10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed

Reasons To Breastfeed

I breastfeed my kids. I’m passionate about it. I’m righteous about it. But I’m not entirely honest about it.

I advertise that I do it for the heartfelt and health-related reasons we’ve all heard from other moms and pediatricians a bazillion times. But come on. If there weren’t also some hardcore mama-centric reasons to let my kid nibble on my nips for a year, I’d never be able to endure the insane commitment. These are the reasons that see me through the worst breastfeeding days and get me to hang in there when I want to bail. They’re pretty damn shallow, but whatever. They get the job done. Need some reasons to breastfeed, too?

1. Milk boobs are awesome. Have you seen milk boobs? The new-mom, my-milk-just-came-in(!!) boobs? They’re glorious. They’re porn star glorious except they’re REAL. They’ll make even the staunchest feminist reconsider her rabid stance on breast augmentation. These fabulous tits were a fabulous surprise after my first child, and a highly anticipated perk (for both my husband and me) after my second.

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2. I don’t have to work out. My baby weight lost itself because breastfeeding burns 500-800 calories A DAY. Even my best workout when I was in my twenties and maintaining a hot college body to bring the boys to the yard didn’t burn 800 calories. How crazy would I be to opt out of something that burns a shitload of calories while I sit on my ass, snuggling my baby, in my thirties?

3. I don’t feel remotely guilty about what I eat. I need to replace the calories nursing burns otherwise my milk production decreases dramatically. So heeeelllllloooo, Smashburger. Thank you for contributing to the cause of better infantile nutrition. And yes, I would like a salted-caramel shake with that. It’s all in the name of milk production.

4. I can’t forget my breasts when I leave the house. I’ve forgotten diapers, clothes, blankets, binkies, the stroller, the entire diaper bag after spending 20 minutes packing it, and even the friggen baby, but I’ve never forgotten milk. If you don’t have kids, having one less thing to remember as you herd your family out the door may not seem significant. If you do have kids, you know how significant it is.

5. I get guaranteed breaks during crappy social functions. It is completely acceptable to excuse yourself from a party to nurse your child in private. Even though I don’t really care about privacy, I sometimes take advantage of this understanding to avoid awkward acquaintances and annoying relatives and go play Angry Birds or check Facebook for awhile.

6. Aunt Flo goes on sabbatical. Thanks to breastfeeding, I made it 50 weeks sans Aunt Flo after my daughter was born. My son just turned one and I’m still waiting for her return. If you count her absence during my pregnancy, I haven’t seen her in nearly 2 years. TWO YEARS. I don’t miss that bitch at all.

7. I can instantly comfort my screaming baby without having to troubleshoot the actual problem. Sometimes I’m too tired or busy to try to figure out what the baby is crying about, so I just nurse him. Nine times out of 10, shoving a boob in his mouth calms him down immediately. Note: This also works with his father.

8. I can have unprotected sex for 6 months. When done correctly, breastfeeding can be a (somewhat?) effective form of birth control up to the baby’s 6-month birthday. You have to do it right, though, or you end up with Irish twins. like my parents did. D’oh!

9. Breast milk poop smells a hell of a lot better than formula poop. I have to change a lot of disgusting poopy diapers, so if anything can make them less disgusting, I’m in. Breast milk poop smells, but it doesn’t stink. Not like formula shit. I found this out firsthand when changing a friend’s formula-fed baby. I thought something died in her diaper. I almost called Animal Control.

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10. When my kids have kids, I can hold it over their heads that when they were babies, I did everything right and know everything. The extreme commitment and effort of breastfeeding lends a lot of credibility to the future backseat parenting of my grandchildren.

Related post: 15 Things They Don’t Tell You About Breastfeeding

About the writer

For Samantha Cappuccino-Williams of RealMomofNJ, parenting is all heart and no BS. This real mom details parenthood in the straightforward style you've come to expect from women from New Jersey. In addition, she frequently contributes mom-related material to Seventh Generation’s 7Gen Blog.

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Stacey 4 months ago

#7! Can’t stand the crying? Here’s the boob! My husband always tells me to just give the baby a boob! And it does work on hubs too lmao!

Tanya Taylor Leavitt 5 months ago

Cheaper than formula

Crystal Davis Rodriguez 5 months ago

Two words – mandatory relaxation! With three boys it’s nice to HAVE TO lounge in bed a couple times a day.

Heather Quinn Ward-Gregory 5 months ago

I can eat almost anything, and yet the baby weight is gone and staying off.

Maryann 6 months ago

I am currently breastfeeding my first, so I don’t have too much experience to back me up. BUT…
Although I very much enjoy and appreciate that I have to sustain my baby. I do not find breastfeeding to be the glorious fix-all that the author makes it out to be.
I got my period back when my daughter was only 10 weeks old.
I lost some weight right after she was born, but I’ve been working out since then and am still 10 lbs. more than my pre-baby weight.
I do not eat whatever strikes my fancy, but rather stick to (mostly) healthy choices since I want my baby to be receiving optimal nutrition.
My doctor was very clear with me that BFing is NOT birth control, and I am therefore taking my pill religiously to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
The supposed porn-star boobs were nice for a bit, until I realized that I needed a new wardrobe to accommodate my new size.
This being said, I do not resent Breastfeeding at all- in fact, I love it. I enjoy being forced to sit down and spend time with my precious one.
I love knowing that no matter how tired and terrible I might feel, I’m always able to put aside my selfish tendencies and take care of my little one.

S 6 months ago

Unfortunately breast feeding doesn’t help with weight loss for all of us. That’s the only one I’ll disagree with.

BigCityGirl 1 year ago

This list is so awesome and sooo true!!!

Laura Lee 1 year ago

Haha!! I love #7!!!

Tammy Johnston 1 year ago

Ok this sounds more like it lol.

EmmysMomma 1 year ago

Like 90% of this isn’t true and is very case to case. DO NOT DEPEND ON BREASTFEEDING as birthcontrol that’s a total myth. Milk boobs suck and hurt, when you’re normally a D adding 3 sizes sucks. It’s just plain lazy parenting to just shove a boob in the babies face. Weight lose? Hahahah no, the one directly after that proves that’s not true, yeah you burn them but you have to go eat twice that to keep producing. And I got my period way before then.

Gina Millward 1 year ago

Breast feeding is great but so is formula feeding. All moms who FEED their babies are amazing regardless of how it is done.

Jake N Tiffany Harrell 1 year ago

Lol I love it!

Julie Roedl 1 year ago

This is awesome! I enjoyed some good laughs at how true these all are/were with my babies.

Kirstie Jezequel-Goodwin 1 year ago

Yep but a year after stopping yr tits will look like old socks :-(

BreAnn Shulsen 1 year ago

To those getting in a huff about my comment: Chill out! Breastfeeding is HARD WORK. I seriously commend mother’s out there who do it, and do it for a long period of time. It is not easy, that is for sure! And if you did/do have it easy, all the better for you! We can build up one way without tearing down another. We can also listen and respect those with different experiences or different perspectives. (*Cough*Cough* Brooke, no need for name-calling). There are silver-linings to both breast and bottle feeding, and ultimately it is your choice for how you want to feed your children. Some of my original comments were sarcastic, but puh-leeze, you’re reading Scary Mommy for crying out loud, everything is laced with sarcasm here!

And it is National Breastfeeding Week, so hallelujah and amen! Go celebrate, whip-’em out and have a good time! I support ya.

Crystal Hutto 1 year ago

I breast fed & dealt with clogged ducts, mastitis, & scabbed nipples (that fell off!!) just because YOU couldn’t or wouldn’t breast feed doesn’t make you a bad mom or make me better BUT I AM GETTING MY PROPS FOR THE WORK I PUT! Don’t knock me!

Candace Sandifer 1 year ago

Haha yep definitely some awesome benefits

Bea Harris 1 year ago

love this comment. it’s fine for her but shouldn’t be framed as a catch-all. every mom needs to do what is comfortable and best for her situation only and not project onto others.

Stephanie Markle 1 year ago

I’m awesome!!

Allison Diehl 1 year ago

As someone who tried to breastfeed, but couldn’t make it work in the long run, I find it mildly amusing when people assume I breastfed (perhaps because my youngest is currently obsessed with that part of my body) and offer approving comments. So there is definitely a gold star factor in there somewhere. How’s that for shallow?

Donna Lancianese 1 year ago

Irish twins! LOL

Miranda Williamson 1 year ago

Forgot to mention the $$$$ you save!

Sara Petrick 1 year ago

4 & 9! And also, I was too lazy to clean bottles if I don’t absolutely have to.

Stefani Haar 1 year ago

Spot on. Except for the birth control part. That’s too scary to play with!!

Jen Morse Durham 1 year ago

I love this article– very funny and true! But, it’s actually World Breastfeeding Week, not National. Just saying.

Jen Morse Durham 1 year ago

^^True, and I DO.

Sarah Jack 1 year ago

All these reasons are silly….the last one is horrific

Nicole V. Lee 1 year ago

Hmmm…Aunt Flo didn’t take a break for me. :-( Damn Aunt Flo!

Debbie Hurtado 1 year ago

I remember the first time I woke up engorged. My husband was in awe and all he wanted to do was have sex with me then and there. Unfortunately for him I was in so much pain I just wanted to pump or feed my baby asap. Milk boobs are great but not really usable in my opinion. 😉

Debbie Hurstel 1 year ago

I think that breastfeeding is the greatest gift mom can give her baby. However once he’s married he should probably learn how to get his own milk- unless of course you never taught him that!

Ginny Schultz Vandenburg 1 year ago

Oh yeah, I wouldn’t put that one to the test. I didn’t have my period for more than a year with my second and third children, but I still wasn’t taking any chances.

Ginny Schultz Vandenburg 1 year ago

My oldest wouldn’t breastfeed no matter what I did. He is 10 years old now and perfectly healthy. In fact, he’s the only one of my kids who never gets sick, and the other two were breastfed for 1 year and 2 1/2 years respectively. I also have a very close relationship with him so the argument that you bond better with a breastfed child is BS, too. Don’t you let the rude comments bother you. I heard them when my son was a baby and it all becomes a moot point after a certain stage. Do you think anybody looks at my 5th grader and asks, “Oh, but was he breastfed?” Nope.

Ronda Roo 1 year ago

Us breastfeeding mommies should get a high five it’s not That we’re any better or worse than anybody else but we should be rewarded for all of our hard work

Ginny Schultz Vandenburg 1 year ago

I agree with most of these, but I have to say that I’ve known plenty of women who thought breastfeeding would make them lose the baby weight and found that it wasn’t the case. Does it help? Yeah. But it’s not a sure thing by any stretch–especially when you’re eating whatever the heck you want all the time.

Molly Hogan-Fowler 1 year ago

My lord that mama in the picture is going to have some sore nipples. I can’t look at that without thinking “re-latch! re-latch!” :)

Jennifer Pfeiffer 1 year ago

Love this all true!

Elizabeth Grattan 1 year ago

Human milk>cows milk.

Elizabeth Grattan 1 year ago

You do know you can have wine when you are a breastfeeding mom, right?

Victoria Bryce 1 year ago

#1.. glorious porn star books and cleavage are awesome…. but also very painful sometimes lol. Everything else, yes absolutely! !! 100 % accurate!

Gabriella Vandemmeltraadt-Dunn 1 year ago

Although breastfeeding doesn’t come natural to everyone and sometimes the mom is struggling so much it’s a stressful situation for mom and baby so it’s understandable that some have to formula feed and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Obviously breast milk is the best but they wouldn’t sell formula if it wasn’t good for babies. So everybody wins. But don’t bash moms who breastfeed and sarcastically throw in until they’re 12 just rude and not necessary.

Roxanne 1 year ago

I forgot to add, the weight does not just come off for everyone. Everyone told me it would just come off but I had to work for it. Some people are very lucky and snap back into ore baby shape/weight , but please do not make those if us who need a little extra time and effort feel less than because for some Breastfeeding sucks the weight off and for others it takes time. You still need to be conscious of how you eat and don’t just eat something because you think you need to make up for the calories baby is eating. Make up for that defecit in a healthy way

Jessica Petree 1 year ago

You forgot the best reason. It’s FREE! Yes if you have to buy a pump that can be a significant cost up front, but in the end it’s less than all the formula you would need.

Gabriella Vandemmeltraadt-Dunn 1 year ago

Overall there’s no doctor that will deny breast is best. I pumped exclusively for 12 months and I take pride in that.

Roxanne 1 year ago

Breast feeding is not birth control. Yes you may not have a period, but you can still become pregnant. Also saying “Breastfeeding, if done right” is a slippery slope when it comes to Breastfeeding. You are basically telling new sleep deprived moms that if they do get pregnant while Breastfeeding that they were or are not Breastfeeding correctly. Most of these are true, but please do not be surprised if you become pregnant because you read somewhere that breastfeeding is a form of birth control.

Sarah Orr 1 year ago

Rubbish:( I had 10 months free and was disappointed at that!!

Jen Morse Durham 1 year ago

Ladies, this article is also supposed to serve as entertainment. Please– stop overthinking/overanalyzing/overreacting. If this wasn’t your experience, so what? Does that give you license to knock the author/article? (Psst: there’s an awesome feature in your browser; it’s called, “SCROLL.”)

Dado Lauren 1 year ago

I concur!

Megan Coon 1 year ago

Same here! Do people even heat up bottles anymore? I see parents just dump formula & bottled water into the bottle, shake, & feed!

Tawni Bosomworth 1 year ago

Haha. All i want to know is how come I only got 5 weeks of no period?!? Wtf?! It comes every month And I am STILL breastfeeding

Nichole Ferello 1 year ago

My weight loss miracle

Robyn Bourgoin 1 year ago

totally agree BreAnn! just because she had a wonderful experience with all the great side effects doesn’t mean every woman will feel the same way…

Karen Rancourt 1 year ago

So totally true!

Jaimie Keiser Hanson 1 year ago

This is too funny! Very true!

Nicole Lynn 1 year ago

I loved breastfeeding! Very convenient anywhere we were.

Vanessa @ Practicing Mithethood 1 year ago

OMG yes to #5 especially when the in laws are over. Those awkward and boring moments can ruin my sanity. As soon as my son starts crying, I get up with the quickest and say, “Um, it’s time to nurse the baby,” and sprint out the door and hide in the babies room. Heck, I stay in the room an extra 30mins for good measure lol. Great post!

Laura Gatt 1 year ago

I still breast feeding my daughter is 2yrs old and really want her off now, its defo the best thing I done for her and me no bottles no extra money going out on formula that now so expensive and its always there on demand especialy when she was little and I was tired I could just lay there with her and she had tummy aches rearly or sick best thing I ever done x x

Christie Pinney 1 year ago

All spot on lol

Catie Gongol 1 year ago

I love this

Anina Robb 1 year ago

No bottles to wash!!

Amy Evers 1 year ago

Af was back within two months even though I ebf with my first son. Otherwise this list is spot on for me lol

Brooke Johnson 1 year ago

Ha ha true on many points. Although af doesn’t stay away for me which is not fair!

Misses Anna Smith 1 year ago

Yep…I have Irish twins.. Breastfeeding isn’t a great form of contraception ;-0

Brooke Johnson 1 year ago

Everyone has their own path. I bf my babies, my 2nd baby was an absolute horror show with nursing. I had no choice, but to stop and use formula. He and I were much much happier after I realized that.

Kate Murphy 1 year ago

Uhhhh…Or you still enjoy your glass of wine….

