I'm Addicted To Watching Ear Wax Removal Videos

I’m Addicted To Watching Ear Wax Removal Videos

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Scary Mommy and Malte Mueller/ Adehoidar/Getty

I have a dirty little secret: I enjoy putting on a head lamp and looking in my kids’ ear canals. I get my gear together first, then I head into their bedrooms, armed. I always have two wet Q-tips and two dry ones.

They lie down and I get to cleaning. The wet ones go in first to give them that fresh feeling and allow the dry ones to catch their ear wax more effectively. I’m very proud of this method.

Now, I know you are only supposed to go so far in the ear hole, and I’ve never hurt my children. I recently heard you aren’t supposed to use Q-tips at all as they are said to cram the wax in further and can do damage to your ear drum. And although I’ve been using them forever (they feel so right) and know to only clean the outer ear and don’t go in too deep, I should probably stop.

But…

It’s very satisfying and I like to show my kids the evidence to let them know how dirty their ears are and how amazing their mother is for taking care of it for them.

They shut their eyes tight and refuse to look, but I still have to try and pull them into the excitement. One day they will get into it, I’m sure. I can feel it.

I own this obsession and thank the ear wax Gods for giving me six ears to clean… but alas, I must stop. The last thing I want to do is damage my kids even more than I already have.

I’m so thankful for my youngest (who shares my love for nastiness) for  introducing me to ear-wax removal videos. I’ve now taken my ear cleaning obsession to another level. Ever since he opened me up to the world of these extracting movies, I can’t seem to extract myself from watching them.

Um, hello. Where have these been all my life? This is better than binge-watching Netflix. Also, look at the relief on his face. It has to be good. 

I never got into the pimple-popping craze, but watching a tiny tool get inserted into an ear hole and scoop or vacuum out the wax that accumulates in that tiny space is so freaking satisfying. I’m totally addicted. I know this because tuning into what’s coming out of strangers’ ears is affecting my everyday life.

I wonder if I can get my hands on one of these tools and take classes so I can get after some ear wax on the daily. I’d totally set up shop and get to scoopin’ because that’s my idea of fun. Don’t judge me—you have a dirty vice of your own, I just know it.

You don’t know satisfaction until you have seen something the size of an eraser get removed from someone’s head— talk about sweet relief.

I’m not the only one intrigued either. These videos are getting hit up like crazy, so some of you are enjoying them and keeping it all to yourself. I get it. I’ll keep your secret, but I had to share my love for them and I’m not ashamed. The video below has over 9 million views, so there are a bunch of you out there. Let’s get together and form a club.

 

And OMG, can we talk about this ear wax vacuum some of these videos feature? It’s like a Hoover for your ears and it leaves nothing behind. If you take pride in vacuuming up a pile of Christmas tree needles, think of what this little number can do for your pleasure buds.

The options are endless: you can watch 50-year-old ear wax being removed. You can watch dry ear wax extraction. You can learn how to do it yourself. There is so much to see and now my life is complete.

My kids don’t understand why I watch these and would be horrified if their friends found out about this addiction of mine.

I can’t stop though. They make me very happy. I may have to watch some of them with one hand over one eyeball, but the feeling I get when I watch something being pulled out of an ear is relief and pure awesomeness.

If you think it’s gross, just give one a watch. Fair warning: it’s an addiction waiting to happen. But you don’t have to take my word for it.