10 Truths About Tandem Nursing

by Elizabeth Broadbent
Originally Published: 

1. It’s lazy. Yes, you can learn other ways to soothe your pissed-off, supplanted toddler… but boobs work so well. Plus tandem nursing means bonus Internet time, because you have to sit down.

2. You lose even more weight. If you’re the type that loses weight when baby nurses, you’ll lose even more when you nurse two of them at once. Go on, eat those cheese fries. Just nurse the toddler a few extra times before bed.

3. You win the nurse-in. When the boob police make some poor new mommy nurse in the bathroom, the Breastapo storm in to protest. Everyone else gets to bare one boob. You can basically take your shirt off. Fight the power!

4. Sometimes your kids hold hands while they nurse, and it’s super cute. Mostly they ignore each other other in favor of sweet, sweet boob.

5. If you don’t want to nurse the toddler for long, you can foist him off on the mostly-empty boob. He will quickly learn to foil you by pointing at the other and saying, “I have that one now.”

6. Breastfed toddler poop is a sight and smell to behold. Consider hazmat gear. But say goodbye to toddler constipation!

7. You shock and amaze the general public. Learn to relish the looks you receive when you nurse one kid after the other. You’re a walking science lesson: Yes, you can get pregnant while nursing!

8. Beat engorgement before it starts. Just ask your toddler for help – he’ll take care of your oversupply. He’ll poop like a grown man on a taco binge, but your boobs won’t hurt anymore. Bonus?

9. You’re the hit of nursing photo sessions. Everyone wants pics of the double-boobing mom for their portfolio. Just smile and remember: looking up will hide that postpartum double chin.

10. Your toddler still gets to be a baby. Sure, he’s a big boy now, but sometimes, he just wants to be your baby again. Tandem nursing mean that even though baby’s taking one boob, there’s always one left for him. Lots of things have changed in his little world. But boob’s always there.

At least until you get knocked up again.

Related post: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed

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