Kate Murphy 1 year ago

I breast fed 3 years and didn’t have my period for TWO whole years! And skinniest I’ve ever been! 😉

Kate Murphy 1 year ago

These are all true.. BUT hello.. These are just extras.. Not the actual reason you choose breast feeding!

Helen Corden McIvor 1 year ago

This is brill.

Tasha Goy Pope 1 year ago

#5 for sure

Marie J Buckley 1 year ago

Ha so true.

Jessica Holden Lauderdale 1 year ago

I must have not been doing it right.. I got fat, my period, and pregnant all while breast feeding! Lol! That was a long time ago..

Jessica Holden Lauderdale 1 year ago

What are the guidelines of lactational birth control??

Sarah Orr 1 year ago

You’re forgetting the lazy factor, never having to sterilize bottles and make up formula I the night is a huge perk. Oh and nursing whilst laying down/sleeping!

Michelle Leifson 1 year ago

I breastfeed all of my kids and it’s not because I think it is better than formula (cause I don’t think that). It was for all these reasons plus it’s free and I am lazy. I didn’t want to get up in the night to make a bottle or any other time of the day and I didn’t want to wash bottles. I have sisters who were unable to nurse and I say to the ones who can’t or don’t want to, who cares. It’s your baby, they will be fine with whatever you choose, so just try to ignore the idiots that say things.

Ashley Wood Ales 1 year ago

Lmao! Love! ! Wish I could share :(

Ashley Chaka Velez 1 year ago

We evacuated out home due to a hurricane when my daughter was 3 months old. I loved not having to pack formula for her!!

Patricia Eckley 1 year ago

you have to do what’s best for you and baby!!

Tarynn Playle 1 year ago

Spot on. I’ve had two periods since I got preggo with my daughter 3 1/2 years ago. So awesome! Love eating what I want and still losing weight! The first six weeks of hell, worth it!!

Skye Chapman 1 year ago

Yes! Funny article because it’s true 😀

Valerie Travers 1 year ago

Formula is awesome! Now I am going to enjoy this glass of wine while my husband feeds the baby.

Lori 1 year ago

YES to ALL, but especially 2, 4, 6 & 7! To the woman who wrote this – YOU ARE FREAKIN’ HILARIOUS!

Joslyn Feldmann 1 year ago

Funny. And true!

Jennifer Osso 1 year ago

Love the eating whatever you want and still losing weight, but that comes back and bites you in the ass when your lo begins to wean.

Liz 1 year ago

Breastfeeding did NOT help me lose weight with either of my kids…I couldn’t lose weight until I stopped nursing :( And I had to work darn hard to lose all that weight too :( Not fair.

Jackie Brandner 1 year ago

Weight loss? Yeah, didn’t happen with me. Still nursing and still holding onto those baby pounds. Different bodies do different things. Not everyone sheds the pounds.

Dana Cascio Neumann 1 year ago

You did what you had to and that’s ok! You love your babies! formula or breast fed! Don’t listen to them

Breah Gardiner 1 year ago

The latch in the picture bothers me lol.

Amanda Gadoury 1 year ago

Non-medicated births makes you my freaking hero. I thought with my first id be able to go without … Turns out after 30hrs of labour sometimes you just need a break and you definitely need some sleep. Both my labours were 24+ hours :)
Good for you for going non-medicated :)

Lindsey Arini 1 year ago

I wish I’d been able to breastfeed but my baby was a preemie and we tried and she just couldn’t get the hang of it. And then they wanted her on preemie formula so that’s where we ended up.

Jennifer Osso 1 year ago

Don’t listen to any of the judgmental nonsense. You can bottle feed with love, and your babies will be just the same. This coming from a mom of 3 who formula fed 1 and bf 2 :)

Jessica Day Hotchkin Everett 1 year ago

I was 36C before kids (5ft tall 100lbs). I am now a 32DD, 115 lbs. Always thought the boobs would go away when done nursing.

Lydia Durham 1 year ago

Ha. I didn’t get out of it! I was told I could leave at anytime.

Jessica Day Hotchkin Everett 1 year ago

No period? I had three kids and nursed them all. The only time I didn’t have a period was when I was pregnant. I feel jipped!

Amy Ray 1 year ago

I got excused just for having a little one….breast feeding wasn’t required

Sandra Kreiner 1 year ago

I’m not turning up my nose at people who breast feed, I envy them . I couldn’t nurse either of my kids and I’ve had women make rude comments to me about my kids being formula fed.

Nicki Wiley 1 year ago

Why is #10 something to be happy/proud about?? It’s a way to keep your daughter from calling you if you’re going to jam it down her throat if maybe her decision is different than yours

Andrea Medina 1 year ago

Love this ❤️

Lisa Jordan 1 year ago

This is fantastically hilarious. I want a set and the baby that goes with them.

Brenda Pfeifle 1 year ago

I like the humour that went with this

Jessie Griffin 1 year ago

Love this!

Melissa Kooyenga Forbes 1 year ago

I liked number five personally.

Dani Martin 1 year ago

We took no chances with that one! lol

Lisa Brann 1 year ago

It’s my sole “weight loss plan”.

Lori Miller Zamora 1 year ago

Whatever it takes!

Andrea Medina 1 year ago

Way to go girl!!!!

Marcella Zinno Rolwes 1 year ago

What the Titty Fairy bringeth…the Titty Fairy taketh.

Beth Rosenbaum 1 year ago

This made me smile :) all true!

Kathleen Smith 1 year ago

Haha this is all true for me! Plus the bonding… Blah blah blah.

Sarah Fritz-Maldonado 1 year ago

I breast fed for 90 days my milk slowed down… No cycle but I got pregnant again smh….. This time I’m going longer I love the no menstral and weight loss perks

Mireille Lewis 1 year ago

All so true

Jasmine Carroll 1 year ago

I am all for breast feeding in public, and my nursing and I don’t care who sees. That being said, I totally use breast feeding to get out if awkward social situations and get time alone at family functions. It’s great!

Nicole Van Hoose 1 year ago

I didn’t get my period the entire time that I bf #1, but when I stopped I think that I got 10 months of periods all at once. For weeks. Then nothing for 3 months and it happened again. I couldn’t leave the house without DISH TOWELS. I was even taken out of work in an ambulance because I stood up and it was running down my legs. Not like a trickle. It sucked so bad. Nothing like that happened with # 2, but I pumped more than nursed and stopped bfing early. Still worth it. :)

Carly Bonderud 1 year ago

Why I still nurse my son at 14 months: 1) it shuts him up fast if he’s having a meltdown. 2) it works like cough syrup; puts him to sleep without much fuss at bedtime and nap time 3) Thanks to co-sleeping and nursing I never had to get out of bed at 3am for a feeding. Just latched him on and went back to sleep. 4) Still no period. Given that my cramps are worse than labor was, I seriously consider that a major reason to breastfeed to at least 2 years old, maybe 2 and a half. 5) I am now at my highschool weight, but still have the porn star boobs. 6) On days when my son doesn’t want to eat much (or I don’t feel like cooking a whole lot of food or just got too busy to remember three meals and two snacks) I can still rest easy knowing that my milk makes up for his less than stellar nutrition days. 7) When he catches the rare cold or is cutting teeth, the boobs again keep him relatively content enough to sleep through the worst of it. 8) I look like a freaking hero to the medical community because holy crap, most mothers don’t make it past six months and I’m still happy to nurse my son as long as world health recommends. Therefore I get to lie my way through the rest of the interrogation on my son’s diet with them being none the wiser. 9) The poop thing. Definitely enjoyed that first year of non stinky poop. And now I change those diapers in the bathtub and spray him down with the detachable shower head. 10) Eating vast quantities of baked goods and not exercising. A few months ago I bought a Boston Strawberry cake and ate the whole thing in three days. Not one pound gained. I freaking love breastfeeding 😉

Lindsay Primrose 1 year ago

#6- the best; #1-lol! Very real!

Donna Swoverland 1 year ago

It was the best experience of my live, pure as Father God intended :)))

Ayla Ervin 1 year ago

I passionately dislike washing bottles. I only washed maybe 5. It was awesome.

Nicole Taylor 1 year ago

Aside from the birth control, I’m on board with all of those reasons.
I hear a lot of mums complaining about getting pregnant while Breastfeeding but they’re not adhering to the specific guidelines around lactational birth control. Then there’s those lucky ladies who get their cycles back within 2 months of giving birth even with their baby feeding around the clock.

Nicole Van Hoose 1 year ago

Not getting up to make bottles in the middle of the night. Roll over…attach babe to boob….sleep.

Andrea 1 year ago

I’m just jealous of y’all who actually got to breast feed!! Some women do not get the choice and I unfortunately was one of those who didn’t have the choice! I was on antibiotics the whole pregnancy and the drs didn’t think my milk would even come in ( it did ) but it would have made the baby sick because I had to continue taking them after both!

Barbara Mastroddi-Lackey 1 year ago

Lots of good reasons in here (the article AND comments), and I was one of those women who lost weight while my daughter nursed. However, she was also a very fussy baby (and despite various checkups to determine a cause, none was found) and I was driven to insanity partially because I was also convinced my diet was the cause, and rather than stop BF, I did a lot of elimination diet experimentation. And my mother gave me grief for it — “Give her formula” was her comment to me throughout those months. But hey, I’m stubborn.

However, I consider myself lucky (and willing) to have been able to nurse/pump for a year, I still think it’s great, but realize not everyone can/will jump on the wagon to nurse their babies. A lot of women I know say they feel lousy they couldn’t make a go at BF, or even feel like they were shamed by other BF advocates for their choices.

Paige 1 year ago

& it’s free!!!! You don’t have to buy formula or worry about running out of formula at 2 in the morning!

Meg 1 year ago

#10, really? If you’re feeding your child, you are doing what’s best for them.

Beth Shapiro Morgenstern 1 year ago

A-freakin-men!!! :)

Victoria Velderrain 1 year ago

I too breastfed with all my kids it helps with the weight but didn’t stop my monthly cycle

Samantha Alise Parker 1 year ago

Lol I agree!!! 😉

Ypsi 1 year ago

Those are all great reasons (and they applied to all 3 of my nursing babies). I was bummed when I re-started my period at 3mo with my oldest, even though she nursed all.the.time. I went 9 mo with the middle and 6mo with the baby, so ymmv.

I also binge-watched 90210 reruns with the oldest, ER reruns with the middle, and “How Clean Is Your House” with the baby. (Mine wasn’t.)

While I do think moms should at least try, though, all of this is far enough behind me that I can’t get all judgy if someone doesn’t put in a solid effort or decides it’s not for them early in the game. By the time they’re in school, you can’t tell who was breastfed and really, there is a lot more to parenting than that. Pace yourselves; it’s a long bumpy ride.

Toni Yoshinaga 1 year ago

Ha ha

Becky Pinkerton-Hermann 1 year ago

Totally used the getting out of jury duty twice!!! Lol

Becky Pinkerton-Hermann 1 year ago

Amen to all of these!!!

Kyah Vaughn 1 year ago

My husband had started telling every new dad to be, “make sure your wife breastfeeds…(me thinking…how cool that he’s so pro breastfeeding) because then you never have to get up in the middle of the night! I’ve never fed my kids bottles!” :/ Uhhh…I GUESS that’s one reason to breastfeed…

Peggy Edge 1 year ago

The only reason I originally wanted to nurse my son was to avoid getting my period for as long as possible.

Sarah Hawes Kimsey 1 year ago

Bah, so jealous when women say they can eat a whole house while bfing. Not true for me DOH!

Kristin Byers 1 year ago

BFing can stop ovulation for some, making a great birth control (even ending your periods for as long as you BF). But for a lot of people, it doesnt change your hormones enough to stop your monthly cycle. There is a great science behind it, but even if you “do it right” it may not work for you.

Tyler Derdin 1 year ago

Amen

Amanda Carter Bailey 1 year ago

Love the convenience! But, my babies are almost Irish twins, 15 months apart.

Eva Edgell Wilde 1 year ago

I didn’t lose weight easily with my first but with my twins I have! Holy cow! Once they started eating food at six months, more weight just fell off, even with a bunch of extra calories! It will catch up with me sooner or later, but for now, it’s awesome.
This is pretty funny :)

LeeAnn Slack Stewart 1 year ago

Number 1 is true, but the aftermath is not so welcome. It’s worth it, though.

Amanda Orozco 1 year ago

I loved not having to get up at night either. Sometimes I didnt even have to wake up…

Erin Harter Janiak 1 year ago

Haha. And I didn’t have to worry about spoiled formula, or that guilt of tossing those couple ounces down the sink, or mixing and then washing bottles in the middle of the night. 3am and baby’s hungry? I’ll just lift up my shirt. Nursing is also a fantastic time to catch up on guilty pleasure tv. My go-to the first time around was Rue Paul’s Drag Race.

Lauren Cole 1 year ago

#2 and #3! YES! I was actually thinner after having my baby than before I got pregnant. I miss those days where I could eat and eat and still have a flat stomach!! And we just weaned….almost made it to 3 years!

Amy Phillips 1 year ago

How about getting out of jury duty? That was an unexpected benefit, but in my state (Missouri), breastfeeding moms are excused from jury duty!!!

Megan English 1 year ago

HA! I totally use it as a get-out-of-awkward-situations thing.

Beth Tay Lor 1 year ago

Amen!

Dawn Hartman 1 year ago

#7 all day. Baby’s pissed? Boob will fix it 10 out of 10 times.

BreAnne Nichole Hill 1 year ago

They do take a toll on my nips but 4 babies down all breastfeed yes to hold it over there heads I love that I do t have to get up to make a bottle idk my reasons are probably more selfish then anything good read

Kris Furr Dougherty 1 year ago

Love it!!!!!! Power to the boobies!!!!

Tami Shazammey 1 year ago

I called it the “eat anything you want and still lose weight diet” and I had twins so idk how I would have been able to bottle feed both at the same time…. Not enough hands!

Clara 1 year ago

You could have substituted the last one with – hello, cost savings? That stuff is free vs. $20 a can for powdered formula… Thanks to breastfeeding I could afford to treat myself to some fun things at the faire :)

Megan Roberts 1 year ago

I had #10 done to me. Don’t do it to your kids!

Bridget Brennan Anderson 1 year ago

No shame in breastfeeding….I understand it is not for everyone. Let’s not lay shame on those that choose for or against. Enjoyed the experience for my 3 children. I also choose non medicated births. Again, that was my choice ……no regrets.

Amber Cochran Denoux 1 year ago

Number 8 is NOT true!!! Do not be mistaken to think that breastfeeding is a form of birth control! IT IS NOT!!! You can become pregnant even more easily while breastfeeding than not.

Amanda Smith Murphy 1 year ago

Hilarious, but definitely surprised not to see $$$ on this list. Maybe that’s too practical a reason to be mildly shallow.

Jessica Connelly 1 year ago

My husband and I split duties as input and output. Nursing meant I did all the input and nearly nine of the output. That worked for me. :)

BreAnn Shulsen 1 year ago

This article is fine if this is her experience and her perspective, but for a one-size-fits-all approach, it’s far from it. The whole “It’s great birth control,” is BS, no matter how close you’re watching it. Also, while it burns calories, if you’re eating Smashburger afterwards, most women are not going to lose weight if you are just eating the calories you’ve burned. Not being a “troll,” just saying the holes in this article are big enough to walk through. Also, I hated BF, so more power to the women that love and nurse til the kid’s 12 😉 Happy breastfeeding! Now where’s the article about how awesome formula is?!

