7 Reasons Moms Might Be Unfriended On Facebook

Good news for those of us who want to know whom to be mad at: There’s a new app that will tell you who’s unfriended you on Facebook. The app, which is available for Android, iOS and as a Chrome extension, takes a pic of your friend list. When you take a second pic (a day or a week or however long later) it compares the two lists and tells you who’s bailed. Now, why you might want to know this is somewhat unclear—do you want your feelings hurt? Slate reporter Jacob Brogan notes that the knowledge is “more likely to drive you crazy than give you closure.”

And the app doesn’t provide information on the lesser ways people have of ignoring you, like hiding your posts, which is, in my experience, the vastly preferable way of dealing with the political rants or never-ending gig announcements of one’s Facebook friends.

And finally, it doesn’t tell you why someone might have unfriended you: Did you post too often? Too many “vague-book” status updates? Too much about CrossFit? Who can say. But as with all questions, the Internet is here to help: A little online digging reveals many, many reasons why Facebook folks might hit the goodbye-forever button on their mom pals. Below, seven reasons mothers might be unfriended on Facebook.

1. Humblebragging. We’re all familiar with the false modesty of the humblebrag, like this one from Babble: “I could never do sleep training. I’m just too sensitive.” O-kaaaay, so long, see ya, don’t let the “unfriend” button hit you on the way out.

2. Being totally, painfully clueless. It’s true that once you have kids, your focus can narrow to a rather myopic view of the world. But there’s no excuse for total, sheer ignorance, like this from STFU Parents: “With all of this Ferguson talk, I just felt like I should let everyone know…My daughter slept 9 hours straight last night! Momma is a happy momma :)” Well, I’m sure the residents of Ferguson are delighted for you. Delete.

3. Calling it like it is. Calling other parents “selfish” is a pretty fast way of getting yourself blocked forever. Via WorstMommyEver: “I think colic is a huge crock of shit. You have a newborn baby and the baby cries a lot. This is exactly what newborn babies are supposed to do. But no, that’s not good enough. This normal behavior needs a label so you have an excuse to ply your kid with gas drops and colic calm and then CIO so you can get your selfish ass some sleep.” She sounds charming.

4. Tsk-tsking. Mommyish reports on the judgmental sanctimommy FB status: “Sitting at a children’s museum and this little boy around 2 has been strapped into his stroller for at least an hour…makes me so sad. No one talking to him or allowing him to play.” Okay, well, that actually does make me a little sad. But as the Mommyish writer points out, posting about it on Facebook just invites a pile-on by holier-than-thou parents.

5. Exhibiting paranoia. Ever posted anything about chemtrails or linked to naturalnews.com? Yikes, bye.

6. Serving someone papers. Have you ever filed for divorce on Facebook? I can think of at least one person who might unfriend you.

7. Being vague, yet hostile. The Stir, in a great roundup of “maddening status updates,” notes that pissy-but-still-murky posts can be both baffling and irritating. For example, “Isn’t it nice to know who your real friends are, and who’s just using you.” What’s sneaky about these posts is that you wonder if somehow you’re being indicted as a “just using you” friend. But to ask would mean engaging in a passive-aggressive Q&A, and…well, delete!