I have for kids . Never went out etc with my forth I took a different approach .Once a week I Go Starbucks with my friends and my husband and I go out every few weeks for a meal or even away for the night to a hotel .sometimes it’s nice to get out of mum mode. Only thing was last time I went out we were by a small family and every time I heard the word “mum ” I kept looking up lol

Dina Susanne 11 months ago

Nr 21… EVERY.SINGLE.DAY

Carla Jane Cookson 11 months ago

Omg it appears I in dire need of a night out!!!!

Riccy Ruiz 11 months ago

A 1000 reasons why a parent needs. A night out

Dee Hunt 11 months ago

bring the kids over and go out.

Amber Nicole 11 months ago

No shit!

Shaleshni Chambers 11 months ago

1,11,17,23,26 yup definitely.

Laura Restifo Ohearn 11 months ago

I totally just did number 19 last week haha

Helen Russo 11 months ago

what??? I’m selfish? Huh, well, guess I am then.

Helen Russo 11 months ago

lol, that’s my big night out: staying & going to bed early

Melissa Valdez 11 months ago

Bc I wanna FEEL pretty!!!! Lmbo!

Liana Goldsmith 11 months ago

17, 19, 27. Yes.

Catherine McGavran Whiting 11 months ago

21 and 23. All day long

Faelyn Wilson 11 months ago

Oooh oooh! Meeeee!!!

Sarah Lynn Johnson 11 months ago

I’d love to have one, except I went out for a late lunch after bringing home the teens from school today. I came home and found my dd 8months with a small mark/bruise under her eye. Apparently, I can never leave the house again without her, which blows b/c I was going to watch GWTW at the theater. SIGH

Andrea Wadsworth 11 months ago

Our oldest is 16 and our youngest is 16 months.. add a 9, 7 and 5 yr old to the mix and I can honestly say I have not had a night out in years! I also love my family and wouldn’t change it for the world!

Becky Kazy Yanos 11 months ago

Ummmm… NO ONE watches our 6 year old son with sensory processing disorder & our 3 year old peanut/tree nut allergic daughter. Last time we went out together was…?? I don’t remember. Maybe January when I had a music gig.

Heather Holder 11 months ago

I need a night out ASAP, and I want to sleep until 11am. Sigh!!

Allison Renee 11 months ago

Uh, a week in Fiji!

Vivalasvegas Calabriocchi 11 months ago

Badly, terribly, desperately!

Michelle White 11 months ago

Considering I’m about to either put myself in time out or put my hyperactive 4 yo son in a straight jacket……it’s so bedtime.

Sarina Pagan 11 months ago

#29! Although many of these apply to me :(

Tracy Pierceall 11 months ago

You don’t know the half of it.

Julie Workman Martinez-Aguilar 11 months ago

Literally half of these apply to me.

Esther Renea Poole 11 months ago

My last night out was back in May for my 10 yr high school reunion. We all felt so out of place without kids and we spent the night talking about breastfeeding , and our kids and trying to clean up after each other. As a stay at home mother of a 6,4 and 22 month old , i am do for another night out but i need to learn not to feel so guilty when i am out bc i always rush home.

Karie Bennett 11 months ago

Night out?? What’s that??

Ellenia Keane-Lyons 11 months ago

Lol

Luiza Bianquini Lima 11 months ago

I would say you need very badly!!!

Laura Balulis Kazanjian 11 months ago

Awesome! !

Jessie Romero-Mitacchione 11 months ago

YES!

Debbie Neal 11 months ago

Haven’t had a night out since I was 18 I’m almost 29 my oldest is 9 my youngest is 2 months by the time they’re raised I’ll be 48 and my only option for a night out will be bingo

Sasha Ames 11 months ago

Ya number 5 has me nailed.

Stephanie Hall 11 months ago

For the stay at home crowd: your spouse comes home early and spends the majority of the night working from home – or worse they polish their resume to find a new job rather than stay at the one they have

Alison White 11 months ago

Bahaha
#14

Jamie Giblon 11 months ago

#27= freedom!