Karine Silva 1 year ago

Too funny! “I dont miss that bitch at all” hahaha!

Rebecca Fisk 1 year ago

It took me about 5 minutes to figure it out!! Lol

Jenny Ball Tufford 1 year ago

Ahhhhh…from July 1993 until July 2003 I had a total of four periods. Four babies, breastfed all of them. Miss those days!

Rebecca Fisk 1 year ago

You can share it…..

Megan Ruse-Sullivan Blamires 1 year ago

Never having to get up at 3am to warm a bottle! Or having to wash any bottles. :)

Joelle Sullivan 1 year ago

I tried it but my son had such bad gas he would scream no matter what I ate to try and fix it nothing worked I got so frustrated I just switched to formula and thankfully the screaming unhappy baby is behind us!

Diane Brannan 1 year ago

I’d like to add that you don’t have to clean bottles or nipples.

Rebecca Fisk 1 year ago

In the middle of the night….just roll over an pull er’ out!!!

Stephanie Lewis 1 year ago

Also, breastfed babies smell sweeter.

Candy Nies 1 year ago

You forgot the number one reason. This shit is free! That was the reason I started. I helped buy formula for an underprivileged baby before I had my own kids. That shit was expensive.

Anna Roaf 1 year ago

Yup same here. Works like a charm.

Michelle Kai 1 year ago

And it’s free!

Melanie Klaus Wilmoth 1 year ago

Haha nice!!

Lauren Lupo 1 year ago
Sarah Tasa 1 year ago

LOL

Lisa Honaker Anderson 1 year ago

Between nursing & co-sleeping, i never really lost much sleep for middle of the night feelings. Who wants to have to deal with warming a bottle while your baby is crying at 3 am??

Christine Marie Rowlan 1 year ago

I was thinner than I’ve ever been while breastfeeding!

Erin Rogers 1 year ago

More power to you…I could not stand it. Maybe with the next?

Nicole Marie Pastier 1 year ago

#7! LOL I love this post!

Ashley Jean Schermer Pettit 1 year ago

Fantastic!

Tricia Lyn 1 year ago

Oh how true!!! Especially #5

Kristin Terese 1 year ago

Awesome! I couldn’t agree more!

Angela Keller 1 year ago

I am so on board with 4, 5 and 6!

Sarah Ryan 1 year ago

Love it!

Leslie Lewis 1 year ago

I LOVED that no one else could make my little ones happy, but me, when I was breastfeeding.

Michelle Devens-Fitz 1 year ago

You forgot to mention the absolute CONVENIENCE of it! No mixing formula at 2:00 a.m.! That alone is worth it!

Nicole McDaniel 1 year ago

All of this. Yes.

Sandy Elvenholl 1 year ago

Yes to every one of these! I miss bf’ing and all it’s perks!! My second nursed nonstop. I dropped all the baby weight in two weeks and then an additional 10lbs by the time he was 3mos old. Miss that and wish I could’ve remained a milking cow for much longer than one year.

Cali Stern 1 year ago

Number 8 is not good advice to say the least. I’ve seen moms pregnant within a month after having their baby breast feeding or not.

Ashley J S Greenblatt 1 year ago

Haha love this!!

Monica Montenegro 1 year ago

#7 so true lol.. The rest not so much at least for me..But I do think breast feeding made the middle of the night feedings so easy..

Kristin Marie 1 year ago

Ummm…breastfeeding is a very ineffective form of birth control and many woman actually don’t lose weight bc your appetite increases dramatically. Love the social function excuse though lol.

Emily Cronin 1 year ago

#7 for sure!!! Weaning makes you realize this even more!! Haha

Daisy Russell 1 year ago

I totally agree with 4, 5, 6, and 7! Lol

Brandy Lopez Barbee 1 year ago

She said if done right… There is science behind it ladies for #8.

Marsha Zappettini 1 year ago

This is hilarious!!!!

Traci Snyder 1 year ago

Omg please for the love of God do not take #8 seriously!!! Horrible advice! You can soooo get pregnant anytime while breastfeeding!

Jamie Benjamin O’Hare 1 year ago

So glad to be done after 4 kids and 78 months of nursing!

Emily Wiedemann Maxwell 1 year ago

#3 and #5 for sure!

Julia Chang Girouard 1 year ago

#7 – hell, all of it!

Robyn Wold 1 year ago

Love this!

Mandy Giese Bart 1 year ago

#7. Yup, yup. #7

Jenna Boo 1 year ago

And no warming or mixing bottles at 2am

Martha Gail Jordan 1 year ago

Also, WAY too lazy to deal with bottles. Number 8 is horrible advice though like..whoa.

Katrina Huffstutler 1 year ago

“Hello, Smashburger.” < my fav

Amanda Paszek 1 year ago

And it’s way cheaper than formula!

Emma Jenkins 1 year ago

Uhhh number 8 is a tad bit wrong!

Anna Roaf 1 year ago

Haha number 7! Love this.

Amy 1 year ago

I love this!! Especially the part about being able to eat whatever you want…so true and so encouraging for me to stick with breastfeeding just a little longer…

Shannon 1 year ago

Porn star tits? Ugh, no thanks…I had basketballs! LOL
When you already have large breasts, it’s no fun lugging around extra large breasts…trust me

Kylie 1 year ago

I have to agree with some of the others and say not having to worry about preparing and warming a bottle in the middle of the night.

Debbie 1 year ago

PS: Another reason I breastfeed. It felt delicious. I so enjoyed it – I guess it was the oxytocin.

Debbie 1 year ago

A lot of women menstruate even when they’re breastfeeding frequently. I did. And, look, if we’re being honest, liberated women who can talk about breastfeeding, can I make a request? Have a go at blunt language, and say “period” & “menstruation”. If you don’t want your daughters to be too embarrassed to breastfeed, don’t have them think that menstruation is embarrassing.

Damprye 1 year ago

Well done Mumma!
I expressed for 2yrs for my 2nd bub after an easy experience with my first and my 3rd had severe ties until she was 5mo. It is not easy and many times I wanted to just cry and throw in the towel as it is bloody hard work!
Currently breastfeeding my almost 3yo (yup after years of expressing he was able to feed again and my pead recommended doing so due to health issues) and my 8mo :-)
My first weaned at 10.5mo and I was pretty disappointed not to make it to a year (back then my goal was 1 year but not more than 2yrs as I thought that was pretty gross…but now look at me lol).
Also not saying bottles are easier, I know breastfeeding gets easier, bottle feeding doesn’t but breastfeeders need that support to get through the tough parts instead of all but one or two people saying to just use formula.

Tiffany 1 year ago

I am totally breastfeeding second child because it took the babyweight off with first child. I purposefully pumped way more than I needed to and will do it again, just for the weight loss.

Christy Garrett 1 year ago

I love breastfeeding and miss it.The bond is amazing. I love that it burned calories, almost makes me want to pump and dump just so I can eat what I want. heheh

Mean Mama 1 year ago

my goodness, all this negativity! Do you defensive bottle feeding mama’s ever consider that maybe the reason we breastfeeding mama’s make humorous lists of the benefits of breastfeeding is because its so blasted hard?!? and maybe we are trying to focus on the positive!?! Seriously people!! “I couldn’t breastfeed for medical reasons…. my baby couldn’t breastfeed for medical reasons…. ” blah blah blah!!! Guess what? I wasn’t suppose to be able to breastfeed my fourth son, for MEDICAL ReAsons! (I hemorrhaged TWICE, had retained placenta, a D&C, a blood transfusion, and a breast infection) I fought for months, I had to take expensive prescription supplements 4 times a day (and night). I never caught up to his demands but with supplementing and introducing solids we made it to 20 months, when I nearly lost a subsequent pregnancy, and weaned him. My baby is 15 months and still nursing strong, and again, I had to work really hard. He was jaundice and didn’t nurse well, we struggled for month or more before we could make it work. And he was my 5th baby, I knew what I was doing.
Its hard people, so get off your pity train and just enjoy some good nature humor with some fellow mamas. We need to support each other not tear each other down.

Mean Mama 1 year ago

not to add insult. Cows have udders, they can’t talk, so they don’t utter. Just a Dairyman’s granddaughter talking, I’m a bit particular. My kids get annoyed at me for correcting them on hay vs straw.

Mean Mama 1 year ago

don’t be hating, but I am almost 15 months out and no visitor! it is so loverly

Mean Mama 1 year ago

I am always so flippin’ jealous of women who lose weight while nursing. I am always so hungry after 9 months of starving (food hates me when I am pregnant) that I inhale food and weigh more 6 months after baby is born. Totally stinks, but milk boobs!?! oh yay baby!!

Mean Mama 1 year ago

Yes, but the boob calmed baby usually drifts into a magical adorable sleep, while having the opposite effect on the father. ☺

bluz1999 2 years ago

#8 is NOT true!! I got my period back at 4 months with my first and 3 months with my second. That means that if we had unprotected sex 2 weeks before that, I could have gotten pregnant again. Both of my kids were nursed exclusively – no pumping or bottles ever with my second and just once/week with my first – and my second child was definitely not sleeping through the night at 3 months. Fortunately we did not depend on breastfeeding as birth control!

Deanna Russell 2 years ago

I need aunt floor to get pregnant and haven’t seen nice Sept 2010… I have two kids age 2 and 5 months old. Also, I didn’t have aunt floor with my older 2 either from the time I was pregnant with my oldest until 2 months after my second was weaned at 18 months. They are 2 years 8 months apart, lol I’m one of the lucky ones I guess.

I struggled nursing my first two, no support on the reminder of my mother nursing my siblings kept me strong enough to continue nursing them. I was too determined to prove the lactation consultant who told me I would never nurse my kids wrong… I did! 13 months, 18 months (they are now 12 and 9) and currently tandem nursing my 26 month old and 5.5 month old.

Ashley 2 years ago

I love this!

You’d think that with a title including the words “mildly shallow” the people leaving comments wouldn’t be taking it so seriously. Obviously the author of this article is an author, not a doctor. You don’t need to argue your, or your mother’s neighbor’s cousin’s personal experiences to knock down the points made.

As a mother who seems to be spending every waking hour with a sweet wiggling little man attached to my nipple, I found this list to be pretty awesome and accurate. Also, if your husband doesn’t find your huge leaky blue-vained boobs sexy you probably married a jerk.

sara 2 years ago

Wow. I can’t understand why so many women are getting this pissed off about this. Who cares if these are her reasons. Most of them are reasons why I will breastfeed my ONE & ONLY child when the time comes. Will that make me a horrible mother? Absolutely not. Why wouldn’t a new mother want to relish in something that, while nourishing her child, will make her feel good? Also, NOT eating like a baby hippo while pregnant will aid in losing that additional baby weight while burning those extra 800 calories during breastfeeding sessions. Realistically, only 5 lbs of fat is supposed to be gained during pregnancy. If one delights in breastfeeding because some aspects of it boost her self esteem (because we as women know that a good mental image is hard to come by post-pregnancy), you can’t exactly call it blasphemy against motherhood. Because then you’d have to say the same about new mothers going to they gym to lose weight because it will make them feel better about themselves.

Stephanie 2 years ago

Seriously people, why read the article of you are such pansies? This woman breastfeeds her children and loves it, for more than the health benefits. She NEVER says that women who choose not to breastfeed are lesser mothers. She NEVER says that it is easy to get the hang of it. Those of you who have been offended by this blog post, on a personal blog, that you chose to read of your own free will, need to stop feeling guilty (since that is obviously why you are acting like whinny children) and realize that every mother’s experience is different–this woman chose to share her experience.

As a mother who has breastfed her children, I appreciate other mothers who love to breastfeed, and especially those who can have fun with it–because it can suck sometimes. (haha)

April 2 years ago

Some people are so touchy and self rightous that they get defensive about nearly anything. The woman writing the article said these were her selfish reasons. If you put her down and say she’s a bad mother because you do things a little differently, aren’t you just as guilty? And why keep reading if you’re so offended? Someone needs to call the stick removal company or give out anal relaxers. Calm down. We’re all mothers and expecting mothers and a laugh every now and then never hurt anyone. Stop taking things so seriously and don’t believe everything you read on the internet. Some people are so gullible.

Kristi 2 years ago

Oh brother people… Stop taking yourselves so seriously! This post was obviously meant to be humorous and to highlight why she likes breast feeding. I agree with every comment and have breasted 5 of my own babies. Why is everyone so defensive? Get over yourselves and realize that never once did she say that nonbreastfeeders are “bad mothers”! We are all good moms in our very own ways! And learn to laugh at yourself :)

eru 2 years ago

Sorry, but this is not actually a reliable birth control method. I nursed constantly, overnight, etc, and started my period after six weeks. Some lucky ladies, as she mentions, don’t get their period for a while. My mother and a friend both got pregnant before even having a period first, so you can’t know for sure. Unless you do the whole take your temperature every morning thing; that might work if you’re serious about it. Good luck!

annalee 2 years ago

Oh I get it. So you’re too exhausted to have sex or too busy feeding the baby “overnight” so sex is out of the question. Yes. Abstinence IS great birth control. No hormones or condoms necessary.

Jerrica 2 years ago

Tell that to my Obgyn. She told me not to worry about bc for the first 6 months. I didn’t chance it though!

Randi Skaggs 2 years ago

Not to be a pain-in-the-ass, but with both my babies, I nursed on-demand and throughout the night (non-stop with my daughter, or so it seemed), and my period returned at 3 mos pp with her and 6 weeks pp with my son. While I love breastfeeding and agree with many things on this list, honestly, holding off on a period and using it as birth control simply are not guaranteed.

Legally Mom’d 2 years ago

Also gives you some special legal perks & protections

newgradnursePA 2 years ago

I am hungry for every single calorie I burn lactating. At 9 months postpartum I weigh exactly what I weighed at 2 weeks postpartum. I’m totally envious of you moms who lose weight breastfeeding but that’s definitely not the case for all of us.

Paladina 2 years ago

Do it exclusively and overnight. As soon as baby starts sleeping through the night regularly or you introduce formula or solids, you have to find birth control.

tori 2 years ago

The only time breastfeeding is not healthy is if the mom has a disease or is on a certain medication. Then there is donor milk and wet nurses. Breast milk is the best option.

Violet 2 years ago

Only thing that really makes it unhealthy is if the person is taking medication or is carrying a disease.

Giselle Lopez 2 years ago

Loved your article! All of the above are SO true. I never once had to sterilize a bottle, heat up the formula and give it to my baby at 3 am. Just bust out da booby and take a lil snooze till i felt a cold breeze on my nipps from my princess detaching and passing out completely satisfied. LOL

I’m just me 2 years ago

1. milk boobs suck… well yes but I mean they suck in the bad sense. Mine hurt and were so big that I didn’t feel comfortable in any clothing other than a sweat shirt. Having your C cup expand to a DD/DDD is not sexy unless you are trying for a second career as a porn star.

2. 500 calories is like 1 sandwich, not a recipe for “eating whatever you want”.
5. You also get guaranteed breaks from awesome social functions
6.MMMmm, IDK I had my period back at 6 weeks.
7.Lucky!
8. no it’s still a huge risk
9.But BM poop looks funny, seedy and yellow.

10. I know you mean this tongue in cheek but your grown daughter or son is NOT going to be thrilled with your bringing up breastfeeding when he’s 25. Seriously, NOT. Everyone gets to parent their children the way they see fit. Butt in too far and you may be farther in the backseat than you hope.

