6 Reasons I'm Already Dreading Frozen 2
The news of an upcoming sequel to Disney’s juggernaut franchise – you’re already singing “Let It Go”, aren’t you? – is one of those rare moments where both you and your child nerd out about something together.
Admit it, you liked the movie – the power of familial love winning out over corrupt schemers gave you a bit of a thrill, and that song was actually a pretty good pop song, for what it was worth. Your kids certainly liked it, and with the release of the short film Frozen Fever on March 13th and the announcement of Frozen 2 coming some time in 2017, it’s time to sharpen up your snowman-building skills. Or not, as the case may be – let’s not pretend everything was sunshine and majestic ice towers in the land of Arendelle. There are six good reasons to be wary of another Frozen Explosion.
1. We’re going to be broke… again. We’re talking Frozen everything. Frozen dolls. Frozen juice boxes. Frozen books. Frozen underwear. The original movie made $1.274 billion at the box office alone, not to mention the amount we had to shell out for everything their smiling, imperious Scandinavian faces were stamped on. Just take my paycheque already, Disney. We’ll discuss terms.
2. Let it go: We had just gotten this song off of our iPods, our kids had finally grown as sick of it as us, and now with the news of the sequel, it’s back on the top request list. Thanks, Disney. If there’s one thing I’m really looking forward to as I age, it’s finding another Frozen song to hum unconsciously for the rest of my life.
3. Elsa’s everywhere: Last Halloween there were so many little girls dressing up as Elsa that a drinking game was made in it’s honour. It was the most-searched for costume of the year, and the poor, overexposed zombie had to settle for second place. Of course, more than a few Village of the Damned scenes had to have played out, given the amount of blond-wigged children running around.
4. I am so sick of talking about Frozen: Ironic, I know. For the last year and a half, Frozen has been a perpetual conversation topic. There have been parody videos, comedy sketches, youtube channels and an infinite amount of blog posts and memes dedicated to the movie. With the release of the Frozen short and the news of the imminent arrival of the second movie, we can guarantee at least another 5 straight years of obsession over the films. I realized that I had reached peak Frozen insanity when I was soberly and seriously discussing the theory that Anna and Elsa’s parents were on the way to Rapunzel and Flynn’s wedding when the storm came up and sank their ship, and that the ship that Ariel sneaks off to in The Little Mermaid is their ship, but they managed to make it to shore and became Tarzan’s parents before dying randomly. I mean, seriously.
5. Do you want to build a snowman? I don’t. I really don’t. It’s cold out, and I just don’t want to be out there for hours rolling snow into boulders. It’s -25 out, honey. Sure, we’ll play Frozen Monopoly instead. Let me just grab my Frozen vodka.
6. Playtime: The amount of falsetto I have to produce just to play with my daughter now is really kind of astounding. Always as Anna, though, since my daughter reserves Elsa for herself. The same thing happens when she plays with her cousins – they fight over who gets to be Elsa and Anna is the consolation prize. Poor Anna. She just wanted her sister’s love.
Of course, despite all of this I’m still going to end up seeing it. Multiple times. And I’ll probably be able to chart out the movie in my sleep by the time it’s all over.
Related post: The Inevitable Stages of a Frozen Obsession
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