Sara Petrick 11 months ago

I identified with WAY too many of these!!

Amity Westphalen 11 months ago

I could go for a weekend out!

Jessica Dodds 11 months ago

#19 & 20 both happened this week. I painted my toes and put on jeans and a tank top, and my husband asked why I was all dressed up!

Amber McEwen 11 months ago

I need a night in while my kids take a night out of the house, my hair so I can regain some
Sanity and rest. Blahhhh

Stacy Hebein 11 months ago

I don’t even need to read the list to know I need one. I need it real bad!

Lady stork 11 months ago

I thought #16 was going to be about being afraid to wake up a toddler during nap time. Other than that spot on.
And I totally relate to #29 I fell asleep at the dentist last time I was there.

Rebekah Hinman 11 months ago

So bad

Nicole Jarrett 11 months ago

I got a better chance of finding a leprechaun riding a unicorn

Cali Stern 11 months ago

Looks like I need a night out every night of the week lol

Nancy Schema Paradis 11 months ago
Christy Crotser 11 months ago

Yes. My mom and I were dying over this.

Heide Emerson 11 months ago

I resemble plenty of these!!!! Lol!!!

Kirsty Copley 11 months ago

Safe to say I defo need a night out lol last two time I planned to go.out never happened… Lol x

Jaime Holmes 11 months ago

Way #1: you’re a mom. End of list.

Roxana Herrera 11 months ago

Hahaha #26 though… I’m surprised this hasn’t happened yet! Hahaha ok so maybe my situation isn’t this extreme just yet, but my honey and I do need a night out JUST US. The last time we had an official date night was last year when The Avengers came out. Yep :(

Jennifer Soto 11 months ago

For sure need a momma night out just one would be awesome

Marisa Lott 11 months ago

Not so much a night out. We are due for a bonfire, drinks, and corn hole!

Tiffany Holz 11 months ago

I have done too many of these including marking tonight as the beginning of the Amazing Race! SAD!

Tabi Mott 11 months ago

To you mom’s who say a night out is selfish. ….get off your high horse.

Jacquie Rhodd 11 months ago

#3

Tesha Pollock 11 months ago

Omg I remember those days! I am so glad my kids are old enough (n I’m still young enough) to FINALLY get nights out again! That is provided I’m not too damned exhausted from working two jobs now :(

Erica LaFranco 11 months ago

Thanks for the sad reality
:( I could def use a night out. Most, but not all, are true!

Hannah Horsch 11 months ago

I need a night in with no responsibilities. I just want to go to sleep!

Jen Steele 11 months ago

I need a night out so bad I’m thankful to be at work tonight!

Amber Nicole 11 months ago

We go out about once a week. I think it’s an awesome way to keep us connected as husband and wife and keeps me sane. Lol

Nicole Sfara Casey 11 months ago

I don’t get out on date nights much, unless we are invited to a particular event. But I do my hair and makeup everyday and like to think I still try! lol

Veronica Cogan 11 months ago

Ha ha ha, I can relate to so many if these!

Katherine Hunt Arabis 11 months ago

#25

Donna Fellows 11 months ago

Yup! #17!

Jeanne Skanberg 11 months ago

I guess I need a night out…

Helen Russo 11 months ago

BADLY! Told my 5yo to get her $hit picked up or she couldn’t go play. TWO hours later, the neighbor kids show up and she’s done nothing. Then spends the last 30 minutes crying, whining, and whimpering because I made her pick up her own crap so I could, uh, you know CLEAN!
I think a bottle of wine is in order for this mama!

Karri Pickering 11 months ago

What situation would dictate a baby puking in your mouth?!?