Miranda 2 years ago

Not going to lie, I formula fed my daughter and this time I’m planning to breast feed as long as baby girl doesn’t decide from day 1 she just hates the milk mommy makes for no apparent reason like her big sister did. Yes, part of me wants to because of health benefits and all the medically proven facts about breastfeeding but I still have some selfish reasons for doing it. I think this list pretty much sums it all up just add in the fact that Im cheap and breast milk is free. I can use the money I would’ve spent on formula and put it towards something I actually want to buy.

Katie Summerville 2 years ago

So what is the right way to use breast feeding as birth control?

leigh 2 years ago

Guess who ended up with irish twins me my girls have 3 days a tear where there the same age and I was breastfeeding, oh and it nearly happened again there’s 13 months between 2 and 3 even though she fed every hour day and night

Emily Zeb 2 years ago

i <3 this

Billie Richard McCamish 2 years ago

Doesn't always keep periods, or fertility away. I nursed healthy babies exclusively and still had my periods back six weeks after delivery.

Tracina 2 years ago

Hi Rachel, my name is Tracina and I too have twins. They are 5 weeks old right now n it’s difficult to breastfeed especially since I have no help during the day, my husband goes to work n all my family is in another city. I’ve tried and I’m still trying to breastfeed them, I don’t breastfeed them all the time because it hurts (latching problems). I was wondering if you have any tips that you might have for me that might of helped you during the time you tried to breastfeed.

Samantha Preston 2 years ago

This!!!

"7. I can instantly comfort my screaming baby without having to troubleshoot the actual problem. Sometimes I’m too tired or busy to try to figure out what the baby is crying about, so I just nurse him. Nine times out of 10, shoving a boob in his mouth calms him down immediately. Note: This also works with his father."

Mama 2 years ago

Love these! With my first she absolutely would not latch on so for 8 months I pumped and cried every single time and after 8 months I finally could not take it any longer. Hopefully when my little man arrives any day now he willlatch!

Cat 2 years ago

I have never commented on one of these before, but…

Alice, thank you! I am currently pregnant with my 1st, and am in the process of deciding what to do. Breastfeeding may not be the right choice for my baby, myself and my family for a multitude of reasons that are no one’s business but mine and my husbands’s.

Also, Adrian, in pt #10 the author refers to breastfeeding as what is “right”, so yeah, she kind of is.

Taryn Lynch 2 years ago

LOL. You said perks and in my head I heard, "Ba dum dum pssh!" 😛

Torrey Huxley 2 years ago

Love this post. so true. Just want to add, oxytocin highs from breastfeeding =awesome. I remember being cranky and stressed out, and then sitting (okay lying) down to nurse, and feeling those hormones turn on and suddenly everything is allllriiiiight.

Jennifer Deutschendorf Lesatz 2 years ago

A great article to remind me I'm doing the right thing. Even though my beautiful baby girl won't take a bottle there are perks!

ToughLuv 2 years ago

Awesome post! I have one more to add… LEVERAGE!!! I used this with hubby…
“well I just fed her now youget to change her” and there are so many ways to spin it!

😉

cait 2 years ago

It’s totally unnecessary to be sassy just because your boobs stayed small.. also–your body takes what the baby needs regardless of having a milkshake when you feel like it. I’m sorry bf’ing didn’t work as weight loss for you but it is widely accepted that women who breast feed lose weight.

And last time I checked, the author isn’t pretending to be a doctor.. who cares if her experiences weren’t the same as yours?

Adrian 2 years ago

Alice,

If you’re referring to the author for some reason I don’t believe she was “silently judging you”. For example, she herself said that “she’ would never be able to endure the insane commitment” if it weren’t for her shallow reasons to breast feed. So, kindly fuck off with the pity wagon that you feel for not being able to breast feed your children. Get over it. Move on. Don’t get pissy when other people can and talk about their shallow benefits from it. Mostly, get over yourself.

Gwendolyn Boone 2 years ago

Love all of these except 10. Breastfeeding takes effort? I do it because I'm a lazy mom who would rather lay in bed and nurse than get up and mix formula. 😉

Quin Benson 2 years ago

Lol by the time they're having kids, we'll know nothing; it'll be tweeny, thirty years out of date, same as Grandma's ideas are now 😀

Aaron Cadieux 2 years ago

As a father. I fully support your position on 1-10. There are a few that make dad a super happy guy, and that's important in those crazy stressful transition times of a new baby. Super honest awesome post.

Lisa Brown 2 years ago

Hilarious post! I’m a long way past nursing my 27, 25 and 22 year old babies, but could relate to most of these reasons! Yes, we’re all different and most all of these might or might not apply, but why so much anger and so much guilt and judgment in the comments. As a retired LLL leader, empathy is what is in short supply here in a lot of these comments. No, you don’t have to breastfeed to have a happy, healthy baby, and no one should suggest you do. But for those of us who breastfed successive kids for longer and longer periods, and cried after the last baby stopped (at WHATEVER AGE), the trolls here killed the initial laughter and joy I felt at remembering how much I loved nursing my babies and could relate to this hilarious post! Lighten up! Life is short.

Jen E. 2 years ago

Same here. Mine came back after six week. That was kind of a bummer. I really, really loved nursing my babies. It was a very positive experience for me. :)

The.Gypsy.Grades 2 years ago

All of these. But particularly number 5. I love number 5 like you wouldn't believe.

katie 2 years ago

Breastfeeding is best but its OK to give formula, they grow up the same and will have a normal life like those who were breastfed. I only breastfeed my baby but my husband wasnt breastfed when he was a baby and today he is a very inteligent handsome doctor, hehe!

Maribel 2 years ago

I think it’s all about choices and ability. If you choose to breastfeed, then super. If you choose not to breastfeed, then great. If you try to breastfeed and are unable to then heck, job well done. Live and let live, I say. Being a good/present/nurturing/loving/sane parent is SO much more than breastfeeding. That is just drops in the bucket as you begin your journey down mamihood!

Rachel 2 years ago

Fantastic. Im having a ‘bad breastfeeding’ day and was seriously considering quitting. This has just made me laugh AND given me the incentive to keep going! Thank you :)))

Emily S. 2 years ago

#8 is false. You should REALLY be careful about that one. Babies are glorious gifts but unless you want some Irish twins, you better use protection. BREASTFEEDING IS NOT A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL. Any OB/Gyn will tell you that. LOVE LOVE LOVE all the other points. Although #1 makes me a bit sad because my little ones are weaned now and post-BFing boobs are so sad.

Dayana 2 years ago

point 8 is a complete lie. Even if done right; you can still ovulate whether or not you get your period. Countless women have gotten pregnant right away after having their baby while breastfeeding. Both my doctor and midwife told me to use protection all the time because you dont know when you ovulate. And if you want to chance getting pregnant again less then a year later, then go ahead and try point 8 without protecting I was told lol. Also, I always get my period one month after my babies were born. So point 6 is not always so accurate either.

lola 2 years ago

This article is so cute funny and accurate. .some of the comments are idiotic though :(… But we can’t help people from being immature. If your not breast feeding than don’t read the article it was not intended to offend you.

Kris 2 years ago

I love Alice. If breastfeeding moms want to try to make me feel bad for not, you’re right….they can fuck off with a smile. I had someone ask me if my daughter was BF (which was weird since she hardly knew me well enough to have that information) and when I said “no” she said “but she looks so healthy”! “well yes ma’am, they don’t put arsenic and glass shards in it anymore.”

Green Christian Mama 2 years ago

Breastfeeding works about the same contraception-wise as “pulling it out”. They both reduce the chance… but I wouldn’t bet my life on them
If you are for-sure that you don’t want to get preggo just then, use a back-up!

Melissa M. 2 years ago

I love this! I breastfed my daughter for 22 months, let me say it really loses it’s luster after a while. I also was not wild about my boobs. I already wear a 32DDD so to say that my breast getting bigger was an inconvenience would be an understatement. It was painful and I could barely sit up. However, the rest of it -spot on! I was back in all my jeans by 2 months post-partum thanks to breastfeeding. I will definitely be doing it again!

Daniela 2 years ago

You made the only sensible decision! Never feel bad about that. Im nursing a 27month old, and if I had to choose between her getting breast milk or having a healthy functioning mother healthy always wins. Depression is not your fault, well done on treating it.

Peggy Reimer 2 years ago

I salute you!! Just the ‘porn tits were worth it…lol! (OMG!!! F+ cups!!!) Went from DD’s to F+ back to ‘just D’s’ lol! My first I had at 33 and breastfed until she was closer to three than two and a half. Had my second at 42 and she breastfed until she self-weaned at one. Just the ‘dieting aspect’ was worth it. I ran a boarding barn for horses when my second one was small and had abs of steel by the time she was a year old AND was back to my pre-baby weight of 125 lbs. when she was a year old!! (at 43 years old, no less!!) Breastfeeding Rocks!!!

Celeste Rosnok 2 years ago

Love 7- Note: this also works on their Father LOL

katty 2 years ago

not true! I nursed all night and day with my 3rd baby, ovulated at 6 wks postpartum (had the tell-tale mucus) and then got my period at 8 wks postpartum. I think it’s because I’m overweight, and fat cells produce estrogen which can start your cycles back. I hypothesize this because I was slimmer after my 1st child was born and my period did not return for 9 months.

K 2 years ago

Me too!

K 2 years ago

I agree 100%

K 2 years ago

Just because half the points didn’t apply to you doesn’t mean that they are inaccurate. Everyone’s bodies respond differently, and I’m sorry that you didn’t get as many of the perks as some others do. I didn’t lose any weight while breastfeeding, however after reading the comments that some gave about actually GAINING weight while breastfeeding, I felt much better about maintaining my weight instead of gaining.

K 2 years ago

Me too! I read it to my husband and we both had a good laugh.

K 2 years ago

Wow! That’s awesome that you have only had about 8 periods in 12 years. I thought I was doing good only having about 12 periods in 5 years. However I am pregnant now, so I can probably push that to about 12 periods in 6.5 to 7 years. I’m still happy with those numbers!

K 2 years ago

Agreed! I experienced being asked to leave, odd stares, people flat out saying that I “shouldn’t do that in public”. Yet the same people would have thrown a fit if I didn’t feed my hungry, crying baby.

K 2 years ago

Ha ha ha! I read that one to my husband and we both laughed over that one. So true!

K 2 years ago

I didn’t lose weight while breastfeeding either. That was actually one of the things that I wanted the MOST, and it didn’t happen. Although I didn’t gain weight either, I just stayed the same.

K 2 years ago

It worked for me. Six months no periods after my first child (She wasn’t exclusively breast fed though) and about 15 months no periods after my second. Looking forward to breast feeding again after this pregnancy and enjoying my time off from “Aunt Flo’s visits!

K 2 years ago

I know, mine too. It’s so sad. Although I am pregnant again and looking forward to them plumping up again. (So is my husband.)

alice 2 years ago

well to be honest ive just had someone silently judge me for not breastfeeding its my business as to why i couldnt and even if someone decided not to try i dont think its wrong as someone quite ignorantly put it in the second comment jesus who have breastfeeding mothers a fucking blue peter badge , just do it but dont make others feel inadequate that they couldnt or didnt , , as ive said before no one ever thinks about the fact that 1000,s of years ago in tribes they were woman who couldnt feed their babies and other women did it for them , so u judgement women who think i cant raise a healthy and fulfilled child because they werent breastfed can politely fuck off…..

Seriously People? 2 years ago

Behind her back but not to her face? What is wrong with you? You just wrote that no one has the right to make someone else feel bad about their choices, and then you proceed to say that you would judge someone, just not to their face? WTF?

Seriously People? 2 years ago

Lost 75 pounds?? How much did you put on while pregnant? That is NOT healthy.

BF is not birth control. Not all women lose the weight faster when nursing. You really need to consider that each woman is a unique case.

Lisa 2 years ago

People forget one of the best parts…it’s free!!! Part of the reason I’m still nursing (aside from all of the health benefits, blah blah blah), is that it doesn’t cost me a freaking thing. Have you priced formula lately? That crap is expensive!

Miranda 2 years ago

Calling BS on your BS. I had a great sex drive while breastfeeding.

Miranda 2 years ago

I sprayed tea all over my computer monitor at “Note: This also works with his father.”

The husband 2 years ago

Sorry, calling BS on #8- No breastfeeding woman that I have ever known would allow her husband to touch her, much less have sex.

twinwithtwins 2 years ago

CPreston, don’t feed the troll.

twinwithtwins 2 years ago

Rachel, I agree. I tried my last two pregnancies — twins and then a singleton — and didn’t produce enough milk for both. I’d rather feed my babies healthy formula than listen to their hungry cries. Good luck with your next baby.

Amanda 2 years ago

Dido. My first baby was a premie with multiple congenital abnormalities, so latching on never worked for us, but I did get the benefits of breast feeding from pumping while he was in the NICU. Pleasant surprises like DD’s and effortlessly dropping down to my high school weight. My daughter is 4 months old now and along with these, my number one reason for sticking it out and continuing to breast feed is money. Formula cost a shit-ton; breast milk is free.

Renee 2 years ago

#11: You can breastfeed exclusively (no solid food) for a full six months.

I didn’t start my son on solids until after he was six months old and continued to breastfeed him for over a year by the suggestion of his pediatrician. Then, I made all his baby food. (The Happy Baby Food Grinder–now it’s call the Baby Steps Food Mill–is the best for portable, in-the-moment baby food making. Here’s a site that sells it: http://www.happybabyproducts.com/habafogrkiba.html) Easy-breezy. He’s 28 now and has rarely been sick, ever.

Rose 2 years ago

Word.

jd 2 years ago

Haha, right on. She’s all “Shut up and listen to me whine about being too thin.”

I did lose forty pounds without much more effort than breastfeeding, walking, and occasionally thinking before shoveling in more food.

But then, no matter how much I exercised or dieted, I got stuck with another twenty pounds that never went away before I stopped breastfeeding and got pregnant with the next. Every breastfeeding mom I’ve known who started out plump has been plump-plus while breastfeeding. So when I hear that breastfeeding is a miracle weight-loss cure, I roll my eyes, snarky or no.

OneMommy 2 years ago

Yes, love #6! I have to agree with all of them, actually… Didn’t miss dear old Auntie there, either! But, 6 months is the max for that birth control… Hence, we have child number 2.

Holly 2 years ago

Of course you did what was best for YOU. That’s what needs to be done, Like arnbya said, if you aren’t well, you can’t care for your baby. Unfortunately we live in a crappy world where women judge each other when they should be supporting one another. Breastfeeding is one of those things that is no longer mandatory for survival, so while I think it is the best and everyone should do it, I also know that some people can’t/don’t/won’t and that is THEIR business, not mine. You have to do what is right for you, and to hell with those that want to make you feel guilty for your choices, especially when some things are out of our control.

MJ 2 years ago

And another reason. A wonderful way to rest yourself every 3 hours for 20 minutes, gazing into the eyes of your child and absorbing those memories. I was a better Mom during those months I breast fed. Those hormones are great!

Caffeinated Chronicles 2 years ago

Note. This also works on his father.

I DIED!

