You Might Be A Suburban Mom If ...

by Jen Mann
Originally Published: 
A suburban mom in a green-white shirt holding her baby and other mothers blurred in the background

1. Your full-time job is unpaid volunteer at your children’s school.

2. You’ve taken a crossfit, barre, hot yoga, pole dancing, kettlebell, or aqua zumba class.

3. You’ve ever adopted a vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, or paleo diet — and it had nothing to do with allergies.

4. The people who work at the checkout at Target know your cycle.

5. You think yoga pants can be worn anywhere — including formal events.

6. You pay hundreds of dollars a week to attend music, art, and gym classes to “socialize” your newborn baby.

7. You have a chandelier in your laundry room.

8. You have a home-based sales business where you sell makeup, cooking utensils, pre-packaged food, sex toys, or handbags out of the trunk of your minivan.

9. You go to the gym and put your kid in the childcare while you drink coffee and check your email in the cafe.

10. You ever used a Groupon for vagazzling, eyelash extensions, or Botox.

11. Your eight-year-old is a “competitive” athlete.

12. You buy wine and organic produce in bulk.

13. You have a blog.

Related post: 15 Tips on Surviving as a Mom in the Suburbs

Looking for something fun to read? I have three copies of Jenn’s hilarious book, People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges to give away. Just leave a comment to enter and I’ll pick three random winners Nov. 1 at 12PM EST. Good luck!

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