7 Things I Swear I Never Wore in the 1990s
The ’90s were a weird decade for fashion. I basically lived in a series of Betsey Johnson slip dresses, Doc Martens and scavenged vintage ’70s t-shirts from December 31st, 1989, until Y2K. But here are some things I definitely, definitely, never ever wore. Can you say the same?
1. Neon sweatshirts. This was an odd remnant of ’80s fashion that snuck into the following decade much like a vestigial tail, to my great chagrin.
2. Distressed Overalls. Okay. Maybe I wore these once. But I was clearly drunk.
3. Plaid miniskirts with over-the-knee socks. I love you, Clueless. But this is a look that screamed “naughty Catholic schoolgirl” in a way that made me uncomfortable, and I was a proud Jewish slut (some things never change).
© Parmount Pictures
4. Flannel shirts. I listened to Nevermind on auto-reverse in my car for half of 1991 and most of 1992. I bought a few flannels, but I could never bring myself to wear them outside of the house. Because I’m not a lumberjack, I suppose?
5. Nylon track suits. Look, I made some very questionable decisions during this decade, mostly in clubs in NYC. But even I knew better than to work that kind of abomination.
6. Bustier with an oversize blazer. I admit I probably skipped this one just because my boobs were too big. Actually, not a bad look—not at all.
7. Chokers. Alright, alright—I wore chokers with all the slip dresses. Velvet ones. I wouldn’t be wholly surprised if several of these still live in my jewelry box, ready for their comeback.
Also, I admit it: Scrunchies had me at hello.
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