Fi 2 years ago

I used to feel that guilt having not been able to breastfeed my twins. But, I still tried. Having had three children since, I breast-fed them for 3 years, 3 years one month, and currently at 8 months with my youngest (baby #5). Though (re: #8), my body seems to always think I need more babies, and I most definitely do not. Also, weight loss like crazy. I’m now back to being pre-baby weight, and struggle to keep it on.

mary 2 years ago

It gets better, and the benefits for the mother arent always noticable in the early months if you have a round the clock nurser – my first was like that, but once i learned to sleep when he did, and relax about not getting anything else done, it got better. and then…it got even better! wouldnt change it for anything.

Aimee 2 years ago

I didn’t lose the extra weight until I stopped BFing at 14 months. I was pretty discouraged with myself because so many people had told me how the weight would just drop off if I breast-fed exclusively (which I did, including at night, every night). You are doing an AWESOME thing by donating your milk. Right on, sister!

Another lie I’m defying is the one where all women put on weight as they get older. I just turned 40 and I weigh about 20 lbs less than when I was 30. I’m not a work-out queen; I just eat way less pasta and fast food!

Tamitee 2 years ago

Oh, you forgot one of the best shallow reasons to breastfeed. No freaking bottles to clean (and sterilize and everything else)! Less dishes always = win in my book!

Maggie Pulley 2 years ago

I couldn’t agree more with all of your points. I love breastfeeding. Love the boob job and instant weight loss plan. I love using it as a magical parenting tool when my little one is freaking out and I just want him to calm down. I have to say, I don’t consider it a huge effort. After the initial pain and learning curve, I find it so much easier than formula feeding. But I also have been at home and never had to pump regularly. Those pumping mamas deserve an award!!

Joanna 2 years ago

It was the free part that convinced me. Plus the no cleaning bottles. Of course, the kiddo never got the hang of latching on so I ended up pumping for 8 months. Still free, but so much for never cleaning bottles. I ended up cleaning bottles AND the pump.

Bridget 2 years ago

Just wanted to thank you for making me laugh! Truly needed it! Very hormonal with this oops 3rd baby! mwah!!

Teresa 2 years ago

Forget the brochures that already exist at the hospital maternity wards- this list should be THE brochure they hand out. Not only for its accuracy but for its spot on comedic timing. Best thing. Have ever read regarding pro-breastfeeding. I am sharing this with all the moms I know.

CPreston 2 years ago

There is a whole range of variations into how soon any given mum resumes ovulation and thus their menstrual cycle. It may be a reflection of how healthy you are ie you may have more successfully maintained healthy levels of all the vitamins and minerals etc during and after your pregnancy and birth. It may be genetics, it may be how often your baby nurses and how long none of which we as mums control excepting for stress levels, and support.
Often It takes having a couple of kids before we know roughly whether we are going to be early re-starters or late re-starters depending on how long we nurse our babies. These days however most modern mums only want one or two babies, we just have to go with the flow and take necessary precautions to reasonably space our babies. We know things like maternal health, whether the cord was cut immediately after birth or allowed to stop pulsating before it is cut can affect the amount of iron in our blood, the risk of post-partum depression, whether our babies stay with us or are set off to the nursery soon after birth, and the babies condition and health at birth can effect how soon or successfully babies nurse…then again we can do everything “right” and baby take weeks and weeks to grasp how to nurse leading to all kinds of pain and inconviences , infects etc. and sometime we just don’t know why some mother mums never get their milk in and why some mother baby pairs just click , yet the next child nothing seems to go right without considerable amount of persistence on mums part. Every mum has to decide for herself what is right for her and her baby without compromising eithers health and safety. NO ONE has the right to judge and condemn or second guess those decisions. We are fortunate to live in an age and society were we HAVE those choices.

CPreston 2 years ago

Wow! someone thinks good parenting is all about KEEPING your kids at home for the rest of their lives! Parenting is about loving and giving your kids the skills to run their own lives by the time they leave home. Parenting is also about teaching your children how to live together in mutual respect, to problem solve, balance a check book, read a book and if they have a disability to work with and past their disability. Parenting is a life long learning program. Few people are instinctive parents and even instinctive parents screw up. So sorry you feel negotiating breastfeeding the balance between meeting the needs of babies and mom is somehow selfish. So what kind of parenting do YOU espouse to be non-selfish? Every child is different every FAMILY is different. However certain patterns of response and behaviour aid in the development of healthy mature interdependent Adults which was my goal. If yours was something different well I hope you are all happy with each other. I am sure happy enough with mine.

Bee 2 years ago

Indeed, Laurie, as I have acknowledged in my post. :-)

Jessica 2 years ago

Total bullshit comment about breastfeeding not contributing to weight loss! I noticed you said “most of the women you know bf” assuming you yourself haven’t; therefore, you don’t really know! I lost 75 plus lbs in just the first 9 months of my first child!

Jessica 2 years ago

I concur. I didn’t get my period back for the entire 18 months of breastfeeding. This happened with both of my babies. I certainly think that it helps…my husband and I together are fertile myrtles btw and we spaced children 2 & 1/2 years apart thanks to breastfeeding!

Jessica 2 years ago

Lol! I got lucky seeing as “Aunt Flo” didn’t come back for 18 months thanks to breastfeeding. My boys are about 2 & 1/2 years apart. Awesome that you are feeding both if your babies! You rock!

Jessica 2 years ago

This is fabulous! I laughed so hard when reading it because it is so spot on!! Kudos to you for writing such a fabulous blog! I can so relate–I breast fed both mg boys for 18 months plus.

Erin 2 years ago

These are great!!! But #8 is shit, total shit!!! LOL!! I did everything right and ended up with Irish Twins! I’m still nursing both of them, just turned 2 and just turned 3!

erin 2 years ago

I posted this on Facebook and it was taken off and reported as offensive! When will people get that breastfeeding is not offensive!

Mickie 2 years ago

done correctly or not you can still get pregnant before the six month mark. Don’t count on that one ladies

Chantal 2 years ago

Haha I had to laugh at your snarky response. While I agree nursing should not be used as contraception and you should watch what you eat. Don’t be so snarky about the weight loss. Just because it isn’t true for YOU does not mean it is not true for others. I myself lost the weight WAY too quickly without even trying. I eat roughly around 4 full meals a day and was almost to my pre-pregnancy weight by my 6 week with my 2nd. I had to quit nursing my 1st at 6 months for a few reasons, some selfish, others medical. One of the big reasons I had to quit at 6 months was because I was below my pre-pregnancy weight which was extremely unhealthy. So please do not generalize based on YOU. Thanks.

Holly 2 years ago

I love love love this. Tank you for writing something I wish I had written myself! (Ps, I didn’t have to see Aunt Flo for 30 straight months!)

Teresa 2 years ago

I love this and I love you for writing it! Bravo! I’m done “birthin babies” and my youngest is 5, but I still love reading this blog!

Danielle 2 years ago

Might wanna double check with your OB/GYN on #8. Breastfeeding actually makes you fertile. I agree with all the rest tho! I loved my milk boobs, then they shrank :o(

Kentley 2 years ago

:c I wish I could have had the chance to actually breast feed my little ones. They were preemies and tube fed, so I only got to pump, and my supply was cut short because I couldn’t produce enough milk for the twins (and the doctor said stress was another reason, I guess from being in the hospital day & night). I’m ready to have another one, and will most definitely be exclusively breast feeding! Now you’ve given me a list of things to look forward to. c:

Sarah 3 years ago

II wish on #6 and #8! I was nursing my daughter every 2-3 hours and my cycle started back up when she was only 6 weeks old! Oh well, i was planning on getting a Mirena at my post-pardum check up anyway!

Jeebees 3 years ago

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this!! Kind of sad to read all of the negative feedback, some people just can’t take a joke, and I’m pretty sure you didn’t intend for this to be sound medical advice…. just your opinion :) I am 6 months into breastfeeding, but had to pump and feed the first 8 weeks- poor latching and a fussy baby- and wanted every day to switch to formula. But now that the crappy part has passed, I’m glad I stuck with it….. major perks for me are that it’s FREE and I don’t have to get up and fix bottles and clean them (I have plenty of other chores to do!).
Buuuut I just want to say that whether or not someone chooses to breastfeed is a personal decision with complex factors… and that everyone has feelings of inadequacy when parenting their little ones (breastfeeding or not), no need to take it out on this blog!

cp 3 years ago

My daughter was born 9 weeks premature and I pumped for 8.5 months to give her breast milk (we also tried bf for the first 3 months but gave up because she never caught on and it was taking all my time to bf, pump, and then bottle feed every 3 hours around the clock).

Anyways, I call BS on half of your points. I did not lose weight while bf, instead I actually gained 25lb! I was back at my birth weight by the time I was done – only difference was that that weight at birth was due to severe swelling (I had severe pre-eclampsia) and the weight after bf was due to fat. After I stopped bf 15lb fell right off of me. It was much harder to lose the rest of the weight.

Also #6 was not accurate for me. I stopped pp bleeding at 4 weeks and got 1st ppAF at 8.5 weeks (4 days before I even reached my daughter’s due date – so I didn’t even get 9 months without a period). I then had a period every 4 weeks on the dot.

Oh and #4 does not work for those of us that need a breast pump and nipple shield to feed our babies.

#8 was probably the only true point for me, but that has to do with the fact we have male factor infertility and need ivf to conceive! I wish we would have gotten pregnant while bf since it would have saved us from going through 3 more cycles to try and produce a sibling.

Yella 3 years ago

I’m glad you are helping to spread positive info about breast feeding. But I have to say that some of your statements are your experience and not facts. I exclusively breast fed around the clock and got my period 4 months pp and was pregnant 2 months after that. Exclusive breast feeding is not birth control. Even if “done correctly.”

Mother-Baby RN 3 years ago

Love your reasons, but for those taking this somewhat seriously, you absolutely CAN get pregnant in the first 6 months of breastfeeding if you are not using some sort of prevention!! No Aunt Flo (wohoo!), but definitely still ovulation occurring.

Danielle 3 years ago

Reason #11: It’s free! I about sh*t when my girlfriend told me she spends $450 a month on formula and diapers. Free food and one to two poops a week sure makes breast feeding economically attractive

Robyn 3 years ago

I love you!!!!

My number one reason was it was FREE!!

Brittany 3 years ago

Omg! I love this! Its just sad that so many people make uneducated comments to probably the most important thing for children today! Keep it up momma :)

Miakoda 3 years ago

I breastfed my first daughter for nine months. Got my period 2 weeks after my post-baby bleeding stopped, so that didn’t really help me. Same thing with my second daughter who I breast fed for three months (wanted to go longer, but she had some health issues and I wasn’t able to). So that’s not always true the whole no period thing. My sister went 18 months, lucky girl. I wasn’t lucky though. 2 week break and then I started again on a regular basis. Which also gets rid of the whole no pregnancy for 6 months thing.

Alex 3 years ago

I think, but am not totally sure, that if you’re on the mini pill LAM is no longer an option. I mean, you are introducing other hormones into the mix. LAM is actually more effective statistically than the mini pill (but less than a condom or regular pill). Plus the mini pill is notoriously difficult to take properly – you miss a day or take the tablet 30 minutes too late and it’s all over.

Also, I’ve found BFing makes me quite unsexy – if I get my groove on anytime soon I’ll know I’m probably about to ovulate!!

Susan F 3 years ago

Breastfeeding isn’t an excuse to fill your body full of junk food and lead a sedentary lifestyle. Regardless of how many calories you think you’re burning, you still need to be getting moderate exercise every day and eating a balanced diet. You should be focusing on setting a healthy example for your kids. Doing one thing right isn’t an excuse to do 26 things wrong.

kait 3 years ago

Don’t forget no bottles to wash!!!

MommaMack 3 years ago

oh, and I never had my period either. It was really a total shock when I came up pregnant again so soon

MommaMack 3 years ago

How exactly does one “breastfeed correctly to have birth control for the first 6 months”? Because I bf exclusively my first born AND was taking the “mini-pill” and got pregnant with DS at 4 m pp. My children are 13.5 months apart. I’m seriously curious…

creek 3 years ago

And what would the make it unhealthy?

AnecdotalEvidence 3 years ago

Really?? Because I know someone who got pregnant while taking the pill every single day. So I guess pills don’t work either.

Oh, I also know someone who got pregnant (with twins!) while using condoms. I guess condoms don’t work.

Wait a minute, I know someone who got pregnant on Depo. So that doesn’t work either.

This^^ is called “anecdotal evidence”. None of the above methods, including bf’ing, is 100% effective. But they are all very statistically safe methods.

Adrienne 3 years ago

I have to agree with almost all of these. Aunt Flo came back 5 weeks after each of my children was born though. I always envied moms who had toddlers and were still waiting. I also didn’t lose weight breastfeeding, but those weren’t reasons for me to do it. I knew it was best for them, and I wasn’t going to pay for food for them that should only be used as a supplement (at best), when I had food for free leaking out!

MommaCarrier 3 years ago

Concerned “Concerned Clinician” is thinking to relate themselves anywhere near the medical field that advocates 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding and continued breastfeeding through at least 1 year. The momma said her baby was 7 months. Clinicians like you piss me the heck off to no end and give the medical field a bad name.

Rayann 3 years ago

OMgersh! This is FABULOUS! You said it ma’am and said it well. So sharing this on my FB :)

Micelle 3 years ago

LOVING #10 😉

Concerned clinician 3 years ago

YEs!!!!!!!!!

Concerned clinician 3 years ago

Thanks so much for your comment. Very brave and very true.

August Swann 3 years ago

Sorry, but the breastfeeding as a way to stop periods and as birth control doesn’t always work, more times it doesn’t than it does. Good for you that it worked, but to not use any other method of birth control, unless you want another baby right away, is just stupid and touting it as birth control is a little bit untruthful and careless. Also, not everyone gets ginormous boobs either–I went from an A to a barely B. And you DO have to watch what you eat–the milk is made from what you eat, so if what you eat is nutritionally deficient, the milk won’t be as nutritionally sound as you’d want it to be. Also, it’s a complete lie too that you lose a lot of weight breastfeeding. Many of the women I know who bf don’t lose most of the baby weight until after they stop breastfeeding.

adina 3 years ago

number 7`s note made me laugh out loud :)

Casey 3 years ago

Ive never bf a day in my life & still received all of these perks. Well, not # 10… I don’t have grandchildren yet but when I do I don’t want to hold anything over my kids heads! Not everyone needs to bf to get these perks & It’s not ALWAYS the healthy thing to do for the baby.

Becca 3 years ago

I think you forgot the part about the amazing release of feel good hormones when baby is nursing! (That relaxing feeling of “I don’t care about anything else right now.”)

Jenni P. 3 years ago

My best reason: after a day of cleaning the catbox, having to drive across town on a Sunday, and generally tidying up the joint, I am actually sitting on the couch faking nursing my baby. He’s latched on, but asleep and not really even swallowing. Let DH put the cats up so the parrots can come out.

Maggie 3 years ago

I am one of those moms who gets AF at 6 weeks postpartum even when following all the rules. However, I tandemed (nursed my toddler [who nursed almost as much as baby] and my newborn) when I had my second child, and didn’t have AF visit until 2nd baby was 11 months! Woot!

AF came as soon as my older child was nursing only 2x a day.

Meredith 3 years ago

SO many awesome things about breastfeeding–love your list! Especially the part about not being able to forget your boobs 😉

Noni Royal 3 years ago

My mother got pregnant with my brother because she thought nursing kept you from being pregnant! It does not.

Xana 3 years ago

My selfish reason is because I HATE to wash bottles!!!

mamanas 3 years ago

Funny….I had all of those reasons. However, I like the ease of feeding and the cost savings. It our families choice and there are many good reasons why some do not BF. I just prefer not to hear that it is gross except when another adult is on the tit.