Jessica Waagner 11 months ago

LOL #8

Brigida Montgomery 11 months ago

#30

Melissa Manning-Martinez 11 months ago

#29

Jenn Richard 11 months ago

Yup, that’s all 30! I need one :)

Julie DeFrancesco Fletcher 11 months ago

Oh yea, I need a night out. But my husband works at night. So, on a Friday night all 3 kids will go to bed early, I will pour a drink and watch WTF I want on Netflix. Probably something R rated. Be jealous.

Katie Mary 11 months ago

No lie- I thought this was a picture of American Girl dolls

Stacey Prebish 11 months ago

I love my kids. But once a month my mom babysits for us for date night. But other then that we take them every where! And I don’t get to see my husband during the week, so sometimes it has to be just us.

Andrea Bergemann 11 months ago

#19 for sure lol

Danielle R DeVoll 11 months ago

On a scale 1 to 10…. A 17! Lol

Lindsey Aubuchon Jones 11 months ago

Going to see the Equalizer with the hubby tonight…so looking forward to it!!

Breanna Jones 11 months ago

our nights out always involve our son :) maybe I’m just weird but sometimes I’d rather hang out with him instead of other adults. (in his defense, he’s really really cool.)

Amanda Chatham 1 year ago

Why is it called 25 reasons when there are 30? Lol, I need a night out…

Kim Smits Foster 1 year ago

OH YES! When you think going to Target ALONE is decadent and you wander the aisles aimlessly because you can, it’s time to get out more!

Sterling Baskerville 1 year ago

DESPERATELY!! Lol

Clare Lightfoot 1 year ago

I am going into hospital for an operation on Tuesday and I am actually looking forward to the break……

Jülie Rhiannön Burtøn 1 year ago

Ugh I only have an 11 month old but man I’m approaching burnout fast. My birthday is at the end of the month and all I want is to hang out with my friends and actually talk without having to run after the Tasmanian devil every 2 minutes.

Mo 1 year ago

So sad, true but hysterical!!! They all made me lol but I can especially relate to #8!

Lea Clary 1 year ago

Take it easy if you do. A movie, etc. Your tolerance is way lower than you think as a Mom, and I’m not just talking booze.

Jessie N Jesse Criado 1 year ago

Omg… a night out on my Birthday resulted in me taking my 2 year old… she wouldn’t let me leave.. but she liked the movie (Hercules) Lol..

Why, Mommy? 1 year ago

Number 17… and I just had my FIRST night out with a friend in 4 YEARS. It was AMAZING and we’re trying for 1x a month… having kids is crazy.

Stacy Hotaling 1 year ago

Counting down until Grey’s Anatomy. Highlight of September.

Jennifer Horne 1 year ago

Oh yes!

Zachary Campbell 1 year ago

#14 and 30

Pamela Oliver 1 year ago

Yep! Everything on this list.

Renae Murphy 1 year ago

What is this thing you call a night out? o.o

Angela Caglia Reis 1 year ago

The yoga pants one is so my life!

Sarah Flagler 1 year ago

29!

Ryen Pollock Horton 1 year ago

I worked a private party tonight, extra income at someone else’s party constitutes an night out for me these days. The hostess asked me to taste her (cold) salad… When I did, she laughed and said “You’re such a Mom, you just blew on a cold salad before you tasted it.”

Jessica Lewis Bills 1 year ago

I totally need a night out!!

Jackie Lynn 1 year ago

I’m surprised it apparently takes 30. All I need is one!

Kelly Magnani 1 year ago

Hey now,#19 is important,how else would I remember when Walking Dead comes back and saves my sanity?(it’s my zoning out show)

Debbie Corcoran Ross 1 year ago

17. Yep. Goin back to work this is rough.

Becca Phillips 1 year ago

Most of those apply haha I spilled my five year old’s syrup covered waffles onto clean dishes drying on the counter, and then cried while my boyfriend cleaned it up xD mommy needs a time out.

Dana Lopez 1 year ago

I can relate to a few!

