6 Ridiculous 'Mommy Wars' That Need To End In 2016

by Ashley Austrew

If there’s one thing moms can all agree on, it’s that we fucking hate the so-called Mommy Wars. Just the name is awful: Mommy Wars—it’s so patronizing. It sounds like we’re a bunch of Lululemon-clad Stepford wives launching poopy diaper bombs at one another across the playground. But as much as we collectively hate this term and the pointless arguments that come along with it, we can’t seem to stop raking each other over the coals for the most ridiculous reasons.

There are some things on which moms are never going to agree, and that’s okay. Each of us does what we think is best and chances are, our kids are going to be just fine. So, let’s call a truce. Let’s make the new year full of support rather than shaming, and let’s all agree to stop fighting over things that are honestly just not that big of a deal. Here are the six most ridiculous Mommy Wars we need to end in 2016:

1. Pointless food fights

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Breast versus bottle, “clean” versus unclean, McDonald’s versus the magical elixir of life that you grew in your backyard with soil fertilized by angel poop — it doesn’t matter. Shaming people for their food choices doesn’t change anything; it just makes the shamer look like a big jerk. Sooner or later, they’re all eating petrified snack foods they found in the backseat anyway. In 2016, let’s stop the useless bickering and just feed our fucking kids.

2. Spats about screen time

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Hey, you, sneering at the mom on her cell phone at the park: stop it. There’s no shortage of parents telling other parents when to turn off the television, walk away from the computer, or put down the phone, to which all of us would like to scream, “You don’t know my life.” We all need a break now and then, so let’s agree to stop shaming parents we don’t even know for indulging in a little midday Candy Crush.

3. Fights about what we “do all day”

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Whether a mom stays home, goes to work, works from home, or has some other kind of arrangement going on, chances are she’s doing what she thinks is best. Arguing about who’s the better parent based on their work situation is so overdone, pointless, and outdated. Instead of fighting for superiority, let’s work together to make sure all parents have options like paid leave, spaces and breaks to pump, and access to affordable childcare. Moms’ lack of options is something that should put all of our panties in a wad.

4. The birth battles

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Hospital versus home, drugs versus no drugs, c-section versus “natural”—if mom and baby are both happy and healthy, then shut the hell up because it was a successful birth. Bringing a baby into the world is hard enough without the added pressure to hire a dolphin to act as a doula, schedule a bedside string quartet, or have your baby’s first photo hand-painted onto a canvas made of your own placenta. They don’t give medals for most perfect birth story, so please just calm down and do whatever you need to do to get your baby here safely.

5. Crafty mom vs. “lazy” mom

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It seems moms are divided into two camps lately: the DIY moms and the do-it-for-me moms. Whether you hand-make your Valentine’s or buy a cheap box of Ninja Turtle cards, it matters not. All this bickering over the Elf on the Shelf, birthday cupcakes, Halloween costumes, and the like is only eating up valuable time that none of us have. If you fancy yourself a Martha Stewart, Jr., that’s fantastic. If your baking skills go as far as picking up a pre-made cake at Target, that is also fantastic. Our kids really don’t care, so let’s please stop fighting over dumb shit.

6. Personal parenting styles

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There is no right way to be a parent. Different parenting styles exist because every kid is totally unique. Even within the same family, different kids need different things. In 2016, let’s stop telling people how to raise their kids and just marvel at what a good fucking job we’re all doing, because we’re kicking ass at this, you guys. We really are.

(Featured image via Shutterstock)