Carole 3 years ago

YES!!! I HATE doing dishes, and when bfing?? Not a one. Now when I went back to work and had to pump so my husband could feed baby at home? THAT sucked… TWICE as many dishes (pump parts and bottle parts). I seriously mourned the loss of that perk…

This post was amazing!! LOVED it!!

Sue 3 years ago

#1 is so not true for me, I am still a small 32A, even with all that milk in me.

Isabel 3 years ago

HAHAHA! i love this! i didn’t get my period for almost a year and a half while bfing!

carrie 3 years ago

the unprotected sex thing is not true. you can and might get prego while nursing. know three ppl who found that out.

Jamie 3 years ago

Same here, I don’t lose a pound and in fact will gain if I don’t work out or watch my diet. Also got my period at 3 months for both children. I try not to feel bad when I read about the gals who do lose the weight, but I have come to realize that is just how my body works. I don’t have a problem with the post, but I hope some women don’t think there is something wrong with them if they don’t lose pounds by breastfeeding.

Angela 3 years ago

Me too! I hold onto extra weight forever and then all the sudden it just starts falling off like crazy.

Mishka @birth by heart 3 years ago

This is awesome! Sharing with all the moms I know :)

Donna 3 years ago

Very good! I didn’t get a period until about 3 months after I stopped feeding my 1st son at about 26 months, and I had only been feeding him once per day at that stage. That meant a total of 40 months without a period. then i had 2 or 3 before second pregnancy and am bf my 8 month old now, so I’ve had 2-3 periods since my first pregnancy began, or expressed differently, 2-3 in the last nearly 5 years. Cheerin’ :)

Nicole 3 years ago

I will attest to every single one of these! My 5th EBF baby will be a year old on Sunday and still have not had AF visit…in fact, with all four of my older kids I went anywhere between 14 and 18 months without one! I will admit to be genetically blessed in the weight department, but I still think bf’ing is a huge reason that I was at pre-pregnancy weight just a couple of weeks after giving birth. I’m normally small, like 34A small, so ginormous milk boobs are so glorious. And shoving a boob in their little mouths may be a tad lazy sometimes, but it is so genius!

chelsea 3 years ago

i’d also add – so my husband can change more diapers.
what? I fed him, you change him.. your turn 😉

Kat 3 years ago

Hilarious article, and huge eyerolls to people without a sense of humor. It must be hard to go through life like that.

Sadly, I don’t get a break from crappy old Aunt Flo while nursing. Even nursing around the clock, no pacifiers within a 500 yard radius of the house, co-sleeping and babywearing like a righteous crunchy hippie, and she still came right back. Still, if you don’t breastfeed at all, you won’t ever know whether you could have had a whole blissful year off with no AF. May as well at least TRY!

Also, 2 of my children had milk allergies, and I had to eliminate all dairy products from my diet. Was it easy? No, but when it comes down to it, I love my babies more than cheese. Plus have you seen how expensive hypo-allergenic formulas are? I’m not independently wealthy, and breastmilk + elimination diet is FREE.

Laurie 3 years ago

Even with all conditions met it can still happen and unfortunately a lot of couples really think they can’t get pregnant because of reading things like this. I personally got pregnant with number 4 whilst breastfeeding a 4 month old on demand througout the day and night, no period and was on the mini-pill. While the chances might be small there is still that chance and women need to know that.

Tasha 3 years ago

I LOVE IT!!! LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!! Hahahahah Anyone that has harsh words get over over!!! Other ladies…stop trying to explain yourself with reasons and excuses…no one cares!!! Make your own list for YOU!!
I just had my forth child and loving life especially when having the opportunity to excuse myself from functions!!! I can only hope my daughter nurses for as long as her brother but if not that’s what pumps are for!!!!
APPLAUSE for any mom that has successfully breasted and/or attempted. It has a perks as some are listed but it is still selfless and can be time consuming.

Heather 3 years ago

Laura, you and me both. I get so annoyed when I hear people tell women that if they breastfeed they will DEFINITELY lose the baby weight. I wish that bf weight loss worked for everybody but sadly it doesn’t. :o/

Duh 3 years ago

*rolls eyes at clueless and illiterate comment

Brittney 3 years ago

Reason #10 is ridiculous, even if it’s meant to be “funny.” Why would you want to hold anything over your child’s head for one? And two, choosing to breastfeed over bottle feeding isn’t wrong. It’s a personal choice that does not demean the quality of someone’s parenting skills. *Rolls eyes at this article.

Daina 3 years ago

What about not having to fuss with getting bottles ready and cleaning bottles… thats a big plus. Also spit up from formula fed babies are smelly and they stain. Spit up from breast fed babies don’t smell and dry clear. There are alot of side bonuses especially if you are tired and get lazy!

Crystal 3 years ago

Hillarious. I breastfed for 14 months with my son. I was very proud that he never had formula or baby cereal. Also I made all of his babyfood fresh at home. My decision to breastfeed for atleast the first year was made based on the health benefits and research behind it. I did learn tho the many perks… even tho there are some cons too. Plus I had my period within
week and halff after having my son and regular every month there after.

Bee 3 years ago

Hi Lovely Ladies, using breastfeeding for contraception is as effective as the combined pill AS LONG AS CERTAIN RULES ARE FOLLOWED:
1. You need to be exclusively breastfeeding with no gaps longer than about 6 hours. That means not giving your baby anything else, just breastfeeding on demand.
2. Your baby needs to be younger than 6 months
3. You mustn’t have had a period
Hope that helps, and remember, some women have a pregnancy on the combined pill!
Belinda (Midwife)

Kerry 3 years ago

I exclusively bf my son and I breastfed my two older children until they were each two. I read a lot on it before I had my first child but I did have an absence of fertility for 9 months with my first and 13 months with my second (I went back to work pt after I had my first child which would explain the earlier return). Neither my husband nor I used any form of contraception and I didn’t get pregnant until around 16 months post partum. It’s amazing how easy it is to achieve this if you follow certain guidelines and its the most healthy and natural way to space your children. Unfortunately, no matter how much I breastfeed, my weight does not melt away by any means like it does for others.

jhaod 3 years ago

I lost 10kg within first month of #1 15kg within 7 months of #2 so will vouch for number 2.
And number 9. Geez formula poos wreak son #1 had some top up formula when I was very ill in the early days that made my eyes water- but BF babies gas is worse and makes everyone think the nappy does need changing.

I got my period at 16 weeks but he had begun sleeping 11pm till 6am so no surprise.

Mary 3 years ago

Contrary to anecdotal stories, research supports the idea that breastfeeding can be used as ‘contraception’ as long as certain rules are met. That is, baby must be younger than six months, baby must nurse on demand and at least every four hours during the day and six hours at night, and mom must not have had her period yet. Under those conditions, according to research, a woman is very unlikely to become pregnant. It is not common for a woman to ovulate before she has her first period within those first six months, and once she does have her period, breastfeeding certainly won’t prevent pregnancy [although for many women, it takes a few cycles before pregnancy can be achieved]. Of course it’s not 100 percent effective, which is why we’ve all heard the stories of the women who have gotten pregnant when their babies were very little and they hadn’t had a period, but no family planning method is perfect. By the way, this method is called LAM and its efficacy is supported by LLLI as well as medical organizations, and even by Planned Parenthood.

Dawn 3 years ago

Please, please use protection if you are not ready to conceive after having your first. I had my period 6 weeks after having my first. A friend of mine also & she got pregnant shortly. Love my babies & all but this “10 rules” essay is awfully official sounding….just wouldn’t want anybody to take this too seriously

Cynthia 3 years ago

OMG! FOFLOL! Yes, these are all fantastic reasons! Then you add in the other benefits and perks of being the “one” for your baby and it makes everything even sweeter! Thank you Laleche league for all the classes! When mine decided, at 7 mo, to stop breastfeeding I was devastated! I was not ready for her to be so independent! I really cried about it, several times!

Jenna 3 years ago

It does work for some people. You just shouldn’t rely on it until you know how your own body responds to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is great birth control for me. We haven’t used any form of birth control (other than breastfeeding) for the past 8 years, we only have 3 children and my closest kids are 26months apart. Works for me!

Jenna 3 years ago

Oh it happens. Not for everyone, but it does for some. I went 14months, 12months and 16months with no periods after my 3 kids. It was glorious.

Alexis C. 3 years ago

I think it’s misleading to say that breastfeeding confers six months of infertility when “done right.” I get up to a year with my kids, but I know other moms who exclusively breastfeed and are lucky to get a couple of months before their cycles (and thus fertility) are back. If you’re going to rely on breastfeeding as birth control, you need to know how to track your fertility to watch for signs of it returning.

Kara 3 years ago

Agreed. Of course I’m on the bf health bandwagon blah blah. But secretly I hate doing dishes and would loathe cleaning bottles all day. Formula is expensive as hell. And I LOVE the excuse for keeping my daughter away from my MIL. Yes I’m all about advice giving. But hello things have changed a bit in 30 years! And that woman is so grabby. She won’t take the baby away from my husband but as soon as I am holding my daughter my MIL will swoop in. Talk about frustrating. It’s also good that I love breastfeeding and find it selfish of moms who CAN breastfeed but chose not to. I’m sorry for moms who would like to but can’t. I

jes 3 years ago

Oh- just read a few comments- i totally laughed at these and liked the post, i’m not complaining or saying you are lying or this is evil to say these things or anything. :)

jes 3 years ago

I’m currently 8 months into nursing my 4th, and although I love it and promote it, I was quite disappointed to know that half of the things that I heard (most of which you posted) are not true about everyone who nurses. mostly the ones related to weight going away, being able to eat whatever you want and your period going away… I was unlucky enough to be the one person who got their period really quickly, had to count calories and gained weight. so much for the thought that it burns 600-800 calories a day!

realmomofnj 3 years ago

😉 Nailed it, sister!

SheikaDjibouti 3 years ago

Loved the post, regardless of what’s “true” or not… It was true for the author. There are far too many people on here that are taking things that are written here personally… This post was supposed to be a little humorous, and… IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s about the author of this piece. Just as formula-feeding moms want to be accepted, don’t you think breast-feeding ones do as well? It goes both ways, ladies. While nursing my 3 month old daughter in public (under a blanket) I was told I should be feeding my daughter in the bathroom. My reply, “You should try eating YOUR lunch in the bathroom. Doesn’t sound that great, does it!” At the end of the day, if your baby made it to the point they could eat solid food after being breast fed or bottle fed, congratulations. You’re a parent.

permafrost 3 years ago

kelly, I’m sorry that was your experience. My twins were born preemie and got formula in the NICU at first, but once my milk came in a few days later I was still able to pump and have them receive my milk. It helped that my hosp. was very pro-BF and fed them by tube , not bottle…

Rena 3 years ago

It didn’t for me but it happens for some.

Debbie 3 years ago

Awesome! All of this is so true and so funny and so relevant to me! AND breastfeeding is free (apart from the extra crap I eat)! I have always been a believer in NOT having cosmetic surgery, but I have had milk boobs for 6 years now and I’m dreading what they are going to look like later this year when I finally stop; my husband is talking about surgery as a gift for my 40th!

j dee 3 years ago

wow. i have to hand it to you, fantastic points–all of them. i’m not a mom, i don’t want to be a mom and i’ve not wanted to be a mom for so long that my brain never even made it to whether i’d breastfeed. but given how many self righteous breast feeding moms that are out there, it’s refreshing to hear some brazen truths.

Lisa 3 years ago

I am a big proponent of breast feeding and I agree on all points mentioned except for 2. One is that you can’t rely on nursing for birth control. Many women have gotten pregnant this way because your body can release an egg before your period arrives! The second is you can’t eat anything you want. You should be eating a very nutritious diet because what you eat is what baby eats and what he will get used to eating as he grows. So I personally will stick with veggies and avoid the Carl’s Jr and milkshakes and fast food in general. That being said, you can definitely eat more than you normally would.

Tanya 3 years ago

I think it’s great that moms breastfeed and they are proud of it. As someone who got the “milk boobs” as part of puberty (so, from about age 12-13… yea me… or not), that’s not a perk. In fact, my boobs caused so much back pain for me that I had a breast reduction at age 19. I knew it meant I might not be able to breastfeed someday, but there’s only so much you can handle (physically AND emotionally — in terms of feeling self-conscious about how tightly clothes fit when you don’t WANT them to), it was a choice I had to make. That was nearly 20 years ago, when the surgery wasn’t as refined as I’m sure it is today to help preserve the ability to produce milk. With DD, I barely produced any milk. If I got 1-3 oz a DAY, it was good. That was nursing AND pumping. From hour one, she wasn’t interested in nursing. So I went to the LC several times for help with no luck. :( I think that women need to know that if you try and there are good reasons why you can’t, that’s good enough. You don’t have to feel like ‘less of a mom’ because you couldn’t breastfeed. People who TRY to MAKE you feel this way need to GET OVER themselves!!

annie 3 years ago

Psychiatrist or psychologist ? Because they are not the same, and generally speaking, a psychiatrist will be much *more* medically qualified to tell you if a drug is safe than another type of doctor. Not saying that you should give up your meds at all, I have no idea- but I do know enough about medicine to maybe suggest that you be cautious and do your research if you are getting conflicting opinions. We have multiple psychiatrists in the family and they often mention the challenges associated with primary care docs not being up on the current research regarding psychiatric medications…

Caroline 3 years ago

My son was a preemie and couldn’t latch on. I went crazy trying to get him to feed and then pumping every 2 hours to keep my milk in. All the lactation consultants and physicians kept saying, “But you know breast is best!” Well, it wasn’t best for me. All of the lactation consultants who talked to me had never had children. They just didn’t understand the struggle. I was spending more time obsessing over breast feeding and pumping than bonding with my son. I kept it up for 6 weeks, and I will never get that time back with my son. The article is funny, I get it. I just wish there wasn’t so much pressure on new moms to breast feed from people who aren’t considering the whole picture. I still beat myself up about it, and get a hard time about quitting so early. I still feel guilt about quitting and at the same time I feel guilty for spending over 4 hours a day pumping instead of bonding with my baby. There is no win for me. All we formula feeding moms ask is that we not be made to feel inferior. AND I lost all of my baby weight within weeks without breast feeding. AND my milk boobs hurt and were too big to be sexy.

Barb 3 years ago

So sorry to hear this Lora! I try to be careful and never overstep my boundary…I wish you the best!

Kizeree 3 years ago

I got 2 weeks! from end of lochia to start of my next period was 2 weeks. with all 5 kids!

Shayla 3 years ago

Yeah I was told by my psych that when I start my Topomax I have to stop nursing. I about cried when he told me that (I was 8 months preggers). I went to the Pedi when the baby was a week old, and he said I can still nurse even on Topomax. He said that Psych’s ALWAYS say stop nursing because they aren’t medically qualified to determine the safety of the medication. Pedi told me to just keep an eye on the munchie, and see if he gets lethargic. If he does, I’m to switch meds.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Um… I couldn’t breastfeed ANY of my children and spent months and months crying about that fact. This is hardly meant to make you feel wrong; it’s a humor piece that I can appreciate despite the fact that I couldn’t relate. I would think others would feel similarly.

Steph 3 years ago

Girl I totally agree with you.