JA 1 year ago

I work from home doing tech support for a franchise chain. I spend all my time at home with my 3 year old. Last week, I went to a company rally and got a babysitter for her for the first time ever. At our lunch break, one of the Leadership team dripped a bit of salad dressing on his arm. I whipped out a napkin, wet it, and wiped it off as the whole table looked at me like I was nuts. That is how I know I need a night out.

Colleen Mc 1 year ago

And don’t forget about us moms who work full time AND takes classes online with two under 5. I don’t even know where my head is half the time lol

Meagan Bateman 1 year ago

Lol, I didn’t even realize this was my reality until I read your comment! Gah

Jessica Alsup 1 year ago

Duh!!!! Lol

Rae Lynn Salvadori 1 year ago

Loooong over due.

Lisa Southouse 1 year ago

Good stuff !! Enjoy xx

Hilde M. Vonk 1 year ago

Oh hang in there, Jeni. I know what that’s like. We try to have date night at home once a week, after the children are in bed. Just a glass of wine, good music, and conversation. I hope your husband is employed again soon!!

Laura Miller 1 year ago

I feel your pain! Family will only come around when it’s convenient for them! Or they expect to get paid….ugh!

Hilde M. Vonk 1 year ago

Hang in there! We’re all in the same boat. I sympathize.

Kathy Kucharz Gamble 1 year ago

This could also apply to moms that work from home…

Angela Kelly 1 year ago

DH was out of town for w weeks. During those 2 weeks DS broke his thumb and DD got braces. By the time he got home I was insane. Ever heard the song I’m Coming to Take You Away? Yep that was me.

Tenisha Ashley Lebeau 1 year ago

Vikings starts soon!!!

Juliana Roca 1 year ago

I can relate too :(

Juliana Roca 1 year ago

Exactly!!! With some I have to pay them….seems wrong huh

Sabina Parsons 1 year ago

Omg 14 and 20 like all the time lately lol!!!

Marsha Manaois 1 year ago

6, 15 and 29 except jailward..but i thought about a night in hospitalward

Kimberly King 1 year ago

Confession: Sometimes, I think of harmless crimes that would be just enough to land me in jail for just a night. Now that’s a break. lol!

Regina Corley 1 year ago

Bwahahaha!!!

Cheryl Baessler 1 year ago

But..but..but we LIKE talking about poop!

Hannah Fabiani 1 year ago

Some were a little off the wall but #22 was hilarious 😀

Heather Boissonneault 1 year ago

No! That’s all just sad. Yes, I can relate to some but after having so many miserable nights you have to make you and your hubby a priority. I have a 10 yr old and a 3yr old and it takes so much work not to zone out and watch housewives and tell everyone (husband, kids and dogs) to leave me alone. BUT when you check your misery at the door you can lead a happy life.

Kimberley Smith 1 year ago

I went out last night and despite only getting 4 hours of sleep – I feel like a new person today!

Shannon 1 year ago

Sigh….yes to all of the above. If I didn’t talk to myself I would have gone insane years ago.

Lindsey Obremski Wertman 1 year ago

I never thought it would be this hard to have a friggin night out. With all our family members asking us to have kids now it’s like pulling teeth to get any help. Ugh!

Nichole Singleton 1 year ago

Pleaaaase

Dare-Vay Talley 1 year ago

A good majority of these fits me but especially 19.

Jessica Govea-Hanggi 1 year ago

31. You ask your friend to let you know when the gang is getting together so you can join and then you find out they just did last weekend but you weren’t invited cuz you just had a baby 2 months ago.

Jeni Deisinger 1 year ago

Yes it is Melissa… When your husband’s been out of work for a year, there’s no funds for a babysitter to even do a cheap night out. The one so-called friend I have in town will NOT babysit. All the grandparents live 2hrs away; none of which think MOM needs/deserves time away, let alone thinking we need time together. I’m very much looking forward to full day kindergarten this year… Although the days won’t be time with my husband, it will be time for me that I’ve been looking forward to for the past 5yrs.