Ugh the constant boob pictures bugs me. I’m sorry but I don’t want every Tom, Dick and Harry starring at my tits in public. Women are not cows with utters. Also every breast feeding article I have ever read tells women their kids will be retards if they drink formula.

breastfeedingis4chumps 3 years ago

Breastfeeding isn’t for everyone, and you constantly promoting why it’s so great is disgusting. My child is lactose intolerant so guess what!? If I want to breastfeed, I have to eliminate EVERY MILK PROTEIN from my diet.

I’m glad you lost weight and feel its effective birth control. I don’t really care. I’m not posting articles about why I don’t breastfeed so I really wish people like you would bring it down a notch and quit making others feel like their decision to not do so is so incredibly wrong.

TheHeadacheslayer 3 years ago

Love the picture :)

No weight loss for me….and I bled for 6 straight months 😛 Turned out it was “microscopic retained placenta”. I really do have a tough time letting go of things LOL

Milk boobs was awesome….my DH misses them!

Steph 3 years ago

THANK YOU FOR THAT! I can’t stand the preachy mom bit. Just because you parent a different way than some moms doesn’t make you better at it.

Realmomofnj 3 years ago

LOL!
They have them in the fall at Smashburger.

Jenn 3 years ago

Great… if you can breast feed. But don’t forget that the most important thing is that the baby eats. Breast milk, formula, whatever. Some if us can’t breast feed and those that preach about it make those that can’t feel guilty. Feed and love that baby. That’s what matters.

Amanda 3 years ago

Plus… If you breast feed and cosleep you get a full nights sleep… I have NEVER (with two kids I breast feed for over a year) had to suffer through a day with less than 6-8 (usually 10) hours of solid sleep!

Sarah 3 years ago

I really wish more health professionals were educated about breastfeeding, because you should not have had to choose between the two. I breastfed all three of mine while on antidepressants. I was also a breastfeeding counselor who saw so many moms who were told they had to quit their medication, or quit nursing. Only to find out, this wasn’t the case. I’m sorry you weren’t able to breastfeed, but you did care for your baby, and taht’s what matters. And as a very pro breastfeeding mom , I will always encourage every mom to try it, and to not quit before the first 4 weeks…..and if it doesn’t work, ya know what, you tried.
I don’t think this is a matter of throwing it in anyone’s face, and I don’t think anyone has that right. I will never try to make a mom feel bad for not breastfeeding (if she didn’t for purely selfish reasons, well, I may have a thing or two to say behind her back, but never to her face! lol!!)

Jenny 3 years ago

I agree. If a person is having trouble, call LLL, they are great and help for free.

TOM 3 years ago

I like you and the way you think

Katie 3 years ago

I was careful about what I ate and I still had a hard time losing weight. The pounds melted though after I stopped BFing.

Melanie 3 years ago

I feel the exact same way… tried for weeks to get my little guy to latch on, but he had major problems latching on plus some tongue thrust problems. After a few weeks of daily visits to the lactation nurse, she started saying he might be a “failure to thrive” baby. At that point I gave up on breastfeeding, terribly disappointed about it but determined that my son (who had been losing weight since birth) would thrive. I have many “selfish” reasons I wanted to breastfeed, and tried to for as long as possible, but finally gave in to the bottle for my son’s sake. Glad I did, but still… /:)

joyce 3 years ago

Number 6 and 8 don’t apply to me ’cause I have periods (that come every 19 days). Instead, I’d say that breastmilk is free and that money goes towards Japanese comic books.

Amelia 3 years ago

There’s nothing wrong with not breastfeeding, but I do think there is something wrong with not trying to breastfeed. You did that! That’s what’s important.

anne 3 years ago

This was a reason for me as well, not on the top of my list, but a reason. My MIL took issue with MANY of the things we do as parents. So much in fact that she actually doesn’t see them because she can’t be nice to their mommy. When she first saw my newest squish, who was 3 days old, she was vocally unhappy that she was nursing so much. She later tried to remove her from my arms. She might have been excited about a new grandbaby, but mommy trumps grandmother every time.

Jennifer 3 years ago

Thought these were funny! #9 is soooo true!!

Seriously, BF is not contraception! Even though you don’t have your period you can still get pregnant! There is no golden rule.

Korina 3 years ago

Arnebya,
I needed to hear what you wrote even though my child is almost three years old. Thank you.

Coco 3 years ago

I’m still bf-ding my 20 mth old in large part so I can have boobs at all – I am dreading going back to flat as a pancake after!!

Coco 3 years ago

I don’t think she meant we, or this post was throwing it in her face, but that she has in the past met other people who have used these reasons as reasons why she should have put breast-feeding her baby above her mental health. I’m SO sorry that you experienced that Sarah. How on earth anyone can view your mental-health as remotely less essential. Of COURSE you made the right choice…you made a FABULOUS choice (I say this as a very pro-breastfeeding person – by which I mean, loving the health-benefits and the experience of it with my boys – but also someone with experience of severe depression, I can’t imagine for a second that you could have done anything else. They still got to eat and grow and be loved by their mummy who was still in one piece. Win, win!! Don’t feel guilty lovely. xx

lora 3 years ago

Polama, I am so sorry you’re dealing with that. I wish everyone had mother in laws that were reasonable and loving and normal. Hold in to that baby as tight as you can!

polama 3 years ago

Lora….I have to add your reason to one of my reasons to breastfeed too! I would never see my child if i did not breastfeed. It is my legitimate excuse to hold my own baby. Otherwise my MIL would take him back to China with her. She’s pleaded the case a gazillion times with me…

Bri 3 years ago

I don’t get my period, but it is SUPER hard to lose the weight and I’m just STARVING! I am also donating enough to feed another child, so I’m making enough to feed twins, and the weight is NOT coming off.

Bri 3 years ago

This was so so funny. I’m one of those women who doesn’t get the good ol aunt Flo as long as I’m breastfeeding, but I don’t trust not using anything. My MIL thought breastfeeding was a form of birth control until she finally got pregnant with her FOURTH! She had 4 children under the age of THREE YEARS OLD!

Dezmomma 3 years ago

Sadly the weight loss never happened for me and I nursed for nearly a year (first 8 months exclusively).

lora 3 years ago

Trust me when I tell you, she gets PLENTY of time with my children. She lives down the street and comes over several days a week.

However, she thinks breastfeeding is “gross”and “weird” and”unhealthy”. I can’t trust her with the babies when it comes to food. She doesn’t believe that babies need to wait for solids and she wants to give “tastes” if everything she eats from the time they are a month old. So by breastfeeding, I can control the amount of time she spends alone with them.

As an aside, she feels that car seats “don’t make sense” and aren’t totally necessary. So there’s that…

Corinna Ashley 3 years ago

I think this is HILARIOUS and TRUE and I thouroughly enjoyed reading it until I got to the last reason. I tried and tried and tried for 12 weeks to no avail to get my milk to come in. A few months later I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and told it was probably the reason I didnt get anything. Its NOT doing it right, TRYING is doingit right. I NEVER EVER EVER want a mom who has the right intentions to be made to feel inadequet by something like that. There are medical reasons that lactation consultants will not tell you in hopes you keep trying and it’s not right. Please mommys, If you try and fail, you have SUCCEEDED in doing the right thing!

Judi 3 years ago

Can totally relate to everything in this article except for one thing – what is a salted caramel shake and where can I get one please?

Rachel 3 years ago

I agree with these reason except the last one makes people who couldn’t breast feed like me feel bad for not doing it for not doing the right thing. Except not breastfeeding my twins was the right thing at the time God knows I did try. There is nothing wrong with NOT breast feeding although I truly hope I will be able to breast feed next time.

Grandma B 3 years ago

Being a grandma of a breast fed grandbaby, this comment makes me very sad. I hope my daughter-in-law doesn’t feel this way. I too breastfed all three of my babies 9 months ( had to stop because I got a severe stomach illness and had to give up nursing ), then 11 months (she just chose not to nurse anymore) then my last one I nursed 13 months. I agree with all these reasons except for this one. Even if my MIL drove me nuts, I would NEVER deprive her from seeing my kids. I hope you reconsider really feeling this way…grandparents LOVE seeing, hearing and being with their grandchildren!

Bethany 3 years ago

AMEN! I got AF back a week after my PP bleeding stopped and was nursing on demand! There are ways to use no Birth control but they require learning a LOT about your body, Charting, temping, and Cervical Mucus charting as well.
Getting to know your body isn’t a bad thing but people need the correct information!

Gracenikki 3 years ago

Luna-could not have said it better!

Coco 3 years ago

True, Sara! I bf on demand, through the night, my son was a complete booby-monster and fed CONSTANTLY and I got my period after 6 wks. When I told my GP at my 6 week check that I’d been told I didn’t need to use contraception if I was exclusively BF-ing he literally held his head in his hands! Be careful what you write, mum bloggers – a lot of people believe what they read!

Luna 3 years ago

Amy your “and guess what, she is 14, never gets sick and is a strAight A student”, sounds like you’re trying to rebut a personal attack but no one here was attacking you. I understand what you’re saying. But while studies have shown that breastfed babies tend to have less childhood illness and higher IQ’s it has never been said that this means that formula fed babies can’t be healthy and smart as well.

I understand that sometimes lactivists can be a little over zealous and I’m sorry you ever felt like you were being scorned for bottle feeding. I believe every mom should do what is right for her and her child. I WISH more mom’s would breastfeed and I will always continue to support and be passionate about promoting that but it doesn’t mean I think mom’s who formula feed are bad moms. There’s a variety of reasons they may do it from medical reasons (like yours) to just not wanting to which is still a valid reason whether some lactivsts like to think so or not. The problem is that many of them decide not to without ever really researching one way or another so it isn’t really an informed decision.

The thing I have to disagree with in your post is that you wish “formula feeding moms got more support”. Now if you mean from other (breastfeeding) moms then I understand we definitely need to work on communication and support of each other. But formula feeding moms get a LOT of support. They are the norm in modern western culture. Hospitals, doctors, nurses all support it and mostly assume that is what will be done. Dolls come with bottles but seeing a little girl pretend to breastfeed her doll is “inappropriate” and “obscene”. Mothers who bottle feed can do so anywhere but breastfeeding mothers have to struggle to normalize the natural way of feeding their children. They are asked to cover up, to use the loo, to go out the car, to do it at home. Breastfeeding mothers are (sadly) a minority and they have to struggle to normalize the feeding of their infants! It is BECAUSE breastfeeding mothers get so little support that they sometimes get over righteous in their dealings with others. It doesn’t make it okay, I’m not saying that. But everywhere they go they are being told that even though it is admittedly the healthier and more beneficial option it is lurid, sexual, inappropriate, difficult etc. Formula feeding moms don’t get a second glance when they make a bottle and feed their child.

Obviously both sides have things they need to work on. I’m sorry you ever felt scorned. Breastfeeding mothers also, often feel scorned.

Sara 3 years ago

Nope, not the only one. Also, it’s easy to regain the weight you lose if you keep eating like crazy. I lost some weight, but then regained it all and then some before I realized I couldn’t keep eating for two. =/

Sara 3 years ago

Well, you need to keep nursing overnight, breastfeed exclusively (no solids or formula or bottles) and nurse on demand quite frequently. But the truth is even then it doesn’t work for everyone and you’re taking a bit of a chance if you rely on it. It’s great when it does work though!

L Potter 3 years ago

I have to say my period was back in 6 weeks, I can’t lose the last 10 pounds and if I eat unhealthy my milk supply isn’t as great. And shoving a boob in my daughter’s face when she is upset usually makes her more upset. I have to calm her down first before she will take the breast. But I still think breast is best and the way to go :)

Maria 3 years ago

I should add that forgetting the milk pump was torture!!! That only happened once. No one wants that to happen twice!

Maria 3 years ago

Well some of this was true for me. With my now 3 year old son, he couldn’t latch as an infant. We found out at his 2 month appointment it was due to a heart defect by the time he had surgery he was used to the bottles and still wouldn’t latch. I pumped the entire time and made it to 11 months.

The little stinker wouldn’t drink it from frozen either so it was everything I could keep in the fridge. So I had some of the benefits, but still had to wash bottles.

I did lose weight happily, and my boobs are still huge (not so great), AND I disappeared from a lot of social functions to pump. People really stayed away from that!

Gracenikki 3 years ago

Bummer that you feel like this is somehow being “thrown in your face.” I speak to you as a mom who did not meet my breastfeeding goals with my firstborn. I went through a time where I felt extreme guilt over it, and also had a victim mentality whenever the breastfeeding stuff came up. It took me a long time to realize that my issue was not other people being excited and pro-breastfeeding. Nope, my problem was me. After a lot of introspection, I forgave myself and stopped seeing every pro-breastfeeding person/article/study as an attack on me and started seeing it for what it is-an important message to the public (and in this case a funny one!) May I gently suggest that perhaps some healing and looking inward may be a help to you as it was for me? I hope you make peace with your decision-after all you gotta take care of your own health before you can take care of a baby’s, right?

Marion Baldwin 3 years ago

I agree with everything said. When I see pictures of celebrities who have had babies and they’re talking about her great body I think, “So what? I did the same thing.” All I had to do was nurse my babies. Following Karon Pryor’s advice I could nurse my baby and people didn’t even know it. I can’t imagine what it’s like to get up in the night to fix a bottle while my baby screams.

MommyOf1 3 years ago

I never got the milk boobs :-( They never got bigger during pregnancy or while I was breast feeding…

Mrs Hudson 3 years ago

This is absolutely hilarious. I giggled and nodded along to every single point. When people ask me why I am still breastfeeding, (or one of the other interfering remarks made to purposefully piss me off or push my buttons, whilst the person asking hides behind the ‘I asked in a nice way smile’), I will reply with one of these wonderful points. Definitely head turners and blush inducing. Love them!!

Karen 3 years ago

You forgot no 11. I am too bleeding lazy not to breastfeed! Who can be bothered with all that extra washing up and sterilising of the bottles?
Ok, now there’s a no 12: I too tight to pay for formula 😉

Elizabeth 3 years ago

I too had no break after my first and second baby with exclusive breastfeeding, no pacis or anything. After my second it took 5 months which was nice, but I’m envious of the moms who get at least a year or more, especially since we like to space our kids at least 3 years!

~ The Lady in Red ~ 3 years ago

Loved this blog. Oh yeah – those porn star boobs ROCK! I miss them!

Your blog also made me laugh. I wrote a very “down to earth” blog about breastfeeding a week ago answering the questions as to what breastmilk tastes like, and if little boobs are just as effective as big ones, etc. etc.

http://www.theladyinredblog.com/1/post/2013/01/the-big-boobie-blog.html

Jenny 3 years ago

I did have an adjustment, breast reduction. The increased size was very bad for me, but they are great now!

Jenny 3 years ago

A major benefit for me was nighttime feelings. Thanks to cosleeping I barely had to wake up. Trying to get up and nurse was torturous for me ISP I dropped that pretty quickly. Also, to get the birth control effect there has to be no supplemental food, nighttime nursing and no separations from the baby during the day for those six months. Most people don’t do all of those.

Beth 3 years ago

I already had big, natural boobs. They really didn’t get bigger just fuller. Now they are like two water balloons with leaks. They will need an adjustment before I am 50. And I got my period back 4 months after my son was born. It sucked to hard.

SV 3 years ago

Very true!
Although, #8 is not exactly accurate simply because the “age 6mo” rule is based on the commencement of weaning, since most people tend to start solids then. However, if you keep nursing on-demand through that growth spurt, and delay solids for several more months, you’re going to see #2 and #3 get even better. Also, ecological breastfeeding is main factor for lengthy lactational amenorrhea – I’ve gone as long as 3.5 yrs sans Aunt Flo! I, however, know some who get a return of fertility much earlier (5 wks PP!) who claim they eco-breastfeed. So many, many factors, both with the baby and lifestyle/parenting choices. Looking to the research on the !Kung tribe and natural child spacing is fascinating!

But good for you and your experience!

Victoria KP 3 years ago

Loved this. SO true about the weight loss. After baby #1 was born I was back to my prebaby weight in six weeks (and I gained A LOT). Of course, my abdomen looked like an apron, but the scale was friendly.

I think you were particularly blessed about Aunt Flo. I probably only missed 3 or 4 months.

If anyone is thinking about doing it for birth control do your research. My brothers were born 13 months apart because my mother’s doctor told her she couldn’t get pregnant while breastfeeding.

Excellent list. I must admit in some ways I do miss those days.

Holly 3 years ago

Sorry meant with 😉

Holly 3 years ago

I’m with you on that, hon. I couldn’t bf any of my 4 for medical reasons and have always hated how advocates make you feel like a terrible mom if you don’t. I’m just as close to them and the bottle

Mercy 3 years ago

#6 was so not true for me. I wish it had been. Hubby hates condoms, which is one reason we went for the tube tying after #3 came along.

Mercy 3 years ago

Me too. No break in sight for me.

Julia (@3bed2bath1baby) 3 years ago

I know I’m over sensitive, but posts like this are hard, especially the last reason listed.

We were unable to breastfeed, and the scorn I met from many people was hard to bear. I was told I wasn’t bonded with my son, and that formula was going to make him fat and sick. I felt horrible.

Of course, none of that is true, and I DID do what was best for my son.

Buffy 3 years ago

Great article but I call BS on #8. I’m not sure what you mean by “done correctly” but I was exclusively breast feeding, did not have a period, and still got pregnant when my son was 4 months old. I kept nursing him until the next one was born, then nursed them both for the next year BUT I wised up and got an IUD that time….lol. I understand why you believe this, my pediatrician even did, but it’s just not true. If you really don’t want to get pregnant, again DO NOT RELY ON BREASTFEEDING AS BIRTH CONTROL no matter what!!

Lindsey in AL 3 years ago

Aww, heck yeah! You’ve nailed them all! I am 33 wks with #6 and in over 12 years of marriage I’ve had no more than 8 periods. Total. My smallest gap between kids is 21 months and we’ve never used any kind of BC. The lack of periods (and PMS) is a bigger perk for my husband than the ginormous tatas. Of course, mine are still at least a G cup when things have simmered down so anything bigger is almost wasteful :)

Amy 3 years ago

I love that you are all so passionate about breast feeding. But unfortunately for me I had health problems a d couldn’t do it. But the scorn I got from the breast feeding community was hard. I bottle fed my daughter and guess what, she is 14, never gets sick and is a strAight A student. I applaud all of you but I just wish formula moms got more support.

IIona V. 3 years ago

Ha! I Heart this post, I loved nursing. it was so much easier, especially at night.

Erika 3 years ago

Went a year, 10 months, and then almost 18 months with no AF with my three (nursed for 19 months, 14 months, and almost 21 months). Definitely the best part of breastfeeding! I always get horrible cramps with AF, so the longer without, the better! Non-stinky poops come in a close second though.

Heather B 3 years ago

1, 4 and 5 – the best! It took me a long time to get the hang of breast feeding, but it was so worth it for those reasons alone.

Kristin 3 years ago

I would love to re-post on Elephant Journal. Give me the thumbs up, or submit it yourself. This article is wonderful!

sarah2248 3 years ago

I totally agree to several of these, and am very jealous of your for others! With my first I was only able to breast feed for a total or three months, but you’re completely right, the baby weight melted right off and my boobs went up a whole size during that time. Sadly after that three month mark my boobs dropped from my current D milk boobs down to a A, two sizes smaller than what I was originally! WTF?! Not fair. With my second child, my glorious milk boobs sadly did not return, but again the weight came right off and I didn’t have a meeting with Aunt Flo until he was a year old. And I agree 100% with the smelly poop bit! Having gone from a bottle fed first, to a strictly breast fed second… Breast milk poop smells a lot less awful!

Emily 3 years ago

Well yes, except for #8 and #6, for me. My daughter was EBF, but started sleeping 8 hrs at 2 months with no prodding from me. (Don’t worry, it stopped at 6 months!) Lack of night time breastfeeding meant AF made an unwelcome appearance at 3 mo with my first.

Melissa 3 years ago

While an all together hilarious post, I must disagree with #6 & #8. My son breast fed every 1.5 hrs until he was 1yr old and at 4mths post partum, my effing period returned & has stayed DESPITE the fact I still breastfeed at night & in the morning & my son is almost 3!! And my best friend got pregnant 3mths post partum WHILE breastfeeding exclusively and using a condom :/

Maria 3 years ago

Cracked me up. Total truth.

Mom22Tweens 3 years ago

Due to medical issues I breastfed my girls for a much shorter time then I wanted to, esp my eldest. I can’t believe anyone would choose to bottle feed. Not only is it less healthy, its a major PITA! (If you did choose to bottle feed and it worked, I’m not slamming you — trust me I got enough of that!)

Wendy @ mama one to three 3 years ago

I so respect you. I didn’t have any of these benefits fr breastfeeding either and I didn’t nurse my twins beyond 2 weeks bc of that experience w my first.

Katie 3 years ago

Am I the only person who breastfed and maintained those last 10 lbs. of baby weight until the minute they stopped breastfeeding?

Sherry 3 years ago

I guess I should clarify by rephrasing my sentence… “especially when there are no ‘above mentioned’ benefits for the mother.”

And like I said in my last sentence… “I truly do love nursing my child.”

Nicole(Whole Strides) 3 years ago

#7 is very, very true!

lora 3 years ago

Yes to the whole post, but this is my number one reason too

Laura 3 years ago

I wish #2 were true for me! I’m a very unfortunate member of the small percentage of women who do NOT lose weight while breastfeeding & whose bodiea not only maintain their current weight, it’s actually unbelievably easy to put weight ON while breastfeeding – even while on a 1200 calories a day diet. Still, I heartily breastfeed. One day I’ll be skinny again.

Kelsey 3 years ago

Whoa whoa whoa wait just one second here. #6. That HAPPENS?

I don’t have kids/wasn’t breastfed [I’ve 4 younger siblings, too, so. y’know. Formula.] and have been totes on the fence about whether I felt like dealing with that. Honestly even the potential for #6 may’ve just changed my mind. Is that sad? If so, I don’t care.

I don’t care at all.

Lauren 3 years ago

Sarah, You made the right choice. You have to take care of YOU before you can effectively take care of your baby. Never EVER feel bad about that choice.

Lauren 3 years ago

There have been studies done that suggest that breastfeeding reduces the mother’s risk for breast cancer. I call that a benefit for the mom! Also, breastfeeding is free and that benefits your bank account. And how can you say that you don’t benefit from the bonding that occurs when you breastfeed?

ANYWAY, hilarious post! I totally use nursing as an excuse to leave during parties/family gatherings. Sure, I’ll nurse in front of people, but if I can sneak away and get a break from the chatter for half an hour, I’ll do it!

JustMe 3 years ago

No worries, Sarah. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I didn’t breast feed either. Somehow, I think you and I are good people regardless. :) I was a little taken aback as I was reading, but I know it’s all in good fun.. :D. What works for one, may not work for another..

Mamarific 3 years ago

Hilarious! I loved my breastfeeding boobs. Now they are like shriveled up raspberries. So sad :(

Arnebya 3 years ago

Sarah. Of course your mental health is more important. Without it, how would you even successfully care for your baby, regardless of what the hell you fed him/her? You know this blog is satirical and probably the list IS true for the writer but you know what, not every woman is going to identify with it in whole (some, like you, not even in part.) I’m glad you were smart enough to not feed into the bullshit people tend to want to feed mothers about not nursing. There are legitimate reasons for not breastfeeding (ooh look, one of them is a woman just didn’t WANT TO which is perfectly fine!) I’m sorry you weren’t able to nurse your baby, but I’m glad as hell you opted to take care of you. THAT is what motherhood is about: the selflessness of our whole giving, doing what YOU know is best. And believe me, it ain’t got a damn thing to do with how your baby is fed.

Arnebya 3 years ago

No need to go past #1. MILK MOTHERFUCKING BOOBS.

Also, y’all? Everybody’s body is different and all that blah blah blah get out of your feelings.

Sarah 3 years ago

It bums me out to see lists like this. I chose antidepressants over breast feeding, and here are just a few of the many things people would throw in my face when trying to explain to me that my mental health wasn’t as important as breast feeding.

Niki 3 years ago

I read this pissy because I got a 2 month break. Not fair, nature!

Vanderbilt Wife 3 years ago

I’ve only had 7 (?) periods since August 2008. Hello, pregnancy and extended nursing! Wahoo! And yes about not being able to forget your breasts. Ha.

Kristi 3 years ago

I’m all in (or I was all in at the time) except for #8. I’m a nurse and I hear all the time that people believe they cant get pregnant but they can, so I wouldnt bank the farm on that one. BUT the best part, aside from my ooey gooey mom feelings of closeness to the baby, was the time I got to SLEEP in the middle of the night! Baby One didnt work out breastfeeding, up all night getting IMMEDIATE bottles, fully awake, sleep deprived parents. Baby Two, I had a great nurse in the hosp who helped us, it worked like a charm, and I sidled that crib right next to my bed with the side off, making my bed bigger. When he was hungry, he sidled over, whimpered a little, ate while we both fell back asleep. Awesome. NOT sleep deprived. My hubby called me the lunchwagon, but it was absolutely awesome.

Sherry 3 years ago

I HONESTLY DO breastfeed only for the heartfelt and health-related reasons. None of your reasons apply to me, and none I agree with except for #4. Love your blog, and entertaining articles, Scary Mommy! However, it’s unfortunate that this list doesn’t apply to all, if not most, moms.

-My milk boobs don’t look “awesome” in any bra anymore.

-I’ve gained weight, and I have a cluster-feeding 6 month old who has NEVER went over an hour between feedings! Breastfeeding for me is literally a full-time work week. Almost 40 hours a week.

-I always feel guilty about what I eat. Because I breastfeed so much, I am ALWAYS hungry, and I find myself eating alot of carbs, and chocolate during 3am feedings just to stay awake.

-I got my regularly scheduled period ever since my baby girl was born :(

It truly does take EXTREME commitment and tons of effort to breastfeed… especially when there are no benefits for the mother.

I truly do love nursing my child. Fat and crampy, so be it! :)

Nickie S. 3 years ago

Gah! All of you that lose weight while breast feeding are lucky! I nursed my TWINS for 7 months and GAINED 10 pounds!!! >:/

Sili 3 years ago

Yes, yes, yes and yes! Love it and completely agree. I hope all of my preggie friends read this. Because it’s totally true.

oxoxox

Sili 3 years ago

Yes, yes, yes and yes! Love it and completely agree. I hope all of my preggie friends read this. Because it’s totally true.

Alexa 3 years ago

Oh my goodness I love this post! And how true it is!!!!

Alison 3 years ago

Yes, yes, yes!! The part about excusing oneself to breastfeed, then play Angry Birds – um, I’ve done that. Also, I’ve had two periods in 4 years, in between 2 kids. And no sign of it returning while I’m still nursing my 8 month old (we’re going to 18 months, that’s the plan!) Yes, be jealous people.

Stacey Greenlee 3 years ago

LOVE LOVE LOVE this! All are so true! To me not having to wash and prepare bottles is incentive enough!

Kelly 3 years ago

I wish like hell I could have breastfed my DD. My milk never came in and no one at the hospital even offered to help us out. She was in the NICU and by the time I even got to try to breastfed, my DD was 2 days old and already had a taste for the bottle. Those are some excellent reasons and I love them. :-)

Jen S. 3 years ago

i had three daughters back to back and breastfed all of them, so Aunt Flo visited me exactly THREE times in almost 4 years. It was heaven!

Rebekah L. Bowser (@rebows) 3 years ago

#10 and you forgot about not having to make a bottle in the middle of the night.

Tiffany Lloyd 3 years ago

You forgot a big one for me: not having to wash bottles! I washed all of mine before my first was born and that was annoying enough. Doing that every day? Hell no! Love the post though. :-)

Jen o 3 years ago

I love this list! So very true. #2 is a huge reason I did it longer than a year. Are you kidding me? Go to the gym or sit on my butt getting skinnier?

tiffany 3 years ago

For me it takes till the 6th month mark to lose weight… But then yea it melts off! I ditto all..except #8…I just had my 4th…I’m not tempting the eggs EvEr again.

Jody 3 years ago

#1 YES!!
#2 Yes!!

Cattibrie 3 years ago

I feel for those of you who didn’t get a break from Aunt Flo. My son was 24 months old when I finally got mine back. And there are months when I think “It wouldn’t be so bad to be pregnant again would it” LOL. Not happening.
I do have to say the milk boobs were a downside for me. I was a DD before pregnancy and men always conversed with my breasts so having them be even bigger and out there was not a lot of fun. And now they are really not so great. Oh well the little ones are worth it.

Nil17 3 years ago

Yes to all of those but #6 & #8. I love my M&Ms but they can drive me up a wall.

Julie 3 years ago

I cal BS on 2,3,8 and 9! W/both kids I didn’t lose a pound and I started my period within 2-3 months! Totally jipped on the BF experience!

AnnMarie 3 years ago

So jealous of #6. I wouldn’t miss her either. Health reasons for my kids meant breastfeeding had to be cut short but boy I wanted #2 and #3!

Courtney Kirkland 3 years ago

I wasn’t able to BF my oldest, but am BFing our youngest now. I have to say, I second EVERYTHING you said. I’m within 8 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight a mere 6 weeks after having our son. It took me MONTHS to work baby weight off last time. Thank you, milk boobs.

Mama Melch 3 years ago

Ditto, and I was so not happy to see her again so soon.

Krista (Playdate Crashers) 3 years ago

#5…So I never had a smartphone while breastfeeding my boys. If there is to be a third child, my phone will get me through it.

Jenny 3 years ago

Not even joking, those were all my reasons for doing it, too. You were so nice about how you phrased the lead for #7. That’s when breastfeeding gets *really* animal: I had two babies with colic, so I used my boob as chloroform for a loooong time.

Michelle Ristuccia 3 years ago

I never thought of #10 before. Yeeeeeeeeeees

Maxterella 3 years ago

My selfish reason was that I didn’t want my ex-husband’s weirdo mom to get her weirdo hands on my adorable son for more than 1 1/2-2 hours. :)

Sam 3 years ago

I got preggo whilst breastfeeding (daughter was 4 months old)…what is the trick to not getting preggo? Never heard of that one before.

My Half Assed Life 3 years ago

Yes, Yes, Yes for everything except for 6 & 8. And if 6 was true for you I am beyond jealous.

Shell 3 years ago

I’m so jealous of those of you who got a break from your period while breastfeeding. I got a few weeks and then back on. And I even extended bf. But nope, period as usual. Gah.

Robin Jingjit 3 years ago

I was going to list every one I agreed with, but it was basically all. Awesome! Plus my favorite of all- it’s free!

Gracenikki 3 years ago

Yes, yes, and HELL yes!