Aaron K. Turner Zain 1 year ago

3 and 11 hit very close to home!

Akasha Pearson 1 year ago

OMG yes!! Add:
“Leaving the kids with the grandparents to do grocery shopping… WITH the spouse is qualifying as a date”
Guess what I’m doing on Monday lol

Holly Vine 1 year ago

God yes.

Trish McDevitt Bavuso 1 year ago

Just had an unexpected date night & it was fabulous!!!!

Renee Malove 1 year ago

If you have to ask, the answer is yes.

Jennifer Moore 1 year ago

I need a night IN and alone. To sleep…. And sleep in….

Jennifer Moore 1 year ago

Online shopping. With a ft job and two kids who wants to spend a kidless night shopping ?!?

Melissa Munkers 1 year ago

That is very sad. :(

Sonia Scarmozzino 1 year ago

I need a night out!

Allison Renee 1 year ago

Bahaha! Rodents eat their young!

Christina Kemp Wright 1 year ago

Umm.. Yes!! Especially #3.

Marta Walkuska 1 year ago

17…

Helen Russo 1 year ago

every damn morning I wake up!

Jeni Deisinger 1 year ago

When it’s been years since you’ve spent more than 3hrs alone with your husband, you don’t need a list.

Zonya Sullivan 1 year ago

I need a night out from everyone :p

Hallice Burger Herrick 1 year ago

#25 says it all!!

Jason Byrne 1 year ago

WAHAHAHAHA! The wife and I JUST had a conversation about how amazing a “weekend away” in jail would be

Mary Schneider 1 year ago

*snort* I never Christmas shop anymore… Can’t stand the crowds… So I go to wally world at 2am, when it’s just the stock people. It’s perfect. There’s one guy in particular I look forward to seeing every year at my local store- he sings Christmas carols at the top of his lungs. Makes my whole holiday. :)

Josie Kay Myers 1 year ago

Several of these apply to me

Renée Beech Sloope 1 year ago

4, 17, 25… Oh hell! All of them!
Yes, I need a night out.

Kelly Magovero 1 year ago

Well…I’m more than half of these lol

Lizz Schulz 1 year ago

Yes, going out tonight. After kids eat dinner…and go to bed. ..hope I can last that long. The 3 year old is driving me bonkers today!!!:-P

Amanda Jane Saggers 1 year ago

#20 is mine lol

Dawn Hartman 1 year ago

17 and 19 are my life. Sigh.

Michelle Oliver 1 year ago

Your good yoga pants. Bwahahahaha. So me lmao

Bo Lamont’crofts 1 year ago

11 and 21 i seem to do a lot of haha.

Debra Alcorn 1 year ago

So badly…

Melissa Munkers 1 year ago

10 is ridiculous, of course the trash goes out more than I do, what parents get to go out once a week or more?! # 17, I can relate to that.

Kimberly King 1 year ago

Christmas shopping always weirds me out, when I come home in the dark. I feel like I’m being rebellious. And going out on a date?? I’d rather stay home and watch a movie. Definitely too much work to go out. lol! So, so sad how true these are!

Kimberly Hall 1 year ago

I’m contemplating 14 tonight!

Jenalee Nicole Zubrod 1 year ago

lol 17 and 29 for sure…but really, all of them lol

Natoia Halstied Moore 1 year ago

Yes! #17

Jennifer Klebsch 1 year ago

OMG yes #5 for sure!!

Hilary Alejandro 1 year ago

I love that you used these, mine was #7!!!!

Jessica Harlow 1 year ago

Always. Just got done with going to a movie this afternoon and I could already use another night out.

Kelcey Roberts 1 year ago

That would be a YES!

donna 1 year ago

Sadly, I CAN relate to a lot of these!

Christine 1 year ago

Thanks for the laugh, despite the fact that many of these DO